The one where Cabinetboy starts a blog

[usmcmom]

Hasn't Cabinet Man said that friends and family thought he was abusive? He is now denying that, but I'm pretty sure he said that. I just wonder where all those "friends and family " are now. I'm assuming he's isolated her from everybody that showed any concern for her.

Also, how, exactly does a man demand enthusiastic sex every other day? Does he give her a script? I really am curious about this but it makes me physically uncomfortable to even read his words on this subject.

[Firiel]

Hasn't Cabinet Man said that friends and family thought he was abusive? He is now denying that, but I'm pretty sure he said that. I just wonder where all those "friends and family " are now. I'm assuming he's isolated her from everybody that showed any concern for her.

Also, how, exactly does a man demand enthusiastic sex every other day? Does he give her a script? I really am curious about this but it makes me physically uncomfortable to even read his words on this subject.

As per the first question... his in-laws used to think he was abusive, as per his first post: viewtopic.php?f=95&t=21356&p=712363#p712363

He did say on his blog that most of the people in his church thought he was the "bad guy" when he started disciplining his wife, but I can't find that anymore. Not sure if it's been scrubbed or if I just suck at searching today.

EDIT: Here's where he talks about the church seeing him as the bad guy-- amanhiswifethebible.wordpress.com/2014/06/15/hell-or-high-water-a-mans-story/

[fundiefan]

From HelpGuide.org -- ways abusers manipulate.

~~helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm

Mrs. Cabinet, every one of these can be ticked off re: your relationship and according to your husband's own words. He has humiliated you and called you crazy, he isolated you, he intimidated you and threatened to take away your kids and he denies that any of it is his fault and the blame is all yours because you were crazy. You deserve better. You deserve to be loved and to be able to love freely in return. What he is doing may feel like love, but it is not. Love uplifts you, it is patient, kind, is not provoked, etc. He. Does. Not. Love. You.

All that is true and my ex was the poster child for that information. However, it really does only scratch the surface. When someone you love abuses you, they use everything they know about you to get into the core of your soul and work from there. Nothing is off limits, no mind fuck is beyond imagination and no freedom is allowed, ever. They'll pretend they're great at sharing you / your attention / whatever and before you know it, you're telling anyone who will listen how great your relationship is because he doesn't control what you do and you don't have to be tied at the hip and you get to do your own thing. You say that without realizing that in saying it, you are fully under his control - that's one of the ways they see/know that what they are doing is accomplishing their goal. The minute you start defending and/or explaining, they know they've 'got' you.

Because of that it is very hard for abuse victims to know they're victims and/or do anything about it.

So, as this boy's wife defends him and denies, shouting from the rooftops, it only tells me that her life is completely and entirely under his control. Until something happens, big or small doesn't matter; it's just got to be the one thing to penetrate the programming, she'll never see or understand and he will continue to do what has always worked for him.

[polecat]

All that is true and my ex was the poster child for that information. However, it really does only scratch the surface. When someone you love abuses you, they use everything they know about you to get into the core of your soul and work from there. Nothing is off limits, no mind fuck is beyond imagination and no freedom is allowed, ever. They'll pretend they're great at sharing you / your attention / whatever and before you know it, you're telling anyone who will listen how great your relationship is because he doesn't control what you do and you don't have to be tied at the hip and you get to do your own thing. You say that without realizing that in saying it, you are fully under his control - that's one of the ways they see/know that what they are doing is accomplishing their goal. The minute you start defending and/or explaining, they know they've 'got' you.

Because of that it is very hard for abuse victims to know they're victims and/or do anything about it.

I'm aware of that. I said, "Something about abuse warps the way we see love, and we have to get to a healthy, positive place before we can see clearly again." Even when we DO know we're victims, it's hard to do anything about it because we genuinely believe that we are powerless and/or we deserve it. It's one of the reasons that leaving is so hard (and one of the reasons that it's pointless to pressure a victim to leave because it puts him/her further into the position of doing what someone else wants).

[Tiger Lily]

Cabinet woman was maaaaaad at us in the comments. Even called us bitches.

Ah, repaying "evil with evil" I see. Niiice.

Edited to add that we can't be sure if these are her sentiments or CM's.

