Fundie Widows

[HereticHick]

A kindly widower may be the Maxwell girls only hope at this point.

[Palimpsest]

Did you know her 2nd daughter is engaged to Skylar Seargeant, of "Plymouth Rock Ranch?" Interesting VF tie-in.

Noooo! Thanks, for pointing it out. Somehow I'd missed that, but I'm not surprised by the VF tie-in.

And I amazed that someone besides me remembers Heather because she is rather obscure. She was actually my intro to Fundie child snatchers catchers and got me looking into it more. I was completely disgusted by the laxity of their Liberian adoption agency. I can't believe she still nicknames her youngest daughter Brown Sugar. :angry-banghead:

[Jana814]

A kindly widower may be the Maxwell girls only hope at this point.

I think you are right!!

[lilwriter85]

The Proverbs Mom remarried after her first husband was killed.

Hardcore fundies would say widows cannot work but should remarry quickly.

There was that woman whose husband died and she made her teenage son work his ass off to support her, cuz thats what she thought he was supposed to do. Who was that?

I vaguely remember that. Could it have been the same woman Joann who moved into a church basement with her kids? I remember Joann and I also remembering something about a woman making her teenage son work.

Outside of fundie land, there have been situations in which teens end up working a lot to help support their families who have lost a parent or other situations in which one parent or both are disabled or a parent left the family. I don't think I could ever expect or want a teenage kid to support me completely. It wouldn't be right to me.

As others have mentioned in this thread, some fundies do advise widows to remarry as quickly as possible. Zsu's homegirl Jessica aka Latisha promoted that belief and a few other fundie bloggers said the same thing. I recall Lori Alexander said something similar. Now in days, some men avoid dating or marrying women with kids. My older brother dated a widow with three kids for a year. The woman worked and had always worked when her husband was alive. My brother ended up breaking up with her because drama happened due to her in-laws. After that my brother avoided dating women with kids for a few years. I know other men and some women that won't date anyone with kids.

I also think the whole "remarry quickly" advice is difficult for grieving spouses. Some grieving spouses probably shouldn't jump into new relationships because they are having a rough time emotionally.

[ladyamylynn]

Noooo! Thanks, for pointing it out. Somehow I'd missed that, but I'm not surprised by the VF tie-in.

And I amazed that someone besides me remembers Heather because she is rather obscure. She was actually my intro to Fundie child snatchers catchers and got me looking into it more. I was completely disgusted by the laxity of their Liberian adoption agency. I can't believe she still nicknames her youngest daughter Brown Sugar. :angry-banghead:

The Brown Sugar bit is just bad. Terrible. Heather was always an interesting one to me. On the one hand, her kids seem so nice and normal- but they're SO far down the fundie rabbit hole. She and new husband Phil moved to IL so he could work at Scamaritan Ministries, and they now attend James & Stacy McDonald's church. Doesn't get much more fundie than that!

[dairyfreelife]

I vaguely remember that. Could it have been the same woman Joann who moved into a church basement with her kids? I remember Joann and I also remembering something about a woman making her teenage son work.

Outside of fundie land, there have been situations in which teens end up working a lot to help support their families who have lost a parent or other situations in which one parent or both are disabled or a parent left the family. I don't think I could ever expect or want a teenage kid to support me completely. It wouldn't be right to me.

As others have mentioned in this thread, some fundies do advise widows to remarry as quickly as possible. Zsu's homegirl Jessica aka Latisha promoted that belief and a few other fundie bloggers said the same thing. I recall Lori Alexander said something similar. Now in days, some men avoid dating or marrying women with kids. My older brother dated a widow with three kids for a year. The woman worked and had always worked when her husband was alive. My brother ended up breaking up with her because drama happened due to her in-laws. After that my brother avoided dating women with kids for a few years. I know other men and some women that won't date anyone with kids.

I also think the whole "remarry quickly" advice is difficult for grieving spouses. Some grieving spouses probably shouldn't jump into new relationships because they are having a rough time emotionally.

