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Lori Alexander: G-d Will Provide if Husband Dies


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Lori refutes the claim that women should go to college and work so they can support themselves if their husbands die with the logic that . . . if G-d means for women to be stay-at-home wives and mothers, then surely He will protect them no matter what happens.

lorialexander.blogspot.com/2013/02/what-if-he-dies.html

Whatever happened to the saying, "G-d helps those who help themselves?" And how does Lori never run out of sexist drivel to post?

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I just want to shake her and tell her that God gave us brains and the ability to think and learn and that by trying to suppress all that, she is going against God and denying one of his gifts to us. I don’t think she’d listen, and I would wind up insane from the effort though.

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Or, your husband can leave you and the quiver, as has happened to more then a few fundies.

It's really just irresponsible to not have a backup plan. Rather then spending 10 years learning to be a homemaker, it would be wiser to learn a profitable skill as a worst case scenario situation. What if the woman's parents die, the husband becomes abusive, and no church can afford to support you long term (likely)? Lori would probably say to have faith God will provide, but here in the real world best case scenarios don't always happen.

The upper class fundies preach a lifestyle that can be (is) downright dangerous for their lower class counterparts to follow.

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Loi's blog entry lacks examples of "how God will provide for a widow". Other fundie bloggers have blogged about this topic, but they also talk about relatives, churches, or private charities helping out widows. There have been a couple of bloggers who suggest that widows remarry as soon as possible. Churches and private charities can only do so much to help people in need. There are some churches that have limits on how much they help people financially.

There was an incident on Lori's blog last year, where one of her fan girls said that her relatives and church would take care of her and her kids if something happened to her husband. I wouldn't want to be dependent on relatives or a church for years, especially relatives. Unless, someone is very wealthy, many wouldn't be able to help support a widow and her kids for years. Lori probably has a bit more money than many of her readers do. Her parents were well to do and I think she would have been ok if something had happened to Ken. She doesn't realize or maybe even care that many women don't have deep resources.

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Oh bullshit bullshit bullshit.

Apart from the violation of common sense principles, I am often struck at how these fundies really don't seem to have paid much attention to their religion. Bad things routinely happen to good people. God lets this happen. This is a problem that most five year olds first confront in Sunday School and the answers to it are foundational for a lot of different doctrines ranging from Atheism (God isn't there and bad things are distributed randomly) to Calvinism (Deep down everybody is totally depraved and deserve what they get). Acting like "Oh, if I am good then God will save me from bad things" is really theologically naive.

And honestly I'm pretty sure that if that Ava Gardner quote is legit that Ms. Gardner was either lying or really deceiving herself. She was married three times to very well-off men... if she really wanted to give it all up and housewife, she could have easily.

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Or, your husband can leave you and the quiver, as has happened to more then a few fundies.

It's really just irresponsible to not have a backup plan. Rather then spending 10 years learning to be a homemaker, it would be wiser to learn a profitable skill as a worst case scenario situation. What if the woman's parents die, the husband becomes abusive, and no church can afford to support you long term (likely)? Lori would probably say to have faith God will provide, but here in the real world best case scenarios don't always happen.

The upper class fundies preach a lifestyle that can be (is) downright dangerous for their lower class counterparts to follow.

I have seen a couple of lower class fundies preach the same things as Lori. The most memorable one was Zsu's homegirl Latisha aka Jessica. She closed her blog down, but she once did a Q&A posting. Someone asked her about what a woman should do if her husband dies. Jessica's response was that the women should continue staying home with the kids and she should seek help from a church, family members, and remarry. I thought it was a bit stupid for Jessica to be saying that especially since she was attending a smaller church and she didn't come from an upper class family. Her husband's side was a bit worse off than hers.

Another scenario that fundies never think about is what if the husband becomes ill or disabled. Some illnesses do cause disabilities and accidents have disabled people. My boyfriend's mom is a retired occupational therapist. She worked with disabled people and some of her patients never returned to work because of their disabilities.

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That's why there are no widows living in poor conditions or in homeless shelters.

