Working mothers and C sections

[Jinderella]

I remember reading somewhere, I believe it was STFU Parents, of a woman who was asking her fb friends if they had birthdays or anniversaries near her due date so she could schedule a C-section to give her baby his or her "own" special day. After the initial WTF reaction, I was like "there is no way a doctor would allow that."

Oh dear, I did something like this. When planning the (medically necessary) c-section for my last child, the nurse told me our daughters birth would be scheduled on my sons birthday. I asked her to make it a day sooner, so both children would have their own birthday. She did, my daughter is born the 21st of the month, my son the 24th. I'm very grateful about that.

Please don't hate me!

[2xx1xy1JD]

My first c-section baby has her dad's birthday. My second was born the day before mine. Since hubby and I were born only 20 days apart, we get a lot of strange looks when we need to fill in birth dates for the family. We didn't plan it this way.

[OkToBeTakei]

My first c-section baby has her dad's birthday. My second was born the day before mine. Since hubby and I were born only 20 days apart, we get a lot of strange looks when we need to fill in birth dates for the family. We didn't plan it this way.

I had an induction. I also had allegedly the most scary and unsympathetic consultant in my area. I scoped her out my first few visits. She was a bit like me. No nonsense. She is and always has been known in my area for being very austere. I said to her. 'Look, it goes like this. He is in London. I am 500 miles away. He may be 40. But I genuinely think in the interest of my child, you need to do what I say.'

She looked at me over her specs. We agreed on my plan of care. It suited me, it suited her. HER only interest was a healthy baby. But she was a hero. She knew I was not being difficult. I think it is important to be in charge but also get those that can, on the same page. My consultant still is well thought of and feared 10 yrs later. To me she is deadly and has a killer sense of humour. We agreed a day. Yes that went to shit :lol:

[keen23]

Oh dear, I did something like this. When planning the (medically necessary) c-section for my last child, the nurse told me our daughters birth would be scheduled on my sons birthday. I asked her to make it a day sooner, so both children would have their own birthday. She did, my daughter is born the 21st of the month, my son the 24th. I'm very grateful about that.

Please don't hate me!

I picked the date of my second c-section. I could have picked any day in Week 39 for #2, and decided on 11/11. I initially scheduled by 3rd to be 08/08, but I/she had IUGR and wound up getting taken as soon as she hit week 37.

[Blahblah]

There is a huge difference between having a medically required csection and picking the date for it and just deciding to have a csection for the sake of convenience and then scheduling it to suit you.

My obstetrician only had surgery/theatre access at the hospital of my choice on Tuesdays and Thursdays, so technically I did "choose" my dates. But I didn't "choose" my csections.

[penguinagogo]

this thread has just made me look into current maternity pay in my job (uk)

and I am absolutely horrified by the lack of arrangements and rapid return to work in the US

what a terrible pressure to return (essential to pay bills) with all the other pressures of having a newborn

it shows no regard for the health of women, babies or indeed whole families

since we are hoping for a 2nd baby sometime soon I looked up my employers scheme and heres the laundry list

I would have a legal right to take 52 weeks in any circumstances paid or unpaid

As long as I have adequate (26wks) service and give appropriate notice eg at least 15 weeks before EDD and intend to return to work (though without service and notice it may be stat mat pay only)

I would get 8 weeks at full pay

followed by 18weeks at half pay

followed by 13 weeks at statutory maternity pay (137 a week)

and could take a further unpaid leave for 13 weeks plus any holiday accrued or carried over

Plus unusual circumstances eg prematurity, multiple births sick baby can be grounds to negotiate extra leave

early leave due to health reasons could be negociated or taken on statutory sick pay

Job must make occ health assessment and modifications if working conditions pose risks in pregnancy and I have a legal right to appropriate facilities to aid breastfeeding eg designated private space to pump, arrangements for work to facilitate this and safe storage of milk at work. And in the horrendous event of loss of the baby all pay and leave arrangements would still stand.

