Lori and Ken Alexander's Big Ol' Bucket o' Crazy - Part 2

[2xx1xy1JD]

Ken's a dick who didn't consider his wife's needs important in the least. He put up with her by never spending time with her and putting everything (including the all-sacred basketball) ahead of her.

Lori's wasn't bad looking in her early 20s, and had been a cheerleader. Ken's pretty clear that he liked her body, and both of them claimed to be Christian. Lori had a father with money who spoiled her, Ken's late mother had been completely submissive to her husband to the point that she wouldn't protest when "scolded" but would meekly bow her head and apologize. Lori was disappointed to learn that Ken couldn't measure up to her father, and Ken learned that Lori was nothing like his late mother.

She's always needed to be right, and admits it. She can be buttered up if someone flatters her, she'll be intrigued if someone quotes scripture and seems really religious and at least superficially happy and competent, but she shuts down if someone challenges her. She spent years telling Ken that he was right, now she takes that impulse and uses it to tell other women what they should do.

[salex]

Ken's a dick who didn't consider his wife's needs important in the least. He put up with her by never spending time with her and putting everything (including the all-sacred basketball) ahead of her.

From their Sept 20, 2011 on of their "we didn't much like one another when we got married posts"

Were you crazy in love when you got married? Were sparks flying, anticipation building for the big day? Neither Ken nor I were madly in love or had sparks flying on our wedding day. In fact, Ken says, "We got engaged. It went downhill from there, but we got married anyway." Sad, isn't it?

{After I wrote this, I asked Ken if he had sparks for me on my wedding day and he said, "Yes! I couldn't wait to have fun being married to you, but that hope died quickly when I couldn't do anything right in your eyes.}

Is being crazy in love with sparks flying a prerequisite for getting married? No...I have proven that, BUT the reason we weren't madly in love with sparks flying was because I didn't really know what love looked like.

I was very disappointed I didn't have all those feelings you were suppose to have before you got married. After we got engaged, I kept asking Ken if he was sure we should get married and he would reassure me, "Yes, we were molded for each other."

I will always think they got married because Ken thought he was marrying up (wasn't he a missionary kid marrying the Doctor's Princess Daughter?) and Lori was nearing graduation and hadn't found a man and didn't want to graduate without a husband, or she'd have to work to support herself. The hole in the Diaphragm just shows how much she wouldn't even work as part of a team and that she was a manipulative bitch.

Why didn't they divorce? Partly, I wonder if Ken thought he'd be a minister, at least when they were first married, and a divorce would be a career killer. Secondly, his missionary parents were (and probably are) still alive, and a lot of people take that into account, even at Ken's advanced age. And, I think her dad has helped them financially. She brags and bitches about the gold mercedes, and frankly, doesn't she talk about help from Daddy. I wonder how Ken ended up in the Dental Practice Consulting Field when he was studying ministry and had missionary parents.... I have long believed Lori's dad had some influence in that area as well.

I do think he talked with her about it on the "the kids are leaving" talk, and I think suddenly Debbie Pearl became a way she could justify changing her bitchy ways to more round about than in your face.

I think they were miserable for years and once they decided to polish the turd that is their marriage, they have had to keep polishing.

Better them than me.

[2xx1xy1JD]

I think Ken saying that he couldn't wait to have fun meant that he couldn't wait to have sex. He was just disappointed to learn more about the actual woman and personality attached to the body.

They weren't crazy about each other because they didn't really know each other, and what they did know should have been a warning sign. If anything, their story is a cautionary tale about focusing too much on the fact that you get to have sex after marriage, and not enough on the big questions like truly shared values and basic compatability.

[salex]

I think Ken saying that he couldn't wait to have fun meant that he couldn't wait to have sex. He was just disappointed to learn more about the actual woman and personality attached to the body.

