Seeing old friends in new light as fundies

[YPestis]

Growing up, my mom had a good friend who was a devout Baptist. This woman was a truly great person to our family and we kept in touch for years after we moved away. Recently, I read a long Christmas letter she sent. It was peppered with religious references. She mentioned an old person's ministry and her mourning the loss of all those who died. She said she was happy most were in Heaven but grieved for the few who weren't "saved" and were now in Hell. Then she went on to talk about the horrors of Hell and how the only way to heaven was belief in Jesus.

It was shocking for me to read this. I always knew she was religious, but being more aware of fundamentalism, I saw her in a new light. My mom's friend honestly believes friends she knew in life---good people----are sentenced to eternal torment because they didn't believe in Jesus. I guess she probably believes that of my mom too. We are not Christian and this friend is aware of it. How can anyone think this and believe this is an act of a loving God?

Has this happened to anyone else?

I'm having a Catholic wedding (because SO is Catholic) and I wonder if she considers Catholicism to be a cult. Would she find the entire ceremony discomfiting? We read about fundie beliefs so much here but it's weird to see those beliefs reflected in a familiar face.

[tropaka]

I'm sorry, but has this woman's beliefs become stronger over time? I ask because if she was a truly great person to your family why would she have the balls to send your mother a letter lamenting the fate of the unsaved (knowing that your family is not Christian)? Of course, she could be hoping y'all will convert.

[clibbyjo]

She most likely does not believe you are a Christian if you are Catholic so you are going to hell in her mind. I had a born again tell me Catholics are not Christian and I had my own sister refuse to be my kids Godmother because she was no longer Catholic(Now IFB) and wouldn't pretend Catholics were real Christians.She and her kids have spent years trying to get us to be saved so we can go to Heaven. They finally gave up,but they are sure we are going to hell.

[Deleted07]

I don't understand how people could think anyone is going to Hell? Unless someone is truely a bad person I just can't buy it. But I guess I am naive in my opinions of what I think should constitute getting in heaven. Which is why I just can't understand a God who wouldn't be more clear to us, but again thats a matter for debate too.

[Georgiana]

I grew up with a family that were QF/ATI, and since they were the only homeschool family I knew, I just thought ATI was normal homeschool. The mom had been childhood friends with my mom, despite the friend being evangelical and my mother (and her family) being Catholics. Eventually, they drifted apart as I got older and my non-gender-role-having got threatening, but it wasn't about the Catholicism.

Here's what I think (as a Catholic) about fundies and Catholics: it's more of a personal thing. Some take the Candy road and insult Catholics every chance they get and claim Catholics go to satanic services; some disagree strongly with the religion and its sacraments and avoid it every chance they get but are otherwise neutral; and some, while disagreeing, are not threatened by Catholicism and are able to be respectful and have strong Catholic friendships. I think that what it all comes down to: whether or not the fundie feels threatened by Catholicism. And that's something only your friend could tell you.

[lessa]

Yeah, I don't believe Paul is up at the pearly gates with the book going,

'You always did your best to be honest in speech and deed, you helped others even when it wasn't easy to do, you devoted your life to family and friends. Opps, you don't believe Jesus is the son of God, off to hell and the eternal flames with you, but oh Newt, come on in, you may have lied and cheated others all your life and broken half the ten commandments but you believe in Jesus so we have a comfy chair and fruity drink for you.'

:roll:

If God is a loving God and Jesus is anything like he was made out to be in the Bible they are going to be more concerned with how you live then who you believe in.

[Georgiana]

Speaking of old friends now fundie, have I got a story about that!

So one of my oldest friends, who growing up was religious but never fundie, became a fundie after beginning to date this jerk of a guy. Seriously. This guy is just an ass. He's so intolerant, bigoted, and rude that even the other members of the Newman Center (Catholic Center at Universities) thought so too. We grew apart as she began spouting how her and her lifestyle were so much better, how mine wasn't, and when she started making veiled remarks about me being a 'loser' because I wasn't concerned with settling down. For the record, I have always wanted to marry late, and at 24, the fact that I graduated college with a job offer to a job that I love and have two wonderful cats means I am actually right where I want to be at this time in my life. Anyways...I digress...