Mr Ping could take 26 weeks max unpaid paternity leave if I go back before 52 weeks, plus 2 paid weeks arranged around my EDD

Ive never thought of my country as particularly progressive before but am starting to appreciate it

Plus, Ill be a scheduled C section again, for a variety of physical and personal reasons and am simply glad that I live in a country where this is a safe option offered to me (and paid for through the tax system we all contribute to)

[dawbs]

I had an induction and chose my date.

I could have waited a few more days (although it risked ending up there in the middle of a holiday), but I would probably not have gotten my favorite doctor.

Also, by choosing the day, I was able to pick the day when my mom wasn't having her chemo--and felt better.

I wouldn't have done anything to risk what was healthy but, hey, if options A-F are all 'equal', may as well chose D if it makes mom/dad/baby/birthdays/grandma have a better experience ;)

[meda]

I have a very generous employer by US standards. I can take up to 2 years childcare leave...unpaid & with no health insurance. I can use up to 6 weeks of accrued paid sick leave (8 if I have a c section), and all of my accrued paid vacation time during that 2 year period to cobble together a paid leave of sorts. My approved impending maternity leave will be for 5 months, 90% of which will be paid since I have been hoarding my vacation and sick time ever since we started trying to conceive.

Most women I know consider me very lucky to have something so generous. I agree, and it's one of the main reasons I chose to stay with my employer rather than going into private practice. 2xx is absolutely right about the "pink collar getto" that exists in the legal profession, between lack of paid leave and law school debt, in many cases government or non profit work is the only way to have a family and not go bankrupt.

[Widget]

I had a truly medically unnecessary c-section.

I had one previous cesarean and I wanted to VBAC, and was told in no uncertain terms that it was not happening. My doctor even agreed there was no medical reason not to VBAC but it was not allowed by my insurance or the only local hospital.

I was sectioned at 38 weeks, and the baby was already 9lbs and my recovery was a breeze so I've not really regretted the decision not to push harder for a VBAC.

[OkToBeTakei]

this thread has just made me look into current maternity pay in my job (uk)

and I am absolutely horrified by the lack of arrangements and rapid return to work in the US

what a terrible pressure to return (essential to pay bills) with all the other pressures of having a newborn

it shows no regard for the health of women, babies or indeed whole families

since we are hoping for a 2nd baby sometime soon I looked up my employers scheme and heres the laundry list

I would have a legal right to take 52 weeks in any circumstances paid or unpaid

As long as I have adequate (26wks) service and give appropriate notice eg at least 15 weeks before EDD and intend to return to work (though without service and notice it may be stat mat pay only)

I would get 8 weeks at full pay

followed by 18weeks at half pay

followed by 13 weeks at statutory maternity pay (137 a week)

and could take a further unpaid leave for 13 weeks plus any holiday accrued or carried over

Plus unusual circumstances eg prematurity, multiple births sick baby can be grounds to negotiate extra leave

early leave due to health reasons could be negociated or taken on statutory sick pay

Job must make occ health assessment and modifications if working conditions pose risks in pregnancy and I have a legal right to appropriate facilities to aid breastfeeding eg designated private space to pump, arrangements for work to facilitate this and safe storage of milk at work. And in the horrendous event of loss of the baby all pay and leave arrangements would still stand.

Mr Ping could take 26 weeks max unpaid paternity leave if I go back before 52 weeks, plus 2 paid weeks arranged around my EDD

Ive never thought of my country as particularly progressive before but am starting to appreciate it

Plus, Ill be a scheduled C section again, for a variety of physical and personal reasons and am simply glad that I live in a country where this is a safe option offered to me (and paid for through the tax system we all contribute to)

Scary shit huh? I also thought we had a crap deal...until..

[OkToBeTakei]

I have a very generous employer by US standards. I can take up to 2 years childcare leave...unpaid & with no health insurance. I can use up to 6 weeks of accrued paid sick leave (8 if I have a c section), and all of my accrued paid vacation time during that 2 year period to cobble together a paid leave of sorts. My approved impending maternity leave will be for 5 months, 90% of which will be paid since I have been hoarding my vacation and sick time ever since we started trying to conceive.

