Grandma Mary Died

[Flossie]

When my step father died, after the funeral people gathered to talk.  A woman approached me and we were talking.  She mentioned that she was sorry she missed my grandmothers funeral because she was out of the country at the time.  "Where is your grandmother buried?"  I walked her over to the area where the urns of the cremated were buried.  "Right here."  Grandma was marked with a simple marker with her name and birth/death dates on it.  It was what she had wanted.

The woman stood next to the ground next to the marker and spoke a bit about Grandma.  I was staring at her feet and feeling itchy.  I wanted to pull her away from there, but didn't know how to tell her to move.  Finally she asked "Where is your Grandma's second husband buried?"  Finally.  Still staring at her feet, I blurted out "You're standing on him."  She jumped forward and I admitted I wasn't sure how to get her to move.  "Why isn't there a marker there?"  I told her that his niece said she was taking care of it and she hadn't gotten around to it yet.  At that point five years his grave sat unmarked.  I hope she finally got around to it.

[ALM7]

16 hours ago, omgpleasestop said:

far out. Enough of the cat, dog, rabbit pics. Other people's pets are the equivalent to their kids. They think they're amazing but not everyone else does.

Cool, back on topic...

And random internet kitty thinks ...

[omgpleasestop]

18 hours ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

In most families it wouldn’t be the granddaughter stepping up as long as their was a child of the deceased alive and competent.

Idk why the arrangements would be about JB and Amy rather than JB and Deanna.

 

Because Amy had a relationship with her grandmother like no other.

My maternal grandmother had 6 children and I was the youngest child of the youngest child. She was 62 when I was born. We were incredibly close, and my mum and one of her sisters had a much tighter relationship with her than 4 other siblings. We lived around the corner from her. When her husband died she lived with us because she was heartbroken and she was scared to live alone. At one point when he was in hospice I even shared my bed with her. We would sing together, have chats in the dark, and our relationship was nothing like what she formed with her other grandchildren. At one point there were 4 living generations in a 3 bedroom plus study. Eventually she required around the clock care, but there wasn't a day that went by when we didn't visit her at least once a day. When she died at 92, our uncle started throwing his weight around with decisions regarding her funeral. He barely had time for her when she was alive despite living 10 minutes away. Despite being her son, he knew so little about her. The music she loved, her favourite flowers etc.

Thankfully a lot of his preferences were over-turned and we were able to carry out some personal tributes including music choices, order of service etc. that we wanted.

There are bonds out there between grandparents and adult grandchildren that develop stronger than that of parent/adult child. I have a feeling that Mary and Amy's was one of them. I definitely think that their relationship was much stronger than JB's kids due to her childhood, and her thoughts should've been considered.

Edited June 20, 2019 by omgpleasestop

[nelliebelle1197]

6 hours ago, AliceInFundyland said:

@nelliebelle1197

I didn't know you got Fred a friend. They're too cute. They also look  damn pleased with themselves.

Nothing like a jail broke critter.

Alice! I found him. He was eating chicken out of a dumpster. No one claimed him even though Buddy is a Bichon! He is a mess and a half.

[nelliebelle1197]

1 hour ago, omgpleasestop said:

 

There are bonds out there between grandparents and adult grandchildren that develop stronger than that of parent/adult child. I have a feeling that Mary and Amy's was one of them. I definitely think that their relationship was much stronger than JB's kids due to her childhood, and her thoughts should've been considered.

Amy’s feelings are more important than anyone else’s feelings? No way. First of all, all you got for evidence is supposition; secondly, just because Amy thinks she has the most special relationship, it does not mean that Amy was the most special. No one has any idea how this woman saw her grandchildren. Amy apparently thinks she owns the mourning of that grandmother. She does not.

She does not own the relationships any other child had with that grandmother. She had no business trying to tell her cousins what is appropriate. In public. On social media. The latter two just scream needy and desperate for attention.

I was in a similar situation as Amy as a child; my mom worked herself to the bone and my grandparents cared for me. I was the definite perceived favorite and while I was closer day to day, my grandparent adored their other grandchildren, none of whom lived nearby. They traveled by bus and plane from a small southern town with no airport within two hours to New Orleans, Miami, Pensacola Honolulu, Sacramento, Vegas, Nashville and to other small southern towns to see them all the time.

