The New Holy Bible is a giant washing sink. The Mortal Sins.

[lawfulevil]

Now now, I haven't defenestrated any books at all, even my best friend's Twilight collection.

I support feeding the hungry, sheltering the homeless, teaching the ignorant, loving the lonely and the elderly. In short, ensuring that services and hope exist for people who need them, whether or not they can afford them. A world where firefighters and policemen and doctors and politicians only defend and help the rich is horrifying. Anyone who would rather worry about saying grace than all the child rape, murder, incest, and cruelty in this world... is no god of mine and never could be. In that world there is no love and no hope, only adherence to rules and fearful praise to a narcissistic empty monster for a life of drudgery and pain. How hateful you are and the "god" you believe in, Mark Dreher, to demand roses and candles while tiny children suffer and die enslaved in mines. Better an eternity screaming in a lake of molten cat piss than to bow to the will of such a monster.

I don't even want to RULE in Hell. It just beats your "heaven".

You are tragic.

[Mark Dreher]

This is fun.

I like posting like this.

Writing in free-verse poetry.

Although it gets annoying to read.

Oh well.

It is fun.

Words are fun.

Ideas.

The effective transfer.

Of ideas.

[Mark Dreher]

Now now, I haven't defenestrated any books at all, even my best friend's Twilight collection.

I support feeding the hungry, sheltering the homeless, teaching the ignorant, loving the lonely and the elderly. In short, ensuring that services and hope exist for people who need them, whether or not they can afford them. A world where firefighters and policemen and doctors and politicians only defend and help the rich is horrifying. Anyone who would rather worry about saying grace than all the child rape, murder, incest, and cruelty in this world... is no god of mine and never could be. In that world there is no love and no hope, only adherence to rules and fearful praise to a narcissistic empty monster for a life of drudgery and pain. How hateful you are and the "god" you believe in, Mark Dreher, to demand roses and candles while tiny children suffer and die enslaved in mines. Better an eternity screaming in a lake of molten cat piss than to bow to the will of such a monster.

I don't even want to RULE in Hell. It just beats your "heaven".

You are tragic.

Republicans support feeding the hungry.

Republicans recycle their trash.

Republicans like Social Security.

Republicans like good health care.

You have no constituency.

You support nothing.

Truth be told.

[Mark Dreher]

The term "Sodomy" originated with the story of Sodom - and really, "Sodomite" should be used to describe an inhospitable, mean-spirited person rather than merely a person who likes butt-secks.

I'd go further into the discussion, but I suspect that would be pointless.

At any rate, I really think you and AJ Miller should get together for some kind of cage-match to determine who is the better Messiah. Maybe there could be a series of challenges, for example, concerning turning water to wine and walking on water. That sort of thing.

I specialize in "raising the dead".

Direct quote -

"Jesus was approached by some new converts who said that they wanted to follow him but that they first had to go bury a deceased relative. He said to them "let the dead bury the dead", (Matthew 8:22) meaning that the converts had been given the gift of life by being born again or being born of the spirit. They had been given the gift of immortality and they would now live for millions of years with God the Father, the saints and all of their loved ones in a place of indescribable beauty, comfort and peace.

The world is full of people who have not received the Father's Holy Spirit or "the dead" and they can handle such mundane tasks."

[Mark Dreher]

Well, then use google like the rest of us mortals and figure it out yourself.

We now know the answer to the question "What if God was one of us?"

He doesn't have an elementary grasp of english.

He doesn't have a high school grasp of poetic terms.

He doesn't know what "See Rock City" means and I wonder if he understands the meaning of "Burma Shave".

He is obsessed with porn, gay people, and small boobs.

He isn't hot looking at all.

What if God IS one of you?

"Behold, the tabernacle of God is now among men, and he will dwell among them, and they shall be his people, and God himself will be among them"

Something to think about.

[Mark Dreher]

BWHAHAHAHA!!!! :angelic-green: :character-beavisbutthead:

Don't make me smack you.

[Mark Dreher]

I am not God.

Best friend.

Attendant.

Personal servant.

Of God.

And he makes me type this way.

Each line is an "epigram" poem.

A magic spell

Against evil.

Like -

It is common knowledge.

Republicans work for God.

Democrats work for Satan.

The democratic platform.

On every election.

States:

"We are pro-choice".

And

"We are pro-homosexual".

You can not spit in God's face.

Any harder than that.

[Lainey]

How's the chafing with cloth pads? Better than disposables? I've resorted to tampons out of sheer frustration. The various cups are tempting, but I am freaking TINY, and I'm not sure how one goes about measuring for that sort of thing...

I haven't read the whole thread yet, so sorry if this has already been answered: MUCH better. I don't have any chafing at all with the cloth ones.

[Mark Dreher]

Heck, most of the time your god doesn't even tell you how to spell.

He man women haters club.

Don't make me bust a move.

[Mark Dreher]

On Fundies Say the Darndest Things, someone said he looks like a sentient Brussels sprout. I just thought I'd share.

Those bastards.

Thank you Lainey.

I will dispatch those interlopers.

Forthwith.

[Patsy]

Reading this topic, it is like the new board has a nice stripey background :) because he is posting so many comments in a row.

Serious kudos to all those who sought out the best place for a new board, I am loving the features.

[Patsy]

Oh, Lainey, I am so glad to hear that! If I ever have a washing machine I am not sharing (or only sharing with a partner who doesn't mind :)) I am going to use cloth pads. They sound so good.

[Mark Dreher]

Correct! Now, lets translate into a language our troll can understand. :cracking knuckles:

So, I can talk about his manly, crisco covered trunk heaving with holy and appointed rapturous passion and his hands purposed to his bulging, throbbing anaconda while he recieved visions from the lord to make hot, holy, maritally acceptable and in the missionary position only, love to me...

whatever wrote:

"I've got a 98-year old dyed-in-the-wool liberal neighbor. How does THAT work?"