'

Oh, their being there is "proof" that they are ungodly in some way, and if they would just give up their secret sin, God would richly reward them.

The "if you are not blessed it is because you don't deserve blessings, and YOU know why that is" line is so handy in these situations.... :(

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Another huge problem with Lori and her advice is that many of her fangirls have larger families. Lori has preached on and on about people having large families because the Bible says so. But she probably doesn't realize how difficult it would be support a large family on one income. Lori only had four kids and Ken probably didn't have difficulties supporting five people. If they had more kids, they might have encountered financial problems because they also live in an expensive state. The only time Lori has ever indicated financial problems was when her daughter left a private college.

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This is another situation where that story about the man in the flood who refuses help three times because "God will save him" comes to my mind. HOW is God going to provide? Presumably He could provide through the woman having some work experience and education (doesn't necessarily need to be college education depending on what she wants to do, but that certainly wouldn't hurt!) so that she can support her family. Otherwise God might have to provide through the welfare system and we all know what Lori thinks about government assistance :roll:

Churches, friends, and family can usually help with certain needs, but they aren't usually equipped to help support a family full-time for an indefinite amount of time.

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Complete absent logic, as usual. The Proverbs 31 wife was a businesswomen - she buys land, farms it, makes cloths and sells it.

What did my 1950s housewife grandmother do when her husband died without life insurance? She worked as a secretary and got into real estate, because she had kids to feed.

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Why do I keep clicking on all these Lori topics? My head is starting to hurt from all the wall-banging. :angry-banghead:

Seriously, Lori - get out of your little bubble and try living in the real world for one day. I dare you to spend half a day at a woman's shelter (or perhaps the morgue, where you can see some real life examples of women who stayed with abusive husbands), and the other half of the day in a slum (where, shockingly enough, you will meet plenty of Christian women who have to work 3 job just to stay alive). I have volunteered at soup kitchens and women's shelters. The real world is not pretty - and there is no fucking way most of the women I've met at either place would have survived if they had followed your stupid advice!

Edited because I got a tad bit carried away and forgot how to use proper punctuation. :oops:

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Yes, of course. It's godly to keep living and being a drain on your family and church until you remarry (if you ever do) and refuse to work or leave home. That's not a handout, that's what god wants! But if you dare take public assistance, you are lazy and being a drain on society at large. Got it, makes perfect sense. :roll:

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How long before they come up with widow insurance, modeled after Scamaritan for just these occasions?

I think that Gleaning the Harvest organization sort of fits as a "widow insurance". The organization raises money for widows and tries to teach them how to set up home based businesses. But there are issues with that organization because some of the women have trouble setting up businesses and making money.

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I can see why some couples walk out of Lori's counseling courses. What I can't understand is why everyone doesn't walk out. Her advice is inane at best and dangerous at worst. I can just imagine some poor fool using her "black salve" to treat a melanoma which metastasizes before the person becomes aware of their error or a woman who abandons all efforts to take care of herself only to find herself at a shelter (or worse - on the street) with her children after her husband dies/leaves/becomes disabled or a woman who tries to keep submitting and keeping sweet to an abuser who then kills her or her children. To top it off, I can not imagine that Lori will be there to help anyone pick up the pieces should her advice lead to disaster. Oh, she might spout a few platitudes or blame the victim for their misfortune but she does not seem to have much if any empathy or compassion so I don't see her doing much more to help anyone.

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If I had relatives where the wife was a SAHM and the husband died, I would not (and could not) support them for any extended period of time. I would try to help her in the beginning, but after a while, I would expect her to help herself. I would also help in other ways, such as babysitting, but we could not afford to support another family indefinitely. I suspect that the rest of my relatives would feel the same way.

What these fundy families really need to have is a good life insurance policy - enough to support the families while the mom learns a marketable skill and goes into the workforce.

