Being one of 19

[roddma]

I disagree you cant change mental capacity. But then it's coming from the Duggars

I dont think more siblings necessarily means you will get along with any of them. More siblings could mean more jealousy. Maybe Josh wasnt jealous exactly, but he seemed a little slighted Jill got the bigger house. Jill is their little Fundie princess now. All siblings should be treated the same.

[SassyPants]

I disagree you cant change mental capacity. But then it's coming from the Duggars

I dont think more siblings necessarily means you will get along with any of them. More siblings could mean more jealousy. Maybe Josh wasnt jealous exactly, but he seemed a little slighted Jill got the bigger house. Jill is their little Fundie princess now. All siblings should be treated the same.

This is exactly why I want to see how the family and TLC treats Jill's labor and delivery experience. Is she going to shafted like Anna-bare all? Are we going to see and hear Jill scream, moan and writhe? Is a toilet birth in her future?

Somehow, I think she is going to get the Queen Michelle treatment- editing to make her look sweet the entire time.

It's clear that JB loves Jill. She presents as easy to parent and like.

I think he merely tolerates some of the others.

Personally, I think it's the honey vs vinegar approach. However, some people just cannot do honey. I suspect Jessa is one of those people.

JB seems a cross between JD (handy man type) and Josh who does NOT want to get his hands dirty. When all is said and done, I think deep down JB is more JD than white collar. I think JB and Josh clash because they are so different.

[bluebird]

It has crossed my mind that Josh is resentful too. I think it is o.k. For him to feel that way, in fact it is a normal, healthy response of having no control of having to live in a shit situation.

[CorruptionInc.]

It has crossed my mind that Josh is resentful too. I think it is o.k. For him to feel that way, in fact it is a normal, healthy response of having no control of having to live in a shit situation.

We certainly can't blame him for having resentment, but that still doesn't excuse the fact he's a sloth.

[OneQuill]

I don't think a child has to be an only child to have space/freedom/personal property. The Duggars could have made separate bedrooms for at least every 2 kids and let them have something of a normal life. They didn't want them to. The giant dorms remind each child they are nothing individual, simply one piece of this body. It's literally Jim Bob the head, Michelle the torso, and each dorm room contains an arm and leg, the workforce of this body. It's a sick and twisted set-up.

I remember something being said on one of the shows when they were either just building or were moving in, I don't remember which. I think it was J'Chelle who said "they wanted to stay together, boys in one room and girls in the other, so sweet." Yeah sure they wanted to be together. Dim Bulb and J'Chelle were to afraid of what they might do if they were alone and have no accountability at night. :pray:

[Jana814]

It has crossed my mind that Josh is resentful too. I think it is o.k. For him to feel that way, in fact it is a normal, healthy response of having no control of having to live in a shit situation.

I can see him being resentful. He probably could not be a "normal" kid cause he parents would say "your siblings are watching what you r doing."

[Jana814]

I remember something being said on one of the shows when they were either just building or were moving in, I don't remember which. I think it was J'Chelle who said "they wanted to stay together, boys in one room and girls in the other, so sweet." Yeah sure they wanted to be together. Dim Bulb and J'Chelle were to afraid of what they might do if they were alone and have no accountability at night. :pray:

I remember that line and I totally think you r right!!

[SnowShine]

Being all grown up (at the ripe old age of mid-twenties, haha), I think, had I been one of nineteen, I would have either hated life or turned out very differently--the reason being that I am extremely introverted. I am totally content going a couple days without having a conversation with anyone, and it's not uncommon for me to spend the first day of my weekend in my room by myself, just recovering from the week. I've been that way awhile--I can remember being four years old and blocking the door against my sis because I wanted to play by myself. :)

Had I been a Duggar, I either would have hated it (especially pre-TTH), or I would have grown up used to it because I had never known anything else. But the idea of it makes me shudder, sharing a room with eight sisters? No thank you. One was enough, and I never had to share a room with her*.

