Being one of 19

[FreeHannie!]

My mother was raised in a huge, dirt poor Catholic family.

She absolutely hated it, despite being one of the youngest and knowing if they stopped, she'd have never been born. She's really only close to a couple of her siblings, the ones close in age to her and her sister mom.

My mother missed out on everything growing up and her parents viewed her more as a tin soldier to show off how 'holy' they were, rather than an actual human being.

[Alachantal]

I only have one sibling and I can't imagine having as many as the Duggars. It's insane. I like having one sibling, although I won't lie and say that I sometimes wished that I had a sister instead of (or in addition to) my brother. (I guess that's where my SIL comes in?) even with just the 2 of us my mother was stretched way thin - single mother with 3 jobs trying to provide for the kids and give enough attention - and there always seemed like neither of us was getting enough attention and as kids we'd fight about it.

My mother was the oldest of 3 and she originally wanted 8-10 kids because she didn't have a close family (basically raised by her grandparents, her sister was in a care home from an early age due to illneas...) and she wanted a big family and tonnes of kids to live. I'm glad she stopped at 2 - and as far as I know so is she.

Honestly, I have just a cat, and I often feel like I can't give her the attention she deserves and I feel horrible about it. I'm a trucker - and a woman OMG :pink-shock: - so sometimes I'm doing long haul or sometimes I'm just too worn out and feeling busy with the household and life in general. I wouldn't want to do that to my kids (if I had them), because I'm sure if Im feeling like I can't provide adequate amount of attention, the child (or in my case, cat) notices.

[HereticHick]

I don't think that not wanting to share resources or parental attention is the only reason some siblings would dislike being in a large family. That makes it sound like only greedy kids will dislike large family living.

What about the introverts? What about the kids who would just like to be in a room by themselves once in a while? In the quiet?

[Jana814]

My mother missed out on everything growing up and her parents viewed her more as a tin soldier to show off how 'holy' they were, rather than an actual human being.

That is really sad that they treated her like that!!

[FJismyheadship]

You guyyyyssss... the Duggar parents spend WAY MORE one on one time with EACH of their kids than parents with just one or two do! The Duggar daughters said so themselves!

[RosyDaisy]

I have just one sister. Having a third child could have killed my mother. I'm so grateful that my parents listened to the doctor's advice. I had the best parents in the world. I'm just sad that my mother isn't alive to see me get married and helping with the planning. She passed away a few years ago.

There will be no kids for my fiancee and I. I had a hysterectomy a few years ago, and neither of us have ever wanted kids. We will, however be proudly under the authority of my feline headship, Eil. Oh, yeah, the pecking order was established when my fiancee moved in. Eli is head of the household.

[JHeathen]

You guyyyyssss... the Duggar parents spend WAY MORE one on one time with EACH of their kids than parents with just one or two do! The Duggar daughters said so themselves!

[CorruptionInc.]

I have just one sister. Having a third child could have killed my mother. I'm so grateful that my parents listened to the doctor's advice. I had the best parents in the world. I'm just sad that my mother isn't alive to see me get married and helping with the planning. She passed away a few years ago.

There will be no kids for my fiancee and I. I had a hysterectomy a few years ago, and neither of us have ever wanted kids. We will, however be proudly under the authority of my feline headship, Eil. Oh, yeah, the pecking order was established when my fiancee moved in. Eli is head of the household.

Tom (my cat) - the whole household is run by him. He has my housemates wrapped around his little finger; not to mention my parents as well (and I don't live with them!)

[PennySycamore]

My mom was the second youngest of ten. When her baby sister was born, she was sent to stay with her oldest brother and his wife. Most of the sibs stayed close despite the miles that may have separated them. There was one notable exception, but that may have been more due to his asshole of a wife. Two of the other sibs also married douchebags, but that didn't seem to keep the brothers and sisters from being close to that sister.

[Pretzel]

{L_MESSAGE_HIDDEN}:

I would give anything if only I had more siblings.

