Lori Alexander - Part 2

[Hisey]

Lori almost bailed on her wedding. From the comments in yesterday's post, by Ken:

The day before our wedding one of Lori’s best friends, who is still married today some 35 years later, came to her and really dissed on marriage making it look difficult and uninviting. She was in a fight with her husband of six months, and she was announcing to all the bridesmaids that marriage as not so great. Lori came to me with her list of concerns and I assured her that if indeed love was a commitment to seek the best interest of each other in good times and in bad, that we would through the laughter and the pain become as one, just as God intended.

[memabelle]

I don't know why I read this thread...I refuse to actually read Lori's blog and I come here I guess out of a morbid curiosity to see to what new depths of hate and intolerance Lori and Ken have sunk, but it's really not good for my stress and mental health. Off to threads that are more entertaining and eye-roll inducing than sickening and gut-wrenching...

[Koala]

:lol: :lol: Ken had to chime in a reassure everyone that he and Lori were in love- contrary to what Lori says. :roll:

Ken:

It certainly is in Lori's personality make-up to be much more logical than emotional which I Iike.

There was nothing more important to me than finding an intelligent, articulate, gorgeous bride who can carry on an intellectually stimulating conversation about most subjects, especially God’s Word

Lori? Logical?

Lori:

you write a bit too intellectually for me. This is why I usually have Ken respond. My posts and thoughts are fairly simple. I am not a highly academic person. I would like to think I am a wise woman and that is all that matters to me. All your interpretations of words confuse me. I do read your responses but I don't always understand the point you are trying to make.

Ken:

I can say that I was “in love with Lori†when I married her, and she was “in love with me.â€

Lori:

Almost 35 years ago, I remember being at my bridal shower and having feelings of sadness because I wasn't all excited and emotional about marrying Ken. I didn't have butterflies; I wasn't giddy; I didn't "feel" madly in love with him like I knew I was supposed to. I was even considering whether or not I should marry him based upon these feelings.

Ken:

Passion is not necessarily a negative thing

Lori:

Passion is never used for a positive and loving "feeling" or emotion in the Bible.

Ken:

If by passion one means a desire for sexual intimacy, Lori and I knew we had that kind of passion for each other. That part of “love†was a non-issue as we were both quite attracted to the other.

Lori:

I wasn't attracted to Ken when I first met him. There were many qualities I liked about him, but I didn't feel chemistry at first.

There is something called lubrication and serving others whether you feel like it or not.

IT ONLY NEEDS TO TAKE TEN MINUTES!!!

It's like they live to contradict each other. :doh:

[2xx1xy1JD]

So, Ken also had his checklist. Plus, they had a bit of physical attraction.

Still not seeing anything that I'd define as love. It's all "this person met my list of requirements". It's fundamentally selfish.

I realized just how deeply I loved my boyfriend on July 20, 1995 - the day that saw a terrorist attack on the news, instantly recognized that it occurred right where he was staying, and had no idea if he was alive or dead. It wasn't about a checklist. It was about how I wanted to be with him forever, how his life mattered to me. That's when I knew that I wanted to marry him.

[Koala]

They are getting some push-back from readers following yesterday's post. Well, I don't know if push-back is the right word...more like :o :o :o at Lori's inability to filter her lack of feelings for Ken.

Reader:

Ken,

I'm curious to know your thoughts on Lori's recalling her feelings at the bridal shower. In the previous post she described not being excited or emotional, not having butterflies, not giddy, not feeling "madly" in love with you even to the point of questioning whether or not she should go on with the marriage. (Q) Did you feel the same way towards her?

I truly believe that love is an everyday choice and not a feeling, but I am trying to think how I would feel if my wife-to-be (or current wife) shared those thoughts with me. (Q) If she mentioned those concerns to you prior to the wedding would you have continued?

You guys have obviously stood the test of time but that is an odd dynamic for one to have going into a marriage. I don't think such a viewpoint from my wife would sit well with me and would definitely change my perspective of my marriage (not going so for as divorce but it would make me "wiser" if you know what I mean).

Reader:

I don't know, Lori. I'm not a particularly emotional woman either, but I still consider myself in love with my husband. And I think you kind of missed the point of the commenter who said that she couldn't imagine being married to someone with whom she wasn't "in love". I think, like myself, she has a marriage that includes the in love feeling, and she's glad for it!