I guess that my sympathy level is not high in these situations - I would resent having to support an able-bodied family member due to her choice of not working (I'm not referring to anyone with a disability who can't work, etc. - that's a different story), since I have worked for most of my adult life. I am now a SAHM for a short period of time due to a job layoff, but if something happened to my husband, I would be busting my butt to support my kids. My parents are not in good health and live on a small retirement income, so they would not be able to provide much assistance. I supported myself while receiving my degrees, and had to work when my children were toddlers. Fortunately, I have enough work experience that it wouldn't be too difficult to enter the workforce again (which I plan to do anyway in about a year).

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I can see why some couples walk out of Lori's counseling courses. What I can't understand is why everyone doesn't walk out. Her advice is inane at best and dangerous at worst. I can just imagine some poor fool using her "black salve" to treat a melanoma which metastasizes before the person becomes aware of their error or a woman who abandons all efforts to take care of herself only to find herself at a shelter (or worse - on the street) with her children after her husband dies/leaves/becomes disabled or a woman who tries to keep submitting and keeping sweet to an abuser who then kills her or her children. To top it off, I can not imagine that Lori will be there to help anyone pick up the pieces should her advice lead to disaster. Oh, she might spout a few platitudes or blame the victim for their misfortune but she does not seem to have much if any empathy or compassion so I don't see her doing much more to help anyone.

I think Lori reels in couples who have almost exact beliefs as her. The church she attends seems mainstream and not really fundie. My guess is that Lori and Ken are some of the more extreme members and they probably turn off some of the couples they try to "mentor". There is nothing good about Lori and Ken's extreme beliefs. On the blog, I think she has turned off some of her readers because there was period of time in which she wasn't getting a lot of praise comments. I have looked at the blogs of some commenters and several of them aren't as extreme as Lori. There was one blogger who seemed very independent. She was in her late 20s and bought a house and was recently engaged. There were other details about her life that Lori wouldn't have liked. I never saw that particular comment on Lori's blog again.

I agree Lori wouldn't help a woman who ends up in crisis due to an abusive husband. I said this in another Lori thread, but I think there is probably a woman connected to Lori who is being abused in some way right now. I also think think a tragedy linked to Lori and Ken's advice is bound to happen and I also see a huge possibility of one of their daughters ending up in a domestic tragedy. This might sound crazy, but I worry more for Lori's daughters than the Maxwell daughters.

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[b]If I had relatives where the wife was a SAHM and the husband died, I would not (and could not) support them for any extended period of time. I would try to help her in the beginning, but after a while, I would expect her to help herself. I would also help in other ways, such as babysitting, but we could not afford to support another family indefinitely. I suspect that the rest of my relatives would feel the same way.

What these fundy families really need to have is a good life insurance policy - enough to support the families while the mom learns a marketable skill and goes into the workforce.

I guess that my sympathy level is not high in these situations - I would resent having to support an able-bodied family member due to her choice of not working (I'm not referring to anyone with a disability who can't work, etc. - that's a different story), since I have worked for most of my adult life. I am now a SAHM for a short period of time due to a job layoff, but if something happened to my husband, I would be busting my butt to support my kids. My parents are not in good health and live on a small retirement income, so they would not be able to provide much assistance. I supported myself while receiving my degrees, and had to work when my children were toddlers. Fortunately, I have enough work experience that it wouldn't be too difficult to enter the workforce again (which I plan to do anyway in about a year).

I think most people would feel that way. I no longer affiliate with churches or religious organizations, but I would be annoyed if I was attending a church and a pastor expected me to constantly donate money or goods to someone who can work, but refuses to work. Incidents like that do happen in churches.

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Monica · 4 hours ago

I don't think I can agree with this post. I do not believe it is an excuse when women have the foresight to prepare for the unknown. That doesn't mean a person doesn't trust God, it means they are using the common sense, and direction God gave them. I feel with this reasoning we also shouldn't have health or car insurance.

Lori Alexander · 4 hours ago

According to God's Word, which I try and base all my teachings upon, widows under 60 years old are to remarry so their husbands can take care of them. The church is commanded to take care of widows over 60 years old if they have no family. Families and churches should be the ones taking of widows if we were living the way God commanded us to live.

