Chick-fil-A Daddy/Daughter Date Nights

[holothuroidea]

Okay, AmyP, do dads set up dates or have dances with their sons also?

[holothuroidea]

Wonder why they aren't hosting a Mother/Son date night.......

Another poster said that they do also do these.

I am equally squicked by both scenarios.

[TXDuck]

ok, I think you guys are way over-reacting.

I don't think anyone is really over-reacting. See my post. Husband and Daughter did used to have "dates" just like I used to have "dates" with our son. But thanks to the über creepy fundies and their über creepy views on parental relationships, "dates" with your kid now has in most FJers' minds have icky connotations.

We now have "Spending Time With Son/Daughter" which is admittedly clunkier than "Mommy/Daddy date".

[treemom]

The language doesn't bother me. I always had regular 'dates' with my son, although we do it less when he was older.

It was a time for him and I to spend time together without the other parent there. My husband and son were much more likely to get that sort of 1:1 bonding with their shared interests. So T and I would go to dinner, do something fun and just talk to each other.

[formergothardite]

Another poster said that they do also do these.

I am equally squicked by both scenarios.

I looked up and it appears they do, they just don't devote a whole website to it like they do the daddy/daughter date night.

[alba]

What about the parents who only have children of the same sex as themselves? Do they do Mother-Daughter and Father-Son dates?

[QAF_Rocks]

I blame the idea that a woman is more likely to "sleep around" or date lower-class guys if she doesn't have a father deeply involved in her life. This morphs into the idea that the woman is looking for the attention she would be getting from her father elsewhere. Therefore..... fathers interactions with their daughters take the place of sex with men. If fathers want to discourage sex with men they need to be highly involved in their daughters life. Fathers also need to treat their daughters like they want her one-day suitor to treat her so that she'll know what she's looking for.

Crap? Yes. But this is where they're coming from I think.

Oh, definitely. It's like this pervasive belief (not just in the fundie world) that "good girls" don't want to have sex. It's a lot more explicit with teenage girls than adult women, but it's pretty widespread. In this worldview, the only possible reason that a teenage girl would be sexually active is because she's trying to "replace" the love and attention she should be getting from her father. There's no awareness that young women might want to have sex for their own reasons. "Good girls" are either being pressured into sex by their boyfriends, or else they're troubled nymphomaniacs with daddy issues. This is especially true if they have multiple partners, or if they're having sex outside of a committed relationship. It's a double standard that is always applied to girls, never to boys. No one would say that a 17-year-old boy who had had a lot of sex with more than one person was "acting out" because he had a bad relationship with his mother.

[QAF_Rocks]

A lady in my book club said something about that book recently and about how gay marriage is "bad" because kids need a mother and father to model a good relationship for them so they don't get into an abusive marriage. I shot that shit down pretty quickly. I learned a hell of a lot more from my best friend's lesbian moms than from my own hetero parents about what a good relationship looks like. I've modeled my own hetero marriage after things I learned from them, like respecting your partner as a human being, developing your own interests so that you're not overly clingy and about taking care of each other out of love.

Exactly! All those things about a relationship should be gender neutral. I just find it so weird that they seem to think a penis is required to teach girls how they should be treated by their partner. If children grow up seeing a stable, mature, respectful relationship between their parents, why wouldn't they model those attributes in their own future relationships? I really have a hard time understanding how they think gender is connected to this.

[QAF_Rocks]

Okay, AmyP, do dads set up dates or have dances with their sons also?

Good point. If it would seem squicky/inappropriate between a father and son, then I think it's equally so between a father and daughter.

FWIW, in my family, we had Mother/Son or Mother/Daughter Day, in which one of our parents would take us out alone for some one-on-one time. That seems like a good term that avoids any romantic implications.

[TXDuck]

FWIW, in my family, we had Mother/Son or Mother/Daughter Day, in which one of our parents would take us out alone for some one-on-one time. That seems like a good term that avoids any romantic implications.

We have something similar. It's "I'm taking Son/Daughter out for the afternoon. What you and Other Child going to do?" That would work no matter the gender of your kids or your spouse. And it avoids all the ickiness the fundies have saddled parental relationships with.