Most women I know consider me very lucky to have something so generous. I agree, and it's one of the main reasons I chose to stay with my employer rather than going into private practice. 2xx is absolutely right about the "pink collar getto" that exists in the legal profession, between lack of paid leave and law school debt, in many cases government or non profit work is the only way to have a family and not go bankrupt.

You are a professional with alleged good benefits and yet you have to jump through those hoops. What if it was an unplanned pregnancy and you and Mr Meda had been in Hawaii for 3 weeks doing what folks do?

I think your employer package is a total load of shite. NO healthcare? Are you kidding? Why are you allowed to be sick when you are not actually sick? Is sick leave not for you know being sick? Do you have to appoint your sickness? You can save sick leave? WTF?

Your maternity leave should be yours as a right Meda. You should not have to save or earn it. I'm so angry you should hear me. I wish you lived here. The accent is fine after a while :lol:

Baby Meda will be cool either way I am sure. (Hamish is a great name btw.)

[Childless]

I have a very generous employer by US standards. I can take up to 2 years childcare leave...unpaid & with no health insurance. I can use up to 6 weeks of accrued paid sick leave (8 if I have a c section), and all of my accrued paid vacation time during that 2 year period to cobble together a paid leave of sorts. My approved impending maternity leave will be for 5 months, 90% of which will be paid since I have been hoarding my vacation and sick time ever since we started trying to conceive.

Most women I know consider me very lucky to have something so generous. I agree, and it's one of the main reasons I chose to stay with my employer rather than going into private practice. 2xx is absolutely right about the "pink collar getto" that exists in the legal profession, between lack of paid leave and law school debt, in many cases government or non profit work is the only way to have a family and not go bankrupt.

Lucky. I had 8 weeks of short term disability (at 40% of my pay) only because I had a c-section. Otherwise it would have been 6 weeks. I could take another 4 weeks unpaid of FMLA. I only took 2 additional weeks because we needed my salary. And I work for a major international corporation who can more than afford to give their employees (both men and women) at least 3 months of paid leave.

It's absolutely ridiculous the lack of support parents get in this country. Its why I continuously roll my eyes at all those politicians waxing poetic about being pro-family. Not one of our political or corporate leaders are pro-family. They're pro-money. If it doesn't put money in their pockets, they could give a rat's ass about it.

edited because apparently, I cannot get the letters of FMLA in the correct order.

[meda]

You are a professional with alleged good benefits and yet you have to jump through those hoops. What if it was an unplanned pregnancy and you and Mr Meda had been in Hawaii for 3 weeks doing what folks do?

I think your employer package is a total load of shite. NO healthcare? Are you kidding? Why are you allowed to be sick when you are not actually sick? Is sick leave not for you know being sick? Do you have to appoint your sickness? You can save sick leave? WTF?

Your maternity leave should be yours as a right Meda. You should not have to save or earn it. I'm so angry you should hear me. I wish you lived here. The accent is fine after a while :lol:

Baby Meda will be cool either way I am sure. (Hamish is a great name btw.)

I love the name Hamish :). That's what is so insane about American policy...I am a professional with better benefits than 95% of working women in this country, I work for a labor union in fact...and this is the best I can do.

According to the politicians, this is all ok because Mr Meda and I pay so much less in taxes than you crazy socialists. However we pay the same % in income tax as our friends who live in Quebec, yet receive a fraction of what they do for government services. No healthcare, no paid childcare leave, no subsidized daycare. Good times.

[Arete]

I work for a major international company. So, here is our benefits in the US. Six weeks paid maternity leave for a vaginal birth, eight weeks for a C-section. After the 6 or eight weeks you can take the rest up to 12 weeks unpaid because of FMLA. If for some reason your birth did some other thing to your health (extreme anemia, nerve damage, etc), you can go on short term disability at 100% of your pay (if you have been with the company a year). Short term disability is managed by an outside company and your doctor has to write up justifications for you to be cleared for that time.

This is considered very generous by US standards. :roll:

[OkToBeTakei]

I love the name Hamish :). That's what is so insane about American policy...I am a professional with better benefits than 95% of working women in this country, I work for a labor union in fact...and this is the best I can do.

