Sticking together - Duggars and Masturbation

[SunnyAndrsn]

I know, I know. I was dabbling in Mary Kay 'sales' at the time, and it was a promotional line they had. I think they just saw "lotion" and that's all they were worried about. We had quite a few laughs over the firming lotion, believe me!

We've always been pretty open about the birds and the bees in our house, to the point that when our son would be with friends, if there were every any sex questions, he'd call me for the answers because he knew I'd be honest with him and his friends.

My sister has raised her kids--and I agree with this--that there is never a need for a "big sex talk". It's always an ongoing dialogue, supplemented as is age appropriate. I remember my oldest nephew playing with his toy horses giving birth, for example.

I recently had a good friend complain about how her son's innocence was ruined because he was getting 4th grade sex ed. Good grief, I wanted to slap her. Information about sex does not equate to a lake of innocence!!

OMG, there is so much I could say. . . Firming Lotion???? :lol: I'm laughing too hard to type anymore. . .

[Sunnichick31]

(Though, for what it's worth, a fundamentalist friend I had in middle school had a youth bible that said 'you should avoid masturbation if possible, but if it's the only way you can keep from premarital sex, it's okay. Just think of God while you do it.' which led to a lot of 'masturbate to God' jokes in our group.)

)

My first thought- God porn. Which shelf do they keep that on in the Christian bookstores? :)

[Rosa]

I do know some women don't masturbate, and it's not always religious - I have a college girlfriend who got to a certain age (18, 19?) without ever having an orgasm by herself, and felt deficient, so had a self-improvement goal of a certian number of minutes of masturbation every night until she go it right. If she'd had a different group of friends, she probably wouldn't have bothered to learn.

That said, I do believe based on evidence that most little kids masturbate like crazy. I've never been around one that didn't.

[Montara]

I do know some women don't masturbate, and it's not always religious - I have a college girlfriend who got to a certain age (18, 19?) without ever having an orgasm by herself, and felt deficient, so had a self-improvement goal of a certian number of minutes of masturbation every night until she go it right. If she'd had a different group of friends, she probably wouldn't have bothered to learn.

That said, I do believe based on evidence that most little kids masturbate like crazy. I've never been around one that didn't.

And they play 'doctor', don't forget that one. :shock: My son had the next door neighbours daughter sprawled on the ground with her pants off. "Her in the hostipal and me the doctor, Mum!" Fortunately her father is very easy going and open minded. I took son aside and had a talk about taking other people's pants off. He took his daughter aside and had a talk about letting people take her pants off, lol. It was a little awkward.

[raineymott]

And they play 'doctor', don't forget that one. :shock: My son had the next door neighbours daughter sprawled on the ground with her pants off. "Her in the hostipal and me the doctor, Mum!" Fortunately her father is very easy going and open minded. I took son aside and had a talk about taking other people's pants off. He took his daughter aside and had a talk about letting people take her pants off, lol. It was a little awkward.

My parents didn't allow the boys and girls to play house...in case they decided to do anything naughty...so the kids played 'house blow up' which was the exact same thing LOL

[Crackedeggs]

think of GOD while you masturbate??????????????????

:shock:

[AnnoDomini]

Austin - This, exactly, was the rule in our household when I was growing up, and will be the rule in my household when my children are old enough for it to be an issue.

As far as ignoring noises, slightly TMI, but it is possible to masturbate very quietly (obviously without toys, which I'm assuming probably aren't laying around at the Duggar compound) - I unfortunately had to develop the skill while downrange.

Ditto. I share a bedroom with my older adult sister. She can't see me from her bed (I have a loft, she a regular twin) and besides she goes to sleep within two minutes. I don't break a sweat and I don't make a sound.

And, I wasn't shamed about it, my parents simply NEVER mentioned masturbation (and a lot of other things such as birth control, stds and stuff) but I never did it until I was like 22.

[punkiepie]

The shower would be the ideal place for such activities, I think. It's private (I hope the older Duggars are allowed to shower alone!), and the running water covers any sounds and washes away "evidence."

I agree totally! The only place any Duggar is ever going to pleasure him/herself is in the shower because that's the only time they're ever alone and not on camera. I don't think masturbation is one of those sins that any of the Duggar children would ever confess to one another; the shame would just be too great for them.

Don't forget what happened with Josh and the "sin in the camp." The last time their was even a whiff of sexual impropriety, and they weren't even being filmed yet, the whole thing spread like wild fire. Not to say that a masturbation confession between the siblings would result in any kind of publicizing or leaking of it, but I think they will probably remember what happened with Josh and keep that little tidbit to themselves.

I read a talk that Boyd K. Packer, the current president of the Quorum of the 12 Apostles in the Mormon church, gave back in the in 1976. It's titled "To Young Men Only" and it was all about how you shouldn't masturbate because mother nature will take care of it for you. My favorite part is:

"As you move closer to manhood, this little factory will sometimes produce an oversupply of this substance. The Lord has provided a way for that to be released. It will happen without any help or without any resistance from you. Perhaps, one night you will have a dream. In the course of it the release valve that controls the factory will open and release all that is excess. The factory and automatic release work on their own schedule. The Lord intended it to be that way. It is to regulate itself." (you can read the whole thing here http://www.lds-mormon.com/only.shtml)

I know that most fundies to not like to think any of their beliefs are the same as Mormons, but I'm pretty sure that their ideas regarding self-love are identical. Now for the Duggars, if any of them did pleasure themselves and feel the need to share that information, it would most definitely be one of the boys. I think most everyone on earth, even the fundies, can admit to themselves, and be somewhat accepting, that almost all boys will, at some point, masturbate. The same cannot be said about masturbation by girls- it is way more "taboo" than with the boys. I just can't see the girls ever confessing that sin to their accountability partner.