[weirdemmaline]

Honestly, I've always thought I would do fairly well in a really large family. I'm an only child and I hated it growing up because my mom was a hoarder and I wasn't ever allowed to have friends over because the house was a mess constantly.

Maybe 18 siblings would be a bit much, but I would've killed for a big family when I was little. Now that my mom's dead and my Dad lives in another state with his new wife, I don't have any real close family. It sucks.

[karen77]

I am an only child also... I never wanted a big family, just one sibling. Still do (more so now than when I was younger, honestly). any more than 3 kids and I would have gone nuts!! and I"m an extrovert.

[Wenny]

My husband is 1 of 8 and my brother passed away when I was 17, leaving just me. I want 3 kids and my husband is happy with just our daughter.

My mil "says" how much she loved her children and how blessed her life has been yet my husband remembers being screamed that if she had 500 in 1992 how he wouldn't be here (She would have aborted him) and being forced to eat 3 cans of corn for stealing her sodas.

[eri]

I'm against more than a few kids since there aren't many people who have no children at all. And as an environmentalist I can't say that it is OK for people to have a lot of children. The hard data is scary.

Not to mention children often go without basic necessities such as one-on-one attention or a sturdy pair of shoes. From the upper middle class to the poor class, I can't see it being logically justified to having six or more kids.

However if one is willing to admit that wanting that many children has nothing to do with good sense or logic, then yes, fine, do whatever you want. Just don't deny environmental science and overpopulation and scarcity.

[hollywood]

I always thought Smugger seemed very resentful of being one of nineteen.

I get the same feeling.

[DefrauderDaughter]

I'm also an only child (thank God for that divorce!) and the child of a hoarder. I have only wished for a sibling maybe once or twice in my life. I was made to be an only child. I needed all the one on one attention given to me by my mother. I think that when she passes, I'll be really hurting for a sibling so that I will have some help bearing the burden and the heartache, but I'm content being an only child. I love it. My mom was four years older than her sister and they never got along and still don't. My father is the oldest of five. He has four sisters, however, one has since passed and he doesn't like the rest of them since they're too liberal and he's a church of Christ preacher. He literally reminds me so much of Jim Bob it's sad. Ew.

[midnitechandra]

I was an only child until I was 16 when my parents adopted my brother and then a few years later my sister. I enjoyed being an only child, for the most part. I enjoyed many opportunities that I wouldn't have had otherwise, and I had friends over all the time. My husband and I both felt like only having one child ourselves was the best decision for us. There have been times our daughter wished she had siblings, but usually a few days with her cousins (she has 6 her age) or a few days with my two siblings (they are much closer to her age than mine, LOL) will disabuse her of the notion. At the end of the day we made the best decision for all of us. I'd be a crazy person with even one more kiddo running around. When we babysit I feel like pulling my hair out. LOL

[paganhomeschooler]

My mom is 1 of 12, though there were never more than really 9 of them home at once. My oldest aunt was killed when my grandma was still in the hospital having just had #11, and my aunt had moved away from home. All of the rest of the siblings still are very close, even if we're not all in the same state. The majority live locally, but a few are spread out across the US. We all try to get together when we can. None of them had exceptionally large families. I've got 1 aunt who has 3 kids. My oldest aunt didn't have any kids since she died so young, and there is me and 2 others who are onlies. All the rest had 2.

I hated being an only child. I always asked for a sibling for birthdays/Xmas/prayers. I've got 4 because I never wanted my kids to be alone like I always was. We lived in the country, so not only did I not have any siblings, but I didn't even have any neighbors my age. It was very, very lonely. I've got cousins who are close to my age, but it's just not the same. We dearly love each other and we're very close, as are our kids, but they still have that other special bond with their brothers that I just will never have.

[Jana814]

I have a good friend who is an only child. I asked her I'd she ever wanted siblings, & she never did.