According to the politicians, this is all ok because Mr Meda and I pay so much less in taxes than you crazy socialists. However we pay the same % in income tax as our friends who live in Quebec, yet receive a fraction of what they do for government services. No healthcare, no paid childcare leave, no subsidized daycare. Good times.

We have to obviously do a tax comparison. I think THAT would be an interesting thread.

Mhairi ..pronounced Vari. Great girls name. Incidentally.

Eilidh. Ailie.

RORY best name ever!

I'll stop now :lol:

[desertvixen]

Your maternity leave should be yours as a right Meda. You should not have to save or earn it.

This times infinity.

But no, we should be grateful for whatever scraps we get, and how dare we expect someone to pay for us to sit home?

Military, so I get six weeks medical, with the option to take leave that I have saved up. I took ten weeks, and honestly, I was ready to go back to work and deal with adult people again. (We earn up to 30 days of leave a year, so we can do a decent job on this one.) One of the good things is that we don't get the BS about needing to take leave prior to the kid's birth - if you have a medical issue, the doctors can address it and write you a profile of duty restriction.

I would like to have another child after this little upcoming trip to the sandbox, so I will be doing what Meda is doing and hoarding as much leave as possible

[OkToBeTakei]

This times infinity.

But no, we should be grateful for whatever scraps we get, and how dare we expect someone to pay for us to sit home?

Military, so I get six weeks medical, with the option to take leave that I have saved up. I took ten weeks, and honestly, I was ready to go back to work and deal with adult people again. (We earn up to 30 days of leave a year, so we can do a decent job on this one.) One of the good things is that we don't get the BS about needing to take leave prior to the kid's birth - if you have a medical issue, the doctors can address it and write you a profile of duty restriction.

I would like to have another child after this little upcoming trip to the sandbox, so I will be doing what Meda is doing and hoarding as much leave as possible

I want you all to come live with me.

Not an offer :lol: But a wish for all you expectant Mammies :cry:

[paganhomeschooler]

At my previous job, I was a subcontractor, so I was considered self employed. I got nothing for maternity leave. I worked for them when I was pregnant with my youngest 3. I took between 2-3 days off each. I do medical transcription from home, so it's not like I had to go somewhere, but if I didn't work, I didn't get paid. And the one that was 3 days was because one of those days happened to be my normal day off. Thankfully, I did homebirths with all of them and my recoveries were great, but it still sucked. My boss was fabulous and told me I could take off as much time as I needed, but, yeah, paying the bills is helpful. I took 4 months off with my oldest because the company I worked for had conveniently been bought out, and I was able to stay home until my severance pay ran out.

The job I am currently working, I do have PTO because I'm an actual employee now. I've got about 6 weeks of vacation built up now since I work three 10 hour days a week, so I don't really have the need to take off very often. I would have to use that if I needed to go on maternity leave.

[OkToBeTakei]

The ever living fuck. You can't even have holidays?

My holidays is just that. My sick time is just that. My maternity leave is just that.

I hate to ask you guys if you get compassionate leave? Time off for medical appointments?

[Mama Mia]

The ever living fuck. You can't even have holidays?

My holidays is just that. My sick time is just that. My maternity leave is just that.

I hate to ask you guys if you get compassionate leave? Time off for medical appointments?

It varies greatly by state and by employer. But medical appointments are generally not covered unless someone is taking them as part of their sick or vacation time. Employers who don't give paid sick or vacation time probably don't pay for medical appointments either, and in many jobs will not give the time off unpaid either.

The Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA) that other posters have mentioned can also be used ( if eligible ) to care for a sick family member. In most states this leave is unpaid ( In California you can partial payment while on FMLA if you have an employer who pays into the system - many small employers and teachers unions do not ).

For bereavement the standard I've heard is 3 days. That's right 3 days. And it's not a requirement. Of course many employers are much more flexible and compassionate than that --- but it isn't in any way a given.

There are definite reasons that the U.S. ranks so incredibly low in any of the health measurements.

[Ramona]

i had a somewhat "elective" c-section.. well, it would have been - as it turned out, he was breech anyway so it had to be, but the original plan was looking at a c-section by choice - technically, it would have been passed as a 'medical reason' - the reason being extreme anxiety about the birth process itself. at the point, though, there was nothing physically wrong, so i don't know how you all would count that.