On a side note, did anyone else notice how disparaging the girls were about introversion in their book? Something to the effect of introverts thinking they're better than everyone else.... Don't get me wrong, if I meet you at a party, I'll smile, exchange salutations, tell you it's nice to meet you (and be sincere about it), but such events drain me of energy faster than a five mile run. It has nothing to do wig thinking I'm better than anyone else. For people who spent their whole book talking about how they don't judge people, they sure seemed quick to lay the smackdown on that one.

*Nothing against her personally. I couldn't ask for a better sister.

[Jana814]

I can't imagine having that many siblings. I have one sister that it is enough for me. The only thing we ever had to share is the bathroom. The Duggar kids have/had to sharing everything.

[sockinshoe]

My extended family is about 24 people big and likes to get together in 1 house for several weeks each year. This isn't much like Duggardom, because there are more adults and couples etc. However, the amount of energy and lack of privacy is probably very similar. I have really good memories of sleeping in one bed with one or two cousins in a room with up to six of them, but also some more trying ones of not having any space to just be alone. Also, even with more adults around, adult supervision can be stretched pretty thin, especially when we were young. It takes much longer to cook/clean and getting anywhere by car is done in several loads. It meant that finding one-on-one time with a parent (or any relative, really) was really hard. That got old very quickly, but otherwise it could be lots of fun: you were never bored because there was always an activity going on that you could join in and you always felt like you were part of a unit.

[morri]

I am one of 3, my mother 1 of 3 my grandfather 1 of 4. my grand mother I don't know she may have been single child or it could have been that 1 died in the war)I have 1 child who has an older half brother (grown up) I wouldnt want to have any more and i dont think it is very responsible to have as many kids neither for the environment nor for your mental health.

[DuggarsTheEndIsNear]

My extended family is about 24 people big and likes to get together in 1 house for several weeks each year. This isn't much like Duggardom, because there are more adults and couples etc. However, the amount of energy and lack of privacy is probably very similar. I have really good memories of sleeping in one bed with one or two cousins in a room with up to six of them, but also some more trying ones of not having any space to just be alone. Also, even with more adults around, adult supervision can be stretched pretty thin, especially when we were young. It takes much longer to cook/clean and getting anywhere by car is done in several loads. It meant that finding one-on-one time with a parent (or any relative, really) was really hard. That got old very quickly, but otherwise it could be lots of fun: you were never bored because there was always an activity going on that you could join in and you always felt like you were part of a unit.

I have 11 cousins on my dads side and two siblings. There are 21 years between the oldest and youngest, and 6 parents (used to be 8, but there were two divorces early on). Even then, about 90% of our get togethers had minimal supervision for the kids 3 and up. It was very much like how I expect things are for the Duggars on a regular basis. Except we didn't have bedrooms when people slept over (all the cousins slept in the living room or studio), and we never stayed together for too long (my poor grandparents would get exhausted by the end of the week). Oh, and the only rules were basic rules of respect and safety (no back talking, don't wander into the neighbors yard because they had bear traps, don't walk into the main road unless you're 13 or older, everyone helps set up and clean, etc).

[lawlifelgbt]

My wife is one of four, and she likes her siblings and feels her parents did a good job. However, they were really, really poor. This led to some bad situations (food insecurity, overcrowded "doubled-up" housing whose proximity, I think, contributed to abuse by a creepy relative). None of them were planned. She always felt her mom could be there, though 4 is not really that many and there are 2-3 year age gaps between each. I do agree that it takes an extraordinary woman to manage that many, though!

I'm one of two, extremely introverted, and likely have Asperger's. I can't imagine living with even three siblings like my wife did! I need my own space (i.e. own room- even now, married, I only go in the bedroom to sleep, we wind down for the night in separate rooms, and each of us has our own seat in the living room, and we would have separate baths if we could afford it). The main reason a large family would suck for me though, is the noise. I can hear a wider pitch range than is normal, and I have trouble "filtering" out environmental noise from conversations or whatever I'm supposed to be doing. Yelling, malfunctioning brakes, mic feedback, and the like cause me physical pain to hear, and I sometimes wear earplugs at the Mall of America or walking around the city. The Duggar chaos, even on TV, makes me want to rip my ears off my head!

