Bro Gary Hawkins 10: Nouvelle Cuisine

[Spanger]

For fucks sake, Bro Gary, stop trying to drive zombie vehicles across the country! I can’t even wrap my head around how stressful that must be, always breaking down in mystery spots with zero back up plans and zero cash to help deal with the ‘emergencies’ that pop up.  Seriously.  And not to be morbid, but his dad isn’t going to be around to go bail him out forever either.

There’s got to be opportunities for him to serve others and share his testimony right around home.  The traveling is probably just an opportunity to drop his KFC donation buckets in front of new pocket books, but how wide do those even open?  It might be enough to pay back whatever gas is used and maybe a meal or two, but it’s clearly not enough to tuck away extra for wear and tear on the vehicles, so those keep dying.

He’s lucky he hasn’t caused an accident driving a shitty under-maintenanced vehicle.  One of these days, someone is going to get hurt.  I hope he at least has insurance to cover any damages to other unsuspecting drivers forced to share the roads with him.

[MayMay1123]

wth doesn't he see that God is breaking each and every single vee-hickel he's ever been in as a sign that he needs to get off the road and get a damn JOB...it couldn't be any clearer!

[smittykins]

Of course, that brings us back to “what job is he qualified for?” given his criminal record, substandard homeskooling, and probable learning disability.  Washing dishes, maybe?

[keepercjr]

17 minutes ago, smittykins said:

Of course, that brings us back to “what job is he qualified for?” given his criminal record, substandard homeskooling, and probable learning disability.  Washing dishes, maybe?

Becky was a nurse.  She certainly has earning potential.  Of course that means actual work on her part in addition to homeschooling and cooking weenie gravy (we all know gary would never take over any wimmens work).  Although this grifting lifestyle has to be stressful when you don't have a functional vehicle, it is easier than maintaining a job with a house, bills, etc.  She doesn't even have to do housework because they are homeless by choice.

[Spanger]

Whatever- difficulty finding a job isn't an excuse to do NOTHING.  Washing dishes might not be most people's dream job, but there's no shame in it, at least it's honest work.  Same goes for sweeping floors, scrubbing toilets, picking up garbage, etc.  I've worked plenty of fast food in my life- trust me, most restaurants are always looking for bodies to fill shitty jobs like this, they don't care how uneducated you are as long as you pass the background check.  And doing a 'shitty' job, making your own $ to pay your own bills- no one should EVER be ashamed of that, no matter how 'lowly' the job might seem to others.

If it's hard to pass background checks and get a 'real' job at a 'real' company- then try to find a neighbor or someone at church who needs their lawn mown (mowed?  sorry, LOL.)  Or their fence painted, or a garden turned over, or help moving heavy boxes around.  Get what little $20 or $40 you can here and there as payment for a service that you actually DID, not just sticking your hand out to see what people will GIVE you.

And honestly, if I had NO JOB whatsoever, just chilling in a church basement waiting for the next drive-of-death to whatever grifting opportunity arises, I would become severely depressed at the idea I was contributing NOTHING to the world.  I'd rather go help an elderly person check their emails, or watch a single mom's kids for a couple hours while she works, or just about anything else FOR FREE, just to feel like I was helping someone, over sitting there doing nothing.  I seriously can't imagine anything more depressing.

Especially Becky- she's got a nursing degree!  It must have been in her mental hardwiring at some point in her life, to have the instinct to want to help others.  How can she feel good that her only life contribution these days is figuring out how to cook Bro Gary his nightly weens meal in whatever ghetto-rig kitchen situation they find themselves in???

[Flossie]

I wouldn't hire Bro Gary to mow my lawn.  I'd probably have to let him use my mower and I bet he wouldn't treat it well.  I  wouldn't trust him to go over the lawn first to make sure that there's nothing there that would harm the mower.  And I most certainly wouldn't want him hanging around my house.  After 30 seconds of mowing he'd shut off the mower and appear on my porch expecting some iced tea, access to the bathroom, let him make a phone call, and then decide that saving my soul was more important than cutting the grass.  I'd probably give him the agreed upon lawn mowing money just to get him to leave, and then he or one of his kids would appear the next day asking if they could wash my windows or something.  No thanks.

