Grandma Mary Died

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

11 hours ago, TheDuggarnaut said:

When I read of her death, I thought heart attack or stroke, that they found her peaceful in her chair. Knowing someone found her in the pool is upsetting. I hope they allow the person or persons to get grief counseling. I know a bunch of them have first responder training, but this was Grandma. 

I know how 1st repsonders feel when it is a loved one.  20 odd years ago my uncle and his oldest boys were 1st repsonders and were called out to a car accident. My Aunt said she'll never forget hearing her husband say over the fire dispatch OMG it's David. She woke the younger 2 kids and rushed to the scene, as they were pulling him out of his truck, she got to talk to him for a moment, and he died on the way to the hospital, which was a blessing as he had 3rd degree burns over 75% of his body, so he didn't suffer very long.  David was the oldest son, and just 23 at the time, the 2nd son was 21 and never went back to his volunteer position, he just couldn't do it. The youngest son was only 17 and as soon as he turned 18 he joined his dad, to help out in David's place. My uncle stopped going on all the calls after that as he had some PTSD from pulling his son's burning body out of a burning pickup truck. He also received 2nd & 3rd degree burns on his arms and face, he & his 2nd son were the 1st firefighters on scene as he was on his way home from a friends house when the accident happened, the police officer there was trying to put the fire out and when my uncle saw it was his son's truck, he didn't think just ran into the fire to get him out, any fathers would do.  

sorry for being a downer here, but yeah, its been over 20 years and they are still affected by having found a loved one dead. 

36 minutes ago, RosyDaisy said:

I would not put it past JB to want the details of his mother's death to be all over the media. I also wouldn't put it past him to capitalize on her death either. Remember Grandpa Duggar?

I guess they televised Jubilee's funeral, why not Grandma Mary? 

[HerNameIsBuffy]

11 hours ago, BlessaYourHeart said:

Yeah I completely get that! 

Something just doesn’t sit right with me about it being thrown around by tabloids and cucumber so nonchalantly though. I think maybe because Grandma Mary herself never signed up for fame and therefore I think her death shouldn’t be splashed for $

She did though.  She was an adult who chose to be on television over a period of years.  

I feel for the family and don’t think they should be hounded - but you can’t chose to live a portion of your life on reality tv over a long period of time and then expect no public interest in the detisils.

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

9 minutes ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

She did though.  She was an adult who chose to be on television over a period of years.  

I feel for the family and don’t think they should be hounded - but you can’t chose to live a portion of your life on reality tv over a long period of time and then expect no public interest in the detisils.

I also feel that had the DuggarFamilyOffical posted notice of her death and said, something like many other celebs (d list or higher) "we appreciate your respect for our privacy at this time." Then it would be a private matter, all the family (except Jinger and JD) with social media has been on it, especially Jill, posting about her death.  When bigger names like this die, and that statement is made not much else is said about it until after the loved one is burred and the autopsy results (if any) are released and then part of the public record.  I know, at least here in the US,  police can and will hold 911 calls for unspecified lengths of time either for family requests or legal ones. 

Edited June 13, 2019 by allthegoodnamesrgone

[nst]

43 minutes ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

I also feel that had the DuggarFamilyOffical posted notice of her death and said, something like many other celebs (d list or higher) "we appreciate your respect for our privacy at this time." Then it would be a private matter, all the family (except Jinger and JD) with social media has been on it, especially Jill, posting about her death.  When bigger names like this die, and that statement is made not much else is said about it until after the loved one is burred and the autopsy results (if any) are released and then part of the public record.  I know, at least here in the US,  police can and will hold 911 calls for unspecified lengths of time either for family requests or legal ones. 

they can say that about appreciating their respect for privacy but come down to it - it will be televised because of their ministry 

they can't have it both ways

they want the scene but they don't want the clowns

 

[VelociRapture]

My former best friend came from a family that all lived in the same town and had a big presence in the volunteer fire department. One of her cousins was involved in a horrific car crash a week before her Bridal Shower. He ended up dying because he was trapped in his car, which had caught on fire. It was doubly horrific given he volunteered with the department himself and he would have known exactly what was happening if he was conscious. I wouldn’t be surprised if some of the family responded to the call, but I’m not sure as I never asked. I didn’t ask if he was conscious either - I had no interest in knowing and no desire to make my friend’s family discuss more than they wanted to. I really hope they didn’t respond though. No one should have to witness that. 

