Bro Gary Hawkins 19: God Even Uses the Perforated People

[AmazonGrace]

Quote

Getting softer and softer as he speaks, he tells them to pray for "the ones that are not here tonaht, pray that the - whatever's goin' ohn ah mean if there's anythin' wrohng ah don't know because nobody's told us so -" tooth suck - "they don't answer the phone or don't textya back  . . . ya sorta wonder a little bit but God knows amen?" Tooth suck.

Maybe I've watched too many Forensic Files episodes, but has anybody asked the police to do a wellness check on James and Rachel? At this point, it is a over a month later - I hope they haven't been decomposing on their kitchen floor all this time. I guess I'll find out as I listen to more Bro Gary messages.

Hope they're okay. Wouldn't necessarily blame anyone who chose to not to respond to Gary's messages.

[So-Virgin-It-Hurts]

Thoughtful, Where are you able to view Bro. Gary's sermons? I want to hear his word salad and  tooth sucking first hand. 

[thoughtful]

Continuing the Sunday evening service on 12/5, at Gospel Light Baptist Church in Conway, SC, on the theme of What Will Make You Happy.

"Livin' in this worl' shouldn't be happy ya say 'Wha?'  'Cause we're just pilgrims passin' through amen?"

He fulminates about how bad the world is, how saved people should be happy because they're going to Heaven, and how nobody can do anything without Jesus. Nothing new so far.

"You got depression? That's bad stuff."

"Tragedies happen, an' then sometahms you - you think about it very often amen? Ah just had two of - two preacher friends of mahn this year ah think it was - yeah, this year, two preacher friendsa mahn that lohst their mates."

Captions had a little trouble with that first "preacher friends:"

Spoiler

And he does his bit about Brother McFadden insisting he "had a comforter" only three days after his wife died. That one always gets to me, because, even from Gary's description, I can tell the man was an utter mess (as well he should have been - his wife had just died horribly and he was injured - he may have been on painkillers). If he could think at all, he probably thought he was confiding in a friend, telling Gary that his emotions were out of control and he was confused and in pain, and Gary's still using this private, heart-breaking moment as conversion fodder.

"We should be happy uh that God would even let us live in this life amen? And, uh, ever'thin' but uh here it is Solomon his momma was happy about it th'other men, people was happy about they had somebody that keered about God listen hey when you got a preacher that'll get up an' proclaim the gospel, preach the death" He coughs. "Preach the death burial an' resurrection of our Lord and savior y'know whatcha oughta be? Ya oughta be happy about that amen an' listen hey . . . "

He goes on, but I have to ask a question. Where are you getting Solomon's mother in all of this, Gary? Are you confusing the Queen of Sheba with Bathsheba?

He goes back to several more familiar routines, then does his ironically time-wasting bit about needing to hurry up. This time he says "Ah cain't say Ah Love Lucy, ah made him mad th'other naht so ah'll try t'git over that - watch - uh, watch Archer or somethin' a dunno amen."

Then he announces "Psalms 122, verses 1."

KJV: I was glad when they said unto me, Let us go into the house of the Lord.
BGV: I was glaaaaad  - when they said Let us go - into the house of the Lord.

This is followed by standard-issue Garyspew about being happy to go to church.

Next is Luke 10, "verses 20:"

KJV: Notwithstanding in this rejoice not, that the spirits are subject unto you; but rather rejoice, because your names are written in heaven.
BGV: Not with standing. In this rejoice not, that the spirit are subjeck unto you; but rejoice rather because your name is written in heaven.

His usual routines about heaven follow.

The captions do OK with the first time through "the Lamb's book of life," but have some trouble with the following ones, also with Gary's clothes already being "picked out," and the "mansion" in John 14:

Spoiler

 

Did you know that Jesus dipped the pen in His own blood to write Gary's name in the book? And it's never going to be taken out because "God's blood does perfect blood."

Oh, and just in case anyone has forgotten:

Spoiler

 

Gary says he got his ticket that day, then talks about  people buying plane tickets in advance, to make sure they have them and/or to get a better price. I think he was going for a comparison with his ticket to Heaven, but he gets distracted, says he doesn't fly, and tells them how Becky talked him into going on a Ferris wheel the night before, at the beach, despite his being afraid of heights.

He says he'll be honest with them, he looked down most of the time. Becky chimes in to make sure they know he means he looked at the floor of their bucket on the Ferris wheel, not down at the ground. Eventually, he gets back around to his trip to Heaven, which will happen in the "twinklin' of an eye."

Or possibly:

Spoiler

Luke chapter 15 real quick-like, verses 32.

KJV: It was meet that we should make merry, and be glad: for this thy brother was dead, and is alive again; and was lost, and is found.
BGV: It was me that we should make merry, and be glad for this thy brother was dead, and is alive again; was lost, and is found.

Followed by his usual blahblah about being happy when one sinner gets saved, leaving the 99 to get the one, how lots of people have gotten saved under their ministry but it's not about them it's about Jesus, etc.