They did not love those grandkids less just because I was there day to day. How ridiculous to think one out of dozens  of other children and grandchildren and great grandchildren get to control mourning for the rest because she says so. It is incredibly selfish to discount the pain of others because of one’s own perception of a relationship.

Edited June 20, 2019 by nelliebelle1197

[Palimpsest]

4 hours ago, omgpleasestop said:

Because Amy had a relationship with her grandmother like no other.

<snip for space>

I have a feeling that Mary and Amy's was one of them. I definitely think that their relationship was much stronger than JB's kids due to her childhood, and her thoughts should've been considered.

Obviously you had a very strong relationship with your own loving grandmother.  I am sorry for your less.  But making assumptions based on that relationship and applying them to the Duggars is projection and opinion.  It is not fact and should not be stated as fact.

3 hours ago, nelliebelle1197 said:

Alice! I found him. He was eating chicken out of a dumpster. No one claimed him even though Buddy is a Bichon! He is a mess and a half.

He's gorgeous!  And bichons are full of character.  Good luck with the grooming though.  And @AliceInFundyland is right, they both look incredibly smug after the great escape.

7 hours ago, Flossie said:

The woman stood next to the ground next to the marker and spoke a bit about Grandma.  I was staring at her feet and feeling itchy.  I wanted to pull her away from there, but didn't know how to tell her to move.  Finally she asked "Where is your Grandma's second husband buried?"  Finally.  Still staring at her feet, I blurted out "You're standing on him."  

I must have a very macabre of humor but I'm afraid I laughed at this.  I don't know who I feel most sorry for, you or the woman!

Re. funeral planning.  My grandmother wrote out very precise instructions about her funeral.  She stated that she wanted a no-frills cremation, she believed in preserving land use, and even picked put the hymns and readings for the funeral service.  Unfortunately she left the instructions in her sewing table and they were only found after she had been buried with traditional pomp and ceremony in a grave next to her late husband.  The family did guess most of the hymns right but my mother felt terrible.

When my mother died, my brother and I went through her sewing table and desk in search of instructions.  She hadn't left any.  She had discussed her funeral with me in advance though.  "What I would really like is a Green Funeral. But people in town might think you are strange so just do what we did for Dad."  So traditional funeral and cremation it was, with a memorial plaque, and a rose bush planted over her ashes.  Much to my conservative SIL's relief.  She thinks green funerals are very strange and freaked out at the concept of a cardboard coffin, a natural burial site, and no grave marker.   

https://www.goodfuneralguide.co.uk/what-is-a-green-funeral/  

Moral of the story, make your wishes known in advance and discuss these matters with others openly and frankly.  I have told my husband, and put in my advance directive and in my will, that I want a quickie no frills cremation, and no fuss at all.  If anyone allows my body to be embalmed and gives me a religious burial, I will come back to haunt them!

[LSUlover]

On 6/18/2019 at 4:31 PM, HerNameIsBuffy said:

Yeah - fuck me for pointing out laws vary by state and you don’t speak to every jutistidction. 

I mean just because  that’s actually a fact...why let those get in the way?

fuck the CDC too - putting their facts that contradict your incorrect statements on the Internet.

https://www.cdc.gov/phlp/docs/coroner/table1-investigation.pdf

I found my husband dead on my daughter's front lawn.  He had no know medical issues and even though we all assumed that it was a heart attack, you can bet your ass that I requested an autopsy to find out exactly what killed him.  I am not sure that it is required in my state for deaths like his but I think that it is.

I understand people who don't request autopsies on loved ones that have terminal illness or whatnot, but I am one of those people who want to know what happened.

I just found out that in my state, they do require autopsies on sudden, unusual deaths, persons found dead, etc.

[HerNameIsBuffy]

4 hours ago, nelliebelle1197 said:

Alice! I found him. He was eating chicken out of a dumpster. No one claimed him even though Buddy is a Bichon! He is a mess and a half.

I know an awesome pet stylist if you’re ever in need let me know  

[Coconut Flan]

4 hours ago, nelliebelle1197 said:

Alice! I found him. He was eating chicken out of a dumpster. No one claimed him even though Buddy is a Bichon! He is a mess and a half.

I can guess who the ring leader of the escape was.  Beware the Bichon Blitz.  They are escape artists who love to take themselves walk about.  Dawg did an inspection tour of my fence this morning looking for weak spots.  

