Bro Gary Hawkins 13: What's the other one, Becky?

[Xan]

2 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Gary starts this morning's live, in front of the wall at Promise Baptist again, with a long dreary description of his day yesterday, to explain why he didn't do a live yesterday (it's not an obligation, Bro). He got lots of work done on his truck. The starter he got was a lemon and he has to try again for that, but God is good all the time, all the time God is good.

He also had a tooth pulled, because Gary's insurance would pay for it to be pulled, but it would cost $1400 to "go to one of them other places" (by which I figure he means to another dentist to have it repaired).

He heard from Daniel Bryant, "a missionary to, uhhhh, Africa - to Uganda, Africa; that's that's that place that you thought what never was, Amen."

He may have a gig in Georgia, and some other places. He wants us to pray for him and for Brother Bryant, who is trying to raise his funds.

Gary tells us that Brother Bryant has three daughters (Bryant comments - four daughters) and a son, and his wife is expecting again. "They did a little thang on Facebook, this gender thang," and found out they are having a boy. His little boy was so excited to "finally have another man in the house, and so umm see if he can straighten all 'em girls up, amen." He chuckles.

He expresses his gratitude for prayers by saying "It takes money to ride the trains, amen, we understand that, but I jus' tell you right now just knowin' I got some people prayin' for me is just a blessing."

Edit - I found that expression - it's in the context of "talk is cheap, but it costs money to ride the train." Gary's talk is especially cheap.

He takes a stab at greeting Bileef Salimjohn when he comments - he does OK with the first name.

He asks us to pray for good weather, so they can fix the truck (it sounds like his brother is going to do the work, but that's unclear).

Gary tells us he's just a vessel.

 

Yeah.  Gary is a vessel.  My guess is that he's mostly an empty bucket ... a leaky, empty bucket.

[Dana723]

5 hours ago, thoughtful said:

He heard from Daniel Bryant, "a missionary to, uhhhh, Africa - to Uganda, Africa; that's that's that place that you thought what never was, Amen."

 

Man, his English is worse than Trump's!  What on God's green earth does that mean?!?!

Edited May 6, 2020 by Dana723
spelling

[Ozlsn]

1 hour ago, Dana723 said:

Man, his English is worse than Trump's!  What on God's green earth does that mean?!?!

Wild guess - he just found out that Africa is not a country, and that Uganda is.

[Idlewild]

I have something in common with Gary! Dental woes! I was part way through an implant procedure when all non urgent dental work was suspended. Some people are longing for holidays and going to the pub- I just want my tooth! 

[AmazonGrace]

I think he's heard somewhere that Wakanda is not a real country.

5 hours ago, Ozlsn said:

Wild guess - he just found out that Africa is not a country, and that Uganda is.

 

[thoughtful]

4 hours ago, AmazonGrace said:

I think he's heard somewhere that Wakanda is not a real country.

 

Or Zamunda.

[thoughtful]

Gary has been busy.

Spoiler

Spoiler

 

[wallysmommy]

He's had enough of 6 weeks of socialism and commulism. 

But he was hoping for a stimulus check.  HIs whole life is dependent on income from the work of others.

[thoughtful]

Gary put on the yellow plaid shirt for this morning's live. He says "It's Wednesday night!"

He's preachin' at Promise tonight, but he's not sure what time zone he's in. He chuckles about all of the time zones.

He talks about the video he posted - "it is a very big ah-opener" and "it's got a lot of information about this vahrisssss." 

He tells us that the 'lection on November 3 (if the Lord don't come first) is gonna be about "socialism, commulis -commonish - commalis - however ya say it, socialism and yeah, that other word, C-word."

He's had six weeks of communism and socialism, and he don't like it at all.

You can vote for your children, or you can say phooey on your children.

He warns us against "the strings of Biden" and does his routine about the secret plot to get Obama back in the White House - we'll get their whole 'ministration, "that whole thing - if the White House wins."

Oops - I think you meant to say "if the Democrats win," Gary, but I rather like your slip of the tongue.

If the Lord tarries his comin', he's votin' for Donald Trump. What a surprise!

He's very scared, he's very nervous, the only thing that's going to change it is prayer. Just then, we hear a snarly bark right near Gary (Rascal, I think, not the mama dog). Everybody's a critic. ?