They weren't crazy about each other because they didn't really know each other, and what they did know should have been a warning sign. If anything, their story is a cautionary tale about focusing too much on the fact that you get to have sex after marriage, and not enough on the big questions like truly shared values and basic compatability.

When he was here, I quizzed him on if they had premarital counseling. he said they did, but it was not well done, so I've always wondered if it was "yes, get married have sex" or if it was someone "suggesting" they not marry, but not coming out and telling them they were a poor match.

Of all the things in my life, my passionate and happy marriage has been the biggest joy/blessing/happiness. I can't imagine if I'd had to try to fill that space with basketball......

[ViolaSebastian]

Ugh, co-opting part of a story about a child that couldn't go to daycare because of emotional issues stemming from being mauled by a dog is incredibly low. There truly is nothing she won't do to "prove" that her hateful, bigoted position is the right way, is there?

I'm seriously disgusted by this, and I thought my tolerance for Lori's disgusting actions was pretty high. :snooty:

[usmcmom]

Ugh, co-opting part of a story about a child that couldn't go to daycare because of emotional issues stemming from being mauled by a dog is incredibly low. There truly is nothing she won't do to "prove" that her hateful, bigoted position is the right way, is there?

I'm seriously disgusted by this, and I thought my tolerance for Lori's disgusting actions was pretty high. :snooty:

It really is quite exploitive, isn't it? She shows no compassion for what the child went through; no tenderness for a mother dealing with a fragile child. It's all about somebody who is doing it the "right" way. I'm not sure I've ever encountered a person who is so lacking in empathy and compassion; other than Ken, I guess.

[Firiel]

Lori is both unbelievably stupid and quite cunning. It's a pretty scary combination. I believe she often legitimately misreads articles in a way that supports her point of view. When things are so clear that she can't do that, she purposefully leaves things out to create a certain impression, like in this case.

[usmcmom]

Regarding the Alexanders' marriage; it's kind of like a chicken and egg thing. I can't decide which came first - her nagging discontent or his complete apathy about his marriage.

On one hand Lori was clearly spoiled and entitled. She probably was disappointed in Ken's choice of ministry as a career choice and made that very clear because that would not be as financially comfortable as some business venture. She has openly stated wasn't really in love with him when they got married.

On the other hand, Ken was clearly absent - emotionally and physically - from the marriage and put his own recreational needs above the needs of a young wife at home caring for four small kids. When he says he "never did anything right" in her eyes, I have to wonder just how awful Lori was. He seems to be overly sensitive and wants his way on everything. I wonder if Lori thanked him for something, he pouted that she didn't thank him enough or show enough enthusiasm. Or if she asked him to do something that he didn't feel like doing, he labeled it "nagging" so he could be the victim. For instance, if Lori asked him to cut down on his basketball so he'd be home more with his children, did Ken say "I can't do anything right!! You won't even let me have some free time to unwind with my friends!! *pouty face*

I'm not saying Lori isn't likely to have been quite difficult but I'm starting to wonder if she asked for a reasonable amount of family involvement from Ken and he refused to be bothered with it. They both are quick to list Lori's faults in the marriage but he has never once talked about what he could have done to make things better during those years. That seems to be a recurring theme with these hardcore headships; they all proclaim "I was as loving as a man could be! I was Christ like every minute of the day and did everything right - yet she still rebelled!"

[2xx1xy1JD]

So, thejoyfilledwife is guest-posting today. Part of me feels sorry for her because she clearly had a messed-up childhood and a prick for a husband so I understand that her mind did weird things to make her situation tolerable, but it's still outrageous that she's determined to perpetuate a fucked-up worldview by pushing it on others including her young daughter.

Today, she's bragging that she had convinced her daughter that a woman's worth is completely tied up with ensuring that absolutely nobody but her (future) husband will ever see a hint of her sexuality. Yes, she's trained the girl so well that she is already judging total strangers as sinners, merely on the basis of clothes, and having these thoughts preoccupy her.