[AllisonWndrland]

Did anyone else have a hard laugh at the comment stating Lori's preacher isn't teaching the Bible? I had one hell of a cackle at that one. It's on the post from July 27th. Made my day. Then Ken had to come in and start bumbling around. :roll:

If that is truly CM's wife (dear god, I think of cervical mucus every single time I type CM), then I feel for her. To live with constant badgering and arguing would be crazy-making. And that's exactly how his blog presents their relationship, regardless of what he claims. I'm guessing, if she is even his wife and she actually wrote those responses, her comments are part of her personal safety plan. Agree with the abuser = safer way to live. It's incredibly intelligent and takes a huge amount of strength to do that. I have seen no one here call her stupid and I doubt anyone here would use that word about a victim, period.

However, I really, really doubt "hiswife" is his wife. I had a post written yesterday that didn't post (I most likely navigated away from the page before actually submitting it) along this line. I think CM is an MRA with possible NPD who blogs in order to wank around with other MRAs. His blog and comments purporting to be his wife read to me as an abuser writing for the victim or telling the victim what to write. And yes, when CM or Ken decide to read this, I've seen what abusers write in place of their abused spouses and partners. There's a pattern to it, a feeling you get once you have seen it multiple times. The angry bitches comment runs along those lines. Sure, I've heard that from a couple of victims. I've heard it from women (think Ann Coulter and similar here). But mostly, I've heard it from men who have been convicted of domestic or sexual violence crimes. So, meh. Just more of the same there. Being called an angry bitch on such a blog doesn't do much to upset me. I do hope, if it is the wife, that she is able to seek help should she desire to do so.

[nokidsmom]

Did anyone else have a hard laugh at the comment stating Lori's preacher isn't teaching the Bible? I had one hell of a cackle at that one. It's on the post from July 27th. Made my day. Then Ken had to come in and start bumbling around. :roll:

If that is truly CM's wife (dear god, I think of cervical mucus every single time I type CM), then I feel for her. To live with constant badgering and arguing would be crazy-making. And that's exactly how his blog presents their relationship, regardless of what he claims. I'm guessing, if she is even his wife and she actually wrote those responses, her comments are part of her personal safety plan. Agree with the abuser = safer way to live. It's incredibly intelligent and takes a huge amount of strength to do that. I have seen no one here call her stupid and I doubt anyone here would use that word about a victim, period.

However, I really, really doubt "hiswife" is his wife. I had a post written yesterday that didn't post (I most likely navigated away from the page before actually submitting it) along this line. I think CM is an MRA with possible NPD who blogs in order to wank around with other MRAs. His blog and comments purporting to be his wife read to me as an abuser writing for the victim or telling the victim what to write. And yes, when CM or Ken decide to read this, I've seen what abusers write in place of their abused spouses and partners. There's a pattern to it, a feeling you get once you have seen it multiple times. The angry bitches comment runs along those lines. Sure, I've heard that from a couple of victims. I've heard it from women (think Ann Coulter and similar here). But mostly, I've heard it from men who have been convicted of domestic or sexual violence crimes. So, meh. Just more of the same there. Being called an angry bitch on such a blog doesn't do much to upset me. I do hope, if it is the wife, that she is able to seek help should she desire to do so.

Re: the bolded, I finally went over to the blog and got that exact same feeling....that "hiswife" isn't really his wife either . And actually, I hope that is the case because if this woman is for real, I just can't fathom how she can live with all that crazy stuff, even if she's agreeing with him to make her life easier.

ETA: count me in as one who thinks that while he might be real, wife, comments, etc. are fabricated. Considering the recent beginnings of his blog, also count me in as doing this to mess with all us ebil wimmenz at FJ. :lol:

[salex]

Ah, repaying "evil with evil" I see. Niiice.

Edited to add that we can't be sure if these are her sentiments or CM's.

I thought the point of his blog is that she is not supposed to have sentiments other than what CM provides.

[Firiel]

Re: the bolded, I finally went over to the blog and got that exact same feeling....that "hiswife" isn't really his wife either . And actually, I hope that is the case because if this woman is for real, I just can't fathom how she can live with all that crazy stuff, even if she's agreeing with him to make her life easier.

