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Admire Your Man. He Might Forget You're A Woman.


debrand

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I wonder how much of this is due to fundie women going from "sex is evil, women are evil temptresses, cover yourself up" to having a sexual relationship that they're likely not prepared for. A lot of these women might need constant reminding that sex is OK, and that being attracted to their husbands is OK. The reminder could be more for them than the husband.

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She posted it.

Sola Starmarisol says:

October 28, 2012 at 6:47 am

I keep hearing this all over the internet on Christian marriage sites, or perhaps I should say on certain Christian marriage sites. It puzzles me; is your husband’s ego so fragile that he has to be constantly reminded of the fact that he is a man? If that is the case then how can a man with such a fragile ego be a leader?

I’ve been married to a wonderful man for over twenty years. He, by his own admission doesn’t need me to keep telling him how manly he is. In fact if he did he would think that I was being facetious.

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Mrs. Wayne Hunter says:

October 28, 2012 at 7:14 am

Sola – Praising and admiring one’s husband for his manliness isn’t constantly reminding a man that he’s a man. Husbands of Fascinating Women are masculine and have proper self-esteem or “masculine egos†and are amazing leaders; they certainly don’t need “reminded†of it, like they’ll forget if we don’t tell them or that what we are saying is so patently untrue that if we don’t keep it up we’ll both forget what we said. What you describe is flattery, which is insincere and destructive. What FW teaches is earnest praise and admiration, which is very healthy for the giver and receiver. Being praised and admired for your strengths, positive traits, and physical attributes by the one person who is closer to you than any other person in the world – by the person who is literally one with you – is edifying and feels really good; these things bring out the best in people.

But the best is her response to the next comment:

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Jim Carnas (Oklahoma City) says:

October 28, 2012 at 10:59 am

As a man, I must agree with Sola. I would not want my wife admiring me all the time. I like it that she can kill her own scorpions and that she is strong and confident. I don’t feel it’s essential to have my manliness praised–actually, it’s kind of off-putting.

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Mrs. Wayne Hunter says:

October 28, 2012 at 11:30 am

Fascinating Women are strong and confident, as well. If faced with a difficult situation such as a bear being in the yard when her husband isn’t home and her having herself and her children to protect from the bear, such a woman has the inner (and outer, thanks to her radiant health) strength to deal with it. If she has to shoot the bear to protect herself and her children – kapow! that bear’s gone. Fascinating Women are also extraordinarily strong in character, they are genuinely good, virtuous, righteous women.

You are, of course Mr. Carnas, entitled and welcome to your own feelings about being admired; no one on earth can possibly feel things in your stead – you own your own feelings and know them like no one else possibly could in the whole world. Are you completely sure that if a very feminine woman sincerely admired you, you wouldn’t enjoy it and feel more manly and good about your masculinity? If you are older and have kept your physical shape well, how would you feel if your wife said (and you knew that she truly meant it), “Jim, I admire the fact that you haven’t let yourself go over the years, that you love and respect yourself enough to keep in shape. You look outstanding!†then gave you a kiss on the cheek and went about her day?

“As the fining pot for silver, and the furnace for gold; so is a man to his praise.†~ Proverbs 27:21

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Yes, you have the right to your opinion, Manly McMannerson, but are you suuuuuuuuure you wouldn't like a saccharine, patronizing compliment followed by the sweet promise of a blowjob? You're not Christian enough, apparently, to see that she is actually right, but you're a man, so it's just fine and she'll just wheedle until she gets her way.

This woman makes is an embarrassment to the female gender.

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If you can resist, you have no heart :evil:

I always wondered why so many guys have such a problem with pink. Not all, mind you (I love it when a man rocks pink) but so many are worried they will look girly or ghey. Which is just plain silly, it's a fucking color for god's sake. Anyways, I'm pretty sure most gay men can tell a straight man in pink vs a gay man in pink. And I can never recall thinking "oh, that man in a pink shirt could totally never open this jar of gherkins that is giving me issues." :lol:

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She posted it.