ETA: In case Lori, Ken or TJFW are popping in - no, totally judging someone's character on first glance isn't particularly Christian. I know I'm not Christian myself, but I can read. Look up the story of the Good Samaritan. Do you know the point of the story? The Samaritans (a real group, btw) weren't seen as particularly good people from a religious POV. The whole parable is about how first impressions based on preconceived notions can be incorrect, and how the only person to do the moral thing was the one that everyone least expected. You can also take a look at Matthew 7:1-3. Also, if you really believe in the holiness of each soul and its connection to God, you'd never believe that a mere glance from a man could make this disappear.

Sorry, the language she uses - "precious gift" vs. "devoured by men" - is just too damn close to the language used by those defense lawyers in the documentary "India's Daughter". A woman's actual actions are irrelevant. Everything else she does with her life doesn't matter. You use pretty language to make it sound like she's so precious, but all that value instantly disappears and she is described in pretty violent terms if some men merely LOOK at her.

Keep in mind that this is the same mom who nearly lost her mind because her husband looked at porn, and saw that as a far bigger problem that the fact that he was an angry asshole.

[polecat]

The idea that a woman's body is a "gift" for anyone strikes me as utterly repulsive.

[kpmom]

I'm not saying Lori isn't likely to have been quite difficult but I'm starting to wonder if she asked for a reasonable amount of family involvement from Ken and he refused to be bothered with it. They both are quick to list Lori's faults in the marriage but he has never once talked about what he could have done to make things better during those years. That seems to be a recurring theme with these hardcore headships; they all proclaim "I was as loving as a man could be! I was Christ like every minute of the day and did everything right - yet she still rebelled!"

Exactly.

I'm guessing Lori's discontent started with those several times a week basketball games. From what I recall, he didn't offer to compromise on that at all, and still doesn't see that leaving her alone with the kids that much was a problem.

And yes, I don't recall either of them saying what Ken could have done different during their earlier difficult years.

[usmcmom]

The modesty post today:

lorialexander.blogspot.com/2015/03/she-gave-her-gift-away.html#idc-container

really bothered me, as all modesty posts from these fundies do.

I actually have a fairly high standard of modesty and passed that on to my kids. But I tried to teach them that everybody wasn't taught about modesty. Everyone wasn't raised in a home with a parent who noticed them enough to monitor their clothing and suggest covering up. Maybe some people are dressing "immodestly" because they just don't know any differently. Maybe they are dressing that way because that's how they like to dress. Either way, I hate it that these children are taught to judge a person by their dress instead of by their character. That young woman might have been a very kind hearted person who was known to her circle of friends as the one who always helped the person in need.

If these families were truly Christ like, they would teach their kids to look at a person's face - their eyes - and consider them to be a human being in need of love and compassion NO MATTER WHAT!!

I'd be ashamed at my own teaching if my daughter spent so much time casting stones at a person she barely knew based on a one time view of her clothing options.

I wonder what this guest blogger (what is her name again?) thinks of some of the photos of Lori and her family. Lori has been known to wear some very low cut dresses. Her daughters and daughters-in-law certainly seem to "give their gifts away."

Oh my gosh - they hypocrisy! It just hurts. :angry-banghead: :angry-banghead: :angry-banghead:

[salex]

The idea that a woman's body is a "gift" for anyone strikes me as utterly repulsive.

And in fundie land, it is a gift one man gives another, at a wedding.

[Firiel]

{L_MESSAGE_HIDDEN}:

Today in Lori's sooper sekrit chat room, a woman asks what she should do since her husband does not want her talking to her family anymore. Lori's response is, of course, that she should obey him and not let her family visit them any more. :shock:

BITCH.

[ViolaSebastian]

{L_MESSAGE_HIDDEN}:

Today in Lori's sooper sekrit chat room, a woman asks what she should do since her husband does not want her talking to her family anymore. Lori's response is, of course, that she should obey him and not let her family visit them any more. :shock:

BITCH.

