Sparkling Lauren, a super special sparkling surrogacy and a "gayby"

[Idolatry]

It was really stupid to blog this if surrogacy is illegal in Iceland. I bet the Iceland press is going to be all over it, small country and all. With pictures, it should be easy enough to track these guys down. This is a sexy, political issue (surrogacy and women's rights) combined with another sexy, political issue (gay rights in reproduction) combined with this fun oversharing bag of sparkles.

[Arete]

^This x1000. It is GALLING to know that Lauren and other parents from privileged backgrounds (either economic or religious) are able to game child protective systems with impunity.

Edit to add I was addressing lilith's comment.

[ViolaSebastian]

I saw this on GOMI and it just adds an extra degree of awfulness to all this: Her due date seems to be November 22-28 or so. Elijah would have turned three on November 26.

[So Many Lies]

I bet pube dreads would be sparkly enough to impress Lauren.

But what of your gay credentials? You might want to ask yourself if parenting a boy baby would be disappointing and the only positive element would be be so you could learn male values. Are you horrified by penises generally? Do you feel the need to rub the cooties off if a man should accidentally brush past you? If not you may not be gay enough. If so, you may just not be icelandic enough!

[So Many Lies]

Yes her mum.

She posted on Twitter asking for accommodation/friends in Bejing as the family she had booked to go see were no longer there.

She also doesn't seem to have stopped and visited her other sister (docs in NSW somewhere) either - just driven past them.

Yeah. They're in a beach suburb just north of coffs cbd as far as I remember.

I really find it very odd that David ' s mother is supportive of this. Seriously why would she be? Wouldn't she still be religious (worldwide church of god)?

Maybe it's a way to keep tabs on what's going on and spend time with the girls.

[So Many Lies]

It was really stupid to blog this if surrogacy is illegal in Iceland. I bet the Iceland press is going to be all over it, small country and all. With pictures, it should be easy enough to track these guys down. This is a sexy, political issue (surrogacy and women's rights) combined with another sexy, political issue (gay rights in reproduction) combined with this fun oversharing bag of sparkles.

I hope it does. I hope it blows wide open.

[August]

The advantages of a middle class background let me game almost anything, from a late essay to ... god, probably a million things I've never even realised. Add in my white face and the only way in which my life could be smoothed more would be if I had a penis. Although, I suspect that an element of chivalry smooths my path, too. I'd like to say I'm aware of my priviledge, but really I can't even begin to comprehend how different (more difficult) my life would be with a different accent, a different skin color.

But what of your gay credentials? You might want to ask yourself if parenting a boy baby would be disappointing and the only positive element would be be so you could learn male values. Are you horrified by penises generally? Do you feel the need to rub the cooties off if a man should accidentally brush past you? If not you may not be gay enough. If so, you may just not be icelandic enough!

Silly SML, lesbians aren't glamorous! Only gays are glamorous, like that eternally unattainable high school crush.

(fuck, now there's a pool of sarcasm on my floor)

[DaffyDill]

Two or three days ago, someone on her Faceook page asked Lauren:

"How will your heart be if the baby is a boy? Mine aches at the very thought of you having to give up another boy-child."

No answer to that question from the Sparkling One, as it doesn't quite conform to the rest of the leghumper posts telling her how wonderful she is, and how she is "the epitome of love".

These people are all nuts - most of them seem to be more concerned with being "sparklier" than the commenters before them, rather than actually thinking about the terrifying ramifications of what may happen when Lauren has to face losing her second son. Barely anyone on the SA Facebook page seems to mention those poor four little girls at all. I guess though, that kind of thinking is just a downer, man... :?

All though the phrase has become overused, this is really a case of "Won't somebody think of the children?", and that includes the poor baby, not even born yet and being branded as a "gayby", some kind of gimmicky icon of gay parental rights.

In the right circumstances with the right people, this could have been such a beautiful, heartwarming story, but sadly it isn't, it's just a clusterfuck of poor choices, half-assed ideas, and idiocy.