Edited because I realize I didn't make much sense the first time around. ;)

[AmyP]

Okay, AmyP, do dads set up dates or have dances with their sons also?

father/son dance I have never heard of. dates- sure, why not. My point is simply that the term "date" does not apply exclusively to a male/female evening out for the purpose of establishing or perpetuating a sexual relationship. The term IS used in a more general way, along with that specific use.

[Terrie]

father/son dance I have never heard of. dates- sure, why not. My point is simply that the term "date" does not apply exclusively to a male/female evening out for the purpose of establishing or perpetuating a sexual relationship. The term IS used in a more general way, along with that specific use.

Several people have noted that it's not just the term, but the surrounding context that raises this to creepy levels. They are very much using date in a more romantic sense than just "lunch date."

[EmmieJ]

Mark me down as one of those who find the terms "father-daughter date" and "mother-son date" definitely on the squicky side. Yes, the word "date" can have more than one meaning, but it is typically used to describe an outing between two people who may have romantic feelings for each other, or may develop them as they get to know each other through dating each other.

I also object because, as others have already pointed out, it doesn't seem to be used in an equal opportunity fashion. We don't hear about father-son dates, nor mother-daughter dates. The emphasis on father-daughter dates seems to be on keeping the daughter "pure", emphasizing that she must look to her father for all guidance, must not date boys because that will surely lead to sinfulness, etc.

I don't go on dates with my son. We spend time together. We go to ballgames and other outings together, because we're family. I don't date my son. My son doesn't date me. I never went on a date with my father, nor my mother. However, we spent tons of time together as a family, and I feel very close with both parents. I didn't need to go out for fried chicken with my dad to learn valuable lessons about life from him. I merely needed to be around his example every day of my life, and that set my mother as well. The way they lived, loved and respected each other, loved and respected their children, and served the community around them -- that was my every day lesson in how to lead a good life. Not some phony baloney date night with my dad wherein he discussed my keeping pure and only dating him until he decided otherwise. *shudder*

[Arete]

experiencedd put up a thread yesterday called "Rethinking Vision Forum", after a website of the same name. There is some truly disturbing stuff on the website, as in you won't be able to sleep if you think about it kind of stuff. One of the things I can across was a "Father/Daughter Day 2011" event they had promoted. I wasn't clutching my pearls, I was clutching my neck because it felt like the oxygen was being sucked out of me. Pictures of daughters SHAVING their fathers. Teenage daughers going to "high tea" with daddy. Maudlin classical music, rose petals, creepy pseudo sexual vibes. No boundaries whatsoever, and this was just a 2.5 minute clip. These are the things that fundy father/daughter "date nights" lead to. Emotional incest (if not physical in some cases) for the greater glory of God and men. It's disgusting, it's vile, and it's coming to the mainstream if we are all not careful.

[EmmieJ]

Pictures of daughters SHAVING their fathers. Teenage daughers going to "high tea" with daddy. Maudlin classical music, rose petals, creepy pseudo sexual vibes. No boundaries whatsoever, and this was just a 2.5 minute clip. These are the things that fundy father/daughter "date nights" lead to. Emotional incest (if not physical in some cases) for the greater glory of God and men. It's disgusting, it's vile, and it's coming to the mainstream if we are all not careful.

Absolutely creepy and horrifying. First of all, what the hell kind of father allows/wants/requires that his teenage daughter (or any other person) shave his fugly mug? Shave your own damn face, you lazy creep.

Rose petals? I'm feeling nauseous. Who hasn't seen the imagery of a romantic sexual night between lovers, starting with a bed strewn with rose petals? Probably the only ones who haven't are these poor daughters being forced into the role of virginal surrogate lover for their perverted dads.

I think one of the reasons I'm so against fundamentalist religions is they seem havens for more than their fair share of sickos and perverts. Any dad who thinks this is the proper way to bond with his daughter(s) is on my "danger Will Robinson - sexual deviant ahead!" list.