{L_MESSAGE_HIDDEN}:

Lori's complete lack of radar for potentially abusive behavior is astounding. The flags in that sort of situation are so big and red it might as well be China.

[Mice]

.... If anything, their story is a cautionary tale about focusing too much on the fact that you get to have sex after marriage, and not enough on the big questions like truly shared values and basic compatability.

You are so correct! I've actually held up Lori and Ken as a cautionary tale to young couples. In my circle of friends and family Lori and Ken are literally bywords for a highly dysfunctional relationship. It's all out there on their public blog for the world to see.

[chosenone]

And today its abot fighting in front of the kids,, and if she keeps it up,, he leaves with the kids or she is to leave the home or stay in room alone,, shades of CM,, that woman is a Bitch

[louisa05]

The modesty post today:

lorialexander.blogspot.com/2015/03/she-gave-her-gift-away.html#idc-container

really bothered me, as all modesty posts from these fundies do.

I actually have a fairly high standard of modesty and passed that on to my kids. But I tried to teach them that everybody wasn't taught about modesty. Everyone wasn't raised in a home with a parent who noticed them enough to monitor their clothing and suggest covering up. Maybe some people are dressing "immodestly" because they just don't know any differently. Maybe they are dressing that way because that's how they like to dress. Either way, I hate it that these children are taught to judge a person by their dress instead of by their character. That young woman might have been a very kind hearted person who was known to her circle of friends as the one who always helped the person in need.

If these families were truly Christ like, they would teach their kids to look at a person's face - their eyes - and consider them to be a human being in need of love and compassion NO MATTER WHAT!!

I'd be ashamed at my own teaching if my daughter spent so much time casting stones at a person she barely knew based on a one time view of her clothing options.

I wonder what this guest blogger (what is her name again?) thinks of some of the photos of Lori and her family. Lori has been known to wear some very low cut dresses. Her daughters and daughters-in-law certainly seem to "give their gifts away."

Oh my gosh - they hypocrisy! It just hurts. :angry-banghead: :angry-banghead: :angry-banghead:

The comments on that post...

Anyone read the one by the woman recommending a three layer swimsuit...bikini with leggings and a top over it and a "swim skirt" over all of that. Although for functionality, it beats the one who apparently attempts to swim while wearing a bikini top, t-shirt, board shorts, and a cover up that goes to the knees.

And all of this reminds me...it is spring. Time for the "modesty" garbage to float around Facebook. Never fails to make me want to put on a bikini, take a picture and post it with the caption "STFU, modesty police!"

[HoneyBunny]

The whole consequences thing in a marriage never fails to WTF with me. I simply dont understand how 1) someone can put up with being treated as a child in a marriage and 2) these people who so clearly dislike each other ended up getting married in the first place. Actually, for that one I think there was simply sexual attraction and since premarital sex is a no-no, well, of course they'd just get married and sort it out later. Then later hits them in face with a strong does of reality so they turn to each other and Christian blogs with all sorts of hand wringing and angst and Lori and her ilk bring out a book of fiction written 2000 years ago when women were chattel owned by their husbands and claim it holds the answer.

[usmcmom]

The whole consequences thing in a marriage never fails to WTF with me. I simply dont understand how 1) someone can put up with being treated as a child in a marriage and 2) these people who so clearly dislike each other ended up getting married in the first place. Actually, for that one I think there was simply sexual attraction and since premarital sex is a no-no, well, of course they'd just get married and sort it out later. Then later hits them in face with a strong does of reality so they turn to each other and Christian blogs with all sorts of hand wringing and angst and Lori and her ilk bring out a book of fiction written 2000 years ago when women were chattel owned by their husbands and claim it holds the answer.

