Bro Gary Hawkins 13: What's the other one, Becky?

[thoughtful]

6 minutes ago, Ozlsn said:

I totally missed that! (Fried squash? Does it taste like potatoes? I've only had it as part of a bigger dish I think, never occurred to me to fry it.)

I've never had it fried. I don't know what kind of squash Becky used (I'm guessing yellow summer squash), but most squash is pretty mild. So I would imagine it tastes like the breading, oil and seasonings.

[Carol]

1 hour ago, thoughtful said:

Those aren't potatoes. They are  . . . um . . . Becky: "Fried squash."

Carol, I need to know the tune for your parody - what's the original song?

This is kind if hard to explain and I'm not altogether sure it will make sense.  

It's a irreverent parody of "Go Rest High on That Mountain".  A song Vince Gill wrote about his brother who died.  I play it a lot since my brother died and, in fact, rewrote it for my family in a tribute to him.  It's in my head a lot as it seems this virus has upstaged my grieving process.  I go from OK all day to, in the evening...really hurting.  To calm the hurt I wrote a silly song.  I'm not sure you'll see the similarities but it was in my head when I penned it.

If you want to hear the song...

 

 

Edited April 29, 2020 by Carol

[grandmadugger]

@Carol I love that song! It makes me cry and brings me peace. This song is the same 

 

[thoughtful]

35 minutes ago, Carol said:

 I go from OK all day to, in the evening...really hurting.  To calm the hurt I wrote a silly song.  I'm not sure you'll see the similarities but it was in my head when I penned it.

I hear it (it's not a song I knew - thanks for introducing me to it).

And you know I'm all for overriding hurt with silliness, if the mood strikes and it's therapeutic.

[Dandruff]

Homeschooling Gary must have been interesting.

[LiaRose]

On 4/27/2020 at 2:43 PM, keepercjr said:

Gavin is my governor (thank goodness - he listens to science) and yea it is hard to believe.  I think for people like her, it is all about image and being famous and $$.  Someone I follow on Twitter said that a friend of theirs talked to Tucker Carson several years ago and told him to become a little more extreme to make a name for himself and well he went off the rails.  Took it too far.  Kimberly is going to put up with obnoxious Don Jr because she likes the perks that come with it.  I don't think she really cares about political views and the consequences they may have for people affected by them.

I think everyone in Trump's orbit (including his own children) know he is far gone.  But to admit that would be disastrous for their agendas.  Hell, everyone around him speaks about him like a toddler. 

Gavin and Kim divorced the year she started at Fox.  I wonder if she was a conservative nut-job before they got married, or if she converted after.

If everyone in Orange's orbit know he's gone bananas, then they need to band together and all just refuse to do what he says.

16 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Gary was live. He says he knows why he's so fat now. It's because you can get good fresh produce at farmer's markets this time of year.

Gary, go back and look at the pictures of Chinese food, weens and gravy, 

>>snippety>>

He went to "Walmarts" yesterday (he sure does go a lot, for someone who claims to hate it). He said he saw a sticker that says there can be 900 people in there at once, and there ain't no way to stay six feet apart, but you're limited to only 10 people in church. "There's a issue there." Oh, Gary:

https://www.businessinsider.com/walmart-will-count-shoppers-limit-how-many-can-enter-2020-4

>>snip snip>>

 

Goody!  I remembered right!  This is indeedy the red weenies and gravy guy!

Even 900 people sounds like a lot.  I found out my local Safeway's allowing in half capacity, and that's still 408.   I can't imagine 408 people  there much less 816.

[Four is Enough]

14 hours ago, wallysmommy said:

A Gary Parody Song -- @Carol thank you for the idea!

We was broke - the day the truck - broke down in Texas

So I got on social media to grift for a new riiiiiiiiidddee

But before we could get down to the church to do some preachin'

The vahris hit and everythings now closed up

 

And I'll grift as long as you will let me

And I never minded preachin' in the heat

No an' you can call me brother Gary, Gary

As long as you call me when we eat

 

Pink weens and gravy are my favorite

My belly's poppin out the buttons of my shiiirrrt.