On a lighter note: My grandma’s cousin’s husband worked as a firefighter for the city my parents lived in when I was born. I don’t know the details, but I think my mom was pregnant with me when part of their condo complex caught on fire. My cousin’s husband pulled up in his truck to find my parents and older sister standing outside in the cold, so he had my sister and mom hop up into the truck to stay warm. I think he let my sister wear his hat or he gave her one too. So that was a time where it was a positive that family responded at the scene.

9 minutes ago, nst said:

they can say that about appreciating their respect for privacy but come down to it - it will be televised because of their ministry 

they can't have it both ways

they want the scene but they don't want the clowns

 

I’m trying to ask this nicely, but can you please stop assuming this? Or at least stop stating it as a fact? Yes, it’s absolutely possible Mary’s death will be pimped out for television, but for god’s sake the woman isn’t even buried yet and you’re already jumping to conclusions. This is how internet rumors end up being reported as legitimate fact in the media. 

If it ends up being addressed on the show in a disrespectful manner than by all means snark away, but can we still please show some restraint until that actually happens?

Edited June 13, 2019 by VelociRapture

[nst]

9 minutes ago, VelociRapture said:

 

I’m trying to ask this nicely, but can you please stop assuming this? Or at least stop stating it as a fact? Yes, it’s absolutely possible Mary’s death will be pimped out for television, but for god’s sake the woman isn’t even buried yet and you’re already jumping to conclusions. This is how internet rumors end up being reported as legitimate fact in the media. 

If it ends up being addressed on the show in a disrespectful manner than by all means snark away, but can we still please show some restraint until that actually happens?

i am not assuming anything. I never state anything as fact. It's my opinion which is just mine. 

 

[VelociRapture]

17 minutes ago, nst said:

i am not assuming anything. I never state anything as fact. It's my opinion which is just mine. 

 

No, you stated it as a fact. Not opinion. Opinion is:

”I think they might air it on the show.”

Stating it as fact is:

“It will be televised because of their ministry.”

Word choice matters. 

[HumbleJillyMuffin]

3 hours ago, Nodaknorskie said:

He may be who whoever found her also called because of how close they lived to her.  In 1981, yes I'm old, when home from college I went to bed early after just finishing finals at college.  All the sudden I heard coughing and a big bang.  I knew immediately my grandpa had fallen.  He had had a massive heart attack and I could not save him even though I was trained in CPR.  It haunts me still today and I can see it vividly in my head right down to kneeling down in front of my grandma and telling her I couldnt save him.  No matter who you are or what you have done death and the subsequent grief isnt easy.

How horrible. I was trained in CPR in college, and when I came home for Christmas one year in school my grandma was acting far more unstable than usual. My parents finally took the phone off the hook so we could enjoy a peaceful dinner without a call from her, and when we finished my mom went to check messages and there was one from Grandma telling us she had swallowed a whole bunch of Ambien. My mom raced down the street to grandma's, I called poison control while going down the street in my own car. My mom was on the phone with 911 and when I walked in it was clear grandma wasn't breathing on her own. Nothing like giving grandma M2M until the paramedics arrive because she's pissed about grandpa leaving her. 

It's traumatic regardless of if the person survives. Grandma and I have pretty much no contact because of that experience. Hugs to you, friend. 

[Sobeknofret]

11 hours ago, grandmadugger said:

I worked a call that was the grandfather of several members of the department. It was hell because the grieving family also had to finish the call and everything that goes with that kind of call. 

My dad's volunteer EMS/fire squad were the ones who responded to the call when he died. Although I *know* it was horrible for them, it does give me a lot of comfort that when he went he was with some of the people that he admired and loved the most. 

[karen77]

So apparently Amy tweeted this below, and she is no longer following jill.. shade much?

 

 

[NorthernGal]

12 hours ago, NorthernGal said:

Coming out of lurkdom to post.  I thought it odd that JD and Abbie have not made an instagram post about her.  He may have been a responder to this incident. He was a responder I think when Josie was sick. I truly hope not.  Like everyone else I truly hope everyone is getting the support they need.

