Lori Alexander: G-d Will Provide if Husband Dies

[salex]

What these fundy families really need to have is a good life insurance policy - enough to support the families while the mom learns a marketable skill and goes into the workforce.

My brother and his wife agreed that they preferred her to stay home with the kids. That was something they wanted, for their own reasons, though not particular to their religion. (I suspect the fact that a couple who worked for the same company as my brother had a baby killed the babysitter while the couple was at work, when brother was newly married or while sister in law was pregnant had something to do with it, or at least contributed to it)

She has a degree in business, and once the youngest child was in school, she found work.

That said, he was heavily insured and she was insured so that he could stay home with the kids if something happened to her! They were sincere about a parent home with preschool age kids.

[MrsYoungie]

Lori refutes the claim that women should go to college and work so they can support themselves if their husbands die with the logic that . . . if G-d means for women to be stay-at-home wives and mothers, then surely He will protect them no matter what happens.

lorialexander.blogspot.com/2013/02/what-if-he-dies.html

Whatever happened to the saying, "G-d helps those who help themselves?" And how does Lori never run out of sexist drivel to post?

I once had to listen to a whole sermon about that phrase and how it does not appear in the Bible and is, in fact, anti-biblical.

According to this type - God helps those who ask for his help. End of discussion.

sigh.

I do think that "God helps those that help themselves" was most likely coined by a skeptic.

[GiggleOfGirls]

Oh, yes, because eligible men are falling all OVER themselves to marry a widow under 60 who already has a full (or even partially full) quiver of children. Right. That's totally how the real world works :roll:

[chaotic life]

IMNSHO, it is niether wise nor safe for a widow to marry under the pressure of seeking financial security with minor children. Her first obligation is to protect her children and I personally consider most men willing to take on the financial and emotional support of a quiverful of progency NOT THEIR OWN to be suspect in their motivation.

Call me cynical but I would much rather work to provide for my children than risk someone hurting them because I acted in desperation instead of parental protection.

[lilwriter85]

From the comments section

Emily · 5 hours ago

Great thoughts, Lori! I love my "career" as a wife and mother. My husband's dad was killed in a car accident when he was 7 and his sister was 3. His mother was a stay-at-home mom. With the help of her family and her husband's family, she was just fine. If you ask her, she will tell you that she would not change a thing. Her husband wanted her to raise their children. And even with all his heartache and seeing first hand that a husband and father can die suddenly, my husband is adamant that I stay home. God does not give us a spirit of fear. He will bless us for our faithfulness to His Word. I don't think that fear is a good reason to do anything, much less delay the blessing of children or allowing someone else the privilege of caring for your children.

I'm willing to bet that Emily's mother-in-law's relatives and in-laws probably resented supporting her to stay home. Nobody told her that. I can't understand why people would think it is ok to be supported by relatives and in-laws.

Pam · 3 hours ago

I don't think using the thinking, "What if my husband dies?" is an excuse -- it's planning for unfortunate events. I know life insurance helps out, but sometimes life insurance won't cover all of the expenses a family will incur throughout their lifetimes. Plus, what happens if the husband gets sick (such as cancer) and can't work any more? Who will carry the health insurance so that the husband can get the treatment he needs? These are reasons why women should be prepared to enter the workforce if the need should arise.

Yes, I believe and trust that God will provide. One of the ways that God provides for His people is by giving them the tools they need to survive. Sometimes, these tools will be for a woman to use her gifts, talents and education to provide for her family by working outside of the home.

I love this comment.

Joluise · 1 hour ago

I don’t belong to a Church therefore who would “look” after me if something happened to my husband. I assume you would expect others to pay my mortgage etc.. In fact is, no church will pay my bills or mortgage and as a result my husband and I need to plan for our retirement and be responsible. We are asked to be wise and that is what my husband and I are doing and whilst it may be different to you, it is not any less “unchristian”.

I don’t work for selfish reasons, I work because I need to (just as Sonya Carson worked to bring up her two sons, one being Ben Carson). I have been blessed with an excellent job that provides a very good income and I praise the Lord for that. As I was driving into work this morning I was listening to the hymn “what a friend we have in Jesus” and the line . . . “We should never be discouraged; take it to the Lord in prayer” and that is what I do. I can never say never, I don’t know what tomorrow will bring . . . I will wait for the Lords instructions. But please remember, what He plans for me, may be very different to His plans for you.