"I'm just tellin' ya, there's more to it than sees the eye."

Gary tells us to wake up, get our heads out of the sand, clean out our ears. This is sheer coincidence, but, a few seconds later, it looks like he's giving us a demo;

 

[thoughtful]

More about the person in the video Gary shared:

https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/scientist-vaccine-jailed/

 

[Xan]

I was thinking about Gary this morning.  (Why, yes!  I have been in my house for too long!)  He seems profoundly stupid.

Here's the thing -- I used to teach, on different years, children and/or young adults with various disabilities.  For a while, I taught high school students in the 50-80 IQ range.  I worked with them on life skills like reading recipes, balancing a checkbook, budgeting, etc.  I also monitored a work-study program so that the seniors spent part of their day at a job and learned how to be responsible.  They were great kids.  All of them had more initiative and kindness than does Gary.  None of them bellowed gibberish.

(Side story.... One morning as the class was wandering in, one of my students saw that I was working on some crocheting.  My lovely mother-in-law had been trying to teach me.  She said, "Mrs. Xan, are you trying to crochet?"  I told her I was and then she walked over and said, "You're holding the hook wrong.  If you do it this way it will be much easier."  She was absolutely right.  I thanked her for her help and she smiled all the way to her seat.  That's the day I really understood that almost everyone has skills and almost everyone has something to teach us.)

Well, except Gary.  Gary isn't disabled.  He's ignorant.  He could work for a living.  He could choose to reject conspiracy theories.  He could stop talking about things that he doesn't understand.  He could stop making his family travel from pillar to post so he can beg.  He could stop making his wife and son wait on him.  He could stop making a damn fool out of himself.

He won't do any of those things.  He isn't disabled.  He's ignorant.  He could do better but he chooses not to.  And everyone who sends him money or pays him to preach is enabling his ignorance. 

Edited May 6, 2020 by Xan

[Ozlsn]

1 hour ago, Xan said:

He won't do any of those things.  He isn't disabled.  He's ignorant. 

Personally I think it's entirely possible for him to be both. Maybe he wouldn't test low enough to be considered intellectually disabled, but he certainly seems to have  issues related to both verbal and visual processing based on the videos at least. Personally I think his upbringing is a large part of the problem - if he'd gone to school and his parents had valued learning, kindness and initiative enough to teach and instil that in him he quite likely wouldn't be living as he is now. But they homeschooled him and instilled the arrogant certainty that they, and only they, know the One True Path - and in his subculture it's perfectly acceptable to grift from church to church, "preaching" in exchange for food and keep. I do wonder how much the virus is going to change things for him, because as money gets tighter I can see his opportunities drying up completely.

[Dana723]

7 hours ago, thoughtful said:

More about the person in the video Gary shared:

https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/scientist-vaccine-jailed/

 

Yeah, she's a nutcase.  Then again, so is Gary.

[keepercjr]

So Gary posted a few minutes ago.  Poor Jacob got some new clothes that are too big.  I don’t think we have ever seen him in “church” clothes that actually fit.  Also, Gary, that isn’t how the saying goes.  And he butchered it even worse the first time he posted it (as seen in his editing history )
 

Spoiler

 

[Rhonda]

Ol Bro Gary must have been a butcher in a past life. 

[thoughtful]

Wednesday evening service at Promise Baptist starts with the Hawkins family groaning I'll Stick With the Old Stuff. The lyrics to this one are as offensive as they are bizarre:

Spoiler

So many religions everywhere say send me your money
And you'll have wealth beyond compare
Others say that a prayer cloth, that's all that you need
Well you can have all that
I'll just take Jesus, He's sufficient for me

Chorus - I'll stick with the Old Stuff
It works everytime
From Genesis to Revelation
It's Power Divine
I was filled with the Spirit
When He saved my soul
So I'll stick with the Old Stuff all the way
'Til I get Home

So what makes the difference between the Buddhist and me
Is that their God was born of sinful man
Mine was Holy Ghost conceived
But, brother, let me tell you what settles it all
Is if you go to the grave Ol' Buddah still lays
Christ lives forever more

CHORUS

A parishioner sings While Angels Roll. Gary, back in his seat (and so, near the phone) calls out responses to his introduction, then sings, hums or whistles a few notes now and then.

