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Bro Gary Hawkins 19: God Even Uses the Perforated People


Alisamer

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While babbling about how the devil can tempt anyone, he yells, "You know how easy he could get me an' mah wahf to split up? Amen? Now, that's not in mah mahnd, that's not even what ah want t'happen but you know what? It could happen ya say 'Wha?' It's happened before."

Hey, Gary, tell them when it happened before, and to whom.

I am going out on a limb and claiming that if it wasn't in his mind he wouldn't be preachifying about it.


 

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Gary knows he's sinned. In his 22 years of being saved, he says there was probably somebody he should have told about God and didn't, and the blood's going to be on his hands.

Gary, I doubt you've missed anybody.

 

Well that's quite the humblebrag... I mean, poor sinner me, I didn't tell some people to get saved, and now their blood is on my hands. Cuz if I told them to get saved they would be saved now for sure. Because I'm powerful like that.

Gary, most of the time what you told anyone made absolutely no difference.

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Becky has posted for the first time since 1/1:

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So, Becky, will you be making these?

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Becky posted Ephesians 3:5-7:

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3 But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints;

4 Neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor jesting, which are not convenient: but rather giving of thanks.

5 For this ye know, that no whoremonger, nor unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, hath any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.

6 Let no man deceive you with vain words: for because of these things cometh the wrath of God upon the children of disobedience.

7 Be not ye therefore partakers with them.

and 1 John 2:2-4:

Quote

2 My little children, these things write I unto you, that ye sin not. And if any man sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous:

2 And he is the propitiation for our sins: and not for ours only, but also for the sins of the whole world.

3 And hereby we do know that we know him, if we keep his commandments.

4 He that saith, I know him, and keepeth not his commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him.

Wonder what's on her mind.

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I left Gary in the middle of the 12/8 service. He had just announced John chapter 4.

But no, it is John chapter 14.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=john+14%3A1-4&version=KJV

KJV: And whither I go ye know, and the way ye know.
Bro Gary Version: An' whether ah go and the way ye know.

"Ah'll tellya another thing what tahm it's for - it's tahm for the Lord Jesus Christ t'soon be comin'."

Gary thinks that it's a sign of the times that a woman told him she was saved, and then threw the tract he gave her in the trash. Gary thinks she should have given it back to him or handed it on to someone else.

"That's jus' people sayin' 'Well, listen, hey, ah kin git t'Heaven any way ah want to, ah don't need a gospel track t'tell me."

Captions:

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As it was in the days of Noah, days of Lot, sodomites, schools tell all of the kids they are the opposite sex, and lots of incoherent babbling ensues.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=romans+13%3A11&version=KJV

"Ah'll tellya another thing what tahm is it it's tahm t'wake up."

He yells about Christians who don't do anything, and says they're like his dog, who is so lazy that sometimes, when he feeds him, he has to carry him over to the food.

I doubt that you ever feed Rascal or care for him in any way, Gary.

He reads Ephesians 5:16: Redeeming the time, because the days are evil.

More babble, including some nifty math - "If yer gonna work a eight-hour job, an' you gonna wake - work eight hours, you oughta give 10 percent of that tahm t'God, in doin' somethin' for Him. An' if you average out 40 weeks, now, anybody that works overtime _____(incoherent mumbe) do a lotta workin' amen? You know what? Listen hey, we can use that as an example in the part listen 10 percent t'God ain't a whole lot. Amen?"

:confusion-confused:

In sentence fragments, he accuses "electronics" of "messin' people up" (after saying some use of it is OK, of course - he's got to cover his own ass). "You know how many people's got divorces because of electronics? You know how many people have lost family members because of electronics?"

From what I've heard, Gary, "electronics" have mostly damaged the people who fall off the deep end with conspiracy theories, anti-vax crap, and Trumpism. You're pretty close to that edge yourself.

He says that, when he and Becky are somewhere with other people, and he doesn't want anyone to know what he's saying to her, he messages or texts her. But he admits they have to be careful that it doesn't take away from family time (why do I have the feeling that Becky told him to knock it off, and that's the only reason he knows it's wrong?).

"We need to be redeemin' the tahm with our families. Because wha? Because that devil can very easily - uh - Facebook. You know how many people have met their mates becausa that then murders just happened an' ah've seen all different kindsa thing an' datin' sites an' all that kinda stuff ah'm just sayin' we just need t're - redeem our tahms be keerful with what we do with our tahm because wha? Sometimes we waste it, an' ah'm gonna tellya - after - we started at seven o'clock. After eight o'clock guess what? We cannot do anything else about that tahm you say 'Wha?' Because it's gohn."

