Lori Alexander says all women should cook

[fiery redhead]

lorialexander.blogspot.com/2014/06/what-happened-to-cooking-for-your-family.html?m=1

Very funny. Apparently as a stay at home Mom you should always cook. Man, the men of patriarchy get off so easy, all they have to do is work and write shit about Reformed theologians and a day's work is done. I guess after a full day of educating 5+ kids a woman is still expected to do all of the housework.

Lori kind of contradicts her assertion that cooking is easy when she says "if you can read, you can cook". Many women (AND MEN) have cooked throughout all of time (a fact, no matter how old you think the earth is) WITHOUT BEING LITERATE. Lori these women that you are so flabbergasted by do not cook for many different reasons that you could never begin to understand. And who says that just because the husband is cooking it means the kids are eating junk? Maybe the man enjoys cooking good meals. Ever think about that?

And your grocery store cashier probably has gotten out of the habit of cooking for her family because of her work schedule as she has to wait on people like you judging her for no good reason to make a measly wage to buy the groceries so her kids can eat. You should be thankful she is there, because when push comes to shove, I don't think you would "bring your good from afar" like your quote from proverbs that you expect everybody to obey even if they are not believers.

I am probably no expert at this, but please: think before you talk.

[dairyfreelife]

I had neighbors growing up whose dad was a chef. Apparently Lori forgets about all the male chefs of the world.

Anyway, he would cook often and made lots of good food. He loved to cook. My boyfriend likes to cook and he makes yummy Indian dishes too. Better than I could as I am just learning how to make some Indian food.

[GeoBQn]

We just spend a week at a beach house with my husband's friends. One of his male friends LOVES cooking, and took charge of dinners. The first night, we ate pizza with homemade pizza dough that he prepared before he got there and stored in a cooler. He spent an entire afternoon preparing and making ribs. He also made a ton of snacks, like Texas caviar and guacamole that were good enough to eat alone for lunch. We had to literally drag him out of the kitchen just to get him to relax on the beach. Meanwhile, his wife doesn't really cook and she doesn't understand why he needs 10 different olive oils.

[jerkit]

I posted this in wtf Lori: viewtopic.php?t=22330#p753768

[dairyfreelife]

I posted this in wtf Lori: viewtopic.php?t=22330#p753768

We can have a new Lori thread.

[jerkit]

We can have a new Lori thread.

Oh yeah sorry, I just meant to say "this is my opinion on this lori post" I just didn't feel liel typing it out again :)

[fiery redhead]

Oh yeah sorry, I just meant to say "this is my opinion on this lori post" I just didn't feel liel typing it out again :)

I read what you said, and I am also kind of angry with Lori's opinions. This is so ridiculous: "We use to hear that the way to a man's heart was through his stomach. I guess today's woman doesn't care about winning a man's heart much anymore." This is so, so shallow, where does she have Scripture for a statement like this?

[Closed Womb]

Mr Womb is the sole cook in our house. I hate the task, he enjoys it, especially the chopping and messing with recipes (he's an engineer and likes to figure out all things.) On the other hand, he hates cleaning and I think it is totally worth the effort. But, that's how we (gender) roll around here (ie, gender norms means nothing.)

Of course, we have one of those evil marriages wherein I am treated like a queen and somehow he still feels like he's the one who's getting spoiled.

[ViolaSebastian]

Dear Lori:

Making a big salad is not cooking.

[louisa05]

Mr Womb is the sole cook in our house. I hate the task, he enjoys it, especially the chopping and messing with recipes (he's an engineer and likes to figure out all things.) On the other hand, he hates cleaning and I think it is totally worth the effort. But, that's how we (gender) roll around here (ie, gender norms means nothing.)

Of course, we have one of those evil marriages wherein I am treated like a queen and somehow he still feels like he's the one who's getting spoiled.

We are completely opposite of that. I cook because I love it. (Yes, you can be a feminist woman in an egalitarian marriage and still cook...the world will not end). Husband likes to clean and does all of it---if I do any of it outside the kitchen, I don't do it the way he wants it and he just does it again.

[polecat]

I halfway agree with her. Cooking is a basic life skill that is important for women AND men. I also think that people should know how to do laundry, check their oil and put gas in the car (my mom didn't know how to put gas in the car until she was in her 40s :? ).

[Antimony]

I just...???