[So Many Lies]

Seriously, WTF is this? And isn't gayby really, really offensive? Are there no gay people in Australia that want apparently free surrogates.

Well yeah. But that wouldn't be sparkly enough. If you're as big a poseur as Lauren you've gotta make a big splash.

And yes. "Gayby" is a disgrace to all parties involved.

[So Many Lies]

It's been said before, Lauren went from one extreme to another. She was a diehard Ezzo parent, and had insane structure in her schooling. Then, she went down this rabbit trail of Radical unschooling and TCS philosophies. Yet, she has never stopped to just mother her children. Everything about her screams Narcissist so she likely requires some outside regiment to tell her HOW to parent. But, this extreme is, imo, actually worse than the Ezzo extreme in that it has given Lauren an excuse to be lazy and not bother to even try with her children now. When David was there, the girls were at least marginally cared for, because he did that, no matter what parenting ideas she was spouting off at any given point in time. Without him there, there is no safety net for her craziness.

Once her PND hits, there will be no one to parent those girls. When she went to Iceland the first time, she openly advertised for any stranger to watch her girls and claimed they self parented. I wonder if Alice agrees with that assessment after she had a break-down trying to manage Lauren's girls for her? More likely, Alice discovered that children that age are incapable of parenting themselves, these girls were grieving with their mother taking off on the other side of the world, and Alice cannot bring herself to let children go absolutely feral and neglected.

It is Lauren's feral children that is leading to conflict in community living situations now. Even those who DO parent in similar manners and philosophies to Lauren cannot deal with her parenting, because she does not parent. She just uses theories to justify her neglect.

Is that a characteristic of narcissism? Because she does that all the time. I notice she was all about the breastfeeding in a recent(ish) post but unless she stays in iceland how will that work out? And that's just the little things.

This icelandic duo seem to be really authoritarian, why would she want her child raised like that if she sees it as blatantly wrong?

Can someone tell me more about Ben and Agust's foster parenting?

[So Many Lies]

Two or three days ago, someone on her Faceook page asked Lauren "How will your heart be if the baby is a boy? Mine aches at the very thought of you having to give up another boy-child.". No answer to that question from the Sparkling One, as it doesn't quite conform to the rest of the leghumper posts telling her how wonderful she is, and how she is "the epitome of love".

These people are all nuts - most of them seem to be more concerned with being "sparklier" than the commenters before them, rather than actually thinking about the terrifying ramifications of what may happen when Lauren has to face losing her second son. Barely anyone on the SA Facebook page seems to mention those poor four little girls at all. I guess though, that kind of thinking is just a downer, man...

All though the phrase has become overused, this is really a case of "Won't somebody think of the children?", and that includes the poor baby, not even born yet and being branded as a "gayby", some kind of gimmicky icon of gay parental rights.

In the right circumstances with the right people, this could have been such a beautiful, heartwarming story, but sadly it isn't, it's just a clusterfuck of poor choices, half-assed ideas, and idiocy.

They are lily livered imbeciles who are fond of wool gathering but can't live in the real world and are terrified of answering the hard questions in life. They click the "like" button on Facebook to feel like they're part of the big revolution, man.

[DaffyDill]

They are lily livered imbeciles who are fond of wool gathering but can't live in the real world and are terrified of answering the hard questions in life. They click the "like" button on Facebook to feel like they're part of the big revolution, man.

Ain't that the truth SML :(

[breaker]

And isn't gayby really, really offensive?

Perhaps it varies by country. There's an Australian filmmaker called Maya Newell, the daughter of a lesbian couple, who made a documentary called "Gayby Baby" following three kids in same-sex families, and I don't think she would have used the word if it was offensive to anyone, especially since the movie aims to give a voice to kids living that experience.

http://vimeo.com/52965621

[lilith]

Perhaps it varies by country. There's an Australian filmmaker called Maya Newell, the daughter of a lesbian couple, who made a documentary called "Gayby Baby" following three kids in same-sex families, and I don't think she would have used the word if it was offensive to anyone, especially since the movie aims to give a voice to kids living that experience.

http://vimeo.com/52965621

I'm Australian, and I find the tokenising manner in which Lauren and co are using the term highly offensive.

