Lori Alexander: G-d Will Provide if Husband Dies

[lilwriter85]

Have to agree! Can someone tell me if Lori is the one who when someone came to their church for help she told them they (the church) was not a charity.

That was ZsuZsu Anderson, the wife of wack a doo Pastor Steve Anderson who said that.

[EmiGirl]

Lori keeps throwing out the Proverbs 31 woman. I have to wonder if she's even read any of that chapter of the Bible. It's been one of my favorites for the past few years since I became a 31 consultant. The woman that's being talked about obviously works outside of the home as well as inside of the home. It really bothers me when key parts are conveniently ignored.

[Arete]

A widow or a widower would certainly never be in any danger of going hungry in my church (neither would the unemployed for that matter), and we do pay for the funerals of people whose loved ones cannot afford to bury them. However, once the burial is done and the food supply for the family is secured, the survivor is expected to GET A JOB. Maybe it's unbiblical, but our women get educations and voice opinions, so you can just imagine how far from a life of holiness we have drifted.

[lilwriter85]

Wasn't there another female figure in the Bible who was a mother who had some kind of fabric business? Maybe it was the Proverbs 31 woman?

[EmiGirl]

Wasn't there another female figure in the Bible who was a mother who had some kind of fabric business? Maybe it was the Proverbs 31 woman?

Yes, but the Proverbs 31 woman is what is the "ideal" woman. Lydia was in the new testament. She was a merchant. I found a very interesting website about working women in the Bible.

newlife.id.au/equality-and-gender-issues/new-testament-working-women/

[snarkyjan]

Yes, but the Proverbs 31 woman is what is the "ideal" woman. Lydia was in the new testament. She was a merchant. I found a very interesting website about working women in the Bible.

newlife.id.au/equality-and-gender-issues/new-testament-working-women/

There was also a widow in the New Testament, Dorcas, who contributed to her church by sewing clothes for the poorer members. I'm inclined to think that she must have been a fairly sharp businesswoman, if she could both donate clothes to the poor and still earn a livelihood for herself and her family,.

[YPestis]

As others noted, it's not death we worry about these days, it's disability. A breadwinner is more likely to be disabled than die, and probably more likely to divorce than become disabled. Assuming Lori's "good Christian women" would serve their husbands faithfully and not get divorced (haha), their husbands can still end up crippled and/or needing expensive, long term care.

Even in the best circumstances where a woman only need basics, how long can the church hold out for her? How long can her families continue to pay for her expenses? Not many siblings and inlaws are willing to shell out thousands for years and years. Many would feel imposed upon to have to squeeze five more bodies into their homes indefinitely. And I certainly know MANY would be pissed if the woman is an able-bodied adult who decides to impose on others because she wants you to respect her decision to stay home.

For those with disabled spouses, not only is finances now worrisome, but who will pay for the expensive rehab? nursing home care? doctor's visits? I love how Lori ignores this possibility. What's more, she is ignorant of how financially dependent many disabled spouses become on GOVERNMENT assistance. How many churches and family members can afford to pay tens of thousands in medical care for the next couple of decades? Would Lori be willing to bankrupt her family to pay for another family's health care expenses indefinitely?

Lori talks like help will just arrive when things fall apart. Should these needy women sit and wait for money to fall out of the sky? Or maybe they should divorce and remarry? Hmmm, at least then they'll have someone to feed their kids and keep a roof over their head.

I also agree that for widows with many kids, there's not going to be a long line of guys wanting to marry her. Heck, if a guy is reasonably intelligent, has a good income and decent social skills, he will probably pick the single gal. What's left over for widows may or may not be good husband material. Furthermore, the worst advice you can give a mother is to marry quickly so to get a paycheck. Men who pick up destitute and desperate women may not be the best fathers. Lori seems to have some weird fantasy idea that the world is a filled with noble Prince Charming waiting to rescue fair maidens. Sadly, I used to think that too. Then I turned 10.

[lilwriter85]

As others noted, it's not death we worry about these days, it's disability. A breadwinner is more likely to be disabled than die, and probably more likely to divorce than become disabled. Assuming Lori's "good Christian women" would serve their husbands faithfully and not get divorced (haha), their husbands can still end up crippled and/or needing expensive, long term care.

Even in the best circumstances where a woman only need basics, how long can the church hold out for her? How long can her families continue to pay for her expenses? Not many siblings and inlaws are willing to shell out thousands for years and years. Many would feel imposed upon to have to squeeze five more bodies into their homes indefinitely. And I certainly know MANY would be pissed if the woman is an able-bodied adult who decides to impose on others because she wants you to respect her decision to stay home.