Let me tell you about the guy though. While they were engaged, he purchased a house. HE purchased a house. Which means her name isn't on it. Anywhere. Which under the laws of this state means that if they divorce in under 10 years, he can claim it as separate property and not enter it into the proceedings. This house he bought is WAY out in the country, and since she works downtown in the city, she has at least an 60 mile commute each way. It also has land, which is crazy because she is the most prissy girl I know, and they can't get animals because of his allergies. Now, around here, if you live in the boonies you need at least a dog and preferably a cat because we have a plethora of animals such as coyotes, wolves, mountain lions, bears, etc. that will get pretty near the house. Plus vermin love to get into garages and nest up there.

But wait, there's more. When he got his first power bill, it was too high for him, so instead of calling the power department and having them check his meter or discussing it, he just turned off all the heat in his house. His average room temperature was actually COLDER than the average outdoor temp.

And finally, despite preaching to anyone and everyone the error of premarital sex, the wedding was called back on (it had been called off), and then moved up 3 months so the bride could be only 5 months pregnant. Oh yeah, and if you do the math, it was called back on right about the time of conception....

So there you go, my former friend turned fundie. She got herself a winner right there.

[slh12280]

I grew up with a family that were QF/ATI, and since they were the only homeschool family I knew, I just thought ATI was normal homeschool. The mom had been childhood friends with my mom, despite the friend being evangelical and my mother (and her family) being Catholics. Eventually, they drifted apart as I got older and my non-gender-role-having got threatening, but it wasn't about the Catholicism.

Here's what I think (as a Catholic) about fundies and Catholics: it's more of a personal thing. Some take the Candy road and insult Catholics every chance they get and claim Catholics go to satanic services; some disagree strongly with the religion and its sacraments and avoid it every chance they get but are otherwise neutral; and some, while disagreeing, are not threatened by Catholicism and are able to be respectful and have strong Catholic friendships. I think that what it all comes down to: whether or not the fundie feels threatened by Catholicism. And that's something only your friend could tell you.

I would be considered an evangelical, and I consider Catholics Christian. I grew up with the Catholics aren't Christians. Yes, it does depend, some even went as far as calling it a cult. Others were okay but stayed clear, but I was in the minority with my acceptance.

As for the letter, take it as she feels she is helping you in the only way she knows how. I just wish people could have open conversations about beliefs without it turning into such a tense situation. All the Catholics I have known have never tried to convert me to Catholicism, and they were super kind, which had I been searching for a belief, church, whatever, would have been more effective than a letter like that.

[YPestis]

I'm sorry, but has this woman's beliefs become stronger over time? I ask because if she was a truly great person to your family why would she have the balls to send your mother a letter lamenting the fate of the unsaved (knowing that your family is not Christian)? Of course, she could be hoping y'all will convert.

I suspect she became more fundie over the several years. Her parents died (natural causes), her child caused her some grief (now reconciled), there was some martial discord. The letter was a Christmas card that she restarted up after suffering through some of the above mentioned problems. It was the first time I heard her talk about the going to Hell thing. I don't mind her proselytizing so much as the whole "good friends have gone to Hell" spiel---that disturbs me. I'm not sure if she always held this view or if she has felt strengthened in her fundism due to circumstances of her life. It's interesting to view your parents' friends as an adult. So much of their flaws are glossed over when you are a child seeing an authority figure.

[valsa]

As for the letter, take it as she feels she is helping you in the only way she knows how. I just wish people could have open conversations about beliefs without it turning into such a tense situation.

A letter like that is neither a conversation, nor is it helpful in any way. It's rude, no matter what the motivation behind it.

[smores]

I just had a very similar experience to that, except it's on Facebook. It's so awkward, and I know what you mean about feeling shocked. I think you should feel free to send her an invite if you were going to and not worry about what she thinks... after all, if she believes what she says, she'll have to answer for all that "judgment" later on.