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Yeah that's NOT a Residential Treatment Center, where the goal is intensive treatment and return to a HOME situation. That's a legal US orphanage....and here I thought they were outlawed in the US.

Most RTCs DO utilize a house parent structure specifially because research and the abyssmal past of orphanages have shown that even hurting children desperately NEED a home structure with fewer children and parents. This one has them in dormitories and completely elimenates even cursary lip service to the idea.

That actually disgusts me. The Ranch in Colorado is considered a very successful and safe environment for hurting kids specifically because it utilizes a house parent format. Boy's Town uses a house parent format. This is just an orphanage, barely a step off of a juvenile jail. She's not there to heal and return. She's there to be thrown away so they can wash their hands of her and walk away.

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That place provides NO therapy services for the kids. They actually state that IF your child requires therapy beyond their program, you have to seek it locally outside the facility. Afterall, they claim the structure of their program IS the therapy.

I guess that depends on what you feel is the purpose of therapy. If the purpose is to put a kid back in survival mode they existed in while in an orphanage, then I guess you do put them back into that element. Hell, they do NOT have adults supervising the kids at night in the dorms, so either they lock them in or they leave them to go Lord of the Flies on them. If you goal is to help them heal and have a future, forget it.

So basically it IS a kid jail, plain and simple, and since they don't take kids who have actually HURT people they are only taking kids who simply have parents unable or unwilling to get them the help they need first!

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That is sad :(

She should have been prepared for all sorts of behaviour when she adopted those kids, I think a lot of these people think that all these kids need is Christian parents who will teach them about Jesus and a home, food and toys, and then they will be happy and completely thankful to their new parents for rescuing them. I think theyre unprepared for the reality of adopting a child.

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Ok, I've been down this particular rabbit hole for the past few days. I used the few hints she gave and did some googling, and I think this may the facility where Rachel is: ahome2come2.com/home It seems to be about the right distance from their home (600ish miles), which she mentions several times, and it is definitely a care facility rather than a treatment facility. What's on their site seems to line up with everything Laurel said in this post: ourjourneyoffaith.net/2012/08/residential-care-facility-vs.html

Which is to say, it sounds just AWESOME. :roll:

In their FAQs, they say that most of the kids will never return home. They also appear to get social security for a lot of these kids...but they don't accept any other state, local, or federal funds!!1!

Wow, this really makes me mad. And sad. And then mad again. It's like she didn't even TRY. :(

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That place provides NO therapy services for the kids. They actually state that IF your child requires therapy beyond their program, you have to seek it locally outside the facility. Afterall, they claim the structure of their program IS the therapy.

I guess that depends on what you feel is the purpose of therapy. If the purpose is to put a kid back in survival mode they existed in while in an orphanage, then I guess you do put them back into that element. Hell, they do NOT have adults supervising the kids at night in the dorms, so either they lock them in or they leave them to go Lord of the Flies on them. If you goal is to help them heal and have a future, forget it.

So basically it IS a kid jail, plain and simple, and since they don't take kids who have actually HURT people they are only taking kids who simply have parents unable or unwilling to get them the help they need first!

Which makes tons of sense.

If that were the case, wouldn't Little Miss have come to the States already healed and mentally healthy, seeing as she'd been in the "therapy" of living in an institution for her early years anyway??

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Wow, this really makes me mad. And sad. And then mad again. It's like she didn't even TRY. :(

I know. In all the googling I did looking for this place, I came across TONS of RTCs for kids with RAD. I work with RTCs on a regular basis, so simple experience tells me that most of them are probably crap, but the fact that out of all the options out there, this is the one they chose, makes me a little ill. Yes, RAD is incredibly difficult to treat effectively, but you're sure not gonna get anywhere if you DON'T TRY.

I also noticed that in Laurel's most recent post, she said that they are speaking to Rachel on the phone every few weeks, whereas back in November she posted that she was calling about once a week. Sounds like she's slowly being phased out of the family.