Tiffany · 5 hours ago

Well, I have my college degree, but even if my husband were to pass away I don't think I would work (at least not til my kids were all in school). My husband has life insurance through his job (he is a cop) that would take care of us for quite a long time. Our finances are in order and we are not in debt. Our families would help and our church has an AMAZING welfare system for the truly needy and helps people get on their feet. So, I don't worry! And I also know that my husband would never be taken until it was his time to go. So I know if it did happen, it was God's will and we would be taken care of.

This woman and a few others left comments regarding life insurance on Lori's blog. Life insurance is good thing, but other shit can happen and deplete life insurance money.

[GeoBQn]

Not to mention that there are cases where life insurance won't pay out, like suicide.

[laura oz]

I just want to shake her and tell her that God gave us brains and the ability to think and learn and that by trying to suppress all that, she is going against God and denying one of his gifts to us. I don’t think she’d listen, and I would wind up insane from the effort though.

She just.....ugh.

[infooverload]

Where did Lori get the age 60 figure? I racked my brain and could not find where that was referrenced in the Bible. Anyone else know where that is referenced, because I personally think she picked a number out of her ass. Also what makes her such an expert of what God wants for other people? Sorry, but she really is very irritating in her lack of critical thinking skills.

[wild little fox]

My fundi uncle died and left enough insurance so that my aunt could stay home until the youngest finishes school. I don't know what will happen next. I wouldn't call them super fundi but they were not fundi light. One thing is he provided well for his family.

[lilwriter85]

Where did Lori get the age 60 figure? I racked my brain and could not find where that was referrenced in the Bible. Anyone else know where that is referenced, because I personally think she picked a number out of her ass. Also what makes her such an expert of what God wants for other people? Sorry, but she really is very irritating in her lack of critical thinking skills.

I have also wondered about that. I admit, I'm not a huge Bible expert and I only remember a verse about taking care of orphans and widows and nothing about age of who should be taken care of.

[stressed]

I know there are a few families in quiverful type sites that had husbands who became disabled and are now in school or working. I know there is also divorces were the husbands was cheating and left the wife with several children. Death honestly is not a worse case scenario when it comes to finances. Wives who have several children and a husband who needs constant medical care is. Lori is just a jerk who sits by and judges.

What scares me are not the little housewives who believe the crap she spews, it is the women who don't have a choice and see this as more judgement. Then the little "Godly" housewives turn around and judge them or say you should really read this site etc etc. When I went back to school I had some stupid people do that crap to me. As for people will provide, For the first few months they will help out, then the novelty wears off. You are remembered on Christmas and Thanksgiving. So you have a dying spouse, have to send the kids to school, go out and bust your butt off to survive and the cherry on top is crap like that.

[salex]

Where did Lori get the age 60 figure? I racked my brain and could not find where that was referrenced in the Bible. Anyone else know where that is referenced, because I personally think she picked a number out of her ass. Also what makes her such an expert of what God wants for other people? Sorry, but she really is very irritating in her lack of critical thinking skills.

First timothy is all over widows...... I'd not be eligible as I've not

1 Timothy 5:9

here is 1 Timothy 5

Honor Widows

1Do not sharply rebuke an older man, but rather appeal to him as a father, to the younger men as brothers,2the older women as mothers, and the younger women as sisters, in all purity.

3Honor widows who are widows indeed;4but if any widow has children or grandchildren, they must first learn to practice piety in regard to their own family and to make some return to their parents; for this is acceptable in the sight of God.5Now she who is a widow indeed and who has been left alone, has fixed her hope on God and continues in entreaties and prayers night and day.6But she who gives herself to wanton pleasure is dead even while she lives.7Prescribe these things as well, so that they may be above reproach.8But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

9A widow is to be put on the list only if she is not less than sixty years old, having been the wife of one man,10having a reputation for good works; and if she has brought up children, if she has shown hospitality to strangers, if she has washed the saints’ feet, if she has assisted those in distress, and if she has devoted herself to every good work.11But refuse to put younger widows on the list, for when they feel sensual desires in disregard of Christ, they want to get married,12thus incurring condemnation, because they have set aside their previous pledge.13At the same time they also learn to be idle, as they go around from house to house; and not merely idle, but also gossips and busybodies, talking about things not proper to mention.14Therefore, I want younger widows to get married, bear children, keep house, and give the enemy no occasion for reproach;15for some have already turned aside to follow Satan.16If any woman who is a believer has dependent widows, she must assist them and the church must not be burdened, so that it may assist those who are widows indeed.

[sewingmom2]

It IS possible to continue to be a SAHM and homeschool after one is widowed. I was widowed at 43 with three teens at home. Eighteen months later, my best friend and her husband died and I added her two to our family. They were 18 and 19 and still needed a home.