[Eponine]

at least *some* of the kids would have to drink the coolaid and be narcs, I would think.

This is what I was thinking, especially some of the younger ones who are aware but might not have started doing it themselves yet.

But it MUST go on - at the very least with the boys. I could see the girls not doing it, just because it could very well take them longer to figure out and they would have fewer opportunities (like how they will share a bed with the babies). I didn't start masturbating until college even though I had been sexually active for years before that. For whatever reason it just didn't occur to me that I could do it on my own!

I think it's likely that at the very least some of the older boys are aware that is happens and don't tell on each other.

[nutella addict]

If the boys are quick, definitely bathroom time without it being suspicious. Girls too although there are of course different logistics involved. I think only the very youngest kids who don't know what it is yet and might share just cause it's a fun thing to do even if they don't really do much with it yet just toy around a bit, might share, and perhaps the older ones might have an unspoken rule to keep it a secret although simultaneously feel guilty both for doing it and not keeping the others accountable. I suspect many of them see it as a sin and might spend hours in the prayer closet after praying for forgiveness.

I also would add in a vote for girls who didn't really figure it out till after high school, actually with the help of my boyfriend :oops: although I have dim memories of "playing" without actually putting my hand down there when I was very small - accidentally rubbing against things and repeating it type stuff like a lot of kids tend to do. I could see that the girls wouldn't do it, especially if they never have before. They might, but I'd consider the boys more likely. I've never met a guy who hasn't (I'm talking my own age group, I'm 23) and very few who "don't anymore" (and even those admit they still fail - usually those who "don't" don't because they consider it a sin). I haven't shared a bedroom for more than 5 weeks or so at a time since my sister and I got our own bedrooms around the age of 7 and 8, so I don't know about doing things with people in the room, but I've always been very quiet anyhow. Thin walls. Showers are good for when I'm sharing a bedroom for that long. Also is it just me, or does the girls room have more different sections, and the boys have one big dorm with even less privacy? And what about getting up to "pee" after most are asleep, and doing it in private in the bathroom?

Side note: There used to be a secret competition with guys in my high school, they'd form a group (not all the guys, just whoever wanted in) and see who could go the longest without. Wouldn't tell the girls, but one or two would sneak it out of them and tell the rest, and it was super obvious because all the boys would get as cranky as a toddler who missed their nap for *days* and in less than a week they'd all give up and be jolly. None of the girls ever did this, and most didn't talk about it with anyone - one girl was very open about doing it three times a day, and easily matched her boyfriend in desire. Other girls had never tried to figure it out yet. Not trying to say girls aren't horny too, just that IME there are girls who don't but not boys who don't, and a lot of the girls didn't do it nearly as frequently as the boys.

[HowRude]

I think they have masturbated before because little kids will just touch themselves sometimes. Also they have to be allowed the shower seems like a good place even with alotted times since guys don't take that long and even if girls can't climax they will get some sort of stimulation.But hey if they can't do this maybe it is why they get married so early, they can't masturbate are pre-marital sex dating and cuddling. I don't know if I could hand that I love to cuddle.

[lilwriter85]

I'm going to say the older Duggar boys whack off in the bathroom. They probably pretend they are using the bathroom and they probably whack off there.

[ADoyle90815]

I did laugh about the firming lotion thing, and from what I remember growing up is that my brother and I were told that masturbation is normal, and as long as it was done in private and no messes were left, it was fine. I think my dad resented the fact that Catholicism was forced on him as a child, so he chose not to raise us in a particular church.

[luckylassie]

I know that in my mom's house (of course my grandparents were old enough to be my great grandparents) every body function was coded/treated as if it was the dirtiest thing ever. My grandma would not even say poop and the only sex talk that was ever discussed was "don't do it because only dirty girls have sex". I think the Duggars may be a bit like this. I'd guess that any sexual talk is very much coded in religious terms and masturbation is a big no-no. In most families I know, masturbation is not made a big deal out of because it's just a part of everyday life.

[Rachel333]

I have no idea what my parents thought about masturbation because they never said anything about it. It never came up even in the one talk my mom gave me (when I was about 14 and knew it all already). I'm kind of curious if my brother had the same experience or not.

[Hane]

I must have been about 4 when I started masturbating.

Me, too--and that's why I'm constantly amazed when girls--and boys!--say they never whacked off till their teens or later.

[ElphabaGalinda]

Me, too--and that's why I'm constantly amazed when girls--and boys!--say they never whacked off till their teens or later.

Me too. I did it LONG before I actually knew what it was. It was just something easy to figure out that I liked to do. I remember my parents being a bit disturbed by it, but also telling me i could do it as long as i did it in my room and didn't tell anyone when i was doing it, so they must not have thought it was bad. I can't imagine not figuring it out even if you were never taught what it is but i guess it's possible.