Joanne of the church basement had her son work to support her, but her husband did not die. She had her children very young, out of wedlock and got married to the younger ones father. Then they divorced and she remarried a wonderful man who took great care of her and her children. Of course, she got all fundie on him and the church she went to told her that her remarriage was sinful, so she separated from him and is single with the church caring for her. She "homeschooled" her children and her oldest, who was like 15 at the time, worked to earn her some income. She either shut down or put her blog to private, I cannot recall. Anyway, she was a mess. She even came here once and talked with us, posting her church address and phone number. We had to censor it out for her own safety. :? I think her son moved out a couple years later. I believe her other two children are still minors, but hope they escape move out once they are of age and live a normal non-cult life.

frugalhomeandhealth.blogspot.com/

fewtherebethatfindit.blogspot.com/

[ILoveJellybeans]

Holy crap, this woman adopted a black child and calls her Brown Sugar???????

[Closed Womb]

I'm a fairly recent widow, not even 4 months out. Granted, I do not have children -- and a I do have a higher degree and a significant work history -- but the idea of being paired with someone new (or even just looking for someone of my own accord) because I need someone to support me is abhorrent.

Honestly, it makes me hope that the fundie widows didn't love their first husbands (because they didn't really know them from the courtship/daddy finds a suitable mate process, not hoping their departed loved ones were unkind.) I won't write off the possibility of marrying again some day, but I CAN tell you that Mr. Womb is irreplaceable.

[fauxmenno]

I know of a fundie (Mennonite) widow in NC. Her husband was shot by armed robbers at their home about a year ago, she was 7 or 8 months pregnant at the time. There is a facebook page set up for "prayers and support" that sometimes posts updates about her and her babyhttps://m.facebook.com/profile.php? ... 50126&_rdr .

I don't know this family personally so I can't say for sure, but I think it will be quite a while before she feels ready for another relationship just based on some of the posts. One post is about how her son needs to grow up with a daddy so that seems to indicate she will remarry eventually but for now it looks like she is being supported by her family and by internet donations and community fundraisers.

[ladyamylynn]

I'm a fairly recent widow, not even 4 months out. Granted, I do not have children -- and a I do have a higher degree and a significant work history -- but the idea of being paired with someone new (or even just looking for someone of my own accord) because I need someone to support me is abhorrent.

Honestly, it makes me hope that the fundie widows didn't love their first husbands (because they didn't really know them from the courtship/daddy finds a suitable mate process, not hoping their departed loved ones were unkind.) I won't write off the possibility of marrying again some day, but I CAN tell you that Mr. Womb is irreplaceable.

Sorry to hear of your loss. I can't imagine losing my husband- I can't imagine feeling pressured to replace him. :cry:

[Palimpsest]

I'm a fairly recent widow, not even 4 months out. Granted, I do not have children -- and a I do have a higher degree and a significant work history -- but the idea of being paired with someone new (or even just looking for someone of my own accord) because I need someone to support me is abhorrent.

Honestly, it makes me hope that the fundie widows didn't love their first husbands (because they didn't really know them from the courtship/daddy finds a suitable mate process, not hoping their departed loved ones were unkind.) I won't write off the possibility of marrying again some day, but I CAN tell you that Mr. Womb is irreplaceable.

I am so very sorry about your loss. I also think Mr. P would be irreplaceable.

These fundie widows with many children are in a horrible place. Their learned helplessness, lack of any work experience, and many mouths to feed throw them on the mercy (or lack thereof) of their families and churches.

Heather of Lazy D seemed surprisingly OK with being quickly matched up by the church elders with a new husband. Her old posts on grieving are very telling about how utterly helpless she felt as a recent widow. Then, just as she was beginning to show some signs of coping well and independently as a widow, enter Phil. She happily went back to the dependent submissive wife role, possibly because of the children. I do remember a few posts complaining about not knowing how to relate to Steady Man Phil because he wasn't enough of a manly Command Man like the (bordering on abusive, IMO) sainted Eric. :(

[fun2beme]

I'm a fairly recent widow, not even 4 months out. Granted, I do not have children -- and a I do have a higher degree and a significant work history -- but the idea of being paired with someone new (or even just looking for someone of my own accord) because I need someone to support me is abhorrent.