I think Gary then tries to tell the story of the young woman that Becky talked to on the phone when they were in New York. and it comes out like this:

"Mah wahf just led a lady to - a young girl - ah think she got saved ah'm not 100% sure 'cause she's not all there, which ah mean most ah don't know if ah'm all here or not amen, but uh hehehe, an' everything, but uh  . . . "

Too late to save it with faux modesty, Gary - we heard how you categorized this woman.

He tells a story about Brother Don Godbothering a stranger in a restaurant, who then was saved from the evils of Catholicism, even though "he was pretty deep inta that."

He announces 1 Corinthians 15:10 (ah, the Popeye verse!), and tells them they should go home and do bible drills so they can "catch up" with him.

KJV: But by the grace of God I am what I am: and his grace which was bestowed upon me was not in vain; but I laboured more abundantly than they all: yet not I, but the grace of God which was with me.
BGV: But bah but bah th'grace of God I am what I am: and his grace was estowed - bestowed upon me was not in vain but I am laboured more abunnily than they all yet not ah but -  the grace of God which was with me.

"Abunnily" sounds like a an adverb meaning "in the manner of a cute rabbit."

More standard Garyisms follow, including going through the story of his salvation again. It just occurred to me that he always says they were "fixin' t'go to the seafood joint,' but he never says what the rest of the day was like, and whether they ever got there.  I know from another story that Gary considers it a sacrifice to go to a seafood restaurant, since he always wants Chinese food.

Gary, did you stage getting saved in the hopes that the family would want to celebrate by taking you for your preferred meal?

He gets into a rhythmic chant, repeating (about Jesus and/or God), "He's the one that's . . . " over and over, including:

Spoiler

TMI, Gary.

And that wasn't the captions' fault - he really did say "re-erecting," rather than "redirecting."

Gary does his bit about how, when he was a kid, he hated having to speak in front of people so much that he'd cut school and "take an F" when they had to present something.

Then he makes a stunning admission: "This morning, ah think ah read the scripture a little bit wrohng."

Only that morning? Only a little bit? Oh, Gary.

He says you get nervous when "you git up behahnd this pulpit."

Captions:

Spoiler

Yes, Gary, when you are behind it, people are definitely getting their bull fix.

He veers into a story about a preacher whose mother worked in a bar, let him come in and help clean up when he was ten years old, and how that man took his first drink of liquor at that age, and he veers back out again to talk about himself.

He starts to say that no chiropractor could change him like God did, has trouble saying chiropractor, then realizes he meant psychiatrist. The captions are so confused:

Spoiler

After more of the same old same old, Gary asks them to go to Colossians. I think I'll make that, and the rest of the message, another post.

As ever, Gary has said mostly the same crap he always says, and yet has given me so much material just by being the offensive dolt that he is.

[thoughtful]

9 hours ago, So-Virgin-It-Hurts said:

Thoughtful, Where are you able to view Bro. Gary's sermons? I want to hear his word salad and  tooth sucking first hand. 

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCqOCA-c0CEjR6O-LwYdlSEw/videos

 

[postscript]

Looking at that list of videos, most of them only have one or two views. The most I saw was 23 views. Allowing for one of the views to be @thoughtful, that essentially says nobody is watching. 

[smittykins]

I noticed that, too.

[Alisamer]

I'm betting the Ferris Wheel was probably the SkyWheel - though tickets are $16 which is kind of a lot to just stare at the floor the whole time. (There are a couple other options for Ferris Wheels, but they are all part of other attractions and not attractions on their own, so it's likely the SkyWheel.)

I'm kind of a little jealous, I haven't had the chance to go on the SkyWheel yet. Because Covid, mostly. I did get to the beach last year but we mostly did outdoor things and stayed away from crowds as much as possible. 

Gary sucks but man I'd love to be able to go "to the ocean" as often as he does. 

[thoughtful]

Finishing up the service from the evening of December 5, Gary reads Colossians 1:14: In whom we have redemption through his blood, even the forgiveness of sins

He goes on about the blood of Jesus for a while. He says that Psalms talks about the blood, and quotes Psalm 103. Nothing in there about any blood, let alone the blood of Jesus.

Gary says that, when Jesus (or perhaps God) looks at him "He sees the blood." He says it twice.

He repeats that saved people should be the happiest people on earth, and people should be able to see a glow about their faces. Gary says he's "done a research one tahm," and it:

Spoiler

How much energy does pissy-face take, Gary? Because that seems to be your default.

Gary reads 1 Timothy 1:12, almost correctly: And I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who hath enabled me, for that he counted me faithful, putting me into the ministry;

He follows it up with old routines, and "God has put us in the ministry - God coulda used robots, God coulda just said 'Yer saved,' but God wanted min an' womin an' boys an' girls so listen when yer talkin' t'people an' whether they say they're atheists or whether they they say they're this religion or they that religion, just rimember one thing - if it wasn't fer God, you'd be still where he's at amen or where they're at."