Becky hurry up and fetch me up some vittles mightly quickly

Before I kick up the social media (pronounced mead-i-AAAAA).

 

You don't have to call me darlin' is one of my favorite country songs!!!

 

Somewhere, Steve Goodman and David Allen Coe are cringing....

 

Nice job!!

Edited April 29, 2020 by Four is Enough

[Walking Cat Bed]

12 hours ago, thoughtful said:

I've never had it fried. I don't know what kind of squash Becky used (I'm guessing yellow summer squash), but most squash is pretty mild. So I would imagine it tastes like the breading, oil and seasonings.

I had fried squash (and portabellas) at the NC State Fair a few years ago. It seemed like it would be slightly healthier than typical state fair food and was reasonably tasty. I'd still go for grilled or roasted over fried most of the time.

[grandmadugger]

1 hour ago, Four is Enough said:

Somewhere, Steve Goodman and David Allen Coe are cringing....

 

Nice job!!

And John Prine who refused to have his name attached to the song. 

[EyesOpen]

9 hours ago, LiaRose said:

 

If everyone in Orange's orbit know he's gone bananas, then they need to band together and all just refuse to do what he says.

 

They’re profiting too much by letting him run amuck:(

[Four is Enough]

2 hours ago, grandmadugger said:

And John Prine who refused to have his name attached to the song. 

Wait, What? John Prine was also (however covertly) involved in the best of all country songs? Do tell!

[sixcatatty]

On 4/28/2020 at 9:06 PM, wallysmommy said:

A Gary Parody Song -- @Carol thank you for the idea!

We was broke - the day the truck - broke down in Texas

So I got on social media to grift for a new riiiiiiiiidddee

But before we could get down to the church to do some preachin'

The vahris hit and everythings now closed up

 

And I'll grift as long as you will let me

And I never minded preachin' in the heat

No an' you can call me brother Gary, Gary

As long as you call me when we eat

 

Pink weens and gravy are my favorite

My belly's poppin out the buttons of my shiiirrrt.

Becky hurry up and fetch me up some vittles mightly quickly

Before I kick up the social media (pronounced mead-i-AAAAA).

 

You don't have to call me darlin' is one of my favorite country songs!!!

 

RIP Steve GOodman and John Prine

[Rhonda]

Fried squash is amazing. Slice it thinly, dip in egg, coat it with a mixture of cornmeal, salt and pepper. Fry in butter on low heat until it’s crispy. It’s a southern thing. It’s the only way I can eat squash.

[thoughtful]

Gary's "'n' everythin'" is a song cue for me, and parody lyrics keep popping into my head. So I thought I'd write some down in the hopes of getting it to stop.

It's not a well known song - I know it because it was used in the 1968 bio of Gertrude Lawrence, Star! It's on the video below, from where it's cued up at about 9:45 to 11:30.

He's got a pair of thighs that reek of weens
'N' everythin’
He's got a smirk to rival sullen teens,
'N' everythin’

His little brain goes ’round and ’round
When Gary tries to be profound,
He’ll call you sinner,
Then break for dinner,
He thinks he knows
Just everything!

He's got the vilest little simple mind
'N' everythin’
A petty shamer, he is so unkind,
'N' everythin’

And if he’d finish just one thought,
I’d cry “What hath God wrought!”
But instead, it’s burps, tooth sucks, Haymen, Walmarts,
'N' everythin’

(Instrumental – everybody dance!)

And if he’d emulate his Lord,
I know I would be floored!
But instead it’s ____________ *
'N' everything
'N' everything
“I ain’t frowin’ stones, just sayin’
everything!”

* Please remain silent and wait for Becky to fill in this line.

 

 

[FundMe]

23 hours ago, thoughtful said:

I've never had it fried. I don't know what kind of squash Becky used (I'm guessing yellow summer squash), but most squash is pretty mild. So I would imagine it tastes like the breading, oil and seasonings.

kinda, but you have to factor in the skill of the southern cook. And the seasoned iron skillet, passed down from your great grandma, makes the difference!