Lastly, I can't help but wonder how poor Sarah is doing. She's seen both of her siblings leave the home. How the hell is she feeling about now? Does she miss her siblings? They had to be disrupted and sent away, but she's just peachy? That doesn't seem likely. But there's nary a peep about her. She was in the school play and was happy she got to walk there alone. Okay.

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Nope, Sarah is living every day in absolute terror, waiting for the day when she is no longer "good enough" and she too is thrown away. She knows it's only a matter of time. She tries to do everything right so it doesn't come, but she knows in her heart it will come, no matter what she does.

That is precisely what my son described to me in the four years he witnessed both of his best friends whom were adopted with him being thrown away before it was finally his turn and they threw him out as well.

Of course, it won't be a quick and painless abandonment either. She's also been subjected to years of hearing everything that was wrong with her brother and sister and how it was their fault they were thrown away. She's heard how the family just HAD to protect the family from their behaviors and so throwing them away was not only natural and right, but the ONLY solution that ANYONE would take. Afterall, that's what Americans do with defective children. And, every day she knows that when they trash her brother and sister and call them defective, they are calling her the same words. When the day comes that they do throw her away, she will think she really IS trash and that she deserved every moment of abuse and torture she endured at their hands. She will know she has no value, no purpose for her future, and no hope to ever see or feel anything different.

If she ends up in a situation like her brother, she might heal and recover from this nightmare. If she ends up in a place like her sister, she will have it beaten into her every moment until she is an adult that she DID deserve it, and she will internalize it and likely never fully recover (not that her brother will either but at least he has a chance where her sister does not).

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  • 3 weeks later...

Resurrecting a thread from a few weeks ago... I'm pretty new to FJ but have followed Laurel's blog for a couple of years (since the time that they were looking for a new home for the Ghanian son). I agree with pretty much everything the rest of you have written... I'm not sure why I read this train wreck of a blog, but I can't stop. Everything from disrupting one adoption, to putting Rachel in a RTC, to just the endless whining about finances followed by a perky post about the latest trip (and justification for why it was really done on the cheap), to even the center-justified fonts and the "Yes. I. Am." school of emphasizing your writing by sticking periods in between each word....

Anyway. The latest post is about meeting their 2nd grandchild... their daughter in Minnesota flew out with her baby to see a friend in Oregon and stopped in the Seattle area for a couple of hours. I'm thinking, wow, she made the effort to fly with the baby... and only would spare a couple of hours to see her family... I've just got to wonder about more of the details of why nearly all the big kids are so distant. Someone mentioned that they are probably upset about the treatment of the Ghanian kids... I think it also dates to the time last year (or was it 2 years ago now) that Laurel was briefly pregnant and then miscarried... I wonder if the older kids got fed up with how much she wallowed about that.

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Oh yeah, the other thing that annoys me is that she keeps reposting some articles she wrote like 12 years ago about tips for large families... and writes on the side of the blog that she wants to 'encourage' women ... mostly to be uncomplaining housewives, I think. But it's like she is just dying to be a mentor to younger mothers, but it just grates. Maybe because I'm not a fundie. But I find that people who are just dying to give advice to others often don't have all that good of advice.

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There is something wrong with her. Her daughter flies all the way back to the west coast to visit "friends" but makes her mom and dad drive a few hours to see her new son. That's pretty much a F*you to her parents.

And how did the husband lose his church and his job, exactly? Did she get into that? Inquiring minds want to know...

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I said the older children are likely furious about the fact that she threw away their Ghanian brother. I base that upon comments from the oldest daughter's blog talking about how she's lost a brother and written around the time they ditched him.

I watched my son's first adoptive family slowly remove ALL contact he had with his siblings in that family after they dumped him on us because the more the teens could see that he is thriving here, the more they were getting angry at their parents and the poor, victim persona falls apart when children are old enough to see for themselves that their parents threw children away and are a fraud in the story they weave to justify it.