I am second guessing myself for posting this originally.  It was pure speculation based on past events and JD being a responder (as his job, not necessarly this case) I will add that I do work in that field and know that when (at least here in Canada) that when anyone is involved in a traumatic event we are offered or even required to do a debriefing with counsellors trained for such things.  Also here Victim Services would have been offered to the family because of the circumtances.  I am not sure what it is like in Arkansas.  

I think I was feeling the situation from the way I feel things from my job perspective and that is where my post came from.  On a personal side we have lost a family member to a motorcycle accident  he was an adult and a 12 year old family member to an MVA.  We have also lost two family members to long term illness.  I thing either way you lose someone close is difficult.  The sudden deaths slap you in the face with grief and pain and are life altering.  The expected deaths are long, drawn out and painful but there is time to process, but while you process you have to watch a family member suffer.  Either way it sucks.  

Thankfully I have had not had crossover of anything major with my work and my personal life.  I think that is where my thoughts of JD came about..I personalized it to my world.  Hope my rambling makes sense.

 

 

Edited June 13, 2019 by NorthernGal
to add the bolded

[MamaJunebug]

1 hour ago, nst said:

they can say that about appreciating their respect for privacy but come down to it - it will be televised because of their ministry 

they can't have it both ways

they want the scene but they don't want the clowns

 

Hm. IMO they are the clowns. 

[VelociRapture]

17 minutes ago, karen77 said:

So apparently Amy tweeted this below, and she is no longer following jill.. shade much?

 

 

I completely respect Amy’s right to feel as she does about this and she’s free to react in whatever way feels right for her, but I don’t think Twitter was the right place to address it. She knows where Jill is and how to reach her. It probably would have been better if she had reached out privately rather than vaguely blast her publicly - this isn’t going to do any good for any of them. And while I didn’t know Mary or what she’d have thought of all this, I think most grandparents probably wouldn’t want their family to bicker publicly in this manner either. 

[luv2laugh]

Amy mentioned on Twitter that Mary was a mother figure to her and “not just a fun loving Grandma”. I sort of wonder if she meant that as a dig to her cousins. My opinion only MOO.

Edited June 13, 2019 by luv2laugh

[OyToTheVey]

I can't blame Amy tho. Mary was like her second mother. She didn't come from a home with a mom and dad and a million siblings. She came from a single mother household. Her grandma helped raise her. She wasn't there just for candy or a movie.

However, everyone grieves differently and this really shouldn't be aired publicly. She knows were Jill lives and should take it up in person.

[Kak]

Maybe the public emojis warranted a public response, from Amy's POV. She might regret it later though. 

[Don'tlikekoolaid]

I was furious with Jill re her post about Grandma Dugger and the way it was done to get more clicks to her pathetic web site.  There’s no excuse for her in spite of how she was raised and I find her extremely unlikeable. My heart goes out to Amy and Deanna, I feel they’re hurting the most.  Write that tell all Amy, you owe nothing to anyone.

i still have a bad taste in my mouth about the whole Grandpa Duggar debacle and especially remember Josiah saying they know heaven so don’t feel as badly as non believers.  Fuck you kid.

if they don’t want criticism and judgement from us heathens stay off TV and quit whoring for social media money.   I am very pissed at them right now.

[Mimosa]

I think that post is just getting into the grief olympics, and it's unnecessary I think. I respect Amy's right to grieve however it feels right to her, but that doesn't mean she gets to invalidate someone else grief. It's terrible to lose a grandma that was like a mother figure, it's also terrible to lose your fun loving grandma, it's terrible to lose your mother. No one in that family is having a great time right now, and it helps no one to be comparing grief. 

 

Now, her shade on Jill's post, I can somewhat get behind. However, it absolutely shouldn't be aired publicly like that. 

[Glasgowghirl]

Jill's blog post intially didn't bother me but she has put subsequent Instagram stories linking to the blog post, that she does profit from. Jessa made a blog post too but she hasn't posted anything trying to promote it since. I think if Amy did try to speak to Jill about it, I don't see her taking what she said into account. Jill has not learned from her previous social media blunders.