I really hope none of the Duggar kids is like me in this regard- I see signs of it in Jenni, and she always looks so sad and serious. Give the poor girl some quiet time!

But I also recognize the potential for really serious sibling rivalry, with just two or three kids. I'm the older of two (22 year old brother), and since we were so close in age and intellect and he was more socially adept and better at sports, he was constantly one-upping me. My mom is a serious player of his top sport, too, and he got better grades (only slightly, but still), and was always lean. I didn't play sports and had to be forced to work out, stunk at math, which hurt my GPA, and was kind of chubby. This led my mom to really favor him, which just intensified the rivalry. I never felt like enough, and my brother and I don't get along even now. If you only have two, there's more potential for comparison, favoring, and heated fights, since there's no one else to fight with, I guess I mean.

[MatthewDuggar]

I'm one of two, extremely introverted, and likely have Asperger's. I can't imagine living with even three siblings like my wife did! I need my own space (i.e. own room- even now, married, I only go in the bedroom to sleep, we wind down for the night in separate rooms, and each of us has our own seat in the living room, and we would have separate baths if we could afford it). The main reason a large family would suck for me though, is the noise. I can hear a wider pitch range than is normal, and I have trouble "filtering" out environmental noise from conversations or whatever I'm supposed to be doing. Yelling, malfunctioning brakes, mic feedback, and the like cause me physical pain to hear, and I sometimes wear earplugs at the Mall of America or walking around the city. The Duggar chaos, even on TV, makes me want to rip my ears off my head!

I can't imagine living life as you are describing, I feel so sorry. You say you "likely have Aspergers". Have you been formally diagnosed with anything with a medical professional? There may be therapies and/or medications that may make your life just a bit better at least.

[lawlifelgbt]

I can't imagine living life as you are describing, I feel so sorry. You say you "likely have Aspergers". Have you been formally diagnosed with anything with a medical professional? There may be therapies and/or medications that may make your life just a bit better at least.

I'm used to working around it, and for most of my life, I just thought I was really introverted and awkward. I'm female, and spectrum disorders are much less obvious, broadly speaking, for women. Last year, I was told that this was a possibility when I was discussing my awkwardness and sensory issues with my psychiatrist I was seeing at the time- she mentioned that the oversensitivity to my environment, inability to "filter", and my tendency to avoid eye contact were textbook symptoms, and I could get an evaluation. I haven't been wanting to pursue working on this, though, because I'm not sure that this can be helped unless I'm partially deafened! Also, this July, I am going to take the bar exam. I'm now filling out the forms, and you have to disclose a lot of private things and be investigated "down to the studs," so to speak. So I think that now's not the time to pursue mental health treatment or say that I might have a disability. I think I'll look into this more after I pass the exam. That said, I'm usually okay in classroom and office (but not open plan) environments, because usually one person is talking at a time, and any background noises are nowhere near as loud as whoever's speaking.

[ADoyle90815]

I'm used to working around it, and for most of my life, I just thought I was really introverted and awkward. I'm female, and spectrum disorders are much less obvious, broadly speaking, for women. Last year, I was told that this was a possibility when I was discussing my awkwardness and sensory issues with my psychiatrist I was seeing at the time- she mentioned that the oversensitivity to my environment, inability to "filter", and my tendency to avoid eye contact were textbook symptoms, and I could get an evaluation. I haven't been wanting to pursue working on this, though, because I'm not sure that this can be helped unless I'm partially deafened! Also, this July, I am going to take the bar exam. I'm now filling out the forms, and you have to disclose a lot of private things and be investigated "down to the studs," so to speak. So I think that now's not the time to pursue mental health treatment or say that I might have a disability. I think I'll look into this more after I pass the exam. That said, I'm usually okay in classroom and office (but not open plan) environments, because usually one person is talking at a time, and any background noises are nowhere near as loud as whoever's speaking.