It's one thing for someone to self identify as a "Gayby". It's another thing to label an unborn child with a tag that reduces it to it's parents sexuality.

[breaker]

It's one thing for someone to self identify as a "Gayby". It's another thing to label an unborn child with a tag that reduces it to it's parents sexuality.

Yes, I suppose. A few of the kids in the documentary are quite young though, so are they being reduced to their parents' sexuality by the filmmaker?

Maybe it's like "irish triplets" or similar terms... okay to use about yourself, less okay to use about others. Personally I wouldn't call the word itself "really, really offensive" in the way that other terms can be. But contextually it can be problematic.

Anyway, just wanted to give the link since that film is the only place I've heard the term before Lauren used it.

[Fresh]

I've only just come to find this forum. But I'm wondering, how many of you have been in contact with authorities on behalf of the children? I don't think they take her behaviour lightly, I was in contact with them over her post a while back when she was 'standing on a cliff'. They were quite thorough I believe and did call me back to let me know they had looked into it (found her), the police made contact with her in person and put her back into contact with counsellors.

Maybe more phone calls need to be made?

[So Many Lies]

Wow really that IS interesting!

[So Many Lies]

I guess though the kids were in physical danger. I don't know if they do the same for more subtle dangers. I think it's great you acted. Did you contact the police?

I the past I wasn't concerned really, just sort of didn't like Lauren. And i didn't reckon the kids missing the odd bath was a big deal but now I actually feel genuine fear. When she advertised for the kids to stay on the bus while she went to Iceland would have been ideal.

[DaffyDill]

I'm Australian, and I find the tokenising manner in which Lauren and co are using the term highly offensive.

It's one thing for someone to self identify as a "Gayby". It's another thing to label an unborn child with a tag that reduces it to it's parents sexuality.

This. Very much this. The poor child has been reduced to some kind of gay parental rights poster child, and he hasn't even been born yet.

Can someone tell me more about Ben and Agust's foster parenting?

Not sure how much to say - I only know what I read on their blog which was open to the world before it bit the dust, but still....I don't want to post anything too much before lilith and the helpmeets and/or mods decide what's OK. That being said...

...My personal impressions were that they had fostered more than one child at a time, they believe in the importance of teaching kids consequences of their actions, they used timeouts etc rather than spanking, they seemed very focused on routine (eg. having the kids perform tasks such as getting dressed and doing homework in an allotted timeframe), and didn't come across to me as overly spontaneous, fun, or warm and fuzzy. Like I said though, just my own quick initial impressions of two guys I have obviously never met, so YMMV and I might be way off the mark.

[So Many Lies]

^Thanks!

[Vex]

But what of your gay credentials? You might want to ask yourself if parenting a boy baby would be disappointing and the only positive element would be be so you could learn male values. Are you horrified by penises generally? Do you feel the need to rub the cooties off if a man should accidentally brush past you? If not you may not be gay enough. If so, you may just not be icelandic enough!

Aw, man.

I am a very poor lesbian. I have had many relationships with guys in the past because I've been close to them emotionally and/or I don't know how to say no when a guy I know asks me out. I actually like guys a lot from a platonic standpoint and have struggled with the fact I find it much easier to be in hetero relationships than gay ones... it's just I have zero sexual attraction to men. I don't 'eek! a penis!' when I see peen though unfortunately.

Plus there's the fact I don't look gay. I guess I could try downstairs dreads with rainbow beads...

My best friend is a gay guy, so maybe if we asked Lauren to make a designer gayby with his sperm and my egg that would pique her interest? I do suspect I am SOL though. Apparently lesbians aren't sparkly enough and only Icelandic gays are authentic enough for Lauren :cry:

[Vex]

DOCS is never really going to come down on Lauren.

