Sex tips from the Duggar family

[choralcrusader8613]

So, I just watched the clip of the mini-golf double date.  Seriously.  Fucking JIm Bob.....    ....so much for modesty.  And the way Jessa was completely unaffected by the shenanigans?  Disturbing on so many levels.  

I'm horrified for Michelle. She didn't want him doing that, she was obviously not ok with it.  But does she have a voice to say STOP?!?  No wonder their son is fucked up.  

It makes me terrified thinking about how much she puts up with from JB in that way (but also in other facets of their relationship), and yet she encourages other women, including her daughters, to suffer through the same treatment. Part of me recognizes that this is part and parcel of the patriarchy in Gothardism, but I wish that some part of Michelle realized that this kind of attitude is toxic and can ruin a marriage.

[sj3339sta]

How did all of that make the cut for tv? 

[St.Clara]

So, I just watched the clip of the mini-golf double date.  Seriously.  Fucking JIm Bob.....    ....so much for modesty.  And the way Jessa was completely unaffected by the shenanigans?  Disturbing on so many levels. 

Errm, I don´t think you can blame Jessa for being used to JB´s behaviour... I am sure if we had been obliged to pass these last twenty years in the Duggar house, by now, we´d be pretty equanimous about it, too. (Or we would, at least, have mastered the art of seeming equanimous.)

[bucket]

Errm, I don´t think you can blame Jessa for being used to JB´s behaviour... I am sure if we had been obliged to pass these last twenty years in the Duggar house, by now, we´d be pretty equanimous about it, too. (Or we would, at least, have mastered the art of seeming equanimous.)

I am not sure that sj was blaming Jessa so much as she was commenting on how the fact that she is SO unfazed by this shows the frequency with which the kids are exposed to this fuckery. 

[KSmom]

Errm, I don´t think you can blame Jessa for being used to JB´s behaviour... I am sure if we had been obliged to pass these last twenty years in the Duggar house, by now, we´d be pretty equanimous about it, too. (Or we would, at least, have mastered the art of seeming equanimous.)

I just watched that clip, and I thought Jessa did look uncomfortable, she was just trying to not show it. It's just that I am sure she was long ago taught how to behave on camera and any hint of disapproval of JB would not be tolerated. 

Ben just looks so uncomfortable, like he doesn't know what to do. 

And Michelle, well I don't think I will ever figure her out.

[sj3339sta]

What I meant is that her seeming to be unaffected means it is common and she is used to it.  Which is just completely gross.

[KnittingOwl]

Sex tips from jim Bob,? What else can I say, except to post this absolutely awesome emoticon which has been buried for a while.  Thankyou to fundie farmer for organising the emoticons and bringing it back to life.

Pass the brain bleach is the only other thing to say. That's what I think every time I see this topic. 

[Karma]

Pass the brain bleach is the only other thing to say. That's what I think every time I see this topic. 

Ask and ye shall receive!  

[doggie]

the only sex info we get from the duggers is how not to have sex and use double birth control.

[iweartanktops]

How did all of that make the cut for tv? 

Because, God. 

I found it to be really fucked up right after the scene, in the talking heads when Michelle is teasing them, saying, "you can't do this yet!" That's so rude, in my opinion! 

[Bad Wolf]

Because, God. 

I d it to be really fucked up right after the scene, in the talking heads when Michelle is teasing them, saying, "you can't do this yet!" That's so rude, in my opinion! 

Cruel? Sadistic? I can't imagine anyone doing that to their kid. 

[Terrier99]

Because, God. 

I found it to be really fucked up right after the scene, in the talking heads when Michelle is teasing them, saying, "you can't do this yet!" That's so rude, in my opinion! 

Do you get the feeling Jessa may be thinking, "Thank GAWD for that."

[EmCatlyn]

It makes me terrified thinking about how much she puts up with from JB in that way (but also in other facets of their relationship), and yet she encourages other women, including her daughters, to suffer through the same treatment. Part of me recognizes that this is part and parcel of the patriarchy in Gothardism, but I wish that some part of Michelle realized that this kind of attitude is toxic and can ruin a marriage.

How could she realize such a thing?  She believes her marriage is fine and an example to others.  

[choralcrusader8613]

How could she realize such a thing?  She believes her marriage is fine and an example to others.  