Gary telling us not to waste time. Another irony meter bites the dust.

He reads Hebrews 9:27: And as it is appointed unto men once to die, but after this the judgment:

Gary babbles about how will all be judged. He has to live up to the scripture he has on his jacket and on his van. The captions have trouble with his pronunciation of "van:"

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He babbles incoherently about going before a judge, his early days of reckless driving, his attempt at a garden.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=James+1%3A22-24&version=KJV

"Ah'll tellya what tahm it is - it's tahm for us t'do somethin'."

Gary fantasizes about the tract the woman threw out getting caught by the wind at the landfill and ending up helping someone.

Such a lovely image.

He mentions the movie Sheffy again, and the captions don't quite get it:

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image.thumb.png.cf3aa69fd0362c3560b344f08c86c026.png?     image.png.02fbf3ee8ba09227ed982910a5053099.png   ?

He says that a character (well, a guy) in the film says that, when Sheffy is praying, it sounds like he's really talking to someone. "Jesus is really a person, ah mean He's got feelin's He's really a person amen? He may be the spirita God an' all those things but He still wants to hear from us."

He talks about Becky doing his taxes. "We do it ohn the Innernet and it's done legal an' all those things."

He rambles about the rise in food prices and how he and Becky will have to feed so many people at the tent meeting in Texas.

Gary, you aren't paying for that food - you don't even pay for the food you eat.

That leads him to the story about the pastor's wife who wanted to go to the more expensive gas station because "mah God ain't broke."

The captions don't recognize Carl Lackey's name:

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Gary says something about the money churches give him for "the travelin' on the road," but the captions seem to know a secret:

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https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2+corinthians+6%3A2&version=KJV

As usual, he thinks "succoured" is "secured,"

Make sure you're saved, reptobate, his salvation story, etc. He talks about how his sons made professions several times before they really got saved.

Somehow he gets back to the idea of family time, and says "We went out yesterday an' mah wahf shot me - ya ever heard that sayin' shop 'til ya drop?"

The captions hear "shot," too, and mess up a few other things:

Spoiler

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Getting quieter and quieter, he drones, "Ah wanted t'drop before ah got done - before she got done shoppin'. But ah took a day, yesterday, we we took a day, ah mean, Jacob really didn't do no school, the poor dogs got left bah theirself for a few hoursss, it didn't bother me though, an' we just went an' enjoyed ourselves. Butchu know what? In the midst of all that you know what ah did? Ah was passin' out tracks. You say 'Wha?' Well, ah wanna redeem the tahm ah'm gonna still do it."

Louder: "You kin have family tahm an' you kin do things, but you still gotta keep the Lord involved."

Gary sounds like such a fun date.

Edited by thoughtful
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8 hours ago, thoughtful said:

He yells about Christians who don't do anything, and says they're like his dog, who is so lazy that sometimes, when he feeds him, he has to carry him over to the food.

I doubt that you ever feed Rascal or care for him in any way, Gary.

This one troubles me.  Sure, Becky is the one feeding Rascal.  But is poor Rascal getting so old or sick that she has to carry him to his food?  Of course, Gary would think this was just the dog being lazy.

8 hours ago, thoughtful said:

"If yer gonna work a eight-hour job, an' you gonna wake - work eight hours, you oughta give 10 percent of that tahm t'God, in doin' somethin' for Him."

What I get from this is that Gary (like I assume most fundies do) doesn't monetarily tithe to any church.  He gives his time.  Since Gar is unemployed and all he does is yak about Jesus, this means he doesn't do anything special at all.  Yeah, we see you, Gary.  You may send a dollar or two to a missionary occasionally but you don't throw money in the collection plate.

8 hours ago, thoughtful said:

He talks about Becky doing his taxes. "We do it ohn the Innernet and it's done legal an' all those things."

This was odd.  It's like JillRod announcing that child protective services loved her organizational skills and think she's a good mom.  Nobody we know about has asked.  Gary is just wanting us to make sure that we know he files taxes.  I'm not convinced.

Then he bitches about having to go shopping with Becky -- who, for all we know might have been buying Gary bigger shirts -- and has to pester strangers with tracts.  With Covid rampant, I'm surprised anyone took something he handed them.