[IsmeWeatherwax]

I found out 2 hours ago that my Mother passed away on 6th June and service and cremation was 12th June. We have been estranged for 6 years next month. I found out by looking in the funeral times of the city she lives in. I guess it doesn't matter how close or far apart, relationship wise, you are it still hurts. RIP Mama. 

[OldFadedStar]

I’m not gonna lie, I watched the counting on episode of Jessas birth and ended up full on crying when Mary held Ivy. 

 

What a precious moment. I wish my grandpa and my husbands grandma had gotten to meet my baby before their deaths 

[Bobology]

Sorry for your unknown-for-a-time loss, @IsmeWeatherwax, and you are right about how grief, no matter what kind, hurts.

Thank you to the members who explained about scrapbooking for fundies vs thread drift photos. I wanted to post one pic of my 18 y.o. cat who died last October. He never went on a rampage and not once knocked anything off of a counter or table. He was patient with my grandson. After he died there were several times he 'visited' me and I heard his distinct, crackly meow. Could have been my brain or could have been his energy. He is why I enjoyed reading all the posts about souls in heaven and energy, etc. 

[HerNameIsBuffy]

38 minutes ago, Bobology said:

Sorry for your unknown-for-a-time loss, @IsmeWeatherwax, and you are right about how grief, no matter what kind, hurts.

Thank you to the members who explained about scrapbooking for fundies vs thread drift photos. I wanted to post one pic of my 18 y.o. cat who died last October. He never went on a rampage and not once knocked anything off of a counter or table. He was patient with my grandson. After he died there were several times he 'visited' me and I heard his distinct, crackly meow. Could have been my brain or could have been his energy. He is why I enjoyed reading all the posts about souls in heaven and energy, etc. 

He’s a beauty!  What a sweet pic!  Whenever I catch mine doing something sweet they break pose before I can snap a pic.  

[nelliebelle1197]

Here is Buddy, all clean.

[Lizzybet]

This is Otto, one of my foster kittens. 

I was afraid for a time that I’d actually eat him! I think I’m over it, now.

[Palimpsest]

42 minutes ago, nelliebelle1197 said:

Here is Buddy, all clean.

Whose ears did he steal!

At some point I know I am going to have to downsize to much smaller dogs.  I already have dpwnsized from 80+ lb male greys.  I loved my goofy boys but can't lift them.

Bichons tempt me but I probably couldn't deal with the grooming.  I have a feeling there is a low energy senior rescue or two in my future.  I could cope with an elderly JRT again, but couldn't keep up with a young one!

 

[HerNameIsBuffy]

1 hour ago, nelliebelle1197 said:

Here is Buddy, all clean.

Are those his ears or is he wearing some kind of earmuff.  Like Josie and the Pussycats?

[Lurker]

My rescue Coco, she has come a long way from the terrified cat that cowered under the sideboard for weeks two years ago.

[HerNameIsBuffy]

10 minutes ago, Lurker said:

My rescue Coco, she has come a long way from the terrified cat that cowered under the sideboard for weeks two years ago.

Look at her gorgeous face...that look telling you she’s graciously allowing the photograph.

[Satan'sFortress]

I always love a pet thread drift! 

I am currently catless for the first time in my life.  The last one I had was really special and I can't bear to get another one yet.

In the meantime, here is a photo of my grandlizard:

 

[Lizzybet]

@Lurker we have that same bed here. They can still all pile into it.

[Palimpsest]

7 minutes ago, Satan'sFortress said:

In the meantime, here is a photo of my grandlizard:

 

Forgive me, but that is probably a face only a grandmother could love!   He's very cute though.

If anyone wants to post pictures of their cuddly tarantulas could they please use spoilers.  Pretty please.

Edited June 20, 2019 by Palimpsest

[nelliebelle1197]

1 hour ago, HerNameIsBuffy said:

Are those his ears or is he wearing some kind of earmuff.  Like Josie and the Pussycats?

L'il Nell's wolf ears!

[Scrabblemaster]

I will try to snap a picture of my hamster, but mostly my camera is to slow, or the hamster is too fast. I have many pictures of blurred orange fur. Or pictures where she tried to sniff at the camera lense... I  cannot guarantee for cute poses, but she is very cute. 

[catlady]

Marvin Drey says hello.