Am I the only one confused by the response to Sola? When I say to my husband "I think you look great in that outfit" I always mean it. I mean, this is just common sense shit. You are nice to the person you are married to because hopefully, you really like that person and are attracted to them. Saying nice things just comes with the territory. It's so "duh" I'm just confused why Mrs. Wayne Hunter has to articulate.

Btw...one of my biggest pet peeves is being referred to as Mrs. HusbandFirstName LastName. It's like the woman doesn't have her own identity, she's completely wrapped into her husband's identity. I articulated to my family that if they EVER referred to me Mrs. DHPeasncarrots they would receive an earfull in return. Though I haven't encountered this problem as I kept my name instead of changing it.

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If you can resist, you have no heart :evil:

I always wondered why so many guys have such a problem with pink. Not all, mind you (I love it when a man rocks pink) but so many are worried they will look girly or ghey. Which is just plain silly, it's a fucking color for god's sake. Anyways, I'm pretty sure most gay men can tell a straight man in pink vs a gay man in pink. And I can never recall thinking "oh, that man in a pink shirt could totally never open this jar of gherkins that is giving me issues." :lol:

KITTY!!!

Ok, back on topic.

I'm with you, I've never understood the whole "man wearing a pink/purple shirt = ghey" argument. It's a color. Ex-bf used to wear purple and dark pink dress shirts to work, and no one ever questioned his sexuality. At the same time I was dating the ex, I had a guy friend that was so uptight about people thinking he was OMG ghey that he wouldn't go near anything pink, purple, or remotely "girly." :roll: I'd be like, "So what if they do?! You should be secure enough that it doesn't matter what people think!" Not very encouraging of his "manliness," I suppose. :lol:

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KITTY!!!

Ok, back on topic.

I'm with you, I've never understood the whole "man wearing a pink/purple shirt = gay" argument. It's a color. The ex-bf used to wear purple and dark pink dress shirts to work, and no one ever questioned his sexuality. At the same time I was dating the ex, I had a guy friend that was so uptight about people thinking he was OMG ghey that he wouldn't go near anything pink, purple, or remotely "girly." :roll: I'd be like, "So what if they do?! You should be secure enough that it doesn't matter what people think!" Not very encouraging of his "manliness," I suppose. :lol:

Yeah, I don't understand the big deal if someone thinks you are gay or not. Just putting it out there, but I have been mistaken as a lesbian several times before (I have very very short hair, built rather athletically and don't dress terribly girly). I don't really have a problem with it, other than the fact some people think I should feel bothered by it. I'm a butch looking straight woman, and it's cool :mrgreen: Funny thing is, it's always straight people that assume I'm a lesbian :lol:

But, I'm also saying this as someone who lives in a city where people are for the most part tolerant of gays. I imagine there are plenty of other places in the US where mouthbreathers will gladly beat up a man wearing pink assuming they were gay.

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Mrs. Wayne Hunter says:

October 28, 2012 at 11:30 am

Fascinating Women are strong and confident, as well. If faced with a difficult situation such as a bear being in the yard when her husband isn’t home and her having herself and her children to protect from the bear, such a woman has the inner (and outer, thanks to her radiant health) strength to deal with it. If she has to shoot the bear to protect herself and her children – kapow! that bear’s gone. Fascinating Women are also extraordinarily strong in character, they are genuinely good, virtuous, righteous women.

You are, of course Mr. Carnas, entitled and welcome to your own feelings about being admired; no one on earth can possibly feel things in your stead – you own your own feelings and know them like no one else possibly could in the whole world. Are you completely sure that if a very feminine woman sincerely admired you, you wouldn’t enjoy it and feel more manly and good about your masculinity? If you are older and have kept your physical shape well, how would you feel if your wife said (and you knew that she truly meant it), “Jim, I admire the fact that you haven’t let yourself go over the years, that you love and respect yourself enough to keep in shape. You look outstanding!†then gave you a kiss on the cheek and went about her day?

“As the fining pot for silver, and the furnace for gold; so is a man to his praise.†~ Proverbs 27:21

It sounds like she's gearing up to sell a weight loss program.