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Using 10 percent of your work time for God - this shows how long it’s been since Gary worked an actual job. In any office I’ve ever been associated with, the powers that be would have expected you to be working, not praying, during your time in the office. Taking 10 percent of your time for God would mean either working more hours to make up for it or a 10 percent pay cut. And I’ve worked for and with some devout people of various faiths. 

The boys not being properly saved by Gary’s standards - just imagine traveling with Gary and constantly being nagged by him because he thinks you haven’t been saved to his exacting standards. 

Given the lack of coherence of his Facebook posts, I’m not sure whether I want to see Gary’s texts. 

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10 hours ago, thoughtful said:

 But ah took a day, yesterday, we we took a day, ah mean, Jacob really didn't do no school, the poor dogs got left bah theirself for a few hoursss,

Dogs? I thought they just had Rascal? Or were they staying with someone who has a dog, maybe? 

And Jacob is old enough to do his own school, at least partially, and to be left alone for a few hours. Did Gary drag him out shopping with him to hand out tracts, too? Poor kid. 

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11 hours ago, thoughtful said:

In sentence fragments, he accuses "electronics" of "messin' people up" (after saying some use of it is OK, of course - he's got to cover his own ass). "You know how many people's got divorces because of electronics? You know how many people have lost family members because of electronics?"

From what I've heard, Gary, "electronics" have mostly damaged the people who fall off the deep end with conspiracy theories, anti-vax crap, and Trumpism. You're pretty close to that edge yourself.

Oh, Gary, Gary, Gary.  You need to get back to the basics--books, board games and bonfires. That's how you get people's attention. Here, see how it's done, by a preacher who gets literally thousands of comments on his posts:

(I put the link under a spoiler because this guy is a real rabbit hole. Make sure to reserve a ferret or two before proceding)

 

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7 hours ago, Black Aliss said:

Oh, Gary, Gary, Gary.  You need to get back to the basics--books, board games and bonfires. That's how you get people's attention. Here, see how it's done, by a preacher who gets literally thousands of comments on his posts:

I hate Locke so much.  If I had any power or control at all, I'd take away his church's tax exemption.  He is purely political.

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I've looked to see what Gary's up to lately but his timelines just has a couple of things that Becky has posted only for friends on his page.  I'm wondering if he's finally caught something.

Also, Becky posted this on her page.  They're apparently in Gallup, NM.  It amuses me that Gary tries to stay in the south and the southwest during the winter so he can avoid the snow and he's gotten caught in this big winter storm.  I'm not happy about the storm for everyone else but I'm glad Gary's there in it.

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On 2/2/2022 at 8:54 AM, Xan said:

This one troubles me.  Sure, Becky is the one feeding Rascal.  But is poor Rascal getting so old or sick that she has to carry him to his food?

I hope it's not really as Gary described. He's a liar, of course, so I'd assume he was just making it up (or at least exaggerating), but he has so little imagination.

On 2/2/2022 at 8:54 AM, Xan said:

This was odd.  It's like JillRod announcing that child protective services loved her organizational skills and think she's a good mom.  Nobody we know about has asked.  Gary is just wanting us to make sure that we know he files taxes. 

Adding "it's done legal" is new, but the "Every year, when Becky does mah taxes" crap is a standard Gary routine. It never quite makes sense, but I think it is supposed to be part of how he points out that God/Jesus provides for them.

On 2/2/2022 at 11:14 AM, Alisamer said:

Dogs? I thought they just had Rascal? Or were they staying with someone who has a dog, maybe? 

This was during their December church-and-house-sitting gig for Joe Pridgen - the Pridgens have dogs.

On 2/2/2022 at 11:14 AM, Alisamer said:

And Jacob is old enough to do his own school, at least partially, and to be left alone for a few hours. Did Gary drag him out shopping with him to hand out tracts, too? Poor kid. 

I wonder if that poor kid ever gets to be alone.

10 hours ago, Xan said:

I've looked to see what Gary's up to lately but his timelines just has a couple of things that Becky has posted only for friends on his page.  I'm wondering if he's finally caught something.

Gary hasn't posted anything on his Facebook account, other than videos, for months, so I don't think recent illness is the reason. The Hawkins Family Ministries one has some announcements of gigs, but no Gary rants.

He has made reference to Facebook arguments and conversations, but none of them appear to be on his timeline - I guess they were all comments on someone else's, unless there is another Facebook account I don't know about.  :confusion-shrug:

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Becky, you "signed up for" lots of misery when you married that idiot - cold weather is the least of it.