Honestly, it makes me hope that the fundie widows didn't love their first husbands (because they didn't really know them from the courtship/daddy finds a suitable mate process, not hoping their departed loved ones were unkind.) I won't write off the possibility of marrying again some day, but I CAN tell you that Mr. Womb is irreplaceable.

I'm also very sorry for your loss. *virtual hugs*

It surprises me how people I know who were widowed either weren't ready to date for a long time (years and years) or got involved/married relatively quickly. A friend of mine died suddenly in a car accident (there were thoughts that it was on purpose as she had been suffering from post-partum depression - it will be 7 years this month) and while he husband undoubtedly mourned her, by the second anniversary, he was engaged, and by the third anniversary, his new wife was expecting. I don't know, maybe it's because she was my friend and her death was so unexpected, plus they'd been together so long, but it was shocking to me how soon he started dating again.

[Coco]

I know of a fundie (Mennonite) widow in NC. Her husband was shot by armed robbers at their home about a year ago, she was 7 or 8 months pregnant at the time. There is a facebook page set up for "prayers and support" that sometimes posts updates about her and her babyhttps://m.facebook.com/profile.php? ... 50126&_rdr .

I don't know this family personally so I can't say for sure, but I think it will be quite a while before she feels ready for another relationship just based on some of the posts. One post is about how her son needs to grow up with a daddy so that seems to indicate she will remarry eventually but for now it looks like she is being supported by her family and by internet donations and community fundraisers.

Just hiding this comment because i sincerely do not want to hurt anyone who is going through a time of grief.

{L_MESSAGE_HIDDEN}:

I have a mutual friend with her, who was very close to them. Her husband was in a prison ministry, they went on a family trip and tweeted their trip. When they got home they were being robbed (it seems reasonable to assume the robbers were tipped off by the prison ministry's attendees and the tweets) and the husband naively assumed the robbers were having car trouble in front of their house.

My mutual friend kept everyone updated on facebook as the husband's hospital time and surgeries were gone through, and ultimately taken off life support, and as the guilty men were found and arrested... but no one talked about how fundies are too sheltered and sometimes bring these things on themselves. Fundies think they're persecuted for Christian beliefs: they can't comprehend that their persecution mainly comes because of their unintentionally judgmental privileged bubble existence. That is the reason they are targeted and hated by populations that are disadvantaged. I can only imagine how some prisoners must have felt to have a young, handsome, white volunteer fire-fighter fundie guy with a seemingly pristine life come in with heartfelt compassion and tell them how to clean up their lives so that they too could serve Jesus. And here are a few a cappella hymns from the youth group that never listens to music with a beat. I think Jesus's method of reaching those guys would be to send in another converted prisoner who had already walked miles in their shoes. Not a group of people they could never relate to.

I could never share these feelings on facebook because i would lose all of my fundie friends and anger my family, but this just seems so true, and no one was saying these things.

It's a tragic story about how incredibly naive very sheltered fundies can be.

I feel so sorry for the widow and i am thankful that she and her son are being taken care of and have no burdens to carry as they go through that valley. She will be cared for as she grieves and recovers and she'll have a sanctioned second marriage when she's ready to be under another headship, as long as she maintains the standards. She and her son will never want for anything as the wife and son of a man held up by many to be a martyr.

Most fundie widows are cared for by their churches and the brotherhood. But it's a high price to pay for that security, because they give up any autonomy. They have to submit to the will of the congregation and the rules put forth by the brotherhood. And everyone knows everyone's private business. It's like the treatment letters sent out by Samaritan Healthcare that detail the members' issues. People can be judged and even dismissed from the group based on choices or reputation. For these fundies, guaranteed support from a church group in a time of grief is wonderful but at the same time it comes at the price of any independent thought.

I'm happy that she can rest in that hope, but it would be so much better for her and her son if her family were her support, and she could choose her future path instead of being corralled for the rest of her life, trapped by her helplessness.

[salex]

But wouldn't she be used? She gave her heart and purity to her first husband. She has nothing to give to her second husband.

Again I just don't understand this Dave yourself for your spouse shit

I personally love the idea that women "Dave themselves." I think it is high time that Rosie Palm and her 5 sisters had a brother for us girls....

:D