Sticking together - Duggars and Masturbation

[PBrooke]

Remember, the older Duggar girls are usually actually sharing a bed with one or more of their baby siblings. Talk about killing the mood.

[contrary]

yes, razing ruth did say that she had 'shower buddies'.

i'm guessing that it goes on, likely in the bathroom or shower, but that nobody ever acknowledges it (either that they do it, or that they know somebody else does), ever.

[Olivia]

I have no idea what this is like for boys, but as for the girls they could just.... not... too. I grew up fundie-lite and the only time masturbation was ever addressed was in a youth magazine for homeschoolers (the one Josh Harris of "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" fame began, don't recall the title). They said it was OK to masturbate as long as you didn't become obsessed with it and turn it into an idol. But my mom, who tried to put off the sex talk until I was sixteen, was certainly not going to discuss. And it wasn't so much that I felt guilty about the idea of masturbating, but I was very, very innocent and it just seemed like a weird thing to do to me as a teenager.

I know it's supposed to be a concept that develops naturally, but without a bit more of a framework for thinking about sex and stimulation, and maybe some social discussion of it (with peers) I'm not sure how much it always does.

[Rosa]

You know, I would have assumed it was an open secret between siblings, but then I read The Unlikely Disciple and the whole thing about 'Every Man's Battle" and anti-masturbation support groups and shit and...at least *some* of the kids would have to drink the coolaid and be narcs, I would think.

[Wendy]

Austin: We always told our boys that it was natural and it was just somthing that is a private matter...

Lol, Austin, if I get taken out in the zombie apocalypse, I want you to get custody of my kids.

I not only taught--er, explained--to my girls how masturbation works, I encouraged them to use the practice to manage their libido. I've even gone so far as to suggest that it's their responsibility to spend a little time figuring out how their bodies work, when they're ready.

/was gonna say "under the hood," realized an automative metaphor created a distracting pun. 8-)

[Austin]

Austin: We always told our boys that it was natural and it was just somthing that is a private matter...

Lol, Austin, if I get taken out in the zombie apocalypse, I want you to get custody of my kids.

I not only taught--er, explained--to my girls how masturbation works, I encouraged them to use the practice to manage their libido. I've even gone so far as to suggest that it's their responsibility to spend a little time figuring out how their bodies work, when they're ready.

/was gonna say "under the hood," realized an automative metaphor created a distracting pun. 8-)

OMG, your last sentence is hilarious!

I like your approach with your girls. Not having had any, I have wondered how we would have approached it with girls. I mean, not that it's that much different from boys, but boys do just seem to. . . figure it out. I think for girls it may be a little harder. Speaking from personal experience, I was embarrassingly "long in the tooth" before it. . . occurred to me. :D

And thank you for the kind statement. In the interest of full disclosure, though, you should know that depending on what day you may converse with one son or another, they do sometimes describe me as "psycho". :shhh:

[Witsec6]

I'm sure some will find this offensive, but I would go as far as to suggest that it's appropriate to suggest masterbation as a way of dealing with their budding sexuality and those accompanying frustrations.

We always told our boys that it was natural and it was just somthing that is a private matter, just as other aspects of sexuality. And oh, yeah, the AustinDude told them, "Don't leave a mess for your mother!" :D

Hahaha!

I don't have any kids, but I used to work in a group home with a group of adults whose mental age might have been around 12, on average. Whenever it came up we would just say "That's something that is fun to do in private".

There is no doubt in my mind that the Duggars masturbate. I don't think you could keep boys hands off of themselves no matter how hard you tried. THREE year old boys touch themselves, for heaven's sake!

[Witsec6]

This, at least that's what several people I know of who were raised in families that were weird about it did.

It's also why some of the extremely prudish/nutsy ones time their kid's showers. This is common in some of the "youth homes" and camps, but I seem to remember at least one family blogger mentioning that everyone had x minutes to take their showers.

My family timed showers because there were seven of us, and we all wanted hot water. Sexuality was an open topic in our household.