I think he says something about being glad if "you have a boss man that will let you say about God," but the captions and I agree, this is what it sounds like:

Spoiler

Y'know, it's always worth a google search:

 

"Because ah gotta lotta people they say 'Well ah haveta sneak around an' say somethin' an' then ah gotta be keerful who ah say it aroun' because they'l run an' tattle tale an' today"

Captions:

Spoiler

"in the day an' hour we're livin' in an' all the steoopid junk they got goin' ohn they prejudice aginst this or ya talk about this or ya do this listen they got any - they lookin' for any reason whatsoever t'git ridda people ohn ohn for the causa Christ today."

Ah, yes, stupid junk like the separation of church and state, people trying to run a business or just live their lives without being Godbothered at every turn. Gary proudly proclaims that he does it in "Walmarts," at the supermarket, and at the shore. He says he loves the beach at this time of year, because  "ain't many people out there nekkid amen."

Or:

Spoiler

"Ah wasn't plannin ohn doin' this, but turn over t'Mark chapter one real quick-like. Mark chapter one ah useta when ah useta - when ah sahn Bahbles now this is where ah sahn Bables at but ah useta sign 'em in Romans chapter - uh, 8:28 ah b'lieve it is but ah got t'bein' in the ministry mah wahf got t'lookin' at this scripture an' she showed it to me today an' this is mah desire raht here an he said unto them let us go into the next town, that ah may  preach there also: for there came ah forth. And he preached. In their synagogues throughout the Galilee, and cast out devils.

Well, that was such a stream-of-something that he completely forgot to tell them the verse or say "the Bahble says." But it was verses 38-39, sort of:

And he said unto them, Let us go into the next towns, that I may preach there also: for therefore came I forth. And he preached in their synagogues throughout all Galilee, and cast out devils.

People ask Gary to sign their Bibles?

He reads: https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+john+5%3A14-15&version=KJV

God wants to hear from us - old familiar stuff, including still more about trying to talk to everyone you meet about Jesus.

He stumbles mindlessly through:

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=romans+5%3A18-21&version=KJV

We ought to be happy that God still saves people.

The captions have some trouble with Gary's telling them they should be glad that Jesus would "come down, dah ohn an ol' rugged cross, was spitten upohn, mowked on . . ."

Spoiler

Jesus took the cat-o'-nine-tails because he knew Gary couldn't do it. Or . . .

Spoiler

Well, captions, if you're going to go there, go all the way - shouldn't it be "catamaran sails?"

And he blabs on with stuff you've all heard over and over.

And, once again, Gary demonstrates how to be pleasant and cheerful because you are so happy about Jesus:

Spoiler

Look at that beaming, radiant smile! Listen to those kindly, loving words! Don't you want to be just like this man?

 

[Dana723]

On 1/17/2022 at 7:16 PM, thoughtful said:

And he does his bit about Brother McFadden insisting he "had a comforter" only three days after his wife died.

Whenever I hear of "a comforter," I think of a cozy blanket.  

On 1/17/2022 at 7:16 PM, thoughtful said:

Then he makes a stunning admission: "This morning, ah think ah read the scripture a little bit wrohng."

Only that morning? Only a little bit? Oh, Gary.

 

How insightful of Gary

[thoughtful]

14 minutes ago, Dana723 said:

Whenever I hear of "a comforter," I think of a cozy blanket.  

So do I. The hymn The Comforter Has Come makes me picture a big box from a linen store on the front stoop.

On Wednesday evening, December 8, Gary was already yakking about somebody he met in Michigan (peachy!). I think this may be part of the prayer requests, but it's always hard to tell, with Gary.

He goes on about "another preacher uh there in Ohio, he's got a son th'hadn't seen in a whahl, he had the - an' he just got outta the hospital with th'covit, so he asked that us pray for him an' pray that th'Lords will - somebody dahd in the church, because he had the covit, they don't want him t'go. And uh, it been nahn days accordin' t'him ah dunno ah just told him 'well best thing for ya t'do ista reach out to ya pasture' but we be ah just told him ah'd pray for him an' that matter of the Lord's will be he - whether he should or shouldn't go t'the funeral an' ah unnerstand y'know when yer friends with somebody but uh still don't wanna make a buncha people sick and so but uh, pray for the Lord's will be done for that . . ."

The Amazing Grace clock and Gary's mumbles compete for a while.

In case you couldn't figure that out, the son of one of Gary's preacher friends may or may not be persuaded not to attend the funeral of someone who died of covid, because he has covid himself.

If that shocks you, remember - Gary always says people should stay home and watch church on Facebook if they are actually already clearly ill. Of course, I suspect he's really being understanding because it's for a funeral, not a regular service - I suspect that Gary would find any excuse not to go to a funeral, himself.

He asks prayers for another preacher friend whose vehicle broke down "somewhere in Virginia." Becky has to remind him of their name.

I think he may have gotten proof of life from Rachel (he doesn't mention James), but first - a detour!