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Am I the only one confused by the response to Sola? When I say to my husband "I think you look great in that outfit" I always mean it. I mean, this is just common sense shit. You are nice to the person you are married to because hopefully, you really like that person and are attracted to them. Saying nice things just comes with the territory. It's so "duh" I'm just confused why Mrs. Wayne Hunter has to articulate.

Btw...one of my biggest pet peeves is being referred to as Mrs. HusbandFirstName LastName. It's like the woman doesn't have her own identity, she's completely wrapped into her husband's identity. I articulated to my family that if they EVER referred to me Mrs. DHPeasncarrots they would receive an earfull in return. Though I haven't encountered this problem as I kept my name instead of changing it.

Yeah, but they think women are so stupid we need to be told common sense shit. Also, if you married a complete dick hole because your parents wanted you to choose a mate based on a limited number of supervised meetings, you probably won't like or be attracted to them. If you're a fundie couple, there's also a one in ten chance one of you is gay and won't admit it. Fundie culture is a recipe for unloving marriages, yet does not permit divorce, so they have to tell their women how to act towards their husbands.

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:o I've never told dh how manly he is. That's probably why he's never told me how womanly I am. I always assumed that we both knew...

...Just told him now. I must not have told him incorrectly, because all he said was "ok?" :?

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I have the feeling it would do more harm than good to our relationship if I said "yep, still there" every time I saw my partner's penis, but that's just me.

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Imagine knocking on the toilet door.

Him:"What the fuck? I'm trying to have a shit in here!"

You:"But sweetheart! In order to fulfil my womanly duties I need to see your manhood repeatedly so I can praise it and therefore you for being a Manly Man. I haven't seen it once today, and if you don't show me it quick so I can check it's still attached, I'll be late for the Christian Mothers and Toddlers' Group".

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Btw...one of my biggest pet peeves is being referred to as Mrs. HusbandFirstName LastName. It's like the woman doesn't have her own identity, she's completely wrapped into her husband's identity. I articulated to my family that if they EVER referred to me Mrs. DHPeasncarrots they would receive an earfull in return. Though I haven't encountered this problem as I kept my name instead of changing it.

I wonder what fundies think when they discover that I have a husband and two sons with MY last name... :twisted: That's right. I castrated my sons with just a signature on a birth certificate. GirlKay has her father's last name - the reasons for keeping my last name and ditching MrKay's last name are long and many.

I just went into the kitchen and told MrKay how manly etc. he was, and complimented his immense manly strength when he took a bag of potato chips out of the cupboard for BoyKay. Longest blank stare ever. :lol:

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I just asked The Partner how he'd feel if I complimented him on his immense manly strength.

TP: My what?

Me: Your immense manly strength.

TP: I'd be amused.

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OK, I tried this this morning and here are the results of my n=5 study in praise of manliness

1 - Woke and said to Mr Ping 'I am so greatful for your manly strength'

Response - Mr Ping said something like *snurfle* and stole rest of duvet

2- Over breakfast said - 'I am so happy I have a strong masculine man like yourself as my guide and protector'

Mr Ping paused in his eating, raised one eyebrow and appeared to be scanning for sarcasm

3 -Ambushed Mr Ping as he got out the shower and said ' its great to see you looking so manly'

Response - flexed muscles, grin and extremely improper suggestion which I will not repeat here

4 - Approached Mr Ping in the kitchen while he was making lunch for the kids and said ' I appreciate your god given manly influence in my life'

Response - put down butter knife and said ' youre behaving more oddly than usual today - what gives?

5 - Fearing that Mr Ping was confused by the essentially feminine nature of the culinary task he was engaged in I dragged him to the living room

and danced round him singing ' So manly, so manly' to the tune of

and the 3 yr old

joined in

Response ' Please stop'

I think that amounts to one success at recognizing (well, considering certain aspects of) my essential womanliness and 4 fails

Tomorrow I will try again to see if manly compliments are more efficacious than non gendered placebo

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Guest Anonymous
My husband doesn't have such a fragile ego that he needs complimenting every two minutes on the size of his penis. I'm pretty sure that as a result, he has never forgotten that I have a vagina either.

If he did happen to forget he is a man, I don't mind sharing my frilly knickers with him. After all what's mine is his and what's his is mine and what have you.