ETA: count me in as one who thinks that while he might be real, wife, comments, etc. are fabricated. Considering the recent beginnings of his blog, also count me in as doing this to mess with all us ebil wimmenz at FJ. :lol:

Actually, as per the first posts, the blog was started after a guest post on another (less extreme) blog about submission (peacefulwife.com/2014/05/27/a-few-clarifications/). People were upset that he is a complete dill hole, and arguments ensued. So he went off and started his own blog, dammit!

I think messing with us ebil heathen wimmenz is just a pleasant side effect for him. He'd rather warp less-harmful teachings about submission into abuse because that's an endeavor that is probably more likely to succeed.

[nokidsmom]

Actually, as per the first posts, the blog was started after a guest post on another (less extreme) blog about submission (peacefulwife.com/2014/05/27/a-few-clarifications/). People were upset that he is a complete dill hole, and arguments ensued. So he went off and started his own blog, dammit!

I think messing with us ebil heathen wimmenz is just a pleasant side effect for him. He'd rather warp less-harmful teachings about submission into abuse because that's an endeavor that is probably more likely to succeed.

Thanks for clarifying. I admit I didn't read those first posts because the latest ones were enough for me. :pull-hair: It was just the timing after the lengthy Ken thread and WW visiting here.

[2xx1xy1JD]

Once again, this is what his wife wrote in a guest post on Lori's blog:

...My husband and I had another fight. I was done. I left. I honestly didn't know what I was going to do. All I knew was I wanted out. However, I wasn't sure that I could just divorce him. Knowing him, it wouldn't give me the freedom I desired. We had kids together, and my gut told me that he'd still try to control me {my perception of control anyway}, even if I was no longer his wife....

from here: lorialexander.blogspot.ca/2014/06/pride-almost-destroyed-her-marriage.html

Yes, this is just an excerpt, and you can read the whole thing in context, including the fights because of his "strength of a personality" and her lack of submission due to feminism in the church (translation: she didn't just give in to him on everything and do whatever he wanted).

I suspect that this quote is the closest to the truth as we are going to get. She was afraid that divorce wouldn't end the control. There were kids involved. He has actually told men on his blog that they should use kids and money as leverage to threaten their wives against leaving. She had just come face to face with important people in her life turning on her after her husband spoke to them. She may have been terrified of him going to court and gaining custody of the children, and of losing the support of her family.

We also have a nice example of the "you are so awful but I still love you and you should be grateful for that" mindfuck.

[Tiger Lily]

Once again, this is what his wife wrote in a guest post on Lori's blog:

This truly disturbed me when I first read this. To me, the issue was always about control and any dissent whatsoever was perceived as rebellion so to be a good submissive wife in his mind, she had to agree on most everything. The thought that the control would never stop and that she might lose her children was a powerful deterrent. That's the only explanation I can think of. Why would a wife who was ready to leave, had plans to leave suddenly decide to stay and be happy about it and participate in enthusiastic sex every other day with a man she no longer wanted to be married to? Doesn't make sense to me. Also, in all of CM's ramblings, I've never heard him say where HE made any necessary changes for the benefit of the marriage. It's all about the wife coming around. What gets me is that not all men abuse biblical submission yet it's the ones who view women as less valuable than themselves who want to use it for their benefit (not their wives'). I believe biblical submission gives an abuser the justification to do just that.

[polecat]

Once again, this is what his wife wrote in a guest post on Lori's blog:

from here: lorialexander.blogspot.ca/2014/06/pride-almost-destroyed-her-marriage.html

This is chilling. I'm not sure I'd ever read her side of the story before. This could have come right out of "how to identify a dangerously abusive situation" handbook. Women *are at the greatest risk not while they are IN the relationships but when they try to leave. This is just sad.

[usmcmom]

Neither Cabinet Man nor Ken ever state what they had done wrong in their marriages. CM does say that he "like many others" struggled with porn. I love how he puts that qualifier in there to minimize his own sin. But he and Ken both go on and on about how selfless they were and how exhausting it was to be Godly while they were married to such horrible women. They certainly don't list their own weaknesses in such detail. And they love to bring up their wives' pasts over and over. As much as I dislike Lori, it really stinks to continually bring up somebody's mistakes. That goes against everything that forgiveness is supposed to mean in the Christian faith.