"As far as ah know ah guess Becky heard from 'em because ah - pray that th'Lord'll - ah had t'take mah van to th'shop today it's had a light on for a whahl an' it looks like unless th'Lord intervenes ah'm gonna have t'use that agin for the next six months after we leave here an' so ah wint ahead an' put it in the shop trah t'get that straightened out, prob'ly somethin' simple, but ah'm not a mechanic an' you could guess all day an' spend more money than you could so ah - ah asked Miss - Becky asked Miss Betty about uh where t'take him to an' ah guess it was - what was the name of it?"

Several voices answer.

"Yeah, so you know who it is - pray that they can git that straightened out it'll be very somethin' very simple an' very cheap because if ah gotta use it, ah gotta make sure it's - make sure it's roadworthy 'cause Texas an' New Mexico and uh - all through there . . . "

I have to stop - he's just going on and on. He starts talking about the truck, too - the guy who was supposed to repair it now says Gary has to get a new battery before he can do the work, so Gary is going to get a "new to me" battery, etc.

I don't think I've ever heard anyone else at these services, a congregant or a preacher, ask for prayers for their vehicle repairs. Just Gary.

He never gets back to Rachel and James, but goes right on to other prayer requests, including all of the people at the gym who need saving, and all of the people to whom he has given tracts. And he's into his burden for America bit.

"As far as America religious realm is gittin' wickeder an' wickeder."

Captions:

Spoiler

Becky reminds him to pray for friends in Pennsylvania - the wife "ended up in the hospital w'covit, but she wadn't sick enough for them to keep, so she's home."

He adds an interesting tidbit about this man: "Ah tellya after a man gits married after about two - or a woman gits married after about three tahms you better think twice he's had two other wahves t'dah, an' so . . . "
Becky: "Of heart attacks."
Gary: "Yeah, heart - OK both of 'em? Whatever . . . but, uh . . .but do pray, 'cause uh you know, after ya know ya done lost two, an' then she's in the hospital or uh got the covit or whatever the issues is, that's gotta be on yer mahnd a whole lot, an' so  . . . pray fer them." Tooth suck.

In it's own weird Gary way, this is about as sympathetic and thoughtful as I've ever heard him. I think it has actually registered on him how terrifying it must be for a person who has lost two spouses to illness to see his current spouse ill. He's just such a clod about expressing it.

He catches them up on the Pridgens, and worries that the tracts have the phone number that costs $10 a minute on them, but Becky reassures him that it's not.

Gary has Jacob say the general prayer. Jacob is in fast mumble mode, so it comes out "Thank you for ______ (your saving love?), thank you for your mercy . . . "

Captions:

Spoiler

Jacob comes up to lead songs. C'mon, captions, he was pretty clear this time:

Spoiler

It's Away in a Manger, and they're singing it in G major.

Then they all sing Silent Night, and the Hawkinses moan It's About the Cross.

Gary comes to the pulpit and asks them to turn to Ecclesiastes - that's new. He says he was listening to someone preach a funeral, and the man said some things that got him pondering, and the Lord started working on his heart.

"Chapter three, if you can you're willin' an' you're able stand for the readin' of the worda God."

Spoiler

To everything there is . . . well, you know. My season for continuing this recap will come later.

Do I dare hope for an actual new message? Nah. Just a Byrds earworm. Or, if you prefer, the composer and a friend . 😁 Both versions are good.

[So-Virgin-It-Hurts]

23 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

So do I. The hymn The Comforter Has Come makes me picture a big box from a linen store on the front stoop.

On Wednesday evening, December 8, Gary was already yakking about somebody he met in Michigan (peachy!). I think this may be part of the prayer requests, but it's always hard to tell, with Gary.

He goes on about "another preacher uh there in Ohio, he's got a son th'hadn't seen in a whahl, he had the - an' he just got outta the hospital with th'covit, so he asked that us pray for him an' pray that th'Lords will - somebody dahd in the church, because he had the covit, they don't want him t'go. And uh, it been nahn days accordin' t'him ah dunno ah just told him 'well best thing for ya t'do ista reach out to ya pasture' but we be ah just told him ah'd pray for him an' that matter of the Lord's will be he - whether he should or shouldn't go t'the funeral an' ah unnerstand y'know when yer friends with somebody but uh still don't wanna make a buncha people sick and so but uh, pray for the Lord's will be done for that . . ."

The Amazing Grace clock and Gary's mumbles compete for a while.

In case you couldn't figure that out, the son of one of Gary's preacher friends may or may not be persuaded not to attend the funeral of someone who died of covid, because he has covid himself.

If that shocks you, remember - Gary always says people should stay home and watch church on Facebook if they are actually already clearly ill. Of course, I suspect he's really being understanding because it's for a funeral, not a regular service - I suspect that Gary would find any excuse not to go to a funeral, himself.

He asks prayers for another preacher friend whose vehicle broke down "somewhere in Virginia." Becky has to remind him of their name.

I think he may have gotten proof of life from Rachel (he doesn't mention James), but first - a detour!

