Lori Alexander 81: It's All the Fault of Women

[samurai_sarah]

...and it's all the fault of women that you have a new thread. Here's the old one:

 

[louisa05]

This from one of Lori’s fan girls on the post telling us celibacy isn’t really a thing….(funny how Paul’s words in her precious Titus 2 are infallible but in the passage about not marrying require her to give us context)….this comment is the message I heard preached to teens over and over in the Christian school and the one I heard directed at young adults in evangelical churches. Marry anyone who believes the same way and you will have a successful marriage. This is why they also go on and on about how hard marriage is, too. Because if you marry someone you have no compatibility with and nothing in common with, of course living life together is going to suck and be full of conflict. 
 

 

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[Alisamer]

That's ridiculous. You've got to have more in common than just "do you believe in Jesus?" "Yeah, me too! Let's get married!"

The possibilities of me getting married at this point are slim to none and I am very happy with that. I enjoy being accountable only to myself. But my litmus test is that I would not ever even considering marrying someone that I hadn't at minimum gone on vacation with. Some sort of trip away from home. Somewhere unfamiliar. That will show you SO much about a person - how they handle new situations, how they handle frustration, what are they like outside their comfort zone... etc. And most importantly, do they mesh with you? Different vacation styles might not be a deal-breaker, but it's good to know before you're legally bound to them.

[kpmom]

I’m not a fan of the short courtships and engagements fundies seem to favor. Also, the fact that the couple is never alone together. 
How are you supposed to get to know each other?   
A guy who loves the lord and wants to marry you as the only criteria for marriage?  It scares me to think how many young women are trapped in those kinds of marriages. 

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

on EB today, Lori is telling her fangirls/ leghumpers that if you have a sex drive and are horny just get married.  Marriage was made because people want sex.  So just get married. ... And have sex.  Because you can't have sex until you're married. So the basis for marriage is 2 people who want sex. That's all there is to it.

This tells me everything I need to know about why Lori married Ken.

I still think Lori did everything but PinV and got married to have actual sex. Of course Lori's idea of sex is 5-10 minutes and some lube.  

Not to be rude -- but Lori always stresses lube as if it's always necessary, from day one.   Umm ,,,,, I'm 99.99999999999% sure that's not the way it works for most people.

Except for Ben Shapiro who thinks WAP is a disease.

[feministxtian]

No wonder the fundies are always talking about how difficult marriage is. Marriage is not that difficult if you're compatible at some basic level. He was creative, I was logical, and there were a host of other differences...but...the foundation we had were based on the "non-negotiables", and when we got married, we swore that divorce was not an option. Whatever it was worked for quite a while and why I'm single now. I didn't need to wear a mask with him and neither he with me. 

Fundies do not get to know each other on a deep level during their courtship/engagement. They're never alone, never have an opportunity to talk about things that are more intimate. Goofy, but stay with me here...at the end of Armageddon when they come back the stripper that Rockhound was slobbering over in the strip club scene (with excellent tunes by Aerosmith), runs out to meet him. She sort of knocks him down, lays on top of him and they start sucking face. Rockhound says "I want to marry you, I want to have babies with you" to her. He doesn't know her from Adam, he's just survived some traumatic shit, and this is his reaction. That's much like the fundie shit...they don't know each other yet they sign up for a lifetime commitment. 

[NoseyNellie]

2 hours ago, feministxtian said:

No wonder the fundies are always talking about how difficult marriage is. Marriage is not that difficult if you're compatible at some basic level. He was creative, I was logical, and there were a host of other differences...but...the foundation we had were based on the "non-negotiables", and when we got married, we swore that divorce was not an option. 

 

This is SO true!  Any marriage can have its ups and downs but I shake my head at my *uber religious* friends/acquaintances who act like this(marriage) is the hardest thing to get through..

[louisa05]

12 minutes ago, NoseyNellie said:

This is SO true!  Any marriage can have its ups and downs but I shake my head at my *uber religious* friends/acquaintances who act like this(marriage) is the hardest thing to get through..

My friend who grew up Fundie and married at 21 while still deep in it told me all about how marriage is hard before I got married. Even worse, she included a sad monologue on how husbands will “would you to your core” all the time. I just felt so sad for her. That’s not how it should be but the Fundie formula of one man plus one woman who share the same beliefs (and likely nothing else) and barely know each other makes it that way 

[fluffernutter]

Wait they are considered fruit? I thought they were nuts! (I'll show myself to the prayer closet now). 🤣

[Botkinetti]

Many of Lori’s followers equate suffering with being godly. They enjoy playing in the martyr olympics with each other.

Imagine being proud that you are so self sacrificing that you choose to remain in a loveless marriage while having multiple children you can’t afford and raising your daughters to lead the same kind of life. Devoid of love and fun and self expression. Hideous way to live.

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

If marriage is fulfilling - a union of 2 equals, partners in life together in every way, full of love, kindness, compassion, understanding, mutual respect, fun, laughter, silliness, shared goals and ideals -- Seriously what is the point in that?  I can't even.

