My goodness what is the obsession with spanking

[Sundaymorning]

I knew I was going to get that response. My take is

1) Only use it as a last resort for something really bad behavior that doesnt resolve or dangerous like running into a street

2) No instruments or objects

3) No babies

I got a couple of spankings and so did brother and DH and none of us are messed up. I have a distant cousin who brags about not ever spanking his boys. However, it got replaced with yelling and verbal abuse.

If you dont show who is control, you get kids running amok in public places, harming small animals,and kicking back of air plane seats. Maybe it was on here or on FB but I recall a video in which a mother was letting a small child hurt a puppy. thankfully the pup survived. The mother did nothing to make the child stop.

Extreme views are the problem as I keep saying.

This. Around here, spanking is considered an absolute no-go. However, there are much worse things parents can do to their children than a few moderate smacks on the butt when they really misbehave and refuse to listen to anything. Somehow, people don't get as upset about this things, even if the children suffer way more under them.

My parents sometimes used to yell at me for a really long time too. Or were angry at me for days and didn't speak to me. Or stuff like "Mommy/Daddy is so sad because of you". That was much worse than a spanking which is over in a very short time.

Of course, I don't condone slapping children on the face, as that is really dangerous. And short! spanking should be reserved for really serious misbehaving.

[Full enough quiver]

You know what works like a freaking charm with my kids? I do what Ma and Pa Ingalls did to Laura when she disobeyed. I make my kids be my shadow. Help me with everything I'm doing, always be within 5 feet of me. I'm not mean, I don't yell. In fact, they get plenty of hugs, praise, etc. We talk a lot about their hopes and dreams, and the kind of man or woman I hope they become. I gently correct any misbehavior I see, while praising good behaviors. The logic is that if you can't be trusted, then you must be watched. After a day of watching, the kids are happy to be free to play again, and a gentle warning corrects future behaviors.

This process is taxing for me. A swat would be quicker and easier, but then what are they learning? In the long run, my method drives the lesson home much better. I have only had to do this once per kid. Spanking will stop a behavior short term. But what is accomplished long term? I don't want my kids to fear me, I want to model grace and mercy. I want them to respect me, and feel genuine remorse when they do wrong.

[Sundaymorning]

You know what works like a freaking charm with my kids? I do what Ma and Pa Ingalls did to Laura when she disobeyed. I make my kids be my shadow. Help me with everything I'm doing, always be within 5 feet of me. I'm not mean, I don't yell. In fact, they get plenty of hugs, praise, etc. We talk a lot about their hopes and dreams, and the kind of man or woman I hope they become. I gently correct any misbehavior I see, while praising good behaviors. The logic is that if you can't be trusted, then you must be watched. After a day of watching, the kids are happy to be free to play again, and a gentle warning corrects future behaviors.

This process is taxing for me. A swat would be quicker and easier, but then what are they learning? In the long run, my method drives the lesson home much better. I have only had to do this once per kid. Spanking will stop a behavior short term. But what is accomplished long term? I don't want my kids to fear me, I want to model grace and mercy. I want them to respect me, and feel genuine remorse when they do wrong.

Look, I'm not saying spanking is an ideal method at all. If parents are able to avoid it altogether, then more power to them. However, let's face it, most parents sometimes lose their temper. And who wouldn't? Children can really destroy your last nerve sometimes. I know I did that to my parents. And since spaking is such a taboo around here, they resort to other methods (like I described) which are way more harmful than a few controlled short smacks. Or one day lose it altogether and really beat up the child, which is devastating.

So while I don't think spanking is good, I don't think it will permanently scar the child if it's used very rarely (let's say definately not more than a few times a year) and in extreme situations only when it's not possible to reason with the child.

[roddma]

I think the problem is Fundies harp on corrections but dont take care of behaviors that should be addressed. For example, if a child like Jessa was constantly kicking the top bunk, the parent needs to step in and take action. Maybe say stop or you will be separated instead of leaving it to the sibling. It seems a sour countenance or dancing to a musical toy gets more reprimanding.

[Hane]

Ohhhhhhhh, God. At a restaurant with a friend this evening, we were in full earshot of a couple of very loud 30-something guys at the bar, who were going into voluble detail about how they were beaten as kids. (WILL THIS NEVER GO THE FUCK AWAY???) They were using the same level of enthusiasm as when they started comparing their freaking tractors. I DO NOT FUCKING GET THIS AT ALL.