[sixcatatty]

7 hours ago, Four is Enough said:

Wait, What? John Prine was also (however covertly) involved in the best of all country songs? Do tell!

Prine tells the story here:

 

[griffin]

John Prine was God's gift to the world. I got to meet him and he gave me his guitar pick. One of my most prized possessions. Thank you sixcatatty. 

[Carol]

I wrote a song... 

"Thank You God For Taken Him Cause Satan Turned Him Down".  

The title is perfect for Gary but, unfortunately, the lyrics don't apply.  Gonna re-write it.

[thoughtful]

Gary posted a video of someone else, for a change:

He's also done two live videos already today - I'll be back . . .

[thoughtful]

I did a bit of research on the people who put out the video above - I didn't want to click on anything from them, but it appears to be a viciously anti-Semitic, conspiracy-happy "news" site. Nice company you keep, Gary.

Gary is outdoors again for this morning's first live. The ground and his truck are wet. Gary concludes that it must have really rained last night, and it might rain again. If so, Gary will go inside. I guess he's not willing to suffer like Job, Daniel, Paul, Silas, Shadrack, etc.

He's not throwin' rocks, but he's grateful Promise Baptist didn't close its doors. They had a prayer meeting last night - only six people, so they "done good" at keeping it under the 10-person limit. Like it matters to Gary.

He recommends the video he shared, and hints at the conspiracy shit, as usual.

Gary wants to get out and about, spreading the Word, but "sometimes ya just hafta set back and relax, and enjoy life." This from one of the laziest human beings on the planet.

He tells about all of the errands he's run, talking to people, passing out tracts.

He wants to go to Myrtle Beach, but motels are $200 and he doesn't have that much money right now. But he called and the lady told him he could go to the beach and "walk on the ocean - uh, not walk on the water, but walk on the sand there, walk on the side of the ocean."

He gets back to the video, and (after some incoherent ramble about a church under construction and people needing to eat inside the church), talks about the "five second rule" we all knew when we were kids.

Today's repeated mantra is "we need each other." At one point, it becomes "we need to be uh, we need to be worryin' about one of another, as far as the part of, y'know, I mean hey, how ya doin' what's goin' on with ya?"

A long, incoherent riff about seeing a little girl wearing gloves and a mask ends with Gary saying he is "a-frightened" that children won't want to go back to school after all this. This from the man who made all of his kids afraid of schools.

He's just tryin' to be an encouragement, he's not throwin' stones. He's just one of those old-fashioned preachers who preaches against sin because "that's what nailed my Jesus to the crossssss, that's what put my Jesus on the crosssss."

While he ranting about sin, he looks to his right and snaps "Hey! Get out!" then says "sorry about that" to the camera.

The Bible says "let every man have his own wife, and his own wife have his own husband, her own husband amen amen amen." Nice slip of the tongue, Gary, and aren't you on your second wife?

"When we go to the beach 'n' look like beach bums, that's still sin. HAYMEN!" I'd give you some context for that if there was any - it just comes out of a clear blue sky.

He gets into a riff about how he can't wait to meet his Jesus face to face, and we hear lots of different versions of that idea, including glorifying the deaths of the Walters family in New Mexico.

"When we see Jesus, we're gonna be just like Him."

Right in the middle of his going on about death, Heaven, and other profundities, Caleb posts "where is my strawberry" and Gary answers that his "strawberries is in the strawberry field, that's where they at." 

Gary tries to get back to sin, death and Heaven, but:

Spoiler

So, that may be who he was shooing away earlier. Gary says this dog shows up every day. He repeatedly refers to the dog as "he," and says his owners will have to get him a Facebook. Gary, take a better look at that dog.

She looks around, seeming pretty worried, but just as Gary gets back into saying how wonderful it would be if he was dead and in Heaven, she wags her tail vigorously. Perfect timing.