[Dandruff]

8 hours ago, Spanger said:

I hope he at least has insurance to cover any damages to other unsuspecting drivers forced to share the roads with him.

I have my doubts.  Bible tract and a half-eaten ween, maybe.

4 hours ago, keepercjr said:

She doesn't even have to do housework because they are homeless by choice.

Does Bro get child support for the boys who are with him, and would actual work by him or Becky reduce the child support?

[MayMay1123]

My husband is a mechanic and equipment manager for a landscape and tree company. They hire just about anyone...people just out of jail or rehab or whatever, and for a good bit more than minimum wage. Bro could never handle it, those guys work *hard*...but if he was actually wanting to work for you know, money to take care of his family, there are jobs out there. He's just a lazy ass man who expects handouts...

[Palimpsest]

True confession:  Bro. Gary threads scare me.  That old plateful of pink vomit weens in gravy still haunts my dreams.

And, shoot.  I saw a post on the activity stream that seemed to imply Gary was about to get a job.  I raced over here in hope, and then backtracked a few pages.  

You are telling him to get a job.  He isn't actually on the job market.  Of course he isn't!  Silly me!

I have to doff my chapeau to all who try to decipher Gary.  But as I went back a few pages:

For the love of Rufus, Gary!  Learn to tie your tie so the end just reaches your trouser waist band.  All else is flapping your dick at the world.  (Quoth, Mr. P.)

And sew on the dangling button on the cuff of your ill-fitting suit.  So slovenly.

Buy your kid a suit that fits.  Or just have him play the banjo (not well) for your presentations in jeans and a T-shirt.  That fit.  

On 6/19/2019 at 6:23 PM, Briefly said:

I would consider buying one at a thrift store or something like that.  But then I would have to have a "crafting session" with it.  I would improve it quite a bit.  It would not resemble what it started out to be when I got finished with it.  No idea what I would actually do with it, but it would be fun!  (Insert evil laughter).

This concerns MAGA merchandise,  

Toilet paper cover cozies come to mind.  Crafty stuff to cover this.

Spoiler

And, Rufus bless you @PumaLover, but can you remove your poor chicken from the room when you listen to and recap Bro. Gary's emissions.

Please.  I am concerned for chicken mental health!  Bro Gary can't be good for chickens.

And I am still mourning the loss of my 2000 second-hand Camry.  I bought her (used) in 2003 but, after much nursing and regular maintenance, she died in October 2017.  Her corpse was donated to charity.

 She was such a trouper and the second "vintage" and second hand Camry to work so hard for me.  The previous one lived to 18.   I love those cars.  I am now driving Sally the second-hand Scion.  She is OK for my needs but not a Camry.

And bite me, Bro. Gary!  I buy my second hand cars.  I don't pray for them or beg for them.  I fucking pay for them!

ETA:  Oh, and Gary!

Moses did not walk across the Red Sea on cement -- probably pronounced CEEE-ment by Gary.

Moses and Co. walked across on "dry ground" according to the KJV.  Be faithful to your chosen text.  Doofus.

Edited June 25, 2019 by Palimpsest
clarification

[Carol]

I'm thinking that sometime last fall? Gary asked everyone to pray for him(them?) because he was looking at some mysterious opportunity that would have opened up this past spring.  Apparently that door closed(likely after whomever opened it met Gary in the flesh).

Gary, god is telling you to go to your nearest community college, get job training and find a job!  Get some self respect, some initiative and do the world a favor and quite pestering people for money, cars, and a place to stay.  Jesus doesn't want your help, he asked me to tell you this because you don't listen to a goddamn thing he says.

[Dana723]

So, our weenie-lovin' brother posted this:

 

Quote

Ok folks don't given any ways for the devil today. If you give him a inch he'll take the ruler.
Bro Gary Hawkins

 

Um...I don't think that's how the proverb goes.

[MayMay1123]

8 hours ago, Dana723 said:

So, our weenie-lovin' brother posted this:

Ok folks don't given any ways for the devil today. If you give him a inch he'll take the ruler.
Bro Gary Hawkins 

(i couldn't quote the quote box)

 

Um...I don't think that's how the proverb goes.

i laughed so hard i coughed myself into wheezing! that is hilarious, bro! unintentional, i'm sure

[FeministShrew]

@Palimpsest Mr. Shrew loved his 95 Camry. He bought it new in when he was in high school (his mom co-signed, but he paid for it himself by WORKING, GARY) and drove it until it died right before we met in 2015. He wanted another, newer one, but, according to his research, the newer Camrys aren't nearly as good or long-lasting as the older ones. He ended up with a VW wagon.

