Google Knows Doug Phillips Is a Tool!

[revengeforwanda]

Longtime lurker, first time poster, yada, yada, yada...

I had been waiting until I had something insightful to share, but perhaps I should just restate the obvious:

Doug Phillips is a tool

Doug Phillips is the tooliest of tools

Doug Phillips is a tool who uses his tool on Peter Bradrick is a tool

Oh, and did I mention that Doug Phillips is a tool?

(Edited because I did not earn my English degree from SOTDRT. By the way, if SOTDRT doesn't already have a mascot, I think they should be know as the SOTDRT Speshul Snowflakes. :D)

[ThatSnark]

The fourth result in my "Doug Phillips is a Tool" Google search is a delightful snippet from exmormon.org:

"Doug Phillips, the leader of Vision Forum, posted a bit of anti-Mormonism on VF's Facebook page. Mormons are responding, saying that Doug has now lost their business. I'm stunned by this. It's always been my understanding that Mormons are not to go outside official Mormon writings (which includes Ensign articles) for anything faith-oriented. Surely VF products aren't endorsed by TSCC. Can anyone address this? Are these rogue Mormons? What would their bishops say if they knew they were purchasing religious materials from non-Mormon sources?

For those who don't know, in the tiniest of nutshells, Vision Forum is a hyper-Calvinist, fundamentalist movement/cult based out of San Antonio. Doug Phillips, the founder, fancies himself a great scholar, historian, and adventurer. He's a tool. Side note: Dougie's father founded the Constitution Party."

Is this one of us, or are other websites catching on and spreading the word? The original longer post with links can be enjoyed here: exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,599608,599608,quote=1

[GenerationCedarchip]

So, do you think it's just coincidence that Dougie posted a poem on kindness at his blog today? :violin:

[Buzzard]

Just dropping this here because its probably one of my favoritest moments in FJ history. I was on a plane... laughing my ass off to the point I was choking... reading the shenanigans! Doug Phillips is a tool!

viewtopic.php?f=8&t=10249&hilit=poll+VF+gay&start=260

eta Wikipedia has forgotten. We should remind it

[RosyDaisy]

Just so he rises in the Google ranks....Doug Phillips is a TOOL!

[Minerva]

Doug Phillips is a tool, and because Doug Phillips is a tool, I suspect that he has availed his toolish self of those services that make you look better on Google. Either that or Doug Phillips is a tool has his interns googling all day.

Either way, Doug Phillips is a tool.

ETA I'm not getting "Doug Phillips is a tool" as a suggestion in the search bar or underneath the results. I'm getting "Doug Phillips cult", though, so I gave that a click. It's always good to remind the internets that Vision Forum is a cult.

[snarkyjan]

And because I am bored, I decided to re-write the Day of Doug, as Dougie would write it:

The Providence of Douglas W. Phillips, Esq.

1. Awaken mine eyes to the morn! Glory be to God as I continue on the hazardous journey of my life!

2. Share the word of the Lord our creator, with my helpmeet as she washes my feet with her tears and dries them with her locks as the good book says.

3. Have my private time with the Lord.

4. Sup on a reformative breakfast prepared by daughters whom under my umbrella of protections scramble the finest of eggs.

5. Leave my domain, to embark on my daily mission. I needeth not to fasten my seat belt as the Lord is with me.

6. Google myself.

7. 1:1 fellowship with the interns.

8. Google myself whilst I sup on the fruit my Lord has giveth and the bread my wife hath provided.

9. Meet with the seamstress to ensure our period attire for the next Vision Forum Ministry is historically accurate and give providence to God!

10. Bless the tithes given to me.

11. Embark on my journey home. Have phone fellowship with my bosom friend Peter.

12. Sup with the family.

13. Google myself, perhaps update my wikipedia page

14. Assume the role bestowed upon my by Titus2 as head of my church. Teach my sons to be leaders in the way of the Lord and my daughters to be dutiful servants to their authority.

15. Have Beall fetch a cool compress for my headache, yes my headaches, my how the plague me each and every night.

16. Drift into sweet slumber and dream of refreshingly vigorous, sometimes wet, sometimes sweaty, manly romps.

Twin2, are you and Dougie (The Tool) twins separated at birth? This sounds exacty how I would envision THE TOOL speaking.

[Dysfundamental]

Doug Phillips is a tool, just like everyone at the Vision Forum cult and on his manly adventures (for tools) that only tools would go on because Doug Phillips is a tool. If he had a TV show, it would be called "Tool Time".

[Effie]

Is it wrong to troll fundie blog posts about Doug Phillips, by suggesting that Doug Phillips is a tool... for Christ? I'm not sure yet if the fundies realize I'm trolling or not. I also suggested that Doug Phillips is a tool of mercy (ehum).

[twin2]

Is it wrong to troll fundie blog posts about Doug Phillips, by suggesting that Doug Phillips is a tool... for Christ? I'm not sure yet if the fundies realize I'm trolling or not. I also suggested that Doug Phillips is a tool of mercy (ehum).