My husband doesn't want to be complimented ever on his size because, let's just say he's porn star size, and only guys who are average or small would think being like Ron Jeremy in that department is a good thing. I've learned it's only the in secure who need validation. Those who are what they want to be are secure enough in the knowledge to not need confirmation.

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Truthfully, if I started giving constant flattery and gushing comments to my husband, he'd probably wonder who I was and what I did with his wife. That being said, he knows when I do compliment him, I'm being sincere.

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Btw...one of my biggest pet peeves is being referred to as Mrs. HusbandFirstName LastName. It's like the woman doesn't have her own identity, she's completely wrapped into her husband's identity.

That is actually the correct way to use Mrs, although it has fortunately fallen out PD favor. Ms is so much better.

I really envy the Icelandic naming system and lack of titles.

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If I compliment my husband, I mean it, and I say it plainly. If I started off with all that flowery, manly, false crap, I'm pretty sure he's drive me to emerg - I must be having a bleed on the brain.

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EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! I love it when cute things turn up on your doorstep. That happened to me a few years ago too. <3

I am still poking hubby about melting over this little puff of cute furryness..... of course, I'll take his sucker, cream puff seff anyday over any fundie 'manly' man.

And? He not only rocks the pink nail polish, but swiped some of my Hello Kitty duct tape to 'fix' his wallet.

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I still don't get these two mindsets:

1. men are weak and stupid and controlled easily by showing too much shoulder and need constant reassurance/affirmation/support or he can do nothing

2. MEN ARE SUPER AWSUM LEADERS WHO DO NO WRONG CAUSE THEY HAS TEH PENIS!!!

I'm a fairly well-read Catholic, but where in the bible are they coming up with this shit?

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I agree that couples should compliment one another. However, I wouldn't want to be with a person who needed constant affirmation.

As far as viewing your husband as manly...I'm not really certain what she means. If a woman forgets to assure her husband that he does indeed have a penis and is a man will he forget that she is a woman? Maybe he'll think that he has accidentally gotten involved in a same sex marriage?

Whether my husband compliments me or not, I would have to have had my brain removed to forget his sex and hopefully the same is true for him.

I wish there was a "like" button here. I don't have anything to add to this, but I like it a lot and I especially like Debrand's posts a lot!

I edited this because I fucked it up the first time

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I still don't know how my partner's going to forget I'm a woman. I've assured him I'm cisgendered, so yes, these body parts are pretty good indicators. What meaning he assigns to "woman" is up to him.

Thank God it probably doesn't match the fundie meaning. :)

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My husband showed me that he had managed to save a pot that burned while making dinner. Thinking of this thread, I said in a sultry voice, "Oooh, you are so manly. That must have taken a lot of strength and penis." We then spent the next 10 minutes cracking up, but I am worried that he wants to make "Strength and Penis" our family motto.

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OK, I tried this this morning and here are the results of my n=5 study in praise of manliness

1 - Woke and said to Mr Ping 'I am so greatful for your manly strength'

Response - Mr Ping said something like *snurfle* and stole rest of duvet

2- Over breakfast said - 'I am so happy I have a strong masculine man like yourself as my guide and protector'

Mr Ping paused in his eating, raised one eyebrow and appeared to be scanning for sarcasm

3 -Ambushed Mr Ping as he got out the shower and said ' its great to see you looking so manly'

Response - flexed muscles, grin and extremely improper suggestion which I will not repeat here

4 - Approached Mr Ping in the kitchen while he was making lunch for the kids and said ' I appreciate your god given manly influence in my life'

Response - put down butter knife and said ' youre behaving more oddly than usual today - what gives?

5 - Fearing that Mr Ping was confused by the essentially feminine nature of the culinary task he was engaged in I dragged him to the living room

and danced round him singing ' So manly, so manly' to the tune of

and the 3 yr old

joined in

Response ' Please stop'

I think that amounts to one success at recognizing (well, considering certain aspects of) my essential womanliness and 4 fails

Tomorrow I will try again to see if manly compliments are more efficacious than non gendered placebo

I'm sure it's not good for me to laugh that hard. Do please keep us updated on the progress of your research.

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