For those with disabled spouses, not only is finances now worrisome, but who will pay for the expensive rehab? nursing home care? doctor's visits? I love how Lori ignores this possibility. What's more, she is ignorant of how financially dependent many disabled spouses become on GOVERNMENT assistance. How many churches and family members can afford to pay tens of thousands in medical care for the next couple of decades? Would Lori be willing to bankrupt her family to pay for another family's health care expenses indefinitely?

Lori talks like help will just arrive when things fall apart. Should these needy women sit and wait for money to fall out of the sky? Or maybe they should divorce and remarry? Hmmm, at least then they'll have someone to feed their kids and keep a roof over their head.

I also agree that for widows with many kids, there's not going to be a long line of guys wanting to marry her. Heck, if a guy is reasonably intelligent, has a good income and decent social skills, he will probably pick the single gal. What's left over for widows may or may not be good husband material. Furthermore, the worst advice you can give a mother is to marry quickly so to get a paycheck. Men who pick up destitute and desperate women may not be the best fathers. Lori seems to have some weird fantasy idea that the world is a filled with noble Prince Charming waiting to rescue fair maidens. Sadly, I used to think that too. Then I turned 10.

I never realized how expensive disabilities can be for many people until I met a family whose daughter suffered a brain injury after car accident. Their insurance company refused to pay for rehab for several months. They also had a hard time getting needed equipment for their home which was very expensive. They did pay for some stuff out of their own pocket, but they had to have fundraisers to help with the costs. I don't know if they ever received any type of government assistance. A couple of years after that, I started dating my current boyfriend. His mom is a retired occupational therapist and she worked with disabled people. She has talked about the expenses of rehab and therapy. Insurance companies do have limits on certain therapies and numbers of therapy sessions that they will pay for. She and other OTs did pro bono work whenever patients needed additional sessions. She also worked with people suffering from MS and ALS. There was a video series on youtube about a man who became crippled by ALS and he decided to live on a ventilator. He and his wife didn't kids, but she had to work to pay for his home care and medical expenses.

There isn't a church anywhere that would be able to support a family with a disabled spouse for years. I think deep down Lori and her fangirls know that, but they won't come out and admit it. They don't want to own up to the fact that churches can only do so much. Lori attends a megachurch which probably has more funds to assist people in need than smaller churches. But I don't think a megachurch would be able to support widows or women with disabled husbands for years and years. Pastors, church councils or boards would know that they can't support one person or one family for years and years. My aunt worked for Catholic Charities and she used to get referral calls from various churches to see if CC could assist people from their churches.

[Koala]

Yet again, Ken has hijacked Lori's blog. No big surprise that he's using his time in the sun to prattle on about submission. :roll:

Attention, Attention, Ken is charge because GOD!

[salex]

RE: Church supporting widows. If this happens, we need examples, documented success stories of long term church paying all expenses.

Know now the excuse will be that it is the responsibility of any fathers, brothers, brothers in law, male cousins or nephews to do this, or sons if they are old enough, and only if those people don't exist should the church be responsible.

[docmom]

My grandmother was widowed in the early 1940s and left with 5 children. Her husband had been disabled for some time beforehand. Although she had lots of family they were all rural poor with large families of their own and couldn't help her. My grandmother was a sincere Christian and regular churchgoer, but the church was a poor rural parish and couldn't possibly support a family of 6 for more than a week or so. How did she manage? The government introduced the welfare state to Britain. She worked as a school cleaner as she had little education and the government paid her rent and for all 5 of those children to go to university. Unsurprisingly, few single men were interested in a widow with 5 children so she never remarried. Without government assistance those children would have been farmed out to relatives or to orphanages. As my gran always said, god did provide for her- through government assistance. All 5 children went on to become teachers contributing significantly to society although I'll bet Lori would say the whole situation was a failure.

[Mela99]

Why does she say she isn;'t against women going to college and having careers? It sure sounds like she is.

God does provide for women - he gave us all brains, free will, and the ability to contribute to our own lives.

[lilwriter85]

Why does she say she isn;'t against women going to college and having careers? It sure sounds like she is.

God does provide for women - he gave us all brains, free will, and the ability to contribute to our own lives.

I think she says certain things to keep some of her readers. A good portion of her readers are conservative Christians, but not all of them are as extreme as her. Lori knows that she can't piss off some of her fangirls who have college degrees, work or whose daughters are in college. Someone could also easily call out Lori on the fact that her youngest daughter has a degree. Overall, I think Lori says that she is ok with women going to college and having careers as damage control. I also believe that she is probably has very sexist or hateful attitudes when she encounters some working women her IRL. In a previous posting, she said something like "things were better before women started to taking over".