Neither one of these men seem to realize that a good leader does not need to give ultimatums and threats to get someone to follow them. If they were being good and decent leaders, their wives would never have been "in rebellion." Geesh, I hat that term.

[RosyDaisy]

I'm still convinced that Woody Woodpecker's blog is fake...as in shit he just makes up, including his probably non-existant wife's post.

[HoneyBunny]

I'm still convinced that Woody Woodpecker's blog is fake...as in shit he just makes up, including his probably non-existant wife's post.

I think this too, though I think he did had a wife who left him and the blog is a way for him to rewrite the story. I'm just not certain if he's trying to mess with our heads or Lorken's. But either way, it's highly entertaining, in a horror movie sort of way.

[Tiger Lily]

I think this too, though I think he did had a wife who left him and the blog is a way for him to rewrite the story. I'm just not certain if he's trying to mess with our heads or Lorken's. But either way, it's highly entertaining, in a horror movie sort of way.

I wish I could agree with you both. Then I wouldn't worry. Unfortunately, I believe these two are very real.

[usmcmom]

I wish I could agree with you both. Then I wouldn't worry. Unfortunately, I believe these two are very real.

Hmm. I just don't know. I am starting to think his wife's comments aren't written by her. They just don't read as something that would come from a submissive wife. Compare it to the other comments on his blog written by women of the same beliefs; his wife's are just a little too edgy, I think. The other women (except Lori) are firm but respectful and, of course, don't use foul language.

I find myself worrying about his wife a lot too, so I do hope, for that reason, that she's not real.

[Tiger Lily]

Hmm. I just don't know. I am starting to think his wife's comments aren't written by her. They just don't read as something that would come from a submissive wife. Compare it to the other comments on his blog written by women of the same beliefs; his wife's are just a little too edgy, I think. The other women (except Lori) are firm but respectful and, of course, don't use foul language.

I find myself worrying about his wife a lot too, so I do hope, for that reason, that she's not real.

They may not be her words yet I believe she is real. Her FB page on Lori's site sort of suggests that, right?

Something else I find a little of out character for a manly man (snark!) such as CM is some of the words he uses. I don't know many men who call women gals. He said once that he and the wife are blissfully happy. That seemed odd as well. Also, once he called her darling. I could be wrong and have been before. I just don't see a man who tells his wife to "get your shit together" also calling her darling and saying they're blissfully happy, lol.

[RosyDaisy]

Where is Cabitnet man from? I hear men refer to women as gals (depending on context it's not considered offensive) and women referring to their BFF as "gal pal". In fact I use the term gal pals myself, meaning my BFF, future SIL, future SIL's partner, my sister, and my nieces. For the past several months we have been going out together as a pack. I don't think that will change.

[Firiel]

I want to say Oregon, but I thought someone said Alaska. But he brags about turning on the AC for his wife, so somewhere hot? Where he can live in a fairly isolated area?

[usmcmom]

Where is Cabitnet man from? I hear men refer to women as gals (depending on context it's not considered offensive) and women referring to their BFF as "gal pal". In fact I use the term gal pals myself, meaning my BFF, future SIL, future SIL's partner, my sister, and my nieces. For the past several months we have been going out together as a pack. I don't think that will change.

I'm not sure he's ever mentioned where he's from, but I think it's Washington or Oregon. I am guessing at that based on one of his blog posts where he was talking about monitoring wild fires near his home, and it happened to coincide with fires in that area.

[EmiGirl]

Hasn't he mentioned living in the "wild west?"

[Tiger Lily]

I'm not sure he's ever mentioned where he's from, but I think it's Washington or Oregon. I am guessing at that based on one of his blog posts where he was talking about monitoring wild fires near his home, and it happened to coincide with fires in that area.

I'm guessing Washington as well from what he has said (apple capital of the world). When he mentioned the fires, I recall reading about them that day in the largest county in Washington.

[usmcmom]

Cabinet Man, if you are checking in. Please know we are only discussing where you live because of some of the words you use. We are NOT trying to locate you. I'm not being snarky when I say this - just adding context about regional terminology, etc.

I do think the term "gal" seems to be somewhat "western." I'm in the Midwest and it's not a term used very often here.