I can't believe she is thanking Gary for having a nice warm place to stay. I bet the electric blanket belongs to somebody else, also.

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On December 12, Gary was still preaching as part of his church-sitting gig for Pastor Pridgen. As the video begins, we hear the Amazing Grace clock chiming, and Gary talking about a friend who is in the hospital, on oxygen. He's got "the covit."

As Gary asks them all to pray, and says "they just lohst their pasture," and "two-three others in that part, so uh," we see men in t-shirts, carrying styrofoam cups. Gary must hate all of this casual dress and beverages in church.

He says the person he's been talking about is Bill Case at Friendship Baptist Church. That church seems to be observing some Covid restrictions, but I don't know when they started doing this:

Spoiler

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Good news! Gary says, "It's good to have Brother James an' Miss Rachel back today amen." 

He claims James said he "snuck up" on them the previous day when they "went visiting." So, after they missed the Wednesday evening service, Gary went to check up on them again on Saturday.

Hey, more good news! Brother Will, the man who was out of work since April (he's not from this church, but I guess they all know one another's business, from gossip and prayer requests), got a job. He has a really long commute, though, so pray for him.

While Gary is asking for prayers for the people who are moving to this church from New Jersey, a man calls out, asking Gary where he's from. They get into a conversation about the Winston-Salem area (the captions take three tries to understand that):

Spoiler

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"Western segment" and "what's the seller" are both supposed to be "Winston-Salem."

A woman asks for prayers for Joe Biden, "that he and his staff get their act together and do what's right for God." Gary says they should pray that they get saved, so then they will know what's right.

Gary reminds them, for no apparent reason, that they "were paying $4 a gallon when Obama was in office." But God's in control.

He asks prayers for Kathy in Pennsylvania, from the church that only has four people - she has "the covit,"

Jacob asks prayers for "our police and armed forces."

Gary says, "Yes, do that, ah mean, even the good ones raht now havin' it rough because of the bad ones, an' that shouldn't be amen?"

I would love to think that Gary is saying he acknowledges that police officers who kill black kids for no reason are "the bad ones," but it seems unlikely. I wonder who he thinks of as the bad ones - the state troopers waiting for him to speed on highways, perhaps? Maybe the ones who stood up to the insurrectionists, or the service members who wouldn't agree to be part of Trump's coup.

More prayers for people ill and in pain - Gary says he went to see Miss Susie, who has an absessed tooth.

So, it does sound like Gary was doing some of the pastoral visiting while he was looking after this church. I don't know whether he needed prompting from Pastor Pridgen before he left, or Becky, or both.

He announces Ephesians chapter six, and a man (sounds like the same man who chatted about Winston-Salem) calls out "Ephesians chapter six is good!"

The captions' attempt at "if you can you're willing and able, stand for the reading of the word of God" seems to want some math and science taught (or maybe a flower):

Spoiler

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https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=ephesians+6%3A10-18&version=KJV

KJV: Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints;
Bro Gary Version: Prayin' always with all prayer supplication in the Spirit, watching thereunto with all  - perserveness and supplication for all saints;

"Now we're seein' here  you start out it says put on the whole armors of God that you may be stand against the wile of the devil. Last week we talked about the devil a little bit now mah wahf said ah was a little bit confusin' nobody else said that but that,  uh - ah hope ah won't be as much this week, but, ah wanna talk about - us not bein' exempt from the devil. See - y'know - people today, believe it or not, there be some people think they can take ohn an' hannle the devil. But ah can tellya this much, you cannot hannle the devil amen? He does not have as much power that God does, but he does got power, amen?"

Gary, you are off to a rip-roaring start at being less confusing!

He goes on about the devil for a while - all old stuff.

More later.

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2 minutes ago, thoughtful said:

That church seems to be observing some Covid restrictions, but I don't know when they started doing this:

It’s great to see someone in Gary’s world attempt some disease prevention measures:  “If you don’t want someone to give you a disease, or sicknesses, don’t be guilty of doing likewise.”  Of course, it may be that they ignore the “pasture,” and are certain the vaccine is of the devil.  

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So if Becky is happy for a place *inside* to stay, does that mean they sleep in whatever vehicle they have sometimes? What a terrible life for that poor boy, and the dog. At least Gary and Becky have made a choice about it. 