"As far as ah know ah guess Becky heard from 'em because ah - pray that th'Lord'll - ah had t'take mah van to th'shop today it's had a light on for a whahl an' it looks like unless th'Lord intervenes ah'm gonna have t'use that agin for the next six months after we leave here an' so ah wint ahead an' put it in the shop trah t'get that straightened out, prob'ly somethin' simple, but ah'm not a mechanic an' you could guess all day an' spend more money than you could so ah - ah asked Miss - Becky asked Miss Betty about uh where t'take him to an' ah guess it was - what was the name of it?"

Several voices answer.

"Yeah, so you know who it is - pray that they can git that straightened out it'll be very somethin' very simple an' very cheap because if ah gotta use it, ah gotta make sure it's - make sure it's roadworthy 'cause Texas an' New Mexico and uh - all through there . . . "

I have to stop - he's just going on and on. He starts talking about the truck, too - the guy who was supposed to repair it now says Gary has to get a new battery before he can do the work, so Gary is going to get a "new to me" battery, etc.

I don't think I've ever heard anyone else at these services, a congregant or a preacher, ask for prayers for their vehicle repairs. Just Gary.

He never gets back to Rachel and James, but goes right on to other prayer requests, including all of the people at the gym who need saving, and all of the people to whom he has given tracts. And he's into his burden for America bit.

"As far as America religious realm is gittin' wickeder an' wickeder."

Captions:

  Hide contents

Becky reminds him to pray for friends in Pennsylvania - the wife "ended up in the hospital w'covit, but she wadn't sick enough for them to keep, so she's home."

He adds an interesting tidbit about this man: "Ah tellya after a man gits married after about two - or a woman gits married after about three tahms you better think twice he's had two other wahves t'dah, an' so . . . "
Becky: "Of heart attacks."
Gary: "Yeah, heart - OK both of 'em? Whatever . . . but, uh . . .but do pray, 'cause uh you know, after ya know ya done lost two, an' then she's in the hospital or uh got the covit or whatever the issues is, that's gotta be on yer mahnd a whole lot, an' so  . . . pray fer them." Tooth suck.

In it's own weird Gary way, this is about as sympathetic and thoughtful as I've ever heard him. I think it has actually registered on him how terrifying it must be for a person who has lost two spouses to illness to see his current spouse ill. He's just such a clod about expressing it.

He catches them up on the Pridgens, and worries that the tracts have the phone number that costs $10 a minute on them, but Becky reassures him that it's not.

Gary has Jacob say the general prayer. Jacob is in fast mumble mode, so it comes out "Thank you for ______ (your saving love?), thank you for your mercy . . . "

Captions:

  Hide contents

Jacob comes up to lead songs. C'mon, captions, he was pretty clear this time:

  Hide contents

It's Away in a Manger, and they're singing it in G major.

Then they all sing Silent Night, and the Hawkinses moan It's About the Cross.

Gary comes to the pulpit and asks them to turn to Ecclesiastes - that's new. He says he was listening to someone preach a funeral, and the man said some things that got him pondering, and the Lord started working on his heart.

"Chapter three, if you can you're willin' an' you're able stand for the readin' of the worda God."

  Hide contents

To everything there is . . . well, you know. My season for continuing this recap will come later.

Do I dare hope for an actual new message? Nah. Just a Byrds earworm. Or, if you prefer, the composer and a friend . 😁 Both versions are good.

Turn, turn, turn. 

I am regularly bewildered by the fundies who publicly ask God (and congregants) for personal gifts such as car batteries, tires, kitchenware, living room additions, etc. It always strikes me as lacking in personal responsibility for anything. God seems to be personified as a "Big Daddy" who bestows gifts and cash to His favorites. 

I so want to order a reading fluency and reading comprehension evaluation for Gary. . . real quick-like.

[postscript]

1 hour ago, So-Virgin-It-Hurts said:

Turn, turn, turn. 

I am regularly bewildered by the fundies who publicly ask God (and congregants) for personal gifts such as car batteries, tires, kitchenware, living room additions, etc. It always strikes me as lacking in personal responsibility for anything. God seems to be personified as a "Big Daddy" who bestows gifts and cash to His favorites. 

I so want to order a reading fluency and reading comprehension evaluation for Gary. . . real quick-like.

I have long been convinced he has an untreated learning disability and/or is functionally illiterate. So much of what he reads appears to be by rote memorization. 

So, proof of life for the truck. Why am I not surprised it needs a new battery? Also not surprised that the van now needs work. It was only a matter of time before he ran yet another vehicle into the ground. However, one would think that with being on the road so much, Gary would (A) look up what the lights mean so he understands the difference between “due for an oil change” and “get to a mechanic, now!” and (B) know how to do simple things like change oil, check tire pressure, etc. 

[thoughtful]

20 hours ago, So-Virgin-It-Hurts said:

I am regularly bewildered by the fundies who publicly ask God (and congregants) for personal gifts such as car batteries, tires, kitchenware, living room additions, etc. It always strikes me as lacking in personal responsibility for anything. God seems to be personified as a "Big Daddy" who bestows gifts and cash to His favorites. 

