Our list of 7 tips for a Wife (and Husband)

[Swamptribe]

How about we make our own list.

I'd like to start with...

We are partners, not boss and servant.

I need you to actually listen, and not pretend you're listening.

I need you to be a man, not a boy, and put aside your male ego.

[doggie]

both have to give and sacrifice. one person is not always right..

sometimes even if you are right you are wrong except it.

[Dev83]

We Marriage is an equal partnership, and in that partnership we both need to use our individual strengths to our mutual advantage. We do not need our strengths to fit into any box based on gender norms or stereotypes.

[bubbabearzle]

When my husband and I got married, we forgot to tell the person performing the ceremony to omit the "obey" part - so after the wedding my husband and I agreed that the only rule I needed to obey was to always think for myself.

So that's one rule I think would be good for all: Both people in the relationship have the right to their own opinions and actions, so long as they do not infringe upon the rights of the other.

[emmiedahl]

My rule: If something needs done, do it. Regardless of whether you see it as your job.

This goes for scrubbing floors, scrubbing toilets, earning a living, taking care of children, etc.

[Dev83]

If both partners work full-time, all chores/childcare/house duties should be split evenly. If one partner stays at home, that does not mean the other partner gets to do jackshit around the house either.

[anniebgood]

I was talking with my husband last night and I told him about this submissive wife thing that is going around as far as the Duggars. He said to me, Did I ever try to make you submissive? I said Nope. He said, why in the hell would I do something that I knew would annoy you beyond belief. You're too strong to be clinging to me. (Trained him well, didn't I?)

1. Listen to each other.

2. Do the tasks that need to be done equally.

3. Diaper duty isn't just a mom's job.

4. A little time apart is a good thing.

5. If you don't like the way I do something, knock yourself out to do it your way.

6. Put the toilet seat down.

7. Don't pee in the sink.

[ladypuglover]

I was talking with my husband last night and I told him about this submissive wife thing that is going around as far as the Duggars. He said to me, Did I ever try to make you submissive? I said Nope. He said, why in the hell would I do something that I knew would annoy you beyond belief. You're too strong to be clinging to me. (Trained him well, didn't I?)

1. Listen to each other.

2. Do the tasks that need to be done equally.

3. Diaper duty isn't just a mom's job.

4. A little time apart is a good thing.

5. If you don't like the way I do something, knock yourself out to do it your way.

6. Put the toilet seat down.

7. Don't pee in the sink.

:?

1. Listen to one another

2. Say what is on your mind and don't let things bottle up

3. We are a family, everyone has a voice and is listened to

4. Just as childcare isn't just mama's job, household repairs and care isn't just his job

5. A hug goes a long way

6. Only you are responcible for your feelings and you don't get to take your bad day out on others

7. If you find a puppy pile clean it up or find someone who can do without throwing up. Then have wild monkey sex with your husband that night for always being able to pick up poop without throwing up because you never can. :whistle:

[Dinaberries]

I've only been married for a year and have only lived with my husband for about 2.5 years, so we definitely don't have the experience a lot of you have! But I think we operate based on the following principles:

1. We try our best to trust each other, and be worthy of trust.

2. We try our best to support each other.

3. We are a team, and we are equal. Sometimes he leads, and sometimes I do. Most of the time we walk hand-in-hand into a new situation. We both have our individual strengths and weaknesses, and we use them to better work together as partners and parents. No task is about something being men's work or women's work; it's not about something being Mommy's job or Daddy's job either. We work together, and if any particular tasks fall more to one of us, it's just because it's something that person is better at/enjoys more.

4. We try our best to be honest, especially about our wants/needs. We try our best not to bottle our feelings up. We try our best to make sure that we both know that we have the support and trust to be honest with each other.

5. We try our best to compromise, always. However, if something is extremely important to one of us, we try our best to be understanding of that.

6. We try our best not to take life/our marriage/parenting/anything too seriously! One of the best things about marriage is having fun with the one you love, and having fun with the family you have together. I can honestly say that my husband is my best friend (I know not everybody is into that kind of relationship), and more than anything, I just love being around him and having fun with him and our baby.