That sounds like my life, but in the end, I was able to get a diagnosis of Asperger's. For most of my life, I've had to adapt on my own because as a female, getting a diagnosis wasn't as easy as it can be for males. Even when I was in high school, I was considered too high functioning to be diagnosed with autism, and that Asperger's is slightly different in girls anyway because we're thought of as "introverted."

Back to the topic of larger families, my dad was one of 6, and while he probably wouldn't trade any of his brothers, he still resented the way he was raised, partly because my grandparents forced the Catholic church down their throats, and that my grandma might have been happier if she didn't have so many children. As it was, my grandma was a very cold person, especially as a grandparent. She was only maternal with her favorites, and my dad wasn't a favorite so she was especially cold. When my youngest cousin was born, she only talked about how my aunt was doing because she didn't want to get too attached to a micropreemie who might have died. In fact, my mom asked if my cousin died because she didn't even mention him.

[lawlifelgbt]

I mean, I like some aspects of being quiet. I think deeply, am creative (working on a novel, this is about draft #20), and am really loyal because when I let someone into my life, that means I value them. But, I can't go Christmas shopping, and my wife and I try to schedule our weekly trip to Target during less-busy times, because too much noise, especially from little kids, is overwhelming. And I can't do most concerts, shows, or live sports because of both the noise and people pressing in on my space. Flying is a special kind of hell- noisy, crying kids, no space or privacy, plus people can be outright mean to my wife because she's overweight, and it's a tight fit.

I just wish I could figure out how to do more things. Like, I live a mile from a major sports field that does cheap tickets sometimes, but I have only been once, and I always get super-snappy with my wife when we have to fly somewhere, because I don't have the same emotional regulation skills when trying to deal with 5000 noises and crowding.

[morri]

eh I was suspected it when I was 18, but I didnt feel like travelling into town every week for any kind of therapy. I was in the ward for observation to give my mother a piece of mind... (and seeing I spent lots of holidays in organised holidays for local kids (like denmark switzerland , sweden..)It wasnt really much different..I have to say my other half has helped me quite a lot with confidence at least since he makes me do all the phone calls and asking for help at a shop(he has got his own confidence issues around language as he is speaks German is a foreign language to him.)

[Cleopatra7]

Being all grown up (at the ripe old age of mid-twenties, haha), I think, had I been one of nineteen, I would have either hated life or turned out very differently--the reason being that I am extremely introverted. I am totally content going a couple days without having a conversation with anyone, and it's not uncommon for me to spend the first day of my weekend in my room by myself, just recovering from the week. I've been that way awhile--I can remember being four years old and blocking the door against my sis because I wanted to play by myself. :)

Had I been a Duggar, I either would have hated it (especially pre-TTH), or I would have grown up used to it because I had never known anything else. But the idea of it makes me shudder, sharing a room with eight sisters? No thank you. One was enough, and I never had to share a room with her*.

On a side note, did anyone else notice how disparaging the girls were about introversion in their book? Something to the effect of introverts thinking they're better than everyone else.... Don't get me wrong, if I meet you at a party, I'll smile, exchange salutations, tell you it's nice to meet you (and be sincere about it), but such events drain me of energy faster than a five mile run. It has nothing to do wig thinking I'm better than anyone else. For people who spent their whole book talking about how they don't judge people, they sure seemed quick to lay the smackdown on that one.

*Nothing against her personally. I couldn't ask for a better sister.

This doesn't surprise me, since fundies in general and the Duggars in particular don't value thinking too hard about anything. The life of the mind is dangerous for them because it may lead to questioning the belief system.

[Walking Cat Bed]

This doesn't surprise me, since fundies in general and the Duggars in particular don't value thinking too hard about anything. The life of the mind is dangerous for them because it may lead to questioning the belief system.

Which concerns me because several (Jana, in particular) show introverted traits. Maybe she uses prayer closet time as a way to get a few minutes alone. I hate to think that she has to fit into the Perky Christian Girl standard if that's not her. (Same for any other kids with introverted personalities.)