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38 minutes ago, MayMay1123 said:

So if Becky is happy for a place *inside* to stay, does that mean they sleep in whatever vehicle they have sometimes? What a terrible life for that poor boy, and the dog. At least Gary and Becky have made a choice about it. 

It's a crappy life for Jacob and Rascal in any case, but I agree, that would make it even worse.

I don't think they've slept in a vehicle since the bus died (if they even did then). There always seems to be someone willing to provide a roof and food for them.

I think Becky is just very good at remembering to thank people for things (in fact, I suspect that the only reason Gary ever thanks anyone is because she coaches him to do so).

On a few occasions, a drive was too long to do in one leg, and they've stayed in motels, far from any supporting church.  I suspect it may take a lot of persuading from Becky to get Gary to stop and rest. I'm pretty sure he won't let her drive, from what he's said.

My guess is that they paid for those few instances themselves, dipping into the "love offering," "mah taxes" (Gary never seems to remember that the word he's looking for is "refund"), or money from Daddy.

Once, when there was a problem with the place a church had provided for them (plumbing, IIRC), his parents paid for them to stay at a motel.

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16 hours ago, thoughtful said:

I wonder if that poor kid ever gets to be alone.

My guess is probably not; there’s a mindset(even among many non-evangelicals) that if you allow kids “too much free time,” they’ll start experimenting with drugs/alcohol/tobacco/sex/*insert negative behavior here*.  IMO, that’s why many kids’ waking lives are micro-managed, so they don’t have time to get in trouble.

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7 hours ago, smittykins said:

My guess is probably not; there’s a mindset(even among many non-evangelicals) that if you allow kids “too much free time,” they’ll start experimenting with drugs/alcohol/tobacco/sex/*insert negative behavior here*.  IMO, that’s why many kids’ waking lives are micro-managed, so they don’t have time to get in trouble.

And, of course, in this case, he's also the only remaining slave. Gary has plenty of grunt work for him to do, as does Becky, and she does seem to expect him to put in time on schooling.  He may get an occasional ride on his skateboard or a game of basketball with acquaintances wherever they are, but that seems to be it.

Continuing the 12/12 morning service at Gospel Light, Gary reads:

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+26%3A14-16&version=KJV

KJV: Then one of the twelve, called Judas Iscariot, went unto the chief priests
BGV: And then one of the twooelve, called Judas S. Carrot, went unto the chief priest
Captions:

Spoiler

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KJV: And they covenanted with him for thirty pieces of silver.
BGV: And they con - convenient with many - with - with him for thirty pieces of silver.

KJV: And from that time he sought opportunity to betray him.
BGV: And from that time he sought opportunity to portray Jesus - nah dat portray him, but it Jesus they portrayin'.

"Ah wanna say number one listen he got Judas now you think about Judas - Judas had the best pasture that there could be amen? Jesus - Judas was under Jesus Christ as far as bein' in twelve."

And he babbles right on, but I'll stop there. The captions keep valiantly trying:

Spoiler

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Gary goes on to say that he thinks Judas was lost, not saved, because the Bible says Jesus had 12 disciples and one of them was the devil.

I thought that Judas betraying Jesus was part of the inevitable plan, not the work of the devil. Or have I been listening to those horrible liberal Christians again?

Oh, wait - Gary mentions that the concept was that Jesus came to die to save us. So I guess he's sort of admitting that Judas was only fulfilling his part of that. But he goes right back to talking about the devil tempting people to "sell out fer Jesus  - sell out - uh - to - away from Jesus."

At one point, while gabbing on and on about the devil's temptations, he says that people should always say "with the help of the Lord" when they are claiming they will continue to go to church or do the Lord's work.

Gary gets back to Judas betraying Jesus, and a man (I think it's the same guy who asked where Gary is from, who, BTW, has a wonderful deep voice) asks why he did it.

Gary: "The devil made him do it."
Man: "Why did he?"
Woman: "'Cause He had t'die."
Gary: "'Cause He had t'die. Well, ya know the reason fer that part, but . . . Judas jus' said 'OK, ah'm done, OK ah'll do it, ah'll set him up.' He went back to repent but it was too late."
Man: "Oh, it ain't never too late t'repent."
Gary:

Spoiler

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"It was fer Judas, 'cause Judas - "
Man: "He felt like it was."
Gary (looking down at his Bible and flipping pages): "J- J- look at Luke, chapter 10."

This man seems to apply the same social skills for church as he would for a friendly visit, hence the chattiness. Gary, of course, is uncomfortable with him, as he is always squicked out by anyone different. And, he only wants the kind of call-and-response that flatters him.