[Yogi]

What IS it with fundies and vehicles?

Also, his truck that just died is a Ford F350. What does that get, 15 miles to the gallon? Less if he has it packed full of his tent and chairs? What a waste of money.  Give up on hauling the stupid tent around, preach indoors, get a vehicle that's smaller and gets better gas mileage. Show some respect to those who are stupid enough to donate money to you.

[catlady]

11 hours ago, Dana723 said:

So, our weenie-lovin' brother posted this:

Um...I don't think that's how the proverb goes.

So if we give Satan an inch, he’ll take the ruler; that could be an upcoming cross stitch sampler!  *

but that sounds like it also applies to Bro GHaw or JillRod. 

* my current project is a teapot and cup with a caption of “fuck tea; let’s drink bourbon.”

[keepercjr]

19 hours ago, Dandruff said:

I have my doubts.  Bible tract and a half-eaten ween, maybe.

Does Bro get child support for the boys who are with him, and would actual work by him or Becky reduce the child support?

I suspect that he does.  The oldest boy is 17 so pretty soon it will only be for the youngest boy.  I think they were living pretty well when they had all the children and I am sure Becky’s ex was paying hefty child support.  If you compare then and now, they are struggling a whole lot more these days. For all we know there is a child support order against her or there will be if they have an actual income so maybe a reason not to work.

*edit* I don’t think that income by him would reduce the child support he receives as it is based off the mom’s income.

for the poster who asked about insurance... they do have insurance. He mentioned in one of his videos that he was expecting his insurance rate to go up because he got a ticket (and I think he mentioned some other issue) and wouldn’t you know it, god made his insurance rate actually go down!

Edited June 26, 2019 by keepercjr

[keepercjr]

Well I don’t know they do it.

 

[mango_fandango]

Oh my fucking God.

How long will this one last???

[PumaLover]

Are you fucking kidding me!? That looks like a nice truck! Who just gives something like that away!? Is it diesel? A huge truck like that (which people up here use for hauling livestock and hay-it's not just a daily driver) seems like it would be quite the gas guzzler.

I really can't figure out what the fuck we're doing wrong, FJ. Why aren't free nice vee-hickles just falling into our laps!?

(Also thanks for the concern about my chicken-I will get her tiny chicken earmuffs the next time I recap Bro's sermon nonsense.)

[Don'tlikekoolaid]

What kind of fool would give that posy a truck!  Again!!!!!

@PumaLover I too have been feeling deep concern for the feathered one.  Be careful or she will start laying scrambled eggs or weens.   Jesus loves chickens.

Bro Gary threads never disappoint.?

[Carol]

I suspect(but don't know) that he bought that truck at a low price from some sucker who doesn't know him.  I'll bet Gary promised them on-time payments but is hoping they're christians and will not come after him if he doesn't pay.  Which he probably won't.  

In any case, I don't think I'd want that truck back, ever.  The gross factor would be disgusting.  

[keepercjr]

The cheapest F350 I see on car gurus is over $12,000.  I just don’t get it.  

[Ozlsn]

1 hour ago, Carol said:

I suspect(but don't know) that he bought that truck at a low price from some sucker who doesn't know him.  I'll bet Gary promised them on-time payments but is hoping they're christians and will not come after him if he doesn't pay.  Which he probably won't.  

In any case, I don't think I'd want that truck back, ever.  The gross factor would be disgusting.  

If that is what he's done I sincerely hope he pays on time or the seller goes after him for non-payment.  Seriously do not get why people think he's a preacher.

[Don'tlikekoolaid]

He better get a siphon hose cause even if it’s a diesel it’s expensive on fuel.  Then the Bro can go suck for Jesus. ?

[wallysmommy]

And now for Gary's next grifting magic trick, he will reach into his hat and come up with the money for taxes, license, registration, insurance, etc.  I want one of those magic money hats or the beans for the money vine!

Edited June 27, 2019 by wallysmommy