I am no longer bewildered, but I am always disgusted. People like this have no sense of personal responsibility, and they've warped their religious beliefs to fit their desires.

Gary makes it very clear that he gets all of the things he does because he is in the full will of God, and doing what he has been called to do.

And then he is scornful of people who he says see God as a genie in a bottle, because they only pray when they are in trouble or want something, and ignore God the rest of the time. To him, that's a big distinction.

It's such a scam.

[thoughtful]

19 hours ago, postscript said:

Also not surprised that the van now needs work. It was only a matter of time before he ran yet another vehicle into the ground.

Oh, the van has needed repairs many times since the day it was bestowed upon him. I haven't kept count, but it has probably been at least a dozen times by now.

He is clearly the repository of vehicles that should have gone directly to the scrap yard. I guess some people needed a tax deduction.

[thoughtful]

Continuing the 12/8 service, Gary reads:

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ecclesiastes+3%3A1-8&version=KJV

KJV: A time to be born, and a time to die
Bro Gary Version:  there's a tahm to be borned, there's a tahm to dah

KJV:  a time to break down, and a time to build up;
Bro Gary Version:  a time to break down, and a time to build up ah oughta guess ya kin give that scripture t'Brother Mark there tahm t'break down what it does ah maht be next.

Maybe Brother Mark is the fellow whose vehicle broke down in Virginia - Becky said their last name, not their first, so I have no idea.

Gary does OK with verse four, but the captions think he is gardening:

Spoiler

KJV: A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
BGV: A time to cast away, and a time to gather stones together;

"You read here there's a tahm for every thing. Annnnd - sometahms we lahk what this tahm's for, an' sometahms we don't lahk what it's tahms for an' but when it's a tahm t'dah, y'know  ya ah'm gonna be honest w'ya that don't mean -  when y'know, when somebody's dahyin' that don't mean ya haveta even though - now if you go a black funeral mah unnerstandin' - ah've never been to one but if you go to a black funeral mah unnerstandin' they rejoice. They have a good tahm an' ah wanna say, an' we was even talkin' about death the other naht before ah even thought about this message, ah remember goin' to a funeral in Columbia South Carolina that are there ah dunno how long ago it been quite a few years ago, but the pasture's preacher's wife dahd one of the preachers ah preached for, known for quite a whahl his wahf dahd an' we got to th'church an' ah'm gonna be honest with ya ah almost thought we was havin' a - maybe a revahval or somethin' but you know what? Listen, even though you lose somebody, an' _________(meaningless syllables), you know ah've lost family members an' you've lost family members, an' it's not always easy t'lose 'em, but when you know where they're at especially when you know they're in Heaven, it sure does make it a whole lot easier ya say 'Wha is zat?' Well, if you're saved, then one day, we'll - we will be re-nahted again wonna these days an' so but a tahm for all the different kandsa thangs an' ah got t'thinkin' as ah was listenin' to the preacher do the funeral then th'Lord started givess me some thoughts an' this scripture come to mahnd an' ah thought about it an' ah said: What About Tahm?"

I capitalized that because I think it may be the title of his message. He has hardly taken a breath, and barrels right on, talking about how time doesn't matter to God/Jesus, but it does to us, "other than if ya hang out with the Indians, maybe they been hanging around with the Lord a little bit better'n we have or sumpin' . . . "

And he keeps on babbling. Don't try to spin that as a compliment, Gary - we know it was another of your nasty racist comments.

He tries to describe the way time feels slower when you're young, and seems to go faster when you're older, and makes a mess of it. To a young person, "tahm, it lastes forever." He must say the word "time" hundreds of  . . . um, times.

Farmers have to get up early. "Mah daddy usedta be a farmer, an' he farmed terbaccer."

Captions:

Spoiler

"When you work for yerself ah found out somethin' even in that part of re'm when you work for yerself there's never an hour of dule momen' or tahm off of hours, you can work in any many tahms but look here in Psalms chapter 51 an' the Bahble says 'Have mercy' - here's David talkin. 'Have mercy on me Oh, God . . . "

Have mercy yourself, Gary - try to put together just one sentence that makes sense, and tell the people what verse you are reading!

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=psalms+51%3A1-13&version=KJV

He butchers most of it, reversing the meaning in several places, and, of course, making al the "est" endings into "eth."

Standard Garystuff follows - America needs to confess and repent, like King David, the inner man doesn't sin but the outward man does.

While babbling about how the devil can tempt anyone, he yells, "You know how easy he could get me an' mah wahf to split up? Amen? Now, that's not in mah mahnd, that's not even what ah want t'happen but you know what? It could happen ya say 'Wha?' It's happened before."

Hey, Gary, tell them when it happened before, and to whom.

Gary knows he's sinned. In his 22 years of being saved, he says there was probably somebody he should have told about God and didn't, and the blood's going to be on his hands.

Gary, I doubt you've missed anybody.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Ecclesiastes+3%3A11&version=KJV

"Here's another tahm. It's tahm t'realahze ohn God's tahm."