I  think the questions and comments are all innocent, but I love the way he has ended up pointing out the discrepancies in Gary's theology, which always seems to depend on the point he's trying to make at that moment. Was Judas doing wrong, pulled in by the devil, or fulfilling his appointed role? If it's never too late to repent and be saved, why couldn't Judas?

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=luke+10%3A38-45&version=KJV

KJV: But Martha was cumbered about much serving, and came to him, and said, Lord, dost thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone? bid her therefore that she help me.
BGV:  But Martha was cunning, about much serving, and came to him, and said, Lord, doth now - doth now thou care that mah sister hath left me to serve alone? bid  therefore that she should help me?

Gary's point in telling the Mary and Martha story this time seems to be that the devil can get some people to complain about anything. But then he goes on to talk about people who don't pull their own weight when there is work to be done.

So Martha and Mary (so, also Jesus) were both wrong? Not to mention the obvious irony in Gary mentioning people who don't do their share of work.

He tells the story of how he saved the men's meeting in "Illinoise" from the man who always complained, and how the pastor cried with gratitude. From the way he tells the story, the only thing I can imagine is Gary dominating the conversation so much that the guy who usually ruined things with his complaining never got to speak.

He goes back to the story, and says "she's complainin' because Martha is worshippin' at Jesus' feet."

No, it's Martha who is complaining, and Mary is not worshiping, she is hearing His word. According to your precious KJV, that is. I've even heard people say that this story points out how Jesus saw women as equals to men, worthy of learning and joining discussions, not just for housework. But those people were liberal Episcopalians, so I assume you'd think they weren't saved.

He tells them that the devil is going to do his best to get them to find fault in Brother Joe. Great, Gary - I doubt they would have thought to find fault in their absent pastor if you hadn't brought it up.

Going on about complainers, he said someone could come in and complain about the decorations, but Gary thinks they look good. I think it's more likely that people would not notice them at all.

"They might not complain t'me 'cause ah have the guts t'tell 'em t'leave."

Captions:

Spoiler

image.png.b52495665b1747c0ba82719b61561b19.png

Gary spins a shimmering Gary-web of wordlike things, trying to talk about how the devil gets people eyes off of Jesus and make them start complaining. Ready?

"Do you remember Peter? Peter said 'Jesus, Lord if that's you, ah wantchu t'have me t'come an' walk ohn th'water.' What did Jesus do, He said 'Come ohn!' Jesus did, but here's the thing, here's uh here's th'reason we get t'complainin'. Ah was listenin' to - the news th'other day ah believe it was or maybe somebody preachin' a message or whatever ah cain't remember whatever an' they was talkin about that uh - maybe somebody's doin' a little bit oh ah know what it wassss."

A pause, then more quietly:

"Ah should ah better be very keerful  here. Ah don't think nobody does this, But it said - it was the part that teachin' yer chil'ren about Senna Claus."

Louder: "Y'know y'got rich people in Conway, that kin get their chil'ren better stuff than the poor people, is that right? An' then the children go t'lookin' an' sayin' 'Well mah frien' over here got this stuff raht here.' Jacob as soon as we left yer house" (he points at someone in the congregation) "the other day, ah guess he's either envious or jallousy, but he said 'Ah want that thing that he had, but it costses about two thousan' dollars.' Ah said 'Well go tell him you want it, not me, amen. He might have two thousand dollars ah don't, no ah'm jokin' ah'm jokin'."

Damn it, Gary - your child admired something, and you have to shame him in front of the whole church, not to mention making whoever you are talking to feel like shit because they owned something nice, which they can probably afford because they work for a living.

Man, that was a Gary trifecta of shittiness. But I guess he felt he had to call poor Jacob out for coveting.

Congregants laugh. Really, people, stop encouraging this walking sack of nasty.

Spoiler

image.png.35f4f9e61fe28d420b990930dc7a4d69.png

"The other day, ah was lookin' ohn Facebook, an' ah gotta preacher frienda mahn that lives in Georgia, he's had - he's lost a cuh - his wahf's lost a coupla children but, this one had a twin, this one made it but the twin didn't. An' the other day, ah looked on Facebook, an' they give the twin a uh 19 -"
Becky: "Yeah, it's a 200 -"
Gary: "Maybe it was 1800, whatever, ah mean old vaholin. An' this young lady's what, maybe fahve, six years old maybe?"
Becky: "Probably eight or nine."
Gary: "Eight years old whatever an' she's learnin' the vaholin, you know what mah wahf, ah tol' mah wahf about it, mah wahf coulda got jallous 'cause she does play which we call it the fiddle down south amen. But mah wahf coulda got a little bit  uh uh upset about that 'So Lor' whah won'tchu give me one lahk 'at?' No, what we should do is say 'Thankya Lord Jesus, that uh you are blessin' people amen,' an' not bein' complainin' an' jallousy about it amen am ah makin' sense this mornin'? Go t'Luke chapter 18."