I mean, if cooking is such a ministry to your family or like, whatever, why not do it together? Because my parents both work full time jobs, they both cook dinner, together. Usually like my dad will do the meats and my mom will do the veggies and side dishes. For big events where other guests are coming over, we all have signature dishes that get made throughout the day.

When I was living with my (now ex)boyfriend, this was also the case, we cooked food together. Sure, one stove/two people is a little hard but that was usually easy to work around.

I find it strange this doesn't seem to be an option to her. Probably thinks its a heathen option.

[louisa05]

I just...???

I mean, if cooking is such a ministry to your family or like, whatever, why not do it together? Because my parents both work full time jobs, they both cook dinner, together. Usually like my dad will do the meats and my mom will do the veggies and side dishes. For big events where other guests are coming over, we all have signature dishes that get made throughout the day.

When I was living with my (now ex)boyfriend, this was also the case, we cooked food together. Sure, one stove/two people is a little hard but that was usually easy to work around.

I find it strange this doesn't seem to be an option to her. Probably thinks its a heathen option.

Cooking is a creative outlet for me and I find it relaxing. I don't want anyone else in my way in my kitchen. So we do not cook together. My husband is fine with that because his mother didn't teach him or his sister to cook anyway (an equal gender opportunity lack of life skills).

What I find tiresome is that women who do enjoy cooking have to defend themselves outside of the sub-culture where gender roles are strictly enforced. I have one friend whose response to growing up in a family with strictly enforced gender roles is to never do anything that is perceived as being a traditionally female task. She works from home, but her husband has to prepare her lunch and leave it ready for her every day because she will not lift a finger in the kitchen because that is too traditional. And let me tell you, any mention by any woman of even brewing a pot of coffee is something she looks down on vehemently. We should all be allowed to do what we enjoy and are skilled at regardless of what gender tradition it falls in.

[rene76]

My reaction to her post....So.... All men should cook too. Lori is getting very profound. The sad part is that with a few changes, she could have had a good blog post about the importance of knowing how to cook.

[Firiel]

I halfway agree with her. Cooking is a basic life skill that is important for women AND men. I also think that people should know how to do laundry, check their oil and put gas in the car (my mom didn't know how to put gas in the car until she was in her 40s :? ).

I'm always confused when adults talk about "learning" to do things like laundry and putting gas in the car. I remember doing both of those for the first time. Everything is very clearly labelled. The gas pump has instructions on it. Washers and dryers do as well. I hadn't ever done either task before... I just followed the very simple, clear instructions that were placed there for people like me, who didn't know what they were doing. I mean, it's not really "learning" when you just go and do something.

Cooking is kind of the same way. When people talk about "knowing how to cook," I always assume that means know how to create recipes or having a fair amount of recipes memorized and being able to improvise. I don't really think I know how to cook... just that I know how to follow directions. I mean, there are some simple things I've picked up by just doing more cooking. I can tell when bread dough needs more flour or water added, for instance, and I'm better at cooking by appearance/texture instead of going by straight time as given in the recipe. Those are things you just kind of pick up by doing. But, I mean, if "knowing how to cook" just means being able to produce something edible and reasonably good-tasting, anyone that can follow simple directions "knows how to cook," even if they choose not to cook.

[polecat]

I'm always confused when adults talk about "learning" to do things like laundry and putting gas in the car. I remember doing both of those for the first time. Everything is very clearly labelled. The gas pump has instructions on it. Washers and dryers do as well. I hadn't ever done either task before... I just followed the very simple, clear instructions that were placed there for people like me, who didn't know what they were doing. I mean, it's not really "learning" when you just go and do something.

Cooking is kind of the same way. When people talk about "knowing how to cook," I always assume that means know how to create recipes or having a fair amount of recipes memorized and being able to improvise. I don't really think I know how to cook... just that I know how to follow directions. I mean, there are some simple things I've picked up by just doing more cooking. I can tell when bread dough needs more flour or water added, for instance, and I'm better at cooking by appearance/texture instead of going by straight time as given in the recipe. Those are things you just kind of pick up by doing. But, I mean, if "knowing how to cook" just means being able to produce something edible and reasonably good-tasting, anyone that can follow simple directions "knows how to cook," even if they choose not to cook.

Semantics, perhaps, but I said "knowing" how to put gas in the car (and as I said, my mom literally did not know how to do this and had to call me to rescue her one day when she was low on gas and my dad wasn't due home for a few hours), etc.