Guest · 4 hours ago

Do you know of any churches that do this, i.e., "take care of widows over 60 years old if they have no family?" I don't personally know of any, nor have I ever heard of any.

So is there some kind of matchmaking service that guarantees widows under 60 can get married? Is a church not obligated to help out widows over 60 if the woman has family, even when that family is unable or unwilling to help her? Where exactly is she getting this magical number of 60 from, and how many churches are operating under the same rules?

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He dies and hell yeah "god will provide." It's called a million dollars in life insurance on him, and only an idiot would be a SAHM and NOT have a ton of life insurance on the family's only breadwinner.

I never kept up marketable job skills out of fear he would DIE because that's why I have a shitload of life insurance on him. However, NOTHING will provide for my family except for ME should he suffer an accident or injury which renders him unable to do his earn that income anymore. Brain injuries happen to even the best of us, even if you discredit divorce, abuse or abandonment as risk factors.

Moron, the church will NOT provide. The church will fail and leave a widow at risk. The one thing the church consisently does fail at anymore is actually meeting the needs of the vunerable in their midsts.

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So is there some kind of matchmaking service that guarantees widows under 60 can get married? Is a church not obligated to help out widows over 60 if the woman has family, even when that family is unable or unwilling to help her? Where exactly is she getting this magical number of 60 from, and how many churches are operating under the same rules?

Lori is an idiot to think that any widow under 60 can easily remarry. Some can't for various reasons. Like the guest commenter said, I have also never heard of any churches doing that kind of stuff regarding widows without families. I can't imagine a church paying nursing home bills or other things for an elderly widow with doesn't have a family.

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People who think like this are practicing magical thinking, not faith. "If I just say I love God enough times, nothing bad will ever happen to me." :roll:

Guess what, folks? Life don't work that way, and God ain't a lucky charm. God gave us free will. Use yours to do more than sit on your hands and chant, "Jesus, I trust in you. Jesus, I trust in you. Jesus, I trust in you," ad infinitum. If you truly trust in Jesus, you'll trust that you have the brains and the ability to act proactively to provide for yourself and your children in the even of divorce, death, illness, job loss, etc., etc., etc.

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Lori is an idiot to think that any widow under 60 can easily remarry. Some can't for various reasons. Like the guest commenter said, I have also never heard of any churches doing that kind of stuff regarding widows without families. I can't imagine a church paying nursing home bills or other things for an elderly widow with doesn't have a family.

I do know of churches that operate retirement communities for members, but you have to buy into a facility, and apartments aren't cheap. They're more to ensure that elderly faithful have access to religious services, pastors, etc. They're not geared toward the indigent.

Even many orders of Catholic women religious will not accept older women for postulancy. Many won't accept women much over 35 or 40 because they cannot afford to take on women, who may or may not have ac actual vocation to religious life, who will all-too-soon need expensive and intensive medical care.

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Ugh. I certainly hope people are not following this idiot's advice. And if they are, I hope they have a ton of insurance on the breadwinner.

I have a sister who is a SAHM and says she'll never work again. Fair enough. At least while her husband is still alive and kicking. I asked her what she'd do if he passed away (they have no life insurance, no retirement funds, no savings, and currently live paycheck to paycheck). Her answer? God will provide. Well, I hope she never has to find out what a lie that is. As her sister, I'm more than willing to help out as much as I can, but I cannot afford to support her and her children. She'd be welcome to come live with me (although I have a very small house, so it'd be pretty crowded). There would be some rules however. Since all of her children are school age, she would be required to get a job. If she's going to live with me, she's going to contribute to the costs incurred in the household. I don't support lazy asses. Given the tight quarters, I'd also expect her to start working toward the goal of finding a place of her own. She is not welcome to live with me for eternity. I love her and her children and I'd be more than willing to help, but I will not completely support her family. She decided to have those kids and they (and their care) are her responsibility. I would work 24/7/365 if that is what it took to put food on table and a roof over my child's head. I expect the same from any other parent also.

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