Later, Gary. First I must meditate on the fine example you set, being so clearly completely without resentment about the things other people have. I only hope I can achieve your level of inner peace someday. /s

Also, I need to make sure I remember the difference between nouns, adverbs and adjectives, after listening to you. I am definitely not "jallousy" of your grammar.

Edited by thoughtful
riffle
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10 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Man, that was a Gary trifecta of shittiness. But I guess he felt he had to call poor Jacob out for coveting.

There are days when I just purely hate Gary.  He's frequently obviously jealous of things other people have.  Not only does he not provide for his own son, he has to make sure the kid feels bad if there's something that he even dares to want.  And the story about the violin just highlights that he and Becky were bitching over the fact that a child had an expensive violin.  I doubt they were being happy for her or being grateful for the things they have themselves.

Gary really is a "walking sack of nasty".

 

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12 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Judas S. Carrot

From the little-known Bugs Bunny Version (BBV) of the Bible. 

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3 hours ago, postscript said:

From the little-known Bugs Bunny Version (BBV) of the Bible. 

I swear you can find anything on the Internet.

Spoiler

image.png.93282ffd4ab731476b05bcceb7629f7f.png

image.png.f87c477d4c285744fbc9f0e564a248be.pngimage.png.1a6e6ff12ef4a1a9962bd05a382076c9.png

 

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4 hours ago, Xan said:

And the story about the violin just highlights that he and Becky were bitching over the fact that a child had an expensive violin.  I doubt they were being happy for her or being grateful for the things they have themselves.

Absolutely - you can just feel the missing bits in his narrative. Even his mentioning that the girl's twin had died makes me think there was more. It could be just one of Gary's lack-of-filter moments, but I can't help imagining that there was some discussion of this child being spoiled because her parents felt guilty or sad about the lost twin, or so grateful that this one lived.

The thing that seems most out of character for Gary was his ability to edit the conversation for public hearing. I would have thought him more likely to claim that Becky was envious until he told her to shape up.

 

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I'm having trouble getting my latest Gary recap to post at all - I saved the text and will try again tomorrow. Sorry about that.

Edited by thoughtful
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I'll try doing this as several posts - that seemed to work in the past.

Returning to the 12/12 morning service, to find out how much more offensiveness Gary had in him that day.

He reads:

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=luke+18%3A11-12&version=KJV

"Now what about this? Here's what the devil kin do. He - the devil kin gitchu t'thinking thatcher better'n somebody else."

Gary assures us that he is not better than anybody, the drunk or "the man that cusses God every breath," the harlot or the people that take dope. He's just accepted Jesus.

"Now some people think this a little bit differen' that's OK, an' ah do unnerstan' that uh some things are uh prob'ly worse than other things, but you know what? God looks at murder the same way He looks at uh takin' a - stealin' a cookie - seeyun is seeyun. Now ah unnerstan' in mah concept listen hey you go an' beat the daylights outta the one that kih - committed mordor - murder, but the one that uh stole the cookie, y'know what they can become? The next murderer. If it's not corrected, amen?"

Future murderer:

Spoiler

:character-cookiemonster:

Further proof that you can find anything on the Internet:

Spoiler

 

"An' then you think about today, some chil'ren say 'Well ah'm a whole lot better'n so an' so because ah was raised in a better invahrnment.' Well, you know, ah don't unnerstan' wha God does what He does, likes - which ah'm gonna be honest withya, some people, some people put theirself where they're at when it comes t'bein' poor, amen? Or homeless or stuff like 'at. I'm jus' sayin' in the part that uh - uh - we need t' - we need t'not never git to where we think that we are somebody."

Of course he reminds us that, without Jesus, he would be a Hellbound sinner, and goes on about that for a while.

Gary, the false modesty stuff doesn't really cover the fact that you just insulted people who provide (financially, morally, intellectually) for their children (unlike you) and those who are down on their luck (and not getting handouts as big as the ones you get).