[Mice]

It varies greatly by state and by employer. But medical appointments are generally not covered unless someone is taking them as part of their sick or vacation time. Employers who don't give paid sick or vacation time probably don't pay for medical appointments either, and in many jobs will not give the time off unpaid either.

The Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA) that other posters have mentioned can also be used ( if eligible ) to care for a sick family member. In most states this leave is unpaid ( In California you can partial payment while on FMLA if you have an employer who pays into the system - many small employers and teachers unions do not ).

For bereavement the standard I've heard is 3 days. That's right 3 days. And it's not a requirement. Of course many employers are much more flexible and compassionate than that --- but it isn't in any way a given.

There are definite reasons that the U.S. ranks so incredibly low in any of the health measurements.

I've had 4 kids during my tenure with my present company. This company is considered extremely generous with its family policies. You get a pool of personal time at the start of the year and you can use it for anything. How big the pool is depends on how long you've been there. I get 5 weeks. You can't carry time over from year to year. All sick and vacation and bereavement time comes out of this pool.

When I had my first 3 maternity leaves with this company I had to go out a week or two before I had the baby - I was dilated and no one (me, my healthcare folks, my boss) thought that I'd be able to get home if I went into labor at work. So those weeks were paid by my personal time but they did come out of my 6 weeks of maternity leave. So I had to return to work when the kids were about 4 weeks old. Mr. Mice stays home with the kids so I felt OK going back to work. Not great, but OK. Also, I was able to return at 32 hours and gradually work my way back up to a normal full time schedule (which is about 60 hours a week).

With my last kid I had a surprise and emergency c-section. I was out 12 weeks and I was paid for 4 of them out of my personal time. And I had to pay my healthcare premiums out of pocket while I was not earning, but at least I didn't lose my healthcare or my job. We just spent a lot of time saving in preparation for me not working.

When I had my first kid it was when I was with a different company. They took my health care away when I was 8 months pregnant. I had to get a second full time job in order to get healthcare again. When I had the baby, they fired me for "abuse of sick time" during my first week. Yes, this was illegal even then but there was nothing I could do about it. There we were - two stupid young parents with a newborn, no healthcare and an income of 800 bucks a month. She slept in a laundry basket and we lived on noodles and I was terrified that one of us would get sick.

As a result of all this I never took a vacation until last year (because my personal time was always going towards prenatal visits or maternity leave or MD visits for kids). After 14 years at this place, I took a real vacation for the first time ever last year. It was so. weird.

[Rosa]

The ever living fuck. You can't even have holidays?

My holidays is just that. My sick time is just that. My maternity leave is just that.

I hate to ask you guys if you get compassionate leave? Time off for medical appointments?

My husband works for an international company, for the US arm of it. The company shuts down from Christmas through New Years because the Europeans Do. Not. Work those days. In some countries they get paid holidays, in some they just come into the office and drink, but none of the European offices are available for work during that week.

So the American offices shut down too...but the Americans have to take it out of their paid vacation time. So of the time they get, half of it is mandated to be the week the office shuts down anyway, it's not at the employee's choice.

Americans are work-worshipping idiots. We shoot ourselves in the damn foot worrying so much about what our bosses "need" and not what we need.

[GiGi_41]

I just want to throw in one thing that is overlooked for people who might want to foster or adopt. FMLA also covers foster parents. I am entitled to take up to 12 weeks in a year if a foster child is placed with me. I have only used this once and it was when I was given a second 1 year old, the two were 25 days apart. I actually I took two weeks off and then slowly worked up to full-time over the next 3 weeks. Luckily my company worked with me. All of my other placements have been older children and I wasn't feeling overwhelmed and needing time off.

When my adoption came through I was asked if I wanted maternity leave. I passed as I have had her since birth, she's almost 3, and it would have been unpaid.

BTW, I am not giving the US a pass on maternity leave. We (Americans) should be appalled at the abysmal way we treat new parents.

[lilah]

I am thinking about switching jobs and one thing that give me pause is that in my new school district I'd have work there a year for fmla to kick in