[nokidsmom]

I always suspected that in her online persona, she tries to cast a wide net as she can possibly manage to keep different readers happy, but that was all. But IRL, she is against college and careers for women and she probably lets all those ebil women know it when she meets them. I know a couple of women like that. They will pay lip service to education / careers in certain settings because they know their views would be unpopular but you get one-on-one with them, and they will let you know on no uncertain terms that you are one of those ebil working women not staying at home and properly submitting. On a side note, it was total hoot to hear it from one of them because it was generally known that she called all the shots at home and was by no means one of those submissive wives. :naughty: But I digress.

[GeoBQn]

Lori's standard reply is something like, "I have no problem with women going to college and having a career as long as they are aware of the consequences/the price they will play/the fact that they will have to answer to G-d for their actions."

[nokidsmom]

Lori's standard reply is something like, "I have no problem with women going to college and having a career as long as they are aware of the consequences/the price they will play/the fact that they will have to answer to G-d for their actions."

Ah, yes, the totally barfworthy answer that they will have to answer to the Big Sky Daddy about why they went to college and worked. :roll:

[MarsGirl]

First of all, I was widowed at 26 after 20 months of marriage. I didnt have any children, though, thank God. And anyway we were atheists, so Lori probably thinks we got what we deserved.

Secondly, my very Catholic grandma raised 8 kids while my grandpa worked. She was a very independent, confident woman and she sincerely really liked kids (she didnt feel commanded by god to have children). When my grandpa got diagnosed with MS at the age of 35, and therefore it seemed he might eventually no longer be able to work, she went back to school and got both a bachelor's degree and a masters in teaching. She was a teacher for 30+ years after that and took care of my grandpa until his death.

THAT is using the gifts God gave her. God provided her with the brains to go to school... get a degree and a job she loved using her talent with children... And she in turn provided for her husband and family.... And I bet you, if there is a God, God approved.

[lilwriter85]

I always suspected that in her online persona, she tries to cast a wide net as she can possibly manage to keep different readers happy, but that was all. But IRL, she is against college and careers for women and she probably lets all those ebil women know it when she meets them. I know a couple of women like that. They will pay lip service to education / careers in certain settings because they know their views would be unpopular but you get one-on-one with them, and they will let you know on no uncertain terms that you are one of those ebil working women not staying at home and properly submitting. On a side note, it was total hoot to hear it from one of them because it was generally known that she called all the shots at home and was by no means one of those submissive wives. :naughty: But I digress.

I also get the vibe from her blog that she tends to mostly associate with people like her in IRL. She and Ken have said that they have friends that are different from them, which may be true. Ken and Lori are too extreme that I can see them turning people who are slightly different than them. Lori has praised her mom for being a SAHM and I kind of remember her saying that her sister was a SAHM.

ETA: I also think she and Ken put strict criteria for their kids when it came to relationships. Her son-in-law and daughter-in-law both seem to come from households like Lori and Ken's.

[lilwriter85]

I found a Christian site covering the topics regarding widows and support. I'm still reading through some of it, but they are a couple of statements that are unrealistic BS.

gty.org/resources/study-guides/40-5209/caring-for-widows

The church must be committed to widows who genuinely need assistance, whatever the cost might be. It may mean transferring money out of optional church programs so basic needs can be met. The church should be happy to do that because it shows God's compassion toward the destitute. Even when widows have financial resources, the church needs to come alongside with encouragement, love, and support in every way possible.

[Sobeknofret]

Yes, God will provide if my husband should pass. He provided me the means for an excellent education and common sense about who will provide for our material needs should that eventuality come to pass.

[GolightlyGrrl]

Yet again, Ken has hijacked Lori's blog. No big surprise that he's using his time in the sun to prattle on about submission. :roll:

Attention, Attention, Ken is charge because GOD!

Doesn't Ken have a business to run?

[snarkyjan]

Doesn't Ken have a business to run?

Yeah, Lori's.

[hapamama]

So is there some kind of matchmaking service that guarantees widows under 60 can get married? Is a church not obligated to help out widows over 60 if the woman has family, even when that family is unable or unwilling to help her? Where exactly is she getting this magical number of 60 from, and how many churches are operating under the same rules?

60 is when widows can apply for survivors benefits based off of their husband's social security... granted that's at 71.5% of the full benefit the deceased spouse would have received at retirement age.