I don't think this will become mainstream and acceptable, at least not in my part of the world (northern California). I'm glad it's getting some publicity and awareness, as I think the more people learn about the darker side of fundie beliefs, the more they will be turned off.

[margiebargie]

experiencedd put up a thread yesterday called "Rethinking Vision Forum", after a website of the same name. There is some truly disturbing stuff on the website, as in you won't be able to sleep if you think about it kind of stuff. One of the things I can across was a "Father/Daughter Day 2011" event they had promoted. I wasn't clutching my pearls, I was clutching my neck because it felt like the oxygen was being sucked out of me. Pictures of daughters SHAVING their fathers. Teenage daughers going to "high tea" with daddy. Maudlin classical music, rose petals, creepy pseudo sexual vibes. No boundaries whatsoever, and this was just a 2.5 minute clip. These are the things that fundy father/daughter "date nights" lead to. Emotional incest (if not physical in some cases) for the greater glory of God and men. It's disgusting, it's vile, and it's coming to the mainstream if we are all not careful.

This is what worries me most about fundie-ism. It's creeping into our society. People see daddy-daughter date night and think "oh how sweet". They're not aware of the shadiness of the people promoting these events.

Btw, I got food poisoning at a Chik-fil-a once. Looking back, it might have been my body rejecting fundie-ism.

[treemom]

What about the parents who only have children of the same sex as themselves? Do they do Mother-Daughter and Father-Son dates?

I think in a lot of households a same gendered parent might spend a lot of time with that child anyhow...it was the case in our house at least.

[JenniferJuniper]

My point is simply that the term "date" does not apply exclusively to a male/female evening out for the purpose of establishing or perpetuating a sexual relationship. The term IS used in a more general way, along with that specific use.

So you think the term in this context is completely innocuous with no sexual overtones whatsoever, but do you actually believe for a second that Chick-fil-A would arrange “Daddy/Son date night� Would never happen.

Took me a while to even read this topic as the title alone made me slightly nauseous.

[treemom]

I actually use date a lot, lunch date, drinking date, date with girlfriends, etc.

[treemom]

So you think the term in this context is completely innocuous with no sexual overtones whatsoever, but do you actually believe for a second that Chick-fil-A would arrange “Daddy/Son date night� Would never happen.

Took me a while to even read this topic as the title alone made me slightly nauseous.

It doesn't bother me if they are do or don't. And yes, I believe it is innocuous in the exact situation we are discussing here which isn't about pledging purity or anything sexual.

[JenniferJuniper]

It doesn't bother me if they are do or don't. And yes, I believe it is innocuous in the exact situation we are discussing here which isn't about pledging purity or anything sexual.

This isn't about whether it would bother you or not.

The question is, does anyone really believe for a second that Chick-fil-A would arrange a "Daddy/Son date night"?

[JenniferJuniper]

During this special evening, fathers and daughters are encouraged to spend some time together while they enjoy dinner, great conversation and several special activities.

Ugh.

[Eoywin]

When I think of the word 'date' when it comes to kids, my mind goes to 'playdate' which is a bunch of kids playing together :o

If this daddy daughter date were offered where I lived and if my husband didn't work 2nd shift, I'd probably have him take our daughter. She loves her daddy (in a normal 3 year old way) and likes spending time with him, especially since he works a lot.

[Bubblewand]

(brave newbie's first time post after years of lurking)

I'm not surprised. It's icky, but that's fundie for you.

I boycotted Chik-fil-A about 7-8 years ago after I found out about all of their donations to groups like Focus on the Family. It's just hate thinly disguised as good Christian values. I will not be bought with tasty nuggets!

[AmyP]

It doesn't bother me if they are do or don't. And yes, I believe it is innocuous in the exact situation we are discussing here which isn't about pledging purity or anything sexual.

to underscore my point that this is not fundy, not sexual, and is not coming out of the purity or patriarchy movement, I give you this guy who has written an entire blog on the topic. Since he advocates a rock concert as a potential dad/daughter date, I'm fairly sure he is not a fundy patriarch.

http://daddydaughterdate.wordpress.com/ ... ter-dates/