Marriage is supposed to be hard. Like breaking rocks in the hot sun hard. Full of disappointment, loveless, performing out of duty, total submission for women, male dominance, disrespect to women, never-ending female martyrdom. 

Marriage is supposed to make people (women) suffer.

Without daily unceasing suffering the marriage isn't Christian nor godly nor even a real marriage.

So sayeth Lori and the leghumpers. 

/s/    

[feministxtian]

I had one of those shitty marriages. I got out of it. I was "indoctrinated" into the marriage = suffering and sacrifice thing. 

When you marry because you're head over heels and he's the same way, its the best. When your foundation is based on non-negotiables like fidelity, compassion, kindness and agreeing on the big things (morals, values, finances and faith), everything else is just details. ALL our "discussions" (that occasionally got really loud) were based on the details, not the foundational issues. 

Honestly, that crowd sees God as some hateful, horrid, demanding, controlling deity. Me? Not a freakin' chance! I could never, ever even believe in such a deity. 

[Alisamer]

27 minutes ago, feministxtian said:

Honestly, that crowd sees God as some hateful, horrid, demanding, controlling deity. Me? Not a freakin' chance! I could never, ever even believe in such a deity. 

Same. 

Lori and her thumpers and fundies in general often seem to think that the more awful life is, the better. Like, if you are Christian and have tons of major difficulties and losses in life, it just proves how godly you are that either satan is attacking you or God is testing you to strengthen you. And of course the more awful things are in this life, they think the better time they'll have in heaven. 

Like there's a bad part of town in heaven where things are not as good, for those people who had really happy lives on earth. And a mediocre average part of town in heaven for those who had normal average lives. But the ones who marry someone they don't know and stick with them until death no matter how unhappy they are, the ones who suffer and give up things and avoid anything happy or good in the world in order to be "godly" - they get to live in the GOOD part of heaven, in the big mansions. They'll be wearing huge fancy crowns full of jewels, while the people who were happy on earth just get small diadems. 

I personally cannot believe in a God who claims to be the loving father of all creation, and then creates a hellish place of eternal torture where those who didn't 'believe' in one very specific way they may never of ever heard of have to go burn and suffer - while the ones who were lucky enough to be born in a time and or area where they learned this one specific belief system and bought into it get to come live in paradise forever. The more I think about it, the less sense it makes. 

And if the best part of heaven is full of Lori Alexanders, I'm not sure I want to go there really. I'll happily stay over in the "bad" part of heaven with people who were decent and happy on earth, too.

[feministxtian]

7 minutes ago, Alisamer said:

Lori and her thumpers and fundies in general often seem to think that the more awful life is, the better. Like, if you are Christian and have tons of major difficulties and losses in life, it just proves how godly you are that either satan is attacking you or God is testing you to strengthen you. And of course the more awful things are in this life, they think the better time they'll have in heaven. 

I had a fundie tell me that I lost my husband because God was trying to teach me a lesson. WHAT THE FUCK???? There are no examples of Jesus saying anything about being miserable. I mean, there are plenty of examples of him hanging out with friends, having a few drinks, probably dancing. If God is love, then why would he want his children to be miserable? I have an ongoing joke w/my Pastor about when God created me. It was an early morning and he was hung over as hell (I've heard the booze in heaven is pretty good). Then, when he sobered up he could do nothing but shake his head and say "what the hell was I thinking", and there's a rotating team of guardian angels who TRY to keep me out of trouble, but hey...I've met me!

[SongRed7]

Things that make you go hmmm?!  I wonder if Lori is throwing some shade at her daughter Alyssa's way.  This post seems to be written with some of her habits (fashion, make up, expensive cosmetics, frequent girls days out, etc) in mind (and like her friend Tenley who is so over the top being an influencer, I feel like she selling her own baby out to make a buck -- with every and anything "sponsored" or discount coded or links to buy them, etc. Tenley is one big walking billboard/advertisement)

I have to say, I agree with Lori a little bit here.  If people like to do things and pamper themselves, go for it. But there does seem to be this who industry now (especially among influencers on IG) that the in order to have a perfect like just buy this stuff and do these things. 

https://thetransformedwife.com/spending-a-lot-of-money-on-yourself/

 

 

Edited June 14, 2022 by SongRed7

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

1 hour ago, feministxtian said:

I had a fundie tell me that I lost my husband because God was trying to teach me a lesson.

That is the absolutely worst thing I've ever heard.  I'm surprised you didn't punch that person out. 3 or 4 times.

A fundie I've know since HS (he wan't fundie then.) told me a years ago a couple of months after my daddy passed that he was so sorry Daddy was burning in Hell because he wasn't born again (evil Catholic ya know).

We were on the porch at my mama's. I literally got right in his face and rage hissed how could he say that as he'd known daddy.  I hissed to get off the porch and to never ever never ever, ever say anything like that again or he'd answer to me.  He kept backing up and then ran down the steps.

The irony to all this:  He was also raised Catholic, went extreme fundie when he married his extremely fundie wife.