I know she does, and even if she did think that of JB, keeping up the facade would seem to her to be better for her in the long run, because it's not like she would be able to change the man.

[mango_fandango]

My favorite Duggar sex tip came from Not Michelle Duggar on Twitter:  

Not Michelle Duggar ‏@fakemduggar  Oct 15

Everyone keeps asking me for more bedroom advice, here goes . . . put a mousetrap in your vagina.

I just snort-laughed at this. 

Also... always be available. Ugh. If I'm exhausted and feeling crap, and my husband comes home and wants love/sex, I hope he's kind enough to acknowledge that I may not be in the mood for that. 

It's also stupid how they say "oh each couple sets their own boundaries for their relationships" but they clearly all follow the same ones. Ooh! Ben and Jessa held hands! QUICK SHE GOT IMPREGNATED! No wonder we call it "hand sex"...

[BackseatMom]

I am not even remotely interested in sex tips from people who only seem interested in husbands' rights and procreation. That would not fly at my house (not that Mr. Backseat would ever even think to try)

[PickledPepper]

On 10.11.2015 at 1:17 AM, sj3339sta said:

So, I just watched the clip of the mini-golf double date.  Seriously.  Fucking JIm Bob.....    ....so much for modesty.  And the way Jessa was completely unaffected by the shenanigans?  Disturbing on so many levels.  

I'm horrified for Michelle. She didn't want him doing that, she was obviously not ok with it.  But does she have a voice to say STOP?!?  No wonder their son is fucked up.  

Related to this: I just watched a clip of before Jill and Derrick's wedding where JB was asked what he thinks the new couple were most looking forward to. He got this creepy look and said that Jill was probably most excited about the ceremony (getting dressed up, etc.), but Derrick was probably looking forward to after the wedding. He didn't say it, but he was clearly referring to the whole wedding night sex thing. And he looked really creepily amused. As though he thought it was so effing funny that Derrick was probably horny for his daughter. It really grossed me out and I felt ashamed for Jill.

I don't think that even at your wedding you parents should be talking about you having sex or about your partner wanting to have sex with you. It is just gross. 

JB is so inappropriate!

 

[nokidsmom]

One of the great ironies of the Duggars (and many fundies in general) is the the focus on purity, modesty and courtship actually puts the attention on what follows after a wedding.   Far more than it would in mainstream circles.

[HarleyQuinn]

3 hours ago, PickledPepper said:

Related to this: I just watched a clip of before Jill and Derrick's wedding where JB was asked what he thinks the new couple were most looking forward to. He got this creepy look and said that Jill was probably most excited about the ceremony (getting dressed up, etc.), but Derrick was probably looking forward to after the wedding. He didn't say it, but he was clearly referring to the whole wedding night sex thing. And he looked really creepily amused. As though he thought it was so effing funny that Derrick was probably horny for his daughter. It really grossed me out and I felt ashamed for Jill.

I don't think that even at your wedding you parents should be talking about you having sex or about your partner wanting to have sex with you. It is just gross. 

JB is so inappropriate!

 

Yes. That and when JB was being all creepy in their bedroom at the house. I remember thinking at the time. "I hope Derick realizes how inappropriate this is." but now that Derick appears to only have about 4 more brain cells than Jill, that's a lost cause. I would be thoroughly disturbed if my own father said half the things JB says.

[Screamapillar]

A lot of things in Jill's wedding episode were bizarre. The way she was talking with JB before he walked her down the aisle....if I didn't know better I would have thought she'd had a mimosa or five.

[EmCatlyn]

7 hours ago, PickledPepper said:

Related to this: I just watched a clip of before Jill and Derrick's wedding where JB was asked what he thinks the new couple were most looking forward to. He got this creepy look and said that Jill was probably most excited about the ceremony (getting dressed up, etc.), but Derrick was probably looking forward to after the wedding. He didn't say it, but he was clearly referring to the whole wedding night sex thing. And he looked really creepily amused. As though he thought it was so effing funny that Derrick was probably horny for his daughter. It really grossed me out and I felt ashamed for Jill.

I don't think that even at your wedding you parents should be talking about you having sex or about your partner wanting to have sex with you. It is just gross. 

JB is so inappropriate!

