Sparkling Lauren, a super special sparkling surrogacy and a "gayby"

[princessjo1988]

So... she of the Sparkling Adventures, is having a super special gayby.

 

Whilst it is a wonderful gift, you have to wonder if she has thought it through at all? How it will impact on her girls, and more importantly, her.

[bionicmlle]

So... she of the Sparkling Adventures, is having a super special gayby.

Whilst it is a wonderful gift, you have to wonder if she has thought it through at all? How it will impact on her girls, and more importantly, her.

I am not shocked by the gayby post.

However, the pubic hair post has been haunting my thoughts all.fucking.day. Namely, that there is a woman who allowed SparklingOne to photo her crotch for the blog.

[Miggy]

Had to race over to FJ as soon as I saw her post on Facebook. I also thought it was generous but wondered whether she had truly thought out what she is doing.

We do foster care. I am aware that a big part of doing it is selfish - I like having kids around. However, this strong desire to have kids around can really help foster kids so it's a win-win situation. Lauren seems to be in a similar situation. She wants to have another baby and to be see as a super cool supporter of non mainstream lifestyles. Being a surrogate gives her this. It is a win-win in that she achieves her aims, two men will get the child they desire and a child will get a loving home.

It's the after effects that worry me with Lauren. Handing a foster child to a loving, adoptive family leaves me happy for the child but grieving my own loss for a long time. As a foster parent I have access to counsellors who are a great support when I need them. Friends & family are actually not as helpful as you might expect. Too often I get told "You are so amazing to do foster care" and it makes it hard to break down and admit how much it hurts at times. (I am starting to cry now because I am thinking of some of the kids we cared for.) How will Lauren cope when the baby goes with it's new parents and she is left alone with the girls? It's going to be nice talking to fathers over the internet and seeing baby pictures but the "aren't you wonderful" from her hippy friends ends the day she hands the baby to its parents and she won't be getting special attention.

[kelseyjhale]

GODDAMN! YOU BEAT ME TOT HE PUNCH! wonder who got her knocked up? couldnt be one of the guys!

[lilith]

There is no way she is going to be able to happily hand that child over, not after losing Elijah. And she always suffers from post natal depression.

The tokenising of the gay couple and the very expression "global Gayby" make me grit my teeth.

It's just another way for her to be super sparkling special and enlightened and unselfish. Meanwhile all the attention is on her and her kids get to fend for themselves as she drifts around receiving accolades for being so wonderfully generous.

[Antimony]

I truly cannot snark for her these posts. I expected to be able to but surrogacy is something I would deeply consider if I was capable (I am not, though). (I am about a poylamorous as Lauren at least says she is and I have partners with whom I communicate with daily [distance makes the heart grow fonder but we are partners and close friends without monogamy or jealousy. I recognize this is strange, though, and I often do revel in the unlikely combination of our personalities to allow us to feel this way.) But I am also 21 and do not feel that I am ready for any kind of parenthood (biological or not) and recognize that my opinion on this matter may very well be romanticized. The term, "gayby" though, screw that. (Also, when I was a teen, we used that in the LGBT community to refer to the younger members of the community that sought us for advice but it was also a nickname they embrace/used for themselves).

As for the pubic hair this, at the risk of TMI, I agree. I wish not shaving them was more normal and I oscillate between "I am a natural woman and this is how we all used to look and it is amazing" and "I am a hairless wood nymph fae goddess and it is amazing". Either way, I feel sexy, and I wish I saw more of this sentiment from my peers when they spoke about their bodies. I refuse to make changes at the request of my partner(s) and find that this is all fine and good -- if they like me, they like me, bikini line waxed or not. (I also never learned to swim, though, so a swimsuit is a kind of rare thing for me to don.)

[Blahblah]

At least there is zero chance of any court giving her custody of this new baby if anything goes awry with her plans. But I have to wonder how unhinged these men are that they will enter into such a significant event with Sparkles.

And, like Lilith, I am very concerned about her history of post-natal depression.

[haras1972]

I admire surrogacy, I really do - I've got a family member who carried her sisters child for her, and in Australia, surrogacy is still altruistic. But the amount of counselling my family members received from the clinic that assisted the pregnancy made me realise that this is a transaction fraught with emotion.

I just can't believe Laurens situation would get through an IVF clinic vetting process, if it was all done "officially". I really despair for her mental health, and putting her girls through this.

And the whole look at me how awesome I am, blergh.

I'd love to get my head around the legalities of this - does she just give birth in Iceland and leave the baby there, without any Australian paperwork?

[Milly-Molly-Mandy]

Someone on FJ called this months ago when she was in Europe. I'm guessing she is this baby's biological mother.

Legally this could be a HUGE mess.

I don't think it was done officially, having once worked in an IVF clinic this wouldn't be allowed. Well at that clinic anyway.

[Stephanie66]

I don't think they used a clinic. It was probably a turkey baster. NO CLINIC would approve her as a surrogate.

I guess she is going, with the girls, to Europe to give birth.

If it is a boy, she will not be able to give him up. And I bet the nice Icelandic gay boys kick her to the curb after they get their child, which will just cause her more distress. I don't know if there were clear expectations made or not. She isn't doing an open adoption, she is acting as a surrogate.