Spoiler

Maybe what he says next will clear it up.

"Now ah'm gonna say ah'm gonna go two differen' ways an' some people would say it would be conterdictin' but when we get to th'next one ah'll letcha know but the Bahble does not conterdict itself. But ah will say this much there is some tahhhhms when we need t'be patient with God amen?"

"Ah remember uh - last year, we went ohn vacation mah wahf says we're never goin' on vacation again but we went on vacation an' that's the reason ah'm havin' people t'pray that th'body man - if the body gah could git done with mah truck before the end of the year would be great and but the Lord's will on that part ah wanna be honest with ya whenever ah let th'thing roll down the heeyull, it's been a complete year that it's been settin.' Fahnally th'Lord innervened an' let it allow because of the covit ever'body that did work was about six months t'a year behahnd an' this gah wa about three weeks behahnd an' still ain't got mah van - vehicle in there but that's a different story or whatever but but but ah'd lahk it  - ah think - ah think that mah van should be settin' out there in the - that mah truck should be settin' out there in the parkin' lot. But ah gotta realahze it ain't Garys tahm, it's God's tahm."

Wasn't that instructive and inspiring?

I was tired of typing, but Gary goes right on about how he hates being patient, because "ah know what patience brings - it brings tribbleation."

Again,

Familiar stuff follows, including the story of the woman who laid out her husband's church clothes for years. Gary does a bit better at making sense, since it's all rote.

"Go t'John chapter four real quick-lahk."

But Gary, how do I know if God wants me to go there quickly or slowly?

[Xan]

13 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

"Fahnally th'Lord innervened an' let it allow because of the covit ever'body that did work was about six months t'a year behahnd an' this gah wa about three weeks behahnd an' still ain't got mah van - vehicle in there but that's a different story or whatever but but but ah'd lahk it  - ah think - ah think that mah van should be settin' out there in the - that mah truck should be settin' out there in the parkin' lot. But ah gotta realahze it ain't Garys tahm, it's God's tahm."

We're never going to get a straight story out of Gary about this truck mess.  I just hope Becky eventually spills the beans. 

Oh, maybe God's decided that you don't need that truck back, Gary.  Stop driving around the country pestering people and get a real job.  Pay for your own vehicles.  And get some of those brain pills that they advertise on last night television because... damn.

Gary may not be the dumbest preacher I've ever heard but if "Dumbest preacher" was an Olympic event, he'd at least medal.

[postscript]

17 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

"You read here there's a tahm for every thing. Annnnd - sometahms we lahk what this tahm's for, an' sometahms we don't lahk what it's tahms for an' but when it's a tahm t'dah, y'know  ya ah'm gonna be honest w'ya that don't mean -  when y'know, when somebody's dahyin' that don't mean ya haveta even though - now if you go a black funeral mah unnerstandin' - ah've never been to one but if you go to a black funeral mah unnerstandin' they rejoice. They have a good tahm an' ah wanna say, an' we was even talkin' about death the other naht before ah even thought about this message, ah remember goin' to a funeral in Columbia South Carolina that are there ah dunno how long ago it been quite a few years ago, but the pasture's preacher's wife dahd one of the preachers ah preached for, known for quite a whahl his wahf dahd an' we got to th'church an' ah'm gonna be honest with ya ah almost thought we was havin' a - maybe a revahval or somethin' but you know what? Listen, even though you lose somebody, an' _________(meaningless syllables), you know ah've lost family members an' you've lost family members, an' it's not always easy t'lose 'em, but when you know where they're at especially when you know they're in Heaven, it sure does make it a whole lot easier ya say 'Wha is zat?' Well, if you're saved, then one day, we'll - we will be re-nahted again wonna these days an' so but a tahm for all the different kandsa thangs an' ah got t'thinkin' as ah was listenin' to the preacher do the funeral then th'Lord started givess me some thoughts an' this scripture come to mahnd an' ah thought about it an' ah said: What About Tahm?"

I capitalized that because I think it may be the title of his message. He has hardly taken a breath, and barrels right on, talking about how time doesn't matter to God/Jesus, but it does to us, "other than if ya hang out with the Indians, maybe they been hanging around with the Lord a little bit better'n we have or sumpin' . . . "

That section of Ecclesiastes is one of the most beautiful chapters of the Bible, and of course Gary manages to mess it up. 

I thought he didn't attend funerals? He's informed us more than once how much he hates funerals and hates cemeteries.  

And of course he manages to make racist comments about not one, but two groups within the space of a couple of minutes. 

[So-Virgin-It-Hurts]

For the life of me I cannot figure out what he was trying to imply about Indians and time.

Just watch the first 1'20".  Never thought I'd be begging the Rodds.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EReUG3CqUQI

[thoughtful]

2 minutes ago, So-Virgin-It-Hurts said:

For the life of me I cao annot figure out what he was trying to imply about Indians and time.