God uses various methodologies to "get rid of liberals as expeditiously as possible".

One is, you tend to smoke.

Real Christians, generally, do not.

No ashtrays outside of churches.

That will cost you twenty years off your life right there.

And liberals tend to drink.

Five to ten years lost, depending how bad an alky you are.

And that is how God kills liberals.

Wraps them around a tree.

On the way home from a bar.

Or

A health issue.

[Mark Dreher]

You know Garcia, my mission.

In relation to the humans.

Is to break you.

And then to have you reform.

In a pleasing manner.

NBs.

Shooting for a big NB.

Because a nervous breakdown will help you.

As you are on the path to destruction.

I am called "The Lesser Yahweh".

And that would make me your Father.

With the Shekinah as your Mother.

Mum and Dad.

Have sent you

A note.

[Mark Dreher]

Mark, have you thought about taking your shtick on the road? Because this comes very close to being the sort of performance art people would pay to see. Replace God with a ventriloquist's dummy, or an Easy Bake Oven, or a small lap dog and you'll be raking in ticket sales in no time.

I do not need to "go on the road".

People come to me.

Right now

We are under an overwhelming attack from the Soviet Union.

The Soviet Union.

And China.

Are overwhelming the entire core backbone of the main "Go Daddy cloud core server".

The big banana.

The big kahuna.

The whole thing keeps crashing.

Over and over.

Tens of thousands of websites.

Keep crashing over and over.

Not kidding.

I don't need to go anywhere.

And I do not need to "do anything".

The battle

Is already

Over.

[Mark Dreher]

I haven't read the whole thread yet, so sorry if this has already been answered: MUCH better. I don't have any chafing at all with the cloth ones.

You people are now famous.

I have included this thread in the wall on facebook.

The facebook page of the second coming.

facebook.com/TheViceRegent

You people are now famous.

[Mark Dreher]

TeaBagSalad wrote:

"Why would anyone want to worship a being who is more concerned with petty things such as saying prayers before eating or going to church once a week over the murder or rape of another human being?"

The Son of Sam is going to Heaven.

Teabag.

Take a look at this

youtu.be/otm7IFhwDQ0

[Mark Dreher]

TeaBagSalad wrote:

"Why would anyone want to worship a being who is more concerned with petty things such as saying prayers before eating or going to church once a week over the murder or rape of another human being?"

The Son of Sam is going to Heaven.

Teabag.

Take a look at this

youtu.be/otm7IFhwDQ0

TeaBagSalad wrote:

"Doesn't that point out to you that your entire worldview is broken>?

If serial killers go to heaven, there is no possible way to enforce a system of moral behavior between people."

I said a murderer COULD go to Heaven.

The Son of Sam is going.

As you can see from the tape.

And the Son of Sam killed A LOT of people.

But as you can see from the tape.

That guy is going to Heaven.

After seeing those six taps on the Son of Sam.

I would rather have him for a neighbor.

Than a liberal.

The Son of Sam has been redeemed.

And he know prison will always be his home.

He has become good.

Just because it is the right thing to do.

Read the bible.

It will happen to you.

The Son of Sam was saved by the work of the Holy Spirit.

That guy's going to Heaven.

And 90% of the so called "innocents".

Who did nothing.

But ignore God.

Are not.

Who the Hell are you?

God does not know you.

Unless you say grace.

And unless you attend church.

[Mark Dreher]

Apparently, being the messiah means you can only speak in awkward, tiny, almost fragmentary sentences. :( Foe'ing here, too.

Shooby.

Dooby.

It is written.

"Is he not a speaker of parables"?

And I is.

These are called "epigrams".

An epigram

Is a short

One line

Witty poem.

Against evil.

In this case.

[Mark Dreher]

Largereminder wrote:

"Am I supposed to be persuaded to believe your claim to divinity merely because you published a website the evening before the assassination of Bin Laden? Do you actually consider this sufficient evidence? What is to prevent others from labeling any fortunate turn as a sign of heaven's approval, as long as it follows close enough in sequence to one's own action?"

We bought the website THREE HOURS BEFORE Bin Laden died.

thenewholybible.org/the_sign.htm

Maybe there was a lot of New Holy Bibles published THREE HOURS before his death.

And maybe

Just maybe.

There wasn't.

[Mark Dreher]

"You are equating a political party with God? sounds like blasphemy"

It is common knowledge.

Republicans work for God.

Democrats work for Satan.

The democratic platform.

On every election.

States:

"We are pro-choice".

And

"We are pro-homosexual".

You can not spit in God's face any harder than that.

[Jessica]

Whaaa?!?! A Bevis & Butthead smiley?!?! :character-beavisbutthead: :character-spongebobdance: Spongebob? Be still my heart!

[Mark Dreher]

aaa wrote:

"Your prose is quite something."

Thank you.

God is going to "take the earth by poetry".

Epigrams.

Short

Witty

One line poems.

"Is he not the speaker of parables"?

That's in the bible.

Pretty sure.

[Mark Dreher]

Whaaa?!?! A Bevis & Butthead smiley?!?! :character-beavisbutthead: :character-spongebobdance: Spongebob? Be still my heart!

What did he say?

[Mark Dreher]

catbarf wrote:

"And yet, according to Mark, forgetting to pray before eating is a far worse offense than going on a killing spree. How can anyone find that rational?"

I did not say that.

I said

A murderer can be reconciled with God.

And if that TRULY has happened.

Like Son of Sam, and many other cases.

If that guy.

Says grace.

Every time.

And attends a Protestant church.

Every week.

He is going to Heaven.

And every "clear record" liberal.

Who does not.

Will not.