I rather think that following a recipe isn't rocket science and that most people should be able to figure it out, but yes, there are some things that need to be taught. Like I'm teaching my kids -- they don't naturally know the difference between stirring and folding or what to substitute and when.

My mom taught me how to cook -- according to your definition, I suppose -- and that's something that's really not all that hard, either. You learn what spices go with what and in about what proportion, and you just go with it. I only have a handful of recipes that I actually use (mostly for baking things, but I tend to do my own thing there, too), and the rest is just me doing my thing.

[merrily]

Being the Duggar fan girl she is, surely she means all women should know how to make Tater Tot Barf-erole and various other unedible goodies. :lol:

[polecat]

Being the Duggar fan girl she is, surely she means all women should know how to make Tater Tot Barf-erole and various other unedible goodies. :lol:

It is interesting, is it not, that she's never once mentioned their deplorable eating habits. I suppose because they're all thin.

Meanwhile, I'm a full-on porker who prepares a healthy breakfast and dinner from scratch every day of the week. (Lunch on occasion, if I'm feeling especially generous).

(In my fat defense, I AM losing weight but not because I've changed my diet but rather because I'm trying to be more active).

[FundieWatcher]

I can't imagine a relationship where one partner does all the meals alone. Everyone has their own tastes. Doesn't Ken want to make things his way once in a while?

[kpmom]

We know Lori had a nanny and a housekeeper. Who here really thinks she did the cooking when her kids were little?

[fiery redhead]

Being the Duggar fan girl she is, surely she means all women should know how to make Tater Tot Barf-erole and various other unedible goodies. :lol:

And they wonder why Michelle had to have her gallbladder removed.

If you are going to forego any sort of contraception, then you need to eat naturally as well. You need to actually take care of your body if you're going to put yourself through that every year.

[church_of_dog]

I can't imagine a relationship where one partner does all the meals alone. Everyone has their own tastes. Doesn't Ken want to make things his way once in a while?

People have all sorts of issues. My ex-BF did all the cooking when I lived with him and it literally was the same thing every night -- spaghetti! Occasionally with some veggies boiled alongside. (I added other extras to mine, such as shredded parmesan, cayenne pepper or hot sauce, etc, plus I often had a salad with my meal.)

The reasons for him doing the cooking were many: it was his place and he was used to things, I worked and got home just at suppertime, and he had some digestive issues that made him wary of trying unproven things.

I'm an agreeable sort who doesn't need much variety for tastebud reasons (as long as the nutrients are there), so I went along. I never really learned to cook as a young person, and have slowly increased my repertoire over the years but my skills are still minimal. I find cooking for someone else very, very confronting, mentally, but I was ready to push myself past my own comfort zones with him. Sadly, when I would offer to cook he was not very enthusiastic about it and on the occasions I made something different from his nightly spaghetti he usually didn't want any (with a few notable pumpkin pie exceptions, lol).

However, now and then we would eat at someone else's house for supper, and he would rave to the hostess over what I thought of as fairly ordinary food -- saying things like "this is the best food I've ever eaten" -- so whenever that happened I would start wondering whether he really did wish I would cook sometimes.

In hindsight I think he might have been complimenting the cook because he thought that's what you do, and the degree of enthusiasm that confused me might have not been directly related to the food at all. (I always felt a bit embarrassed when he did that, because most of our friends didn't know that I didn't cook for him, so when he would rave over good-but-normal food I wondered what horrible stuff they thought I must serve him most of the time!) At home he never talked about what he liked or didn't like, or made any attempt to deal with or sleuth out the nature of his digestion problems. So I never knew whether he just didn't like not having the control, or whether if I'd cooked certain things he would have been okay, or what the actual issue was.

TL:DR -- clear communication is much more important than who cooks! :lol:

[Antimony]

Cooking is a creative outlet for me and I find it relaxing. I don't want anyone else in my way in my kitchen. So we do not cook together. My husband is fine with that because his mother didn't teach him or his sister to cook anyway (an equal gender opportunity lack of life skills).

What I find tiresome is that women who do enjoy cooking have to defend themselves outside of the sub-culture where gender roles are strictly enforced. I have one friend whose response to growing up in a family with strictly enforced gender roles is to never do anything that is perceived as being a traditionally female task. She works from home, but her husband has to prepare her lunch and leave it ready for her every day because she will not lift a finger in the kitchen because that is too traditional. And let me tell you, any mention by any woman of even brewing a pot of coffee is something she looks down on vehemently. We should all be allowed to do what we enjoy and are skilled at regardless of what gender tradition it falls in.