[Guest Anonymous]

Snort, my 15 month old plays with his equipment during diaper changes all.the.time, laughing hysterically while doing so. Freaked me the hell out the first time but then I remembered that it has nothing to do with sex at his age, he just knows it's fun to play with because it's there

I like my friends way of dealing w it w her boys, she told them: you can do that as much as you want, but you have to do it in your bedroom or in the bathroom. And shut the door. :-)

[emmiedahl]

I think the siblings probably cover for each other. My sisters and I used to help each other get around my parents' rules on curfew and such. My mother used to make us go out in a group because she thought we would chaperone each other and not get into trouble--very wrong assumption, I can tell you we were much more trouble in a group.

[OnceModestTwiceShy]

I must have been about 4 when I started masturbating...it's one of my earliest memories. (The other is being very depressed...I guess, apropos to another thread about children's personalities, mine was determined very early! lol) I just didn't know what I was actually doing until much later - juSt knew that if I touched myself there, it felt nice. The only conversation I ever had about it with any family member was my grandmother. She must have seen me doing it, because I remember her telling me that I should NEVER, EVER touch my vulva because it would get "infected" and would have to be "removed." I'm not even kidding. She's not religious, and is generally a very nice woman...just very weird about sex.

[snarkykitty]

You know how little kids "hold" themselves when they have to go to the bathroom? Doing so earned you a full-on spanking for "touching yourself," an an order to "tell the priest at confession what a dirty little pig you are."

With six people sharing one bathroom, you really had to figure out fast how to keep from wetting yourself. I often found solace at my gramma's house next door, which was always open for us. No wonder I have so many memories of her blue-walled, blue-sinked and blue tubbed bathroom.

So, no, I never learned about sexuality from my own parents.

[Jamanda]

I was raised Catholic, as was my mum. She was taught by nuns K-12. To this day, she honestly does not believe women masturbate (i think she allows for the quantum possibility, but she seems to talk like if they do its less than 1% of women)

In any case, I was an avid reader as a child and found this book in our house at age 11:

http://www.amazon.com/Everywoman-Derek- ... 0140269851

I applied its advice.

Then I spent the next 10 years trying to overcome my 'sin', even telling myself at 19 when my grandmother died that I'd have to stop now because she'd be watching me from heaven. Never was able to stop though.

Catholic guilt...its a hard thing to shake.

edited for the spelling

[Cassandra]

Then I spent the next 10 years trying to overcome my 'sin', even telling myself at 19 when my grandmother died that I'd have to stop now because she'd be watching me from heaven. Never was able to stop though.

Catholic guilt...its a hard thing to shake.

edited for the spelling

Vaguely off-topic, but one time when my mother was trying to convince me there was an after life she asked "Don't you think your father and grandfather are watching you all the time from heaven?"

And all I could think about was my dead family members watching me 24-7 including sexy-times......very much not an appealing thought.

[Austin]

Oh, great, now I'm in trouble with dead people??? :o

[Montara]

Oh, great, now I'm in trouble with dead people??? :o

Heh, I remember my (then) vaguely fundy mother telling me that God watches us ALL the time, EVERYWHERE. I was only about six or seven and I remember wondering if that included in the shower or on the toilet and if so, God sounded like a creepy jerk. I think I was born an athiest :lol:

[SunnyAndrsn]

I once found an empty bottle of Mary Kay Firming Lotion under one of the boys beds.

Mr. Sunny had a talk with the boys about *NOT* using my stuff for lube, and offered alternatives.

Most definitely discussed in our household, and taught that it was normal and healthy. Also private and discreet--in other words, don't leave a mess.

I'm sure some will find this offensive, but I would go as far as to suggest that it's appropriate to suggest masterbation as a way of dealing with their budding sexuality and those accompanying frustrations.

We always told our boys that it was natural and it was just somthing that is a private matter, just as other aspects of sexuality. And oh, yeah, the AustinDude told them, "Don't leave a mess for your mother!" :D

[Austin]

I once found an empty bottle of Mary Kay Firming Lotion under one of the boys beds.

Mr. Sunny had a talk with the boys about *NOT* using my stuff for lube, and offered alternatives.

Most definitely discussed in our household, and taught that it was normal and healthy. Also private and discreet--in other words, don't leave a mess.

OMG, there is so much I could say. . . Firming Lotion???? :lol: I'm laughing too hard to type anymore. . .