[Arete]

My siblings and I were not spanked. Nobody went to prison. Everybody finished college. Our house was not a free-for-all. There were rules, and expectations. There were consequences for dangerous behavior. We were considered very well behaved by our teachers and neighbors. It can be done without belts, spoons, paddles, or telling a kid they are worthless.

The results were not that we never screwed up, but that when we did screw up we always ran back to home base, because that is where the solutions and support were. It saved a lot of time in sneaking around and digging ourselves into deeper trouble.

[Full enough quiver]

Parenting is hard. Kids can fray your last freaking nerve. But marriage is hard. Your partner can fray your nerves. So can co workers. But it isn't ok to smack them either. (Tempting though it may be)

Everyone has lost it with their kids at least once. We're human, we make mistakes. When my daughter was a toddler, I lost my cool and swatted her on two occasions. I apologized and vowed to do better. If you're frustrated, put the kid in the stroller and go for a walk. Put on Elmo so you can have a shower. See if you can leave the kid with your mother or a neighbor for an hour. Give yourself a break so you can decompress for a while. Hitting a child is not the answer. At least for me, spanking or yelling said more about my state of mind than anything my child may have been doing at the time. I'm not saying that if you spank, your kid will be ruined or that you're a bad parent. Everyone parents differently. I am saying there are better ways that don't involve physical violence.

If a man hits his wife in a moment of frustration during an argument, even if it was just once, we wouldn't make excuses for him. If I slap my boss, I'll be fired, maybe charged with assault. So why is it ok to put your hands on your child?

Fundies make shitty parenting decisions and justify it with the bible, instead of admitting they lost their cool and trying to do better. And then they turn around and tell other people they should do it too, or their kids will be hell bound, and out of fear, people listen. I think deep down, fundies know what they're doing is wrong. That's why they work so hard to justify their actions.

[roddma]

Hitting a person of ANY AGE in the mouth or face is abuse. A swat on the behind differs greatly.

[SpeakNow]

Is it ever okay to give an adult a swat on the behind for misbehaving? Do police officers do that for prisoners?

The answer to both of those is no. Why then, is it ok to do to a small child.

[FoxyMoxie]

Hitting a person of ANY AGE in the mouth or face is abuse. A swat on the behind differs greatly.

Hitting a person of any age on the behind is abuse. It does not differ greatly at all. It's illegal (here at least) to hit an adult on the butt and it's classed as assault, so why is it OK to do it to a much more vulnerable person? It makes zero sense.

Spanking is hitting, period. It's not OK to do it to anybody.

If a child is about to touch a hot stove or run into traffic, you grab them and stop them - you don't need to spank, and not spanking does not equal children running wild. The Duggar howlers run wild and you know they've been beaten.

[RosyDaisy]

The only time hitting anyone is acceptable is self defense or defending someone else. Other than that, there is no justification.

[Micah]

I knew I was going to get that response. My take is

1) Only use it as a last resort for something really bad behavior that doesnt resolve or dangerous like running into a street

2) No instruments or objects

3) No babies

I got a couple of spankings and so did brother and DH and none of us are messed up. I have a distant cousin who brags about not ever spanking his boys. However, it got replaced with yelling and verbal abuse.

If you dont show who is control, you get kids running amok in public places, harming small animals,and kicking back of air plane seats. Maybe it was on here or on FB but I recall a video in which a mother was letting a small child hurt a puppy. thankfully the pup survived. The mother did nothing to make the child stop.

Extreme views are the problem as I keep saying.

Are you SERIOUSLY equating animal abuse with NOT being spanked?!? :angry-banghead: :cray-cray: I might have to keep a closer eye on my son. He's not spanked, his dog sleeps on his bed, the cats follow him like dogs and friends animals gravitate to him like he's magnetic.....but obviously he's so out of control that he's abusing them behind my back :roll:

[Mama Mia]

This is a topic I've actually changed my mind on somewhat since my kids have grown. I have one son who I think actually would of benefitted more from an occasional mild swat or two, more than the 1,0000 other things we tried. He was a very physical, very active, very impulsive kid, with severe ADHD. To get out the energy or distract him we'd do things like have him run laps - but you don't want exercise to be punishment. Time-outs and the like were absolute torture to him. He didn't have the attention span for many other tools to make any sense ( he would completely forget whatever the heck dangerous thing it was 30 seconds later) and I think when we talked he mostly just heard Mosquitos buzzing.

Because he was such a physical kid I think, for him, a smack would of been less distressing and made much more sense.

But overall, yea, I think there is generally a better way.