I don't mean to imply women shouldn't cook alone at all or that all families should cook together -- just that Lori doesn't seem to consider it an option. Espicially if Ken wanted to grill alone all manly-like with some Hallmark "king of the grill" apron or whatever. Espicially if you have children, it can be kind of fun. Cooking with kids can be a bit stressful (they're messy and not very on-task) but it can be fun if its the right recipe. You'd think that cooking with your kids for them would also be a great ministry, but Lori stated she didn't play with her kids, either, whaddya expect. :shrug:

I really like cooking "special" things for other people, when I have free time. Pies, cookies, handmade chocolate molds, fancy dinners, baked brie. Some Sundays I whip up a family style dinner (which really feeds the soul for my roommates, we're all in college, and there are days when ramen or dining hall just doesn't cut it.) But as its summer right now and I'm working 40+ hours, I wish there was somebody to split cooking with when I get home. Luckily, I'm learning how to take advantage of my freezer and slow cooker combo. I'm not used to it yet but I get fed.

In August, I'll be visiting a gentleman caller for about 5 days, several states away. For some of those days, he'll be working while I'm at his apartment but I do full intend to have a meal for him come dinner time. And maybe a defrauding short skirt. And some desires that cannot be righteously fulfilled. (Now if only I could get him to tell me what he likes to eat. He keeps saying, "Unno, food like people eat" and it is infuriating.) But that is still totes my choice, our dynamic, etc.

[amydamy]

I'm always confused when adults talk about "learning" to do things like laundry and putting gas in the car. I remember doing both of those for the first time. Everything is very clearly labelled. The gas pump has instructions on it. Washers and dryers do as well. I hadn't ever done either task before... I just followed the very simple, clear instructions that were placed there for people like me, who didn't know what they were doing. I mean, it's not really "learning" when you just go and do something.

Cooking is kind of the same way. When people talk about "knowing how to cook," I always assume that means know how to create recipes or having a fair amount of recipes memorized and being able to improvise. I don't really think I know how to cook... just that I know how to follow directions. I mean, there are some simple things I've picked up by just doing more cooking. I can tell when bread dough needs more flour or water added, for instance, and I'm better at cooking by appearance/texture instead of going by straight time as given in the recipe. Those are things you just kind of pick up by doing. But, I mean, if "knowing how to cook" just means being able to produce something edible and reasonably good-tasting, anyone that can follow simple directions "knows how to cook," even if they choose not to cook.

I'm teaching my husband to cook since he didn't learn growing up. He can do simple things like eggs and bacon but I'm sure he'd freeze if you asked him to make pancakes or french toast. When he does dinner on his own it's chicken and salsa in a pan and steam in bag veggies.

The stuff he needs help with is not in following the directions but knowing what they mean. If a recipe says chop tomatoes he wants to know exactly what size they need to be. He also doesn't know what you can drop add or substitute in a recipe and still have it turn out. He is getting better at knowing when something is done even though he will still call me into the kitchen to double check. It's all things you pick up with experience and just know after having done things a thousand times and read/made tons of recipes. I can go into the kitchen and pull together a meal from what we have in the fridge and pantry, he is not at the point where he can do that yet.

[AnywhereButHere]

My mother in law never let my husband cook growing up, but that was due to her being rather particular about her things and keeping them neat rather than any gender stereotype on her/his part. He couldn’t do his own laundry, make his bed, nothing. She is very anal about cleaning. I know my house makes her twitchy, but she is nice enough not to say anything to me. :)

As soon as he moved out, he started teaching himself. He figured that since he liked to eat, he’d better learn how to cook. This weekend he’s going to be getting a lesson in stuffed mussels from one of my mom’s friends. I can cook. I do it most nights since I’m home first, and hey, it tastes good (mostly –there's a shrimp satay we just try never to speak of). I just suck at presentation. If we’re having a party or a dinner where the food should look like a real live chef prepared it, my husband takes over. He can also experiment and have it come out great. I need to start by following a recipe and trying it a couple of times at least, before I make any substitutions or changes. Some people seem to have a talent for knowing what flavors work together. For others it's more steep of a learning curve. :P