And Ken's repeating his favorite "back rub as punishment" suggestion. I absolutely cannot fathom taking something that is supposed to be helpful, selfless, intimate, comforting and loving and turning it into a "consequence." Doesn't he find it odd that physical touch should, in any way, be in the category of "punishment" between two married adults? Or can he at least not see that the rest of us find it odd? This continues to be one of the most bizarre things I've ever seen a so called loving husband suggest.

[lilwriter85]

Lori is both unbelievably stupid and quite cunning. It's a pretty scary combination. I believe she often legitimately misreads articles in a way that supports her point of view. When things are so clear that she can't do that, she purposefully leaves things out to create a certain impression, like in this case.

Yeah, she is. She has admitted that can be cunning and has given examples of the things she did in the past. But, overall I still find her to be quite stupid on many things and I know FJers have said over the past three years, that they tried to call Lori out when she gave wrong information or didn't know certain historical detaials. She does misread articles or comments all the time.

I think what she did with the article on daycare was shitty. She left the important part of why that mother didn't have her son in daycare. When I read the complete article, it reminded me of something that happened to one of my ebil public school teachers. I went to a small middle school and had the same teacher for 7th and 8th grade science classes. This teacher had a son who was in preschool at the time. The preschool, she had her son enrolled in had a bus system. The bus her son took was involved in a minor accident. None, of the kids were injured. Several kids including my teacher's son were emotionally disturbed. My teacher didn't take her son out of preschool, but he refused to ride the bus for awhile and she and family members had to arrange transportation for him.

[2xx1xy1JD]

And Ken's repeating his favorite "back rub as punishment" suggestion. I absolutely cannot fathom taking something that is supposed to be helpful, selfless, intimate, comforting and loving and turning it into a "consequence." Doesn't he find it odd that physical touch should, in any way, be in the category of "punishment" between two married adults? Or can he at least not see that the rest of us find it odd? This continues to be one of the most bizarre things I've ever seen a so called loving husband suggest.

In some cases, the idea of leaving and refusing to get into it with someone who is verbally abusive is actually appropriate. I think it works for both husbands and wives, as long as they do make a point to come back and have a full discussion once the person calms down. It's a basic respect thing, not a "leadership/submissive" thing.

The consequences seem bizarre to me. Way too contrived, and it treats people like children.

[usmcmom]

In some cases, the idea of leaving and refusing to get into it with someone who is verbally abusive is actually appropriate. I think it works for both husbands and wives, as long as they do make a point to come back and have a full discussion once the person calms down. It's a basic respect thing, not a "leadership/submissive" thing.

The consequences seem bizarre to me. Way too contrived, and it treats people like children.

I agree about the walking away from an argument. We even taught our kids that "conflict resolution" skill when it came to them bickering with each other. I clearly remember one day, when our kids were teenagers, our daughter tried to start an argument with our son. He actually said "I'm not going to engage with you," and turned around and went up the stairs. It was quite an amazing moment and made me think "now there's a young man with self control."

The consequences that involve physical touch just really bother me. Can you imagine your husband saying "You've made me angry; now you must touch me in a loving, comforting and intimate way in order for me to forgive you."? It is very similar to Robert insisting on enthusiastic sex every other day - no matter what. I've always avoided writing the scenarios that go through my mind with things like this because I don't want my words to be a trigger for anyone, but it's just wrong and perverted.

[jerkit]

Apparently if you close your curtains, you hate Jesus.

Her home was always very dark. Every single window was covered with heavy curtains. The parents both smoked. Jesus did not live in this home. It was NOT a happy place. No Light. No Jesus.

My mom, on the other hand, never closed any curtain! ...The Light of the world lived there: Jesus!

What a weird barometer for being a Christian. Lori, you're so bizarre.

[PrairieGirl]

Apparently if you close your curtains, you hate Jesus.

What a weird barometer for being a Christian. Lori, you're so bizarre.

That doesn't sound very modest. What about when people are getting undressed or procreating? Won't the light of Jesus shine on them and illuminate their nakedness for the entire neighborhood?