I'm pretty sure that this is all common sense, and that marriage doesn't need the types of constrictive and oppressive rules that Michelle Duggar and her ilk advocate. In fact, I'm pretty sure that a marriage is more likely to thrive without those rules!

[Anxious Girl]

I don't know if I count since I'm not married, but here goes:

respect each other's differences of religious belief/lack therof and political opinions. The two of you may disagree on one or both of those topics, but there are plenty of others that you can agree on!

[snarkbillie]

Don't be an ass. <<< advice for anyone in a relationship of any type.

[Love]

hmm, 7 tips for a newly married couple?

I've been married for almost 13 years and most of the things I'm going to list took me quite a while to learn. I was only 20 when I married, so didn't have too much life experience. Although certainly a lot more than the fundies ;)

1) Be patient. With yourself and your partner.

2) Don't pour everything into your marriage; keep some hobbies, friends, personal time - something - for yourself. Its vital to nurture your interests and sense of self. (not saying that you shouldn't love your husband and your relationship with all of your heart)

3) Don't sweat the small stuff. My dh always leaves his dirty socks on the floor. And he wears 2 pairs at a time. So when I'm doing laundry I have to separate his dirty, nasty socks. It used to infuriate me. After a few years of this, and many ugly fights, I decided to just accept this irritating habit. I have my own annoying habits that I haven't changed for him. Letting go of little stuff, and not carrying around resentment has helped us immensely.

4) Not everyone will need this tip, because not everyone is prone to arguing... Walk away when things get heated. If you are in an argument / fight and you have gotten to the point where no one is making any sense anymore - walk away and cool off. 99% of the time, you'll feel much differently about the situation if you have time to cool off.

5) Spend time together. Date. Go out. Have fun!

6) The hard times make you stronger. During the hard times, try and remember that something good will likely come out of any hardship, even if its just a new persepective.

7) Respect each other. RESPECT is key.

[Sola]

My tips for my husband.

1. Bring me cake and back away slowly when I am PMS-ing. Yes, I had my uterus removed, Yes I still have my ovaries, Yes that means I get PMS.

2. Pick up your dirty socks and don't leave them rolled up in balls. I do not enjoy having to touch them.

3. Do not leave a ring around the sink when you shave.

4. Back me up when telling off the kids. Don't undermine me.

5. A cuddle can sometimes be just as fulfilling as sex.

6. When times are tough we get through it. Together. We always have and we always will.

7. Don't sulk. It makes things worse.

8. Sometimes I need a push to try something new. Push gently and I will be fine.

[eohiken]

Don't be an ass. <<< advice for anyone in a relationship of any type.

I was going to say don't be a shithead! Potato, potahto.

[Burris]

1. Mutual respect, here defined as a positive recognition and esteem for the strengths of each partner. (Respect can be well demonstrated through active listening and through speaking well of one's partner both to his face and behind his back.)

2. Compassion – literally “suffering together†- is not merely the condition of empathy. Like love, it's a choice one must consciously make to offer the best responses to a partner even in situations that are not ideal. Compassion always includes the recognition of the other person's basic dignity, so that abusive words and deeds are never justified.

3. Good humor – shared with the spouse, and never at his expense.

4. Love – the act. There are two kinds of love: the emotion and the decision. I'm talking here about the second kind. Strongly tied with mutual respect, decision-love is willing to graciously overlook harmless faults; abjure jealousy, even if there might seem to be a reason for it; and default to charitable and merciful reactions in the face of another's mistakes. Love of this kind is really just shorthand for the Golden Rule.

5. An unwillingness to keep score. It's important that spouses not keep tallies against one another over any matter, but especially not sex (e.g., by counting who is satisfied more often), chores, childcare, or taking turns in dealing with difficult relatives.

6. Learn what place argument has in a healthy relationship: Argument – or, perhaps more properly “debate†- should be treated as a problem-solving tool designed specifically to secure a mutually beneficial situation as often as possible.

7. When arguing, fight fare – i.e., attack the problem, and not one another - and with an eye towards permanently settling an issue. Old arguments, long finished, should not be brought up on the context of new ones.

...or so sum it all up, as Snarkbillie already has: "Don't be an asshole."

[Lady]

I love these tips! Keep them coming!