Maybe this will help. I have never conceived. I could go tell other women who have never conceived that being pregnant and giving birth is really not that great, it's not any kind of special experience, and you don't need to be pregnant to become a mother. I'd be partially right, but not completely, because the truth is being able to give birth is a big deal, and I have missed out on something. If I can acknowledge that I don't have something that other women can't imagine life without, then I can move on from there and learn to be content in my own life circumstances. But I have missed out! In that same way, women who have never experienced being in love with their husbands have missed out on something! It's not something that should end a marriage or cause someone to lament the rest of their days, but I think an acknowledgement of it can be very helpful to them and their marriage. It's also helpful for those of us who have marriages that include butterflies and tingly feelings, because we shouldn't be made to feel like what we have with our husbands is no big deal. Just some thoughts to ponder...

If you look back at Lori's posts she used to have a regular (albeit modest) following. Those women commented on her blog almost religiously, and now almost all of them are gone. The turnover is quite amazing. I see the same thing starting to happen again. As Lori calls out readers and makes blanket judgements, she loses her readers in droves.

[Phoebe]

Lori and JoyfilledWife are such fucking assholes. Even calling them assholes is an insult to assholes. I want to give Deborah a huge hug. How could they possibly think they are being helpful to a woman in that situation? It makes me sick.

Even assholes serve a useful purpose. Lori and JFW, not so much.

[RosyDaisy]

I have been married almost 6 months. Why do I feel like I know more about marriage than Ken and Lori?

[RosyDaisy]

Ten minutes? They ain't doing it right.

[FJismyheadship]

Did Lori shut down comments? I can't see them anymore

[Loveday]

Did Lori shut down comments? I can't see them anymore

That's odd, I was just over there and could see the comments just fine on the two blog posts I read. :think:

[Curious]

I have been married almost 6 months. Why do I feel like I know more about marriage than Ken and Lori?

Not to disparage your time as a married women (congrats btw!), but feral cats know more about marriage than Kenori :shifty-kitty:

[polecat]

Ten minutes? They ain't doing it right.

I don't think the length of time is why they're not doing it right. (jmo)

It's more the "lay back and think of Jesus" attitude they have going on. Lots of men can't last more than 10 minutes, and lots of people are more into quickies than long, luxurious romantic-type couplings. But MOST people still want to have an enjoyable time with a partner who is having just as much if not more fun. Lori doesn't seem to enjoy sex at all, and Ken basically wants a warm hole, lube optional.

And just ... ick ... to that whole mindset. It's gross.

[Hisey]

Why is no one commenting on her latest post about how it's ok to throw your wife out into the snow if she has a bad temper?

[Koala]

feral cats know more about marriage than Kenori :shifty-kitty:

:lol:

[salex]

Why is no one commenting on her latest post about how it's ok to throw your wife out into the snow if she has a bad temper?

Maybe because they have told the story before at least once maybe multiple times and everyone who cares has already discussed it to death?

[cindyluvs24]

What was going thru Ken's mind in the waiting room while Lori was in surgery? Hmmm. I can only imagine.

[Koala]

I don't know that he was there- at least for the Cyber Knife treatments she received. At one point either Ken or Lori posted something about it being unreasonable for Lori to have the expectation that Ken would take her to her appointments. Because you know- it's not the sacred basketball or sex :roll:

It was discussed in this quote:

I've pointed out to Lori before that she makes Ken sound horrible. She denies it. Ken, though, seems to thrive on coming across as an asshole, and some of the worst things that we know about him come from him directly. They both thought it was perfectly appropriate to share that Ken demanded sex with Lori when she was sick and exhausted, and that such sex was only 10 minutes and not particularly satisfying. Ken also posted that Lori shouldn't expect him to take her to her Cyber-Knife brain tumors treatments or spend extra time helping her while she's going through those treatments - apparently, she should treat a life-and-death issue just like the toilet lid issue and have no expectations at all.

[cindyluvs24]

Some day, what is so obvious to everyone else will hit her like a ton of bricks. I suspect deep down, Lori knows it. Instead of being a full-fledged adult and facing an unpleasant reality and changing it - she channels her fear into her nasty "Always Learning" mentor persona. Lori has always been a fearful person. 30+ years of making decisions based upon fear have boxed her in. As for Ken, maybe he just figured she was fine for the time being because she filled some need. May we speculate on his post-Lori plans?

[cindyluvs24]

:evil: What really singes my bloomers (and hits close to home) is how he treats her illness. Does he really think a Godly husband refuses to take her to appointments or deal with her side effects? What a prick. My husband takes a cancer med ( a VEGF inhibitor) that causes extreme fatigue. His pain meds cause some wacky digestive issues (and fatigue). Combine these with blood pressure meds (side effect: fatigue). He sleeps 16 hours a day. Did I mention the two fractures from the metastases to his bones? That means no driving. Yeah Ken. And you're a freakin' saint because you deign to let Lori cook, clean, and f**k you? I'll take my non-submissive marriage any day. :angry-banghead: But please, both of you keep on posting your drivel. It keeps my disgust fresh.

[twin2]

Part 3

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