She gives his final "LOOK UP! For your redemption draweth nigh" a nice twist. Makes me want to say "Gary, look up, for you are being thoroughly upstaged."

Spoiler

 

Edited April 30, 2020 by thoughtful
missing word

[keepercjr]

Ah that video.  A "press conference" for 1 "reporter" 

Quote

The American College of Emergency Physicians (ACEP) and the American Academy of Emergency Medicine (AAEM) jointly and emphatically condemn the recent opinions released by Dr. Daniel Erickson and Dr. Artin Massihi. These reckless and untested musings do not speak for medical societies and are inconsistent with current science and epidemiology regarding COVID-19. As owners of local urgent care clinics, it appears these two individuals are releasing biased, non-peer reviewed data to advance their personal financial interests without regard for the public’s health.

COVID-19 misinformation is widespread and dangerous. Members of ACEP and AAEM are first-hand witnesses to the human toll that COVID-19 is taking on our communities. ACEP and AAEM strongly advise against using any statements of Drs. Erickson and Massihi as a basis for policy and decision making.

https://www.acep.org/corona/COVID-19/covid-19-articles/acep-aaem-joint-statement-on-physician-misinformation/

There is more in that link to refute what he says in the video.

[thoughtful]

Thanks, @keepercjr. I knew it was BS, as did probably everyone on FJ, but it's nice to see that someone out there is countering it for the assholes like Gary (not that he and ilk will believe the actual science, but maybe someone on the fence will).

While I'm here, I couldn't resist:

Spoiler

 

[thoughtful]

Only an hour after the previous video, Gary is back. It looks like he's spilled water all over his shirt.

They "had to" go to Walmarts again last night, to sit out in the parking lot and use their Internet, but now Becky got his phone fixed. We get a long story about his phone and "sims cards." The one he bought in NM don't work in NC.

He goes into the need to preach the Gospel so people won't go to Hell, and is distracted and needs to stand up and check what's going on when someone pulls into the church parking lot. That always seems to make him nervous.

We get the "reptobate" verse. He goes into full bellow mode (as much as he can, sitting down), and yells a story about a preacher's wife who got saved, then how he got saved.

There will be fire and gnashing of teeth in Hell. He talks about fire - he's been around bonfires, housefires (!), smokes - it takes a whole lotta water to put out a fire. The impact of this preaching is dulled by several burps.

Apoplectic, he scats, barely taking a breath:

"Listen hey I see people walkin' around today and you wonder why ain't nobody gettin' saved hey, people's got shir shir shirts on that says Jesus, and then they got a beer in their hand, and people have got, they tal- they got stuff and they got signs 'n' where it says that they're y'know all these different kindsa things, but then they got the world hangin' on listen, hey the Bible says you can't serve uh God and Mammon you gotta pick let's pick PICK CHOOSE, pa - what did Joshua say?"

He finally pauses. BTW, Joshua said, "As for me and my house, we're gonna serve the Lord." Sort of anticlimactic at this point, Gary.

Gary uses every negative adjective he knows to describe Hell, chanting "It's a ______ place" over and over.

"Jesus was sure a good God to save an old sinner like us: drunk, religious, dope-head, whore, whore-hopper, no matter what your sin was."

The rest is stuff we've heard from Gary many times.

I miss the dog.

 

Edited April 30, 2020 by thoughtful
riffle

[wallysmommy]

I laughed so hard at the dog over his head that my dogs looked at me, startled.  It could only have been better if the dog dropped a bone or a toy on Gary's head.  He would have thought the sky was falling.

[thoughtful]

1 hour ago, wallysmommy said:

I laughed so hard at the dog over his head that my dogs looked at me, startled.  It could only have been better if the dog dropped a bone or a toy on Gary's head.  He would have thought the sky was falling.

I know. I would love to see a whole series of FJers' captions for these pictures (no pressure . . . )  ?

I recommend wigflip.com for both meme style and speech balloons.

I want to make a gif of the moment her tail wags.

 

Edited April 30, 2020 by thoughtful