Gary starts his very, very long, very, very scattered rant by making sure we all know he is happy to be in church. He asks for prayers - the video skips, but it sounds like he says something about taking in their piano for repairs. So maybe they've gotten a keyboard (or maybe he meant "truck" when he said "piana." It is Gary, after all).

He asked David Hyles (son of Jack) for work at his reclick- recla - Becky: "reclamation" camp. "What he does is, is preachers, or anybody, I guess that's fallen - they're restored." Of course, there's nobody at the camp right now, due to the virus, but "he done a video, and I'm hooked up to him, 'n' everythin', Facebook kicked him off, I never really thought he was even consoversy, but, I can't believe that Facebook hasn't put me in jail, but that's all right."

Hyles wants them to animal-sit while he goes to visit his children. Gary says "We gonna watch billy goats and donkeys and . . . Becky: "dogs."Gary mentions several other upcoming gigs.

Finally he gets to the text - Psalm 107. 

When he reads verse 3, he jokes about how God will even save people from the North. Oh, Gary, you're a card. ?

He re-reads verse 2, and uses the text "let the redeemed say so" to launch into this: "there was a black fellow, him and a group there, and uh, says 'Mr. Cooper, I gotta, I owe you an apology.'"

From Gary's rant, and callbacks in the congregation, I gather there was video somewhere of a man apologizing to the governor of NC for blaming him for saying the churches were non-essential, because "we done that a long time ago."

Gary gets up to full bellow mode, and spends the rest of the time veering through every dynamic level there is. He rants about weak preachers and preachers who criticize other preachers. In a blinding moment of complete non-self-awareness, He yells "Whenever you get up there and preach whatever your opinions is, the best thing for you to do is go home and go close your Bible, and go git a job."

"The politician world has done a lot of commanding."

He does his wonderful mispronunciation of "give to siezure what belongs to siezure" while one of the parishioners corrects him, calling out "render unto Caesar . . . " Gary drowns him out with a "HAYMEN" Gary, you got caught using non-KJV language, you bad boy!

Gary says he pays his taxes. He also says he sometimes obeys the speed limit, and gets laughs. Speed limit signs aren't against the Bible. But if a sign says not to gather together, it's going against the Bible.

Gary tells us that he washes his hands after going to the bathroom - nice to know.

He talks about the dentist's office several times, and talkin' to "some black lady" in the laundromat about coming to church, and how the way they have Walmarts set up to make you walk all the way around is stupid, but he's not complaining.

He talks about some preacher who used to walk up to somebody holding a beer on their porch and yell "YOU KNOW THAT BEER'S WRONG!"

"Y'know what sinners do? Sin." He then does a riff of phrases and sentence fragments that even I don't have the patience to type out, ending with a squealed Amen.

He stumbles into a yarn about a "drunk" "who was a Indian there in South Dakota" who came down out of the hills to get fed (lovely description, Gary). This man "went to AAA" to get help (um, it's AA, Gary - AAA tows cars). But AA couldn't help him - he needed Jesus.

He's  excited to go to Georgia, because he wants to sit down in a restaurant to eat, and give out tracts.

He shrieks out some story about a man who begs God to give him one more chance at a prayer meeting, and God being done with him and not "dealing with him."

Gary says lots of people are watching him and being influenced by him, but he doesn't have a swelled head. His brother is datin' a girl "well, right now they're just talkin', prob'ly better they jus' keep talkin' the rest of their life, amen." He's been told she sees him as an influence.

He tells a story about a man who was inspired to action by a video Gary did (because "I got some preacher friends who oughta get off their hind ends and DO SOMETHIN' AMEN!"), and treated him like a movie star, but Gary doesn't have a big head. He says "the jest of the story is" when he means "gist." I think you actually got it right, Gary - the idea of anyone finding you inspirational is a joke.

He uses the phrase "got the horns by the devil" twice. It's "got the devil by the horns," Gar.

He's grateful that his parents raised him in church, and then says, "I thank God, even as lib'ral as it was, that Becky's parents took her to church, Amen. At least she went to church, amen."

He'll go preach, even at a church that is not KJV-only, because "the Bible says preach to all creatures." He follows this up with a story about someone who got a dog to bark when asked if he was saved, then baptized the dog.