 

[feministxtian]

52 minutes ago, Red Hair, Black Dress said:

That is the absolutely worst thing I've ever heard.  I'm surprised you didn't punch that person out. 3 or 4 times.

I did more than enough verbal punching. Then told her that if she EVER crossed my path again, I would just go ahead and beat the shit out of her. I figured what she said and grief would have gotten me off the hook. Who thinks like that? Fucking fundies. 

[Alisamer]

Quoting @kpmom from the previous thread here:

Quote

*Almost positive there have been no female mass shooters.  A few serial killers, yes, but I don't think mass shooters.

Actually one of the earlier school shootings (1979) was done by a 16-year-old girl! That's the only one I can think of though, she's definitely an outlier. The vast majority of mass shooters are men.

[Bethy]

On 6/14/2022 at 12:25 PM, Alisamer said:

Lori and her thumpers and fundies in general often seem to think that the more awful life is, the better. Like, if you are Christian and have tons of major difficulties and losses in life, it just proves how godly you are that either satan is attacking you or God is testing you to strengthen you. And of course the more awful things are in this life, they think the better time they'll have in heaven. 

They definitely waffle between blaming Satan or praising God when bad things happen, but I hadn't thought through how they could twist it to highlight their holiness either way.

There is definitely a lot of "marriage is supposed to be so hard" sentiment around fundie circles and evangelicalism in general. Not that I think we should be sending children barely out of their teens into marriage with some starry-eyed notion that their spouse will make them deliriously happy all the time, but all this "marriage is soooooo heartbreakingly hard" talk isn't really helpful either. I read enough of it on Boundless (Focus on the Family's young-adult publication) in my single years that I wasn't sure I ever wanted to get married. "God didn't design marriage to make you happy. He designed it to make you holy." Well everybody who's been hanging out in evangelical circles for more than a nanosecond knows that suffering makes you holy so it's a very short step from there to "marriage is supposed to be miserable so you get made holy."

But if the marriage is miserable, or the man is abusive or unfaithful, then they always blame the woman.

[feministxtian]

37 minutes ago, Bethy said:

"God didn't design marriage to make you happy. He designed it to make you holy." Well everybody who's been hanging out in evangelical circles for more than a nanosecond knows that suffering makes you holy so it's a very short step from there to "marriage is supposed to be miserable so you get made holy."

But if the marriage is miserable, or the man is abusive or unfaithful, then they always blame the woman.

A good friend of mine got caught up in this. He couldn't/wouldn't keep a job, he was supposedly going to school for a theology degree (hello Pat Robertson) she basically had to kiss his ass to get anything, he expected her to know what he wanted for dinner without him saying a word. It escalated to physical violence. They divorced but he somehow managed to get custody of their 2 boys. Right up until he got busted for possession with intent for meth. He's STILL harassing her with demanding court appearances. 

[louisa05]

The suffering in marriage thing was always puzzling to me because I was surrounded by people who also believed in the Prosperity Gospel. So good Christians were supposed to get health, wealth and happiness to reward them for their godliness. And if you lacked any of that you had a sin problem you needed to deal with (because my lack of wealth had nothing to do with the same people who condemned me for it keeping my salary barely above the poverty line).  Except marriage. That was only godly if it was at least partially miserable. And, as always, they didn’t see the hypocrisy in that. 

[Red Hair, Black Dress]

Lori Alexander, who swears up and down she doesn't write those (self-published) books for the money, is flogging her new book hard. Really hard. 

She's quoting her book on nearly all of her FB replies and keeps the May 31 Amazon announcement on top of the FB string.

The fangirls/ leghumpers believe this book is some serious inerrant Biblical wisdom, second only to the "Word" itself.  It's a must read daily and follow completely to the letter.

I guess Lori now sees herself as equal to Paul.

[Alisamer]

1 hour ago, Red Hair, Black Dress said:

I guess Lori now sees herself as equal to Paul.

Well Paul seemed kind of like a misogynistic asshole in many of the writings attributed to him, so I can see the resemblance. 

[Botkinetti]

I think Lori sees herself as superior to Paul but since that goes against her own teaching that men are better at everything she keeps it to herself.

[NoseyNellie]

On 6/14/2022 at 2:57 PM, Red Hair, Black Dress said:

That is the absolutely worst thing I've ever heard.  I'm surprised you didn't punch that person out. 3 or 4 times.

A fundie I've know since HS (he wan't fundie then.) told me a years ago a couple of months after my daddy passed that he was so sorry Daddy was burning in Hell because he wasn't born again (evil Catholic ya know).

 

 

I am SO sorry you also heard such horrible words!    I was 15 when my father died suddenly at work.  He was catholic and my mom raised us kids Church of Christ(non denominational).  I was told by one of the deacons in his half assed condolence speak that " I am sorry for your loss and that you will never see him again since he was a catholic and will go to hell" 

Way to go G.. great job making a KID feel better... what he DID was convince and convict me to really look deeper and evaluate what I believed and how I looked at others...