I continued to homeschool for six more years, until our youngest graduated and headed off to college. I then went back to school and renewed my teaching certificate. Eight years after I was widowed, I began to work again.

I received no government assistance of any kind. The children did receive social security benefits until age 18. I had life insurance, savings, retirement accounts, no debt, a paid-for house, and so on. The children all graduated from college with no debt, using a combination of insurance monies, work, and savings.

I do hear what you are saying but surely most of us are in the position where we plan for the future and manage our finances accordingly. My dh and I had made plans that provided if either one of us died prematurely. That is the sane thing to do.

[Jana814]

My fundi uncle died and left enough insurance so that my aunt could stay home until the youngest finishes school. I don't know what will happen next. I wouldn't call them super fundi but they were not fundi light. One thing is he provided well for his family.

That's wonderful that he did that.

[B5SnowDog]

Not to mention that there are cases where life insurance won't pay out, like suicide.

Some policies do pay out for suicide as long as it doesn't occur within a certain time frame after purchasing the policy.

[Wolfie]

What did my 1950s housewife grandmother do when her husband died without life insurance? She worked as a secretary and got into real estate, because she had kids to feed.

If you weren't Jewish, I would ask if you were my cousin. (but then the only two females in my generation on that side are my sister and I.)

[Megan]

This is another situation where that story about the man in the flood who refuses help three times because "God will save him" comes to my mind. HOW is God going to provide? Presumably He could provide through the woman having some work experience and education (doesn't necessarily need to be college education depending on what she wants to do, but that certainly wouldn't hurt!) so that she can support her family. Otherwise God might have to provide through the welfare system and we all know what Lori thinks about government assistance :roll:

Churches, friends, and family can usually help with certain needs, but they aren't usually equipped to help support a family full-time for an indefinite amount of time.

I thought of that exact same story (probably too much West Wing watching...). Maybe you've been provided opportunities now and you're ignoring them, Lori, because you expect to be zapped to safety when something bad comes.

[clarinetpower]

Here's a real Ava Gardner quote:

"If I had my life to live over again, I'd live it the same way. Maybe a few changes here or there, but nothing special. The truth is, honey, I've enjoyed my life. I've had a hell of a good time.

(Ava: My Story p. 279)"

The quote Lori puts forth is no where to be found, except on a LAF site. Puhleaze.

[HeckBound]

:x

He dies and hell yeah "god will provide." It's called a million dollars in life insurance on him, and only an idiot would be a SAHM and NOT have a ton of life insurance on the family's only breadwinner.

I never kept up marketable job skills out of fear he would DIE because that's why I have a shitload of life insurance on him. However, NOTHING will provide for my family except for ME should he suffer an accident or injury which renders him unable to do his earn that income anymore. Brain injuries happen to even the best of us, even if you discredit divorce, abuse or abandonment as risk factors.

Moron, the church will NOT provide. The church will fail and leave a widow at risk. The one thing the church consisently does fail at anymore is actually meeting the needs of the vunerable in their midsts.

Ah yeah, this. I'm a financial planner and sell various insurances, among other things. Adequate life AND disability for young families is SO important. Not only for the breadwinner...say the SAH parent kicks. How much does It cost to replace all the services they performed? Plenty. Term is inexpensive. Buy some.

And generally, after 2 years most policies pay out in the event of suicide. And from this Lori person, I'm getting that "God will provide" involves freeloading off your friends and family indefinitely. Yippee.

[treehugger]

It IS possible to continue to be a SAHM and homeschool after one is widowed. I was widowed at 43 with three teens at home. Eighteen months later, my best friend and her husband died and I added her two to our family. They were 18 and 19 and still needed a home.

I continued to homeschool for six more years, until our youngest graduated and headed off to college. I then went back to school and renewed my teaching certificate. Eight years after I was widowed, I began to work again.

I received no government assistance of any kind. The children did receive social security benefits until age 18. I had life insurance, savings, retirement accounts, no debt, a paid-for house, and so on. The children all graduated from college with no debt, using a combination of insurance monies, work, and savings.

I do hear what you are saying but surely most of us are in the position where we plan for the future and manage our finances accordingly. My dh and I had made plans that provided if either one of us died prematurely. That is the sane thing to do.

That is wonderful that you were able to do that. Unfortunately, most of the people we snark on here (especially fundies - most of whom don't believe in insurance because it shows lack of faith in God or something :roll: ) do not plan for the future or manage their finances well. Most of them are too busy popping out blessings they can't afford to feed, while their husbands are self-employed. Also, some of them (think Generation Starvation Kelly) are already living off of other people, while her husband is still alive.