He talks about some event where "pastures" who didn't agree with one another wouldn't even sit together to talk, and Gary thinks "both of 'em needed a pacee-fier. HAYMUN!"

He's back to saying "coronavahris creenavahris" and claiming that other preachers are criticizing one another for having or not having church, but he hasn't throwed a stone at nobody.

Not one minute later, he's dissing people who aren't having church and supporting their "pastures," and saying that God blesses "backin' up the pasture and supportin' the church" more than anything.

If you work a "public job" you're gonna hear God's name cursed, because that's just the way the world is, and you need Wednesday night revival to get "plugged up."

I'm looking forward to hearing all about their goat/donkey/dogsitting visit - poor Jacob will be doing all of the work, I'm sure.

I'm just, listen, hey, I'm not tryin' to be consoversy, 'n' everythin', I'm just sayin' - Gary, get a job.

Edited May 7, 2020 by thoughtful

[thoughtful]

53 minutes ago, Rhonda said:

Ol Bro Gary must have been a butcher in a past life.

Hmmm . . . I already used Sweeney Todd for the preacher who thought Starbucks baristas put semen in the coffee, but the ol' boy and Mrs. Lovett could make a comeback.

[keepercjr]

1 hour ago, thoughtful said:

Gary says lots of people are watching him and being influenced by him, but he doesn't have a swelled head. His brother is datin' a girl "well, right now they're just talkin', prob'ly better they jus' keep talkin' the rest of their life, amen." He's been told she sees him as an influence.

That whole summary was wtf but this jumped out at me.  As far as I know, he only has 1 brother, who is married and  basically runs their home church.  If there is another mystery sibling, he is not in any of their public pictures,  or mentioned anywhere on their Facebook pages.  And he is dating a girl that looks to Gary as an influence?  Barf.  Run far away from her!

[Idlewild]

He really does think he’s a powerful preacher doesn’t he? So conceited.

It also jumps out to me why he has to mention the ethnicity of a person in his ramblings when it has no relevance whatsoever - why does he add that some one is ‘black’? When he says ‘Indian’ is he actually talking about someone from South Asia or is that a term he uses for any brown person? 

Like many of his ilk he looks down on people who have employment but where would he be without those who work to run society so he can eat, drink, have clothes, drive on roads, have his teeth pulled? 

[Ozlsn]

9 hours ago, thoughtful said:

how the way they have Walmarts set up to make you walk all the way around is stupid, but he's not complaining.

He is so obsessed with Wal-Mart it's bizarre.

9 hours ago, thoughtful said:

He uses the phrase "got the horns by the devil" twice. It's "got the devil by the horns," Gar.

Oh I dunno... that may actually be what he meant. Hellfire and damnation are exciting to some.. I mean there's even clubs. Heh. 

[Four is Enough]

22 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Or Zamunda.

Zamunda's not real? Oh, say it ain't so!!?

[thoughtful]

6 hours ago, Idlewild said:

When he says ‘Indian’ is he actually talking about someone from South Asia or is that a term he uses for any brown person?

Neither - he means a Native American/First Nations person.

Gary clearly divides people up by groups - skin color/ethnicity, whether they're "saved," which Bible they use, gender, age, you name it. He's got that deep-down bigotry that can't just see a person as a person.

If he wasn't such a nearly-unbelievable stereotype himself, it wouldn't be so ironic.

 

[larrysmom]

12 hours ago, thoughtful said:

Gary gets up to full bellow mode, and spends the rest of the time veering through every dynamic level there is. He rants about weak preachers and preachers who criticize other preachers. In a blinding moment of complete non-self-awareness, He yells "Whenever you get up there and preach whatever your opinions is, the best thing for you to do is go home and go close your Bible, and go git a job."

The hypocrisy in this is mindblowing. Isn't ranting about weak preachers the same thing as criticizing other preachers? ?

[thoughtful]

1 hour ago, Four is Enough said:

Zamunda's not real? Oh, say it ain't so!!?

These guys look very concerned about it:

Spoiler

ETA - but don't they look good? They're stabbing and profoundly!

Edited May 7, 2020 by thoughtful

[FunDeeLite]

When I saw the hymn title "When Angel's Roll" I visualized a group of Angel's playing craps.  ??