You don't throw children away without severe consequences for your poor choices. I don't know why these adopters continue to think they can just toss kids away and no one will hold it against them. Most people are decent enough to grasp that it's horrifying to do this to a child.

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There is something wrong with her. Her daughter flies all the way back to the west coast to visit "friends" but makes her mom and dad drive a few hours to see her new son. That's pretty much a F*you to her parents.

And how did the husband lose his church and his job, exactly? Did she get into that? Inquiring minds want to know...

I'm probably mis-remembering, but I don't think he was pushed out or fired, I think he quit because things were falling apart at home. His church job was on an island (San Juan, maybe? One of the Puget Sound islands, anyway) and he was living out there by himself because they couldn't sell their mainland house and couldn't afford to all move without selling it.

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  • 3 weeks later...

A new post that makes my blood boil: ourjourneyoffaith.net/2013/04/preferential-treatment.html.

The mom tries to pretend her heart is in the right place ("Oh! Poor Sarah, I HATE for her to be treated like this ..."), but it's obvious from her thinly-veiled insults that she's just chock-full of resentment for her daughter.

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I see that Hosanna had another beach trip and special time with Mom. She never does that with Josiah or even Sarah. She's always going to do girl time things with Hosanna. What is Sara? A plant? I really think she's taking a vacation from the rest of the family and uses Hosanna as the excuse.

As for the whole "it's racist to give Sarah a flower thing".... it wasn't anything but an unexpected gift until she made it a racist thing. Why couldn't she have said, "Gee Sarah, she must have thought you did a good job and gave you a flower!"

Anyway, there was one post a good while back in which she realzed how hard it must be for the adopted kid that went to the institution..gee there was some adjustment and the instability in her home made things even harder. Instead of complaining about Sarah's immaturity or lack of critical thinking, why the hell doesn't she take the child to counseling? Her growth was clearly stunted from malnutrition. It's not a stretch to think that she suffered from emotional and mental "nutrition" growing up. She's young and can overcome a lot, but it sounds like she needs a few tools. At the very least, she's probably afraid of being abandoned somewhere and needs a safe place to talk things out.

This lady really drives me nuts.

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She also wrote this dumb reply to a comment: "I appreciate your thoughts; and I agree that each of my children are special. However . . . it is just not appropriate for people to treat my 14 year old like a "cute little 5 year old".

In order to grow up and mature, I believe that she needs to be treated like a teenager. When she hits 18- 21, she could have a really hard time making it out in the "big bad world" if people have always treated her as a little child.

It is also very detrimental to attachment, when strangers give gifts to children and treat them as "extra special". It is confusing for attachment challenged children, to receive such attention from others (when gifts really need to come only from the parents or family members until attachment is established). "

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I see that Hosanna had another beach trip and special time with Mom. She never does that with Josiah or even Sarah. She's always going to do girl time things with Hosanna. What is Sara? A plant? I really think she's taking a vacation from the rest of the family and uses Hosanna as the excuse.

As for the whole "it's racist to give Sarah a flower thing".... it wasn't anything but an unexpected gift until she made it a racist thing. Why couldn't she have said, "Gee Sarah, she must have thought you did a good job and gave you a flower!"

Anyway, there was one post a good while back in which she realzed how hard it must be for the adopted kid that went to the institution..gee there was some adjustment and the instability in her home made things even harder. Instead of complaining about Sarah's immaturity or lack of critical thinking, why the hell doesn't she take the child to counseling? Her growth was clearly stunted from malnutrition. It's not a stretch to think that she suffered from emotional and mental "nutrition" growing up. She's young and can overcome a lot, but it sounds like she needs a few tools. At the very least, she's probably afraid of being abandoned somewhere and needs a safe place to talk things out.

This lady really drives me nuts.

I agree completely. Methinks if someone had only given precious Hosanna a flower, "Mama" would have found it fitting and appropriate.