[Minerva]

It IS possible to continue to be a SAHM and homeschool after one is widowed. I was widowed at 43 with three teens at home. Eighteen months later, my best friend and her husband died and I added her two to our family. They were 18 and 19 and still needed a home.

I continued to homeschool for six more years, until our youngest graduated and headed off to college. I then went back to school and renewed my teaching certificate. Eight years after I was widowed, I began to work again.

I received no government assistance of any kind. The children did receive social security benefits until age 18. I had life insurance, savings, retirement accounts, no debt, a paid-for house, and so on. The children all graduated from college with no debt, using a combination of insurance monies, work, and savings.

I do hear what you are saying but surely most of us are in the position where we plan for the future and manage our finances accordingly. My dh and I had made plans that provided if either one of us died prematurely. That is the sane thing to do.

No one's saying that it's impossible, just that many many people are not privileged enough for it to be possible for them. It's great that your husband, your best friend and her husband had insurance plans that paid out well. It's great that you had savings, no debt and so on. A lot of people are not that fortunate. You say that "most" people should be in that position, but it honestly sounds like if you weren't better off than most people, you at least had lucky circumstances. I mean, do you really expect most people to choose an insurance company based on whether they pay out in the event of a suicide? It's certainly sensible to, but there's no way you can blame most people for never even considering that as a possibility. And shit, my family's middle class and my parents still haven't paid off their damn houses. Death doesn't politely wait for your loans to be paid off.

The issue with Lori's post is that she claims that any widow can SAHM and that women never need a backup plan because God will provide if their husband dies or needs to stop working. Not just the lucky women, all women. Which is an easy theory to push when you're Lori and you'll never ever have to test it out.

[GeoBQn]

My husband hopes that a widow goes to Lori's house and says, "I'm a widow, and G-d told me directly that YOU would financially support me!"

[lilwriter85]

My husband hopes that a widow goes to Lori's house and says, "I'm a widow, and G-d told me directly that YOU would financially support me!"

I would love if that happened. I also wonder if Lori has ever assisted a widow for long periods of time. I don't think she has and if she did it one to a few times. I doubt Lori or her church have spent years supporting a widow.

[lilwriter85]

More from the comments section

Amy · 5 hours ago

Are there churches in the U.S. who are living tbe Biblical directive to support widows? This information, if shared, could be such a comfort to so many women. Does Tithing contribute to that cause or is that individual to each Congregation? Thank you!

Lori Alexander · 4 hours ago

Churches who follow the Bible seriously should be supporting widows. Some above comments tell of churches who practice this. Families are the first ones responsible to support widows. If they can't, then the church should. I seriously doubt any church out there is going to let widows starve.

Amie · 4 hours ago

Members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) go without food and drink for 1 day each month and donate the amount they would have spent on food to their Bishops. This money is used to provide for the needy in thier churches. The Mormons have storehouses which provide groceries and supplies to those in need. They have employment services available without charge to help those looking for work. I'm grateful to be able to help my church provide for those less fortunate.

Lori Alexander · 3 hours ago

Actually, our church takes a monthly benevolent offering for those in need. I just remembered that.

I still call bullshit about some churches supporting widows for years. Yes, many churches do have benevolent offerings/funds, but many people would never ask month after month for assistance. Regarding the LDS church and storehouses, some people on ex-Mormon.org have said that asking for assistance can be a pain because some bishops and higher ups make things a bit difficult.

amy · 4 hours ago

The reality is, that many churches don't have money to provide financial assistance to their parishioners. My church had to merge with another local church to survive financially. The tithing that happens at our church goes into the running of the church (heat, maintenance, salaries, etc). Also, in this economy, relying on love ones for financial support may not be feasible. This is why life insurance is so important!

In my situation, I would be able to draw on life insurance to support my daughters and I. I also hold a master's degree in counseling psychology (I earned my degree debt free). I could

go back to work part time and earn a really good salary, as well as health insurance for my

family. This gives me comfort.

Lori's stupid response to amy

Lori Alexander · 3 hours ago

It is in the difficult times when you can't see a way out humanly speaking that God does His greatest miracles and provides. I have heard many stories of God's provision through difficult trials and tribulations.

And my God will supply ALL your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19

Churches and their members can't always work miracles.

[Jana814]

I would love if that happened. I also wonder if Lori has ever assisted a widow for long periods of time. I don't think she has and if she did it one to a few times. I doubt Lori or her church have spent years supporting a widow.

Have to agree!