[brashchick]

Austin wrote....

OMG, there is so much I could say. . . Firming Lotion???? I'm laughing too hard to type anymore. . .

Austin, that was exactly what I thought !

[Austin]

OMG, that would have been a gift from the comedy gods in my house. I giggle every time I think of it.

[Fat Actress]

I don't necessarily think that it's a given the girls are masturbating. I was only raised fundy-lite and it took me till after my first sexual experience with my husband to even realize I could do that for myself. I wasn't as sheltered as the Duggars seem to be and yet I had absolutely no idea how my own body worked. (hell, for the sex talk my dad sent my unwed virgin stepsister in to tell me about the birds & the bees.) *eyeroll*

[mebeforee]

I always assume they do it in the shower, honestly. They share bedrooms and, well... they don't all seem to KNOW each other very well. They usually seem to be lumped up with those closest in age to them, and they're kind of sectioned off that way. I don't think Josh would really be able to say what Justin's like, for example. When I was in college I did it in the showers, because I wasn't comfortable doing it in a room with another person. And since the Duggars are so conservative they're probably taught that masturbation is sinful and therefore they would hide it from those brothers or sisters that they don't really know very well, who might tattle.

(Though, for what it's worth, a fundamentalist friend I had in middle school had a youth bible that said 'you should avoid masturbation if possible, but if it's the only way you can keep from premarital sex, it's okay. Just think of God while you do it.' which led to a lot of 'masturbate to God' jokes in our group.)

At one point, Michelle mentioned the fact that their children are taught to LOCK the door when they go to take their baths/showers, to make sure the siblings don't see each other naked. As if seeing your brother or sister naked would create unclean thoughts o_O (At the time I saw that episode, though, I was mostly thinking about the fact that it seems dangerous for young children to lock the door -- what if they slip on the floor or in the tub?!)

[Crackedeggs]

Ahhh, Everywoman. My mother bought me the 1970s version. Taught me everything.

I worry with my own kid.. she's had relations with 2 boys... and said to me, rather woefully, that she never has had an orgasm. I thought it would be just squicky to buy her a vibrator... but hell, that would be better than some of these creepy boys who just use her.

[slickcat79]

Heh, I remember my (then) vaguely fundy mother telling me that God watches us ALL the time, EVERYWHERE. I was only about six or seven and I remember wondering if that included in the shower or on the toilet and if so, God sounded like a creepy jerk. I think I was born an athiest :lol:

Line from Family Guy comes to mind: "God's watching me do #2? Then I'm a sinner and God's a pervert"

We do know that the Duggar kids are taught to tattle on one another. Michelle mentions in the first book that if anyone tells the kids to not tell mom and dad something, the kids are then supposed to come tell them straightaway. Apparently that ruined some surprises when the older ones were little. Of course, I doubt that lasts past puberty if it ever worked in the first place, and it may or may not have been taught to the little ones considering how JB & Michelle have abdicated so many responsibilites. I can see the older ones being very united, but still feeling that they have to hide things from the little kids for a number of reasons.

[raineymott]

I once found an empty bottle of Mary Kay Firming Lotion under one of the boys beds.

Mr. Sunny had a talk with the boys about *NOT* using my stuff for lube, and offered alternatives

OMG Firming Lotion!!! I read that to my husband and he cracked up as much as I did. He wondered if the boys misread the bottle! (Not sure how old your boys are.)

I have no idea how/if the Duggar kids masturbate...I wasn't even aware of the concept of masturbation until I was 22. Seriously. I'm sure my brothers were though...before the family bible studies on Sunday, the boys got together to keep each other "accountable"...and I know my dad was against masturbation. Of course, out of the four of them, he WAS the married one, too. Go figure!

My husband and I have talked about this, and decided we want to treat it like a part of life for our kids...not *OH GASP* or never talked about. Just normal.

I sure feel bad for the Duggar kids tho...all the boys in one room all the girls in one?? My dad wanted to do that...even before I left, when I still thought leaving was "bad", I made up my mind that if that ever happened, I was GONE. I highly value my privacy!! SO glad we didn't have a bathroom time limit or closed-door time limit too. That is just...way over the top.