[EmainMacha]

They've all lost their grandma and they'll react differently. Some will have been closer to her than others. Some will feel the need to grieve in a more public fashion and some more privately. And some might get upset at how others react.

My brothers and I all reacted quite differently to my father's death, in the immediate aftermath. And there were a couple of big blowouts in the first week just from having so much pain and sadness and dealing with it differently. It didn't result in any long term issues in our relationships and I hope it will be the same with the Duggars, if there are any rifts opening up.

[HerNameIsBuffy]

1 hour ago, VelociRapture said:

I completely respect Amy’s right to feel as she does about this and she’s free to react in whatever way feels right for her, but I don’t think Twitter was the right place to address it. She knows where Jill is and how to reach her. It probably would have been better if she had reached out privately rather than vaguely blast her publicly - this isn’t going to do any good for any of them. And while I didn’t know Mary or what she’d have thought of all this, I think most grandparents probably wouldn’t want their family to bicker publicly in this manner either. 

Suffering a loss won’t make people with questionable social skills suddenly know how to behave appropriately.

it does mean I cut them more slack for showing their asses in public due to their grief.

in case my kids ever read here once I’m gone...whatever your issues are with each other you keep it in house.  

 

29 minutes ago, Don'tlikekoolaid said:

I was furious with Jill re her post about Grandma Dugger and the way it was done to get more clicks to her pathetic web site.  There’s no excuse for her in spite of how she was raised and I find her extremely unlikeable. My heart goes out to Amy and Deanna, I feel they’re hurting the most.  Write that tell all Amy, you owe nothing to anyone.

i still have a bad taste in my mouth about the whole Grandpa Duggar debacle and especially remember Josiah saying they know heaven so don’t feel as badly as non believers.  Fuck you kid.

if they don’t want criticism and judgement from us heathens stay off TV and quit whoring for social media money.   I am very pissed at them right now.

I agree with the whoring for public money thing - they profit from people’s interest in them.

I don’t understand being personally pissed or furious or whatever for how D listers handle he passing of one of their family members.  Why are you taking this so personally?

[luv2laugh]

I personally believe that, for whatever reason, Amy and the Duggars had a falling out a year ago. I think that the Duggars have treated Amy poorly. They have never included Amy. They’ve never included Amy as a bridesmaid. They legally forced her to stop mentioning their names. In my opinion, the Duggars treat Amy like dirt.

Amy is hurting and in her grief, appears to be angry about the public statements some of the Duggars have given. I believe it’s because Amy knows the Duggars are fake in addition to the falling out I think she has had with them. 

MOO My opinion only.

Edited June 13, 2019 by luv2laugh

[Bushes of Love]

The most recent photo on the family Insta makes me feel sad. As much as I loathe him, JimBob looks broken but trying to be cheerful. 

 

 

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

1 hour ago, VelociRapture said:

I completely respect Amy’s right to feel as she does about this and she’s free to react in whatever way feels right for her, but I don’t think Twitter was the right place to address it. She knows where Jill is and how to reach her. It probably would have been better if she had reached out privately rather than vaguely blast her publicly - this isn’t going to do any good for any of them. And while I didn’t know Mary or what she’d have thought of all this, I think most grandparents probably wouldn’t want their family to bicker publicly in this manner either. 

Oh yes, in big families, when a beloved family member dies, and especially when $$ is involved (not say so in Gma Mary's case as I don't know if she's loaded or not) families can lose their damn minds and the in fighting starts to get real ugly.  Families will split over who is right, who is wrong, who got the most feelings hurt. Add to that it was the pa/matriarch who was still wielding a bit of control over those family members to get along and it can be a real shit show.  I speak of this only from my own personal experience, when DH's gma died several years ago.  We stayed the hell out of it because we knew how pissed off Gma would be at how everyone was behaving, but it was a big family, everyone loved her, and there was a lot of money to be distributed. 

[libgirl2]

12 minutes ago, Bushes of Love said:

The most recent photo on the family Insta makes me feel sad. As much as I loathe him, JimBob looks broken but trying to be cheerful. 

 

 

Not his fan at all, but that was his mom who died. I am sure its a hard time for him.