As several other people have pointed out in the past, Lauren is a middle class white woman who knows what social workers want to hear. She disguises her neglect by presenting it as alternative parenting and she is given the benefit of the doubt because she's 'alternative' without straying too far from being white and middle class.

If she were an Aboriginal woman DOCS would have come down on her like a ton of bricks. If she was from a background of poverty and didn't have the education to throw around the right words and phrases she would have DOCS come down on her. If she were an immigrant with a heavy accent, DOCS would be all over her.

But she's white and middle class with a good education. Calling DOCS does nothing unless they are in imminent danger, such as being lost in the bush overnight or living in a drug dealer's apartment. If she were in my state I would report her in circumstances like that, but just getting them to do a spot check on her when nothing much is going on won't get results.

[Miggy]

DOCS are overworked and underfunded. There is a policy of each caseworker not managing more than 6 cases but the week I did my foster training our 6 local caseworkers had 150 kids in out of home care.

So ... unless kids are in immediate danger, they don't remove them. They also have a policy of removal as a last resort. They try to work with parents to improve a child's situation first. Lauren's kids aren't in immediate danger so they won't be removed. Attempts to work with her on parenting are going to fail because Lauren will just move on. Her kids are some of those who slip through the system.

I will add here that if these girls are taken by DOCS I am happy to offer them a place in my home. Not just a random internet offer - I told our DOCS supervisor that if they came into care in our region, I wanted them. I am not sure how I would fit in four more people but I know I could do it for these girls.

[lilith]

This. Very much this. The poor child has been reduced to some kind of gay parental rights poster child, and he hasn't even been born yet.

Not sure how much to say - I only know what I read on their blog which was open to the world before it bit the dust, but still....I don't want to post anything too much before lilith and the helpmeets and/or mods decide what's OK. That being said...

...My personal impressions were that they had fostered more than one child at a time, they believe in the importance of teaching kids consequences of their actions, they used timeouts etc rather than spanking, they seemed very focused on routine (eg. having the kids perform tasks such as getting dressed and doing homework in an allotted timeframe), and didn't come across to me as overly spontaneous, fun, or warm and fuzzy. Like I said though, just my own quick initial impressions of two guys I have obviously never met, so YMMV and I might be way off the mark.

You are welcome to repeat and paraphrase as much as you want to from Global Gayby.

The discussion underway regards if the actual posts can be reposted here, and if so how much of them, under fair use requirements.

Discussion of the contents of the blog is fine - it was always public.

[lilith]

DOCS are overworked and underfunded. There is a policy of each caseworker not managing more than 6 cases but the week I did my foster training our 6 local caseworkers had 150 kids in out of home care.

So ... unless kids are in immediate danger, they don't remove them. They also have a policy of removal as a last resort. They try to work with parents to improve a child's situation first. Lauren's kids aren't in immediate danger so they won't be removed. Attempts to work with her on parenting are going to fail because Lauren will just move on. Her kids are some of those who slip through the system.

I will add here that if these girls are taken by DOCS I am happy to offer them a place in my home. Not just a random internet offer - I told our DOCS supervisor that if they came into care in our region, I wanted them. I am not sure how I would fit in four more people but I know I could do it for these girls.

Lauren did work with DOCS workers in the wake of Elijah's death. She wasn't allowed to be alone with the children for a period, she had to get a vehicle that would seat them all safely (thus the Grifted Gypsy) and she had to take them to grief counselling. I'm sure there were other requirements of which we are not aware.

Soon enough, however, she left the state and all supervision and dropped even her pretence of compliance.

She was also contacted by DOCS on at least one other occasion, soon after Elijah's birth. Case workers made contact with her in Newcastle (I think it was after Aisha being lost overnight), but again, she soon moved on.

The fact that she is not only transient but moves from state to state makes it very difficult - community services departments are state organisations.

And finding her and working with her requires a lot of time and resources. If an over worked case worker contacts her, finds her to be polite and articulate and able to say the right words, finds that the kids are fed and not being abused sexually or physically - they are likely to move on to dealing with more straightforward cases. It's wrong, but it's the reality of the system.