[txmommyof4]

I don't think a child has to be an only child to have space/freedom/personal property. The Duggars could have made separate bedrooms for at least every 2 kids and let them have something of a normal life. They didn't want them to. The giant dorms remind each child they are nothing individual, simply one piece of this body. It's literally Jim Bob the head, Michelle the torso, and each dorm room contains an arm and leg, the workforce of this body. It's a sick and twisted set-up.

[Jana814]

I don't think a child has to be an only child to have space/freedom/personal property. The Duggars could have made separate bedrooms for at least every 2 kids and let them have something of a normal life. They didn't want them to. The giant dorms remind each child they are nothing individual, simply one piece of this body. It's literally Jim Bob the head, Michelle the torso, and each dorm room contains an arm and leg, the workforce of this body. It's a sick and twisted set-up.

Great analogy!! Never of thought if it that way!!

[SassyPants]

I don't think a child has to be an only child to have space/freedom/personal property. The Duggars could have made separate bedrooms for at least every 2 kids and let them have something of a normal life. They didn't want them to. The giant dorms remind each child they are nothing individual, simply one piece of this body. It's literally Jim Bob the head, Michelle the torso, and each dorm room contains an arm and leg, the workforce of this body. It's a sick and twisted set-up.

You know, there is nothing that the Duggar parents do that I would consider stellar parenting or role modeling. JB is the perfect used car salesperson, slimy and conniving.

[Johanna25]

I was one of eight. We would never say anything to our parents because we knew how much they loved us and how hard they worked, but I think we all suffered from a lack of parental attention. Also, they never had time for any social life of their own, so we missed out on a lot of socialization and exposure to adult friendships and social interactions. We're all a bit socially awkward, of course, perhaps we all inherited a bit of my Dad's Asperger tendancies. My Dad was a bit of a rage-a-holic; he was a brilliant man, an engineer, and had no patience for our blunders or mistakes. I think much of that was due to the stresses, financial and otherwise, of his life. He was a much better husband and a fine grandfather as most of us moved out and on into our own lives. My mother loved being a mom, and she went back to teaching after we all started school. Money was always tight, so she helped support us and send us all to college. I will say she never expected any of us to mother our siblings; she'd had to do that for her own brothers and never thought it was fair. All-in-all, I think we would have been better off, had a happier life, if they'd stopped at 3 or 4.

[SassyPants]

I was one of eight. We would never say anything to our parents because we knew how much they loved us and how hard they worked, but I think we all suffered from a lack of parental attention. Also, they never had time for any social life of their own, so we missed out on a lot of socialization and exposure to adult friendships and social interactions. We're all a bit socially awkward, of course, perhaps we all inherited a bit of my Dad's Asperger tendancies. My Dad was a bit of a rage-a-holic; he was a brilliant man, an engineer, and had no patience for our blunders or mistakes. I think much of that was due to the stresses, financial and otherwise, of his life. He was a much better husband and a fine grandfather as most of us moved out and on into our own lives. My mother loved being a mom, and she went back to teaching after we all started school. Money was always tight, so she helped support us and send us all to college. I will say she never expected any of us to mother our siblings; she'd had to do that for her own brothers and never thought it was fair. All-in-all, I think we would have been better off, had a happier life, if they'd stopped at 3 or 4.

I feel so badly for those who are anti-contraception or who actually, in the case of the very poor and those in 3rd world countries, have no or limited access to BC- large families are not for everyone and very few couples actually do them well/justice. My hubs was from a large family with many sibs in a short time span (7 in 10 years) and he knew that he would never have a large family. The lack of individual attention and interest was daunting. Plus his parents started late, so they were quite old (50 when the last was born) which only added to the disconnect.

[momof2treasures]

On the flip side-my father is one of 7. My grandparents lived in a tiny house and there was always food on the table and Christmas gifts under the tree. Aside from that , not a lot of extras but everyone talks fondly of their childhood. 4 of the 7 remain close. They all adore there parents. I think it can be a good experience depending on the situation.