I am guessing, only because I've heard his longer routine about this before, that he thinks they are always late for things, don't bother keeping to a schedule - things like that.

 

9 minutes ago, postscript said:

And of course he manages to make racist comments about not one, but two groups within the space of a couple of minutes. 

I know - another amazingly disgusting Garyism.

[So-Virgin-It-Hurts]

This is my first time listening to Gary preach live (above link). When reading from the Bible I see punctuation is ignored. He is sure that banjos are playing in heaven. I think you have that mixed up, Gary.

[thoughtful]

10 hours ago, So-Virgin-It-Hurts said:

Just watch the first 1'20".  Never thought I'd be begging the Rodds.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EReUG3CqUQI

Oh, my - that's from way back - the girls were still with them. Gary checking his watch and scratching his nose while singing the last note was a nice touch - also Michaela yawning right after they finished singing.

Actually, that's about the best I've ever heard Gary sing! I think he does better in a higher range. And the kids were not bad - in the second song, Adrienne (?) had a nice country sound to her voice, and I can understand the words, which is much tougher now when Becky and Gary drone.

I'd never seen or heard Becky play the violin before - just hold it in pictures. That bow is so tight, I thought it was going to explode.

Now I feel compelled to watch the rest of the video and hear vintage Garyspew.

[So-Virgin-It-Hurts]

1 hour ago, thoughtful said:

Oh, my - that's from way back - the girls were still with them. Gary checking his watch and scratching his nose while singing the last note was a nice touch - also Michaela yawning right after they finished singing.

Actually, that's about the best I've ever heard Gary sing! I think he does better in a higher range. And the kids were not bad - in the second song, Adrienne (?) had a nice country sound to her voice, and I can understand the words, which is much tougher now when Becky and Gary drone.

I'd never seen or heard Becky play the violin before - just hold it in pictures. That bow is so tight, I thought it was going to explode.

Now I feel compelled to watch the rest of the video and hear vintage Garyspew.

I have you to thank for my new hobby: Gary watching. Thanks for the tip of turning on the closed captions. I assumed that those were Becky's kids who are now with their dad. Last night I watched Gary's first YouTube video in which he introduces himself and his ministry. He's the king of neologisms.

[Xan]

12 hours ago, So-Virgin-It-Hurts said:

For the life of me I cannot figure out what he was trying to imply about Indians and time.

Just watch the first 1'20".  Never thought I'd be begging the Rodds.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EReUG3CqUQI

That was interesting.  I guess Becky started trying to play the piano because the older girls dropped out and their "music" needed accompaniment.  Why didn't she just play guitar?  It's way easier and more portable.  I admit that she's gotten better over the past couple of years but their singing is bad anyway.  Strumming the guitar would have been a better choice.

The pastor says that the Hawkins family has been traveling with their "big bus".  Did Gary have a converted school bus or a large RV?  The pastor says that they're going back to NC to get the inside finished up.  Of all the Gary mysteries, the ones concerning vehicles are the ones I want answered.

 

[postscript]

4 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Oh, my - that's from way back - the girls were still with them. Gary checking his watch and scratching his nose while singing the last note was a nice touch - also Michaela yawning right after they finished singing.

Actually, that's about the best I've ever heard Gary sing! I think he does better in a higher range. And the kids were not bad - in the second song, Adrienne (?) had a nice country sound to her voice, and I can understand the words, which is much tougher now when Becky and Gary drone.

I'd never seen or heard Becky play the violin before - just hold it in pictures. That bow is so tight, I thought it was going to explode.

Now I feel compelled to watch the rest of the video and hear vintage Garyspew.

Ugh, that was painful. Gary shouldn’t attempt to sing lead. The kids have much better voices. 

Where Gary could be useful would be with a little chatter while the musicians are looking for the next song.  All of these family groups are so unprofessional in their presentation. They should have a set list worked out so they aren’t all leaning over the lectern trying to find pages. They should also have a brief spiel worked out to introduce each song, or to fill the in between time while the musicians tune, reset, take a breath, etc. It would be a golden opportunity for them to equate the words to their message or explain the personal importance of the song. Gary has lots of little riffs which could be easily adapted for those purpose. 

[thoughtful]

5 hours ago, So-Virgin-It-Hurts said:

I assumed that those were Becky's kids who are now with their dad.

Only the tallest girl. The other two in that video were Gary's daughter and Jacob.

Becky's oldest and youngest daughter, her son, and Gary's middle child, Caleb, were missing from that video. 

5 hours ago, So-Virgin-It-Hurts said:

He's the king of neologisms.

And the prince of malapropisms!

5 hours ago, Xan said:

The pastor says that the Hawkins family has been traveling with their "big bus".  Did Gary have a converted school bus or a large RV?

He had at least one large thing on wheels, that he referred to as a bus, but I think it was an RV. Somewhere there are pictures from when he was trying to sell one. I found one, on this page (and also found one of Gary's references to cleaning himself out with the spiritual dishrag!).

 

 

 

 

Edited January 21, 2022 by thoughtful
correcting list of kids