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And like that fucking scrapbook really made Rachel feel so much better about being thrown away. Narcissist indeed. :evil:

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And like that fucking scrapbook really made Rachel feel so much better about being thrown away. Narcissist indeed. :evil:

Oh, I know!! And it's really sweet that "Mama" had a "girls' trip" with Hosanna instead of visiting her own 11 year-old-child.

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That was one of the most racist blog entries I have ever read. SOO disgusting that this was written by a mother of African children is just so horrible and sad.

That woman disgusts me. She reminds me of my son's first adoptive mother.

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Sad that a little flower would interfere with Sarah feeling attachment toward her. Maybe she could try taking Sarah on a special trip like she has done for Hosanna. It seems that you would have to try extra hard with an older child, and she doesn't really mention doing that.

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Sad that a little flower would interfere with Sarah feeling attachment toward her. Maybe she could try taking Sarah on a special trip like she has done for Hosanna. It seems that you would have to try extra hard with an older child, and she doesn't really mention doing that.

I know! It's sweet to take your teenager and 2 of her friends on a trip. But... is she going to do that for her other kids? I kind of doubt it. And Sarah has been home from Ghana for like 5 years or something... surely they must be at a point where someone other than the adopting parents can do something nice for her occasionally? Esp. since she seems to be the only one of the 3 kids they adopted that didn't have a lot of issues.

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More than most any blogger, I want to crawl through the computer and smack this woman. What a horrible person. I get angry at people who adopt and then relinquish animals, but kids?!

On a side note, I found an interesting website devoted to cases like this. Not crazy about all the children's names listed but it is wonderful there are people out in the world paying attention. Poundpuplegacy.org

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Hoo boy would I like to comment on that blog and tell her what hot mess of disgustingness she is.

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I am a follower of Laurel's blog - have been reading a long time. I agree that, based on her post entries, there are favorites among her children. It's blatent.

I would like some clarification on the thoughts from some commenters -- How would you handle a situation in which you truly *DO* feel that one of your adopted children was being treated differently?

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If I had several daughters standing together and someone gave one random daughter a flower and upset the others, I would give a flower to the other girls. If it were something that is sharable, then I would ask the child to share. If there were no way to share or to compensate for the others, then I would ask the person to not give the gift or set it aside until children were distracted and it didn't hurt. I've only ever taken away things when a child deliberately taunts siblings that they have something the other doesn't have, and it doesn't have to be something given to them.

I've given special presents, trips, etc to one child over another. I explain why one child gets something different and the kids typically understand. For instance, when my child is in a production, a dance recital, etc I don't need a stranger to give that child a flower because *I* give them a flower. So, in that case any of my children who were in the production would have already gotten a flower from ME. I have to wonder if Sarah was in the production and the reason the random stranger gave her the flower is because her own mother did NOT give her one, and it IS customary to present a flower to performers. That was the POINT of selling the flowers at the production.

So, rather than assuming the flower was given because Sarah was black, perhaps there is a FAR more reasonable explanation for the flower, such as someone feeling horrible that she couldn't be bothered to be a decent mother in the first place. I have to wonder about her claim that none of her bio kids have NEVER been given random things in public because every one of my children have been given things by strangers in public at one point or another, regardless of their ethnicity. My children are very polite and considerate of people in public. It causes strangers to sometimes want to say thank you with small gifts of appreciation. It has nothing to do with their skin color nor how they entered the family and everything to do with the reflection that they touch the lives of those they interact with. They all think it's odd but have been taught to either politely decline or accept and show gratitude.

Heck, we went to dinner last night and the waitress was giving the kids drink umbrellas. Now, I could have decided that the two boys who got TWO umbrellas got them because they were miniorities.....or I could accept that those two boys were hamming it up and being cute and got an extra one for that reason. There is NO doubt in my mine that those two got more because of their behavior, which was rather blatant extroverted playing in the situation. It had NOTHING to do with their skin color and everything to do with their personalities.

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