He realizes that he did his readings out of order. "Go back t'Luke chapter 7." There has been a quiet but steady undercurrent of someone else talking for a while, and I think is it really unnerving Gary. He fumbles through this:

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=luke+7%3A19-20&version=KJV

While trying to get to his point, that the devil could even distract John the Baptist, Gary wanders through the story of when Elizabeth and Mary were both pregnant, and gets totally tangled up.

"Somethin' was said, an th'John the Baptist leet - wee - looped -
A voice (Jacob?): "Leaped."
Gary: "Huh? Wheat.
Voices: "Leaped." "Leapt."
Gary (annoyed): "Leaped. Leapt. Whatever. In his mother's womb."

We get a blast of familiar Garyblab, including how life isn't fair (before he went into evangelism, he had to work for a living, but now people getting government checks, Trump should be in the White House but Joe Biden is), but  the reason "we're where we're at in America is because we've done a lot of sinning."

Or maybe:

Spoiler

image.png.548c3c250f4cb8eb98d7af2217b061ca.png

 

Speak for yourself, Gary - some of us don't consider our singing cause for punishment from God.

Oh, and Job's children died, he lost all of his cattle, and his wife lost her Walmart money.

"Ah hope ah'm makin' sense this mornin.'"
Becky: "Amen."
Gary: "Mah wahf says 'Amen' whether she's lahin' or not ah dunno. Time'll tell. Some of y'all don't realahze that ah pick ohn mah wahf a whole lot we was up in New Jersey thinkin' about New Jersey we was in New Jersey earlier this year, an' ah don't know what ah said about mah wahf, but there was a gah, ah think it - what, second row? An' ah whatever ah said an' ah said it again, mah wahf said he was almos' gohn' come up an' whup me."

Lots of laughs.

"Ah'd hate to have a knock-down, drag-out in the church, amen? But ah pick ohn mah wahf she's OK with it 'bout half the tahm." Tooth suck. "John chapter eight in verse 44 the Bahble says . . ."

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=john+8%3A44&version=KJV

"Ah'll tellya somethin' else that we're not exempt from, is follerin' after th'devil, because we're just lahk him."

"The devil is not, in any way shape nor form, favoritism towards you afar as have anything that - uh - he would lahk to see you do good other than fallin' away from church."

Spoiler

chicken-run-rocky.gif

 

Edited by thoughtful
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More from the 12/12 Garynasty:

After some more standard Garyisms about how we could all die any second, he reads:

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=john+10%3A10&version=KJV

The devil's out to steal yer heart, and to kill you.

He also wants to steal "yer joey."

Spoiler

1161014402_Garyjoey.thumb.JPG.bb532bb1404e25b757a1a3cf37dba64a.JPG

Gary does his usual bit about the devil keeping people away from church, with fear of  Covid as their excuse, and how it's different if you're really sick. He was told to stay away from pregnant women when he had shingles years ago, so he stayed home from church because he didn't want to go around asking women if they were pregnant. Ha ha.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+corinthians+3%3A1-3&version=KJV

The devil can get you to not grow. Gary tells some story about the pastor, and has to check to make sure he is pronouncing Pridgen correctly.

https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=2+corinthians+4%3A4&version=KJV

The devil will do everything in his power to keep a blind man blind.

While babbling his usual stuff about witnessing, Gary tells a story - he doesn't say when this happened, but it sounds recent, and is clearly from this gig.

He got to church, and a man named Jack (Gary doesn't remember his last name) came in: "an' ah knew when he pulled in here an' come in come in he was like sumpin' what was wrong, an' he pointed at me an' he said 'Ah got a phone call.' Ah said, 'Oh, mah Lord.' Someway an' other we messed up the alarm over there an th'police come over there ya know what ah did? Ah said 'Ah know yer ohn duty, but' ah said 'You kin always read a gospel tract.' You know what? The devil would rather ah just not give him a gospel tract."

Yeah, and the police would rather you didn't waste their time with false alarms.

Gary rants a bit more about witnessing, then falls suddenly into his final prayer.

He managed to pack all of this nastiness into just 46 minutes. Every time I think I'll skip a Gary video because he's so repetitive, then think better of it and listen, he manages to come up with something freshly disgusting.

 

Edited by thoughtful
replies merged, so I took out my intro to the last one.
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Dear Thoughtful, Your Gary posts have become one of the greatest joys in my life!

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