 

Totally agree that JB is inappropriate, but if anyone else sai this, without the creepy look, I would guess the speaker meant that the guy wanted to be done with the silly ceremonies and into normal life.

[sj3339sta]

I find it kind of infuriating that it was assumed by JB that Jill wasn't looking forward to the wedding night.  

[TheSilverTongue]

On 10/28/2015 at 2:58 PM, sophie10130 said:

This hurts men and women both, and I don't think the pastor and the believers of this nonsense see that.

It hurts men by telling them that they are not in control of their urges (even though they fucking are) and that they are nothing more than sex-hungry monsters. If a man does not have a sex drive greater than his wife, then he is looked down upon and not viewed as masculine enough.

It hurts women in all of the horrific and obvious ways, but also teaches women that women don't ever WANT sex, which is just blatantly false.

Imagine a woman who has a greater sex drive than her husband. What a nightmare for them if they believe this shit. The man is seen as not virile and masculine enough and the woman is seen as a freaky nymphomaniac. The man feels guilty for not being turned on all the time and the woman feels guilty for being too "loose" when really, both people are totally natural.

Teachings like this at the very least have the possibility to make an otherwise happy, healthy, and active sex life between a married couple strained, guilt-ridden, and uncomfortable, and at the very worst make a rapist out of the husband and a survivor of abuse out of the wife.

Don't forget how damaging this attitude can be if you're a woman. Basically being told that men obsess over you and are always lustful for you will make you feel like there is something wrong with you when guys actually don't. You think the problem is you because you're not pretty enough or you're bad at sex. 

[St.Clara]

15 hours ago, TheSilverTongue said:

Don't forget how damaging this attitude can be if you're a woman. Basically being told that men obsess over you and are always lustful for you will make you feel like there is something wrong with you when guys actually don't. You think the problem is you because you're not pretty enough or you're bad at sex. 

That´s really true! A good friend of mine was, for like 15 years - I don´t know if you´d call it fundie light or Christian conservative - at least, you know, all that stuff about no sex outside of marriage, no homosexuality, no divorce, no masturbation, women being responsible for not defrauding anybody, acceptable marriage partners being found only among conservative Christians/fundies etc.

Turned out that very soon into the marriage - I don´t know how soon - her husband began to prefer spending the night with the computer (instead of with his wife). The poor girl who had just begun to think that sex might be a really good thing was totally left without any frame of reference of what was happening to her and what she should do now. Mind you, she is/was very pretty, never lacked admirers etc. - until then, it had always been she who said no (because Jesus). They did use bc (natural way as far as I know) but after two or three years when she wanted to start having children there was nothing, ever, in their married life that could have produced them. Her husband was not grieved about it, but she was, severely so, and even considered using IVF. That was the point when I had a long, serious talk with her. Until then, I had tried hard to be respectful of her way of life and of her choices, but I just could not be silent any longer. I am not against reproductive techniques in general but if you want to use them not because of whatever fertility issues but just because your husband refuses to sleep with you, then there is something seriously messed up. If you insist on making each other unhappy for religious reasons, that´s fine with me. But I really think you should not bring any children into this mess. (Story ended by the first and last courageous deed this guy ever did: he left her, and she was devastated, poor dear...)

Looking back, I cannot help remarking that people who have whatever issues with their sexuality can hide all too easily behind all these purity rules. Quite a few women will probably find out only after they are married that they are now bound to spend their life with somebody who is asexual/gay/whatever... You´ll never hear about it because they will be too embarrassed to tell anybody, ever. Talk about a way to guaranteed life-long unhappiness. (Praise the Lord! )

[lawlifelgbt]

I think "always be available for sex" is awful.

That said, I think partners, unless they're really sick or really angry at each other, need to be available for each other emotionally. Sex is a part of that emotional bond, and it hurts to be turned down. When the other person has a need for time or bonding or affection, really try to do that. Even if you don't have a lot of time, a hug or thanking them for doing something takes seconds, or you can work on whatever task together and maybe talk.

And I think when you turn a partner down for sex (again, barring severe sickness or a big fight), you should at least do something for that emotional bond with them. A hug, a backrub, listen to them about their day, whatever. Even if you have little kids hanging on you all day and don't want to be touched, you can talk to your partner or notice something helpful they did.