[ILoveJellybeans]

I cant see this going well considering Lauren's baby died fairly recently. I don't think she thought this through, its going to be so hard for her to give up the baby she birthed.

[So Many Lies]

As I recall It, someone did call this and was then rather rudely shot down in flames. Can't remember who.

I am quite devastated by this. My heart just sank. It made perfect sense with some of the cryptic clues she left.

This will be so confusing to the girls and for a whole host of reasons I'm not for it in *any* way.

And it will be terrible for Lauren. She's going to lose another baby.

[Arete]

This is bad. This is BAD, bad.

[Saffy]

I wonder how/if the trip to China fits into all of this?

And yeah- I swear she sits up nights thinking of new ways to mess her girls up. No wonder they are acting out.

[anjulibai]

Yeah, I don't think this is going to turn out well.

I also find the term "gayby" really bizarre.

[So Many Lies]

That post on the tantrum was ridiculous. I truly hope the kid was just being a brat and not exhibiting signs of stress. It's disgusting really to involve your children in this surrogacy after their Dad's been thrown in jail for killing their brother and they've led a rudderless life since then all the while their mother hangs out with whack jobs with questionable motives and in some cases no moral compass to speak of, just off with the fairies crap. It's all just crap.

And I also hate the term Gayby. It's horrible.

[sol]

This is bad. This is BAD, bad.

it is...it really is. i think surrogacy can be a wonderful thing, but this woman is still grieving for her son and as someone who knows what that means, i can say with absolute certainty that being pregnant again and giving birth to what would be her "rainbow baby" only to hand it off to a couple who live on the other side of the world is going to fuck her up even more. there is no way she's going to come through this without some serious emotional trauma. i honestly don't believe she's let herself or her girls mourn in the way they need to, and i think it's all going to blow up in her face at some point. my heart aches for those girls. they desperately need emotional support and stability and consistency in their lives, and instead they are about to get yet another headfuck. this all makes me so sad. :(

and, yeah, fuck the "gayby" thing... :roll:

[So Many Lies]

She just has a deep,unfathomable cold strangeness to her. "Death is always a good thing", "if my daughter's are walking in maturity and righteousness they call me Lauren not mum", "I made cupcakes so everyone would love me" and now "my baby boy died so I'm having another baby...to give away to strangers across the globe". And all the other wtf in between of course. She is a strange and even disturbed woman.

And as far as the legalities go, she has the baby in the surrogates country, puts him on the birth certificate as the father and she returns to Australia sans baby. I'm sure she is getting paid. I think that's nothing but a lie to put anyone off the scent, since it's illegal to take money for surrogacy here.

[haras1972]

Ok playing worst case scenario...

Here's mine. Has baby, suddenly realises can't give it up, changes mind. Birth certificate presumably names one of the men as father. Lauren can't get Aus passport for baby as father refuses permission. Whole family stuck in Iceland as Lauren can't get papers for baby to leave, won't leave without baby, girls stuck in middle in a foreign country indefinitely with mother suffering PND etc, without access to medical services/social services as not Icelandic Citizens, Aust Govt cuts benefits if out of country for longer than 6 weeks, hence funds run out quickly....

What's your worst case scenario?

[MajorMajor]

I think in better circumstances surrogacy is a beautiful, selfless thing. However in Lauren's case this is just another fucked up way of her asserting her sparkling rainbowness. She does have a history of postpartum depression and I think there's a good probability of the couple taking the baby, moving on with their life, and the girls being left alone to be tended by a mother once again bedridden with depression. At least this time she'll have a midwife attending her birth?

[Arete]

I think this is possibly the cruelest non physical thing I have ever heard a mother perpetuate on her children. Her girls all lost their baby brother to murder by their father, and now Lauren is putting them in a position where they get to lose another baby, albeit in a less violent manner.

This is just so twisted and sick. Fuck all three of the adults in this scenario, but especially Lauren, who pretends to be a mother.

Bitch.

[Rachel333]

Paid surrogacy is illegal in Australia (most Australian couples hire American surrogates if they're going to go that route)... do they have a solid contract? I have no problem with surrogacy and I have barely followed Lauren's story, but I'm questioning how well everything is thought-out here.

[Jana814]

Can someone remind me who this woman is. As for surrogacy I think it's a great thing. That is how my friend had her twins. (She has a medical condition that prevents her from carrying a child).

[heidi]

Can someone remind me who this woman is. As for surrogacy I think it's a great thing. That is how my friend had her twins. (She has a medical condition that prevents her from carrying a child).

Former Fundie whose husband jumped off a bridge with their infant son. Baby drowned and husband is incarcerated in a mental hospital. Currently Lauren drifts around Australia in a custom-made van with her four daughters. She routinely neglects their nutrition, health, safety and emotional well-being for the sake of "sparkling adventures."

[Cheetah]

Whoever first suggested this last year when her Iceland posts came out, good job!

With any luck this baby will be a girl and she'll not feel as depressed about giving her up (I worry that a boy baby would be triggering). Iceland is really, really far from Australia, though, and you can't just pop in and maintain an open relationship in your child's life. I absolutely believe she's the bio mom, and probably just got pregnant the old-fashioned way... reference past posts on open relationships and vague references to couples that she's been with while traveling.