Hmmmm, I see nothing wrong with that!!

Carry On!!

[Minerva]

Hmmmm, I see nothing wrong with that!!

Carry On!!

I love this idea. Also this:

Have phone fellowship with my bosom friend Peter.

Priceless.

[twin2]

The wikipedia bomb was awesome! I think the Dougie's entry ended up being locked for a while after that.

Here was another great one done by Sola

PS: Loving the new search function!

[Burris]

I searched for the Tool, Doug Phillips, through Google.ca. The search string 'Doug Phillips is' elicits the following suggestions:

* 'doug phillips is a tool'

* 'doug phillips Israel'

* 'is doug phillips a calvinist'

* 'is doug phillips a reconstructionist'

[Mary C Doates]

I only recently had the chance to read the (now heavily scrubbed) Jennifer and Mark Epstein vs Doug Phillips (who is a tool) saga. This occurred before I became fundie-obsessed, though I did read the condensed version in Quiverfull. I seem to recall she turned up briefly during the Yuku days.

Oh...my...goodness. So much crazy.

Sign that I am on FJ too much: Since Jen always refers to Doug Phillips (who is a tool) by his full name, I found myself wondering what the Google ranking would be if she'd mentioned his tool(iness) each of the bazillion times she mentioned Doug Phillips (who is a tool).

[lilith]

A favourite of mine..... (Screen capped cause I'm on iPhone)

[paganhomeschooler]

I also did my part to make sure Doug Phillips is a tool stays in the interwebz. FTR, it popped up as an option on my google when I had just typed in doug phil. Because Doug Phillips is a tool. It's nice to know that google knows Doug Phillips is a tool, and I'm also very amused that wiki knows that Doug Phillips is a tool. Everyone should know that Doug Phillips is a tool because Doug Phillips is tool.

[changemanagement]

Doug Phillips is a tool shows up 3rd on Safari. My highlight was clicking on the web images. :lol:

[EmptyQuiver]

Is it just me or does Phillips remind anyone else of Robert Downey Jr.? (in appearance, not in talent, sexiness, or general likability) I was hoping someone else would say it so I don't end up getting blamed for a "Doug Phillips looks sexii" Google search screenshot later on.

I'll just leave this here...

[love2scrap]

Is it just me or does Phillips remind anyone else of Robert Downey Jr.? (in appearance, not in talent, sexiness, or general likability) I was hoping someone else would say it so I don't end up getting blamed for a "Doug Phillips looks sexii" Google search screenshot later on.

I'll just leave this here...

yup. He looks like a cheesy, Cinderella-y, Toolishly-Toolie version of the other guy.

[NoneandDoneinCali]

Ladies (and gentlemen?), I just finished a 26 page intensive research paper on sexual aggression in prisons. It's been a long week, as you can well imagine. But I just laughed until my guts hurt. I spit into the air. My smaller dog actually jumped out of my lap and ran across the room. The bigger one, who usually lays on his bed facing me so he can creepily stare at my face in the same manner that J'Uterus gazes adoringly upon the countenance of her patriarch, sighed and turned away.

So thank you, Doug Phillips (is a tool), for being a tool (named Doug Phillips), as well as a smarmy, misogynistic assclown (and tool). I needed a little levity. Thank Gawd Doug Phillips (is a tool) was there to provide. Gawd is good!

[hoipolloi]

From the poem "Kindness" by Doug Phillips Is A Tool -

There are some folks who act kindly, when they have something to gain.

There are others who feign kindness, when hiding their own blame.

There are some who are selective in the kindness that they show.

And others who are only kind to certain folks that they know.

Take one to know one, Dougie.

Doug Phillips Is A Tool

[twin2]

From the poem "Kindness" by Doug Phillips Is A Tool -

Take one to know one, Dougie.

Doug Phillips Is A Tool

What is that they say about people who live in glass houses?

[Minerva]

What is that they say about people who live in glass houses?

I still can't get Google to admit that Doug Phillips is a tool until I've typed the "i" in "is". Better keep trying. Doug Phillips is a tool. Vision forum is a cult.

[sugarloaf]

I don't think I can give up my dear Nellie. She truly is sticking her tongue out at Dougie. Plus she is currently the 67th pic in a google image search for "doug phillips vision forum". I would hate to loose all that work. However, I may just have to start randomly adding pics to the end of my posts.

I don't know how to count what number it comes up as, but on the same search ("doug phillips vision forum" on Google images) your avatar comes up in the ninth row, and the "Tool" picture comes up on row 18 (which is still page one on my search). I'm rather amused to see a Christopher Hitchens picture quite high up in the search, too- what's up with that?

Doug Phillips is a tool. Doug Phillips of Vision Forum is a tool.

[Burris]

What is that they say about people who live in glass houses?

...that they shouldn't throw tools?