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John David and Abbie 7: Happiness Continues

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Snarkangel Gabriel

ExAngel and I were never married and when MiniAngel came along it was me who pushed for ExAngel’s surname rather than my own, largely due to his being in the A-C zone and mine in the W-Z zone. Only pain is when I take him on holiday and get interrogated about the different surnames. Pretty easy to deal with though - still glad MiniAngel has the name he does!

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Four is Enough

Mr. Four and I are married with names at the beginning and end of the alphabet. The Four have his surname. I worked at the elementary school they attended. The school thought Mr. Four and I weren't married because they "never saw us together".. this despite four sets of paperwork listing us as married, common address, etc. I'm here to say that when you have four children whose birthdates occur within five years, they have activities that split the parents up ferrying them around ALL. THE. TIME. and our kids weren't over-scheduled, either.. I had to laugh when they told me they thought we weren't together.

Oddly, travelling with their birth certificates was fine even with the two names, because the name I use is on their birth certificates. 

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theotherelise

I took my husband's last name when we got married and I was really on the fence. But I liked the idea of having the same name as him and I wasn't very attached to my last name. I have a fairly uncommon first name, but my last name was somewhat common.

For awhile after marriage, I regretted the change. My married name is very German and no one says it correctly. Ever. It has a double h that no one believes when I spell it to them either. But I do like that it seems like only one other person in the world has the same name as me. She lives 2 hours away and she actually got married a year after us and changed her name, but then got divorced a few months later and took her maiden name back. I'm sure it was a bigger bummer for her lol, but I was still disappointed to have to share it again!

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lawlifelgbt

My wife and I never officially changed our names after marriage, mainly because I went to graduate school and got started with one name and didn’t want to change it midstream.

 

But also because I wanted to hyphenate and wife refused to take my last name because at the time of marriage, my family hated her.

 

Unofficially, though, like for friends and social invitations and mail for both of us, we are hyphenating. Her name is first because it starts with an H and mine a Z (fie on you, alphabetical order! Fie!) When we have kids we’ll hyphenate them in that way.

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Jinder Roles

My last name is a super common one. I’m not particularly attached to it seeing as it likely originated from some white plantation owner or overseer. 

I think I’ll take my husband’s last name (likely I’ll hyphenate). Hopefully he has a less common name.

I’d also like an unusual  name that’s harder to pronounce because I’m a troll. 

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Meggo
On ‎12‎/‎18‎/‎2018 at 10:54 AM, Four is Enough said:

 

Oddly, travelling with their birth certificates was fine even with the two names, because the name I use is on their birth certificates. 

Yes - now that we have the official record of his adoption - at least we're both listed on that so it makes it way easier. 

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Giddy
finnlassie

I changed my surname to my late grandmother's. It was just the logical thing to do. And my first name is her mother's, so in a way I have a full namesake in the family.

When I get married I'll be hyphenating my name, because I will not get rid of this name that I particularly chose and paid money to have it changed. I'd love my kids to have that hyphenated name, but due to Finnish law being dumb, they wouldn't be able to unless the father also shared that full name. Because children in the family must either have the name of one of the biological parents or a name shared by the parents. So if I married a Mr. Lad, I'd go Lassie-Lad. But I wouldn't be able to name them Lassie-Lad, because Mr. Lad isn't Lassie-Lad. Even if the kids would share the surname of their father with the Lassie-Lad comb, it isn't possible because Mr. Lad is just Mr. Lad and nothing more. Since my surname (which isn't Lassie but I'll use it as an example anyways) is also a male first name, I'll probably end up giving it as a second or third name to a son. So there'll be a Boy Lassie Lad. Doesn't fix the issue I have with the system, but I just want my surname to continue its line because that lineage is literally dead 'til I revived it.

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JordynDarby5
12 hours ago, finnlassie said:

I changed my surname to my late grandmother's. It was just the logical thing to do. And my first name is her mother's, so in a way I have a full namesake in the family.

When I get married I'll be hyphenating my name, because I will not get rid of this name that I particularly chose and paid money to have it changed. I'd love my kids to have that hyphenated name, but due to Finnish law being dumb, they wouldn't be able to unless the father also shared that full name. Because children in the family must either have the name of one of the biological parents or a name shared by the parents. So if I married a Mr. Lad, I'd go Lassie-Lad. But I wouldn't be able to name them Lassie-Lad, because Mr. Lad isn't Lassie-Lad. Even if the kids would share the surname of their father with the Lassie-Lad comb, it isn't possible because Mr. Lad is just Mr. Lad and nothing more. Since my surname (which isn't Lassie but I'll use it as an example anyways) is also a male first name, I'll probably end up giving it as a second or third name to a son. So there'll be a Boy Lassie Lad. Doesn't fix the issue I have with the system, but I just want my surname to continue its line because that lineage is literally dead 'til I revived it.

Can I ask you a very weird and out of the blue question completely off topic? Has Finland ever had natural disasters any time before 1996? The reason I ask this is in my history class our teacher assigned us a project where we each picked various disasters in history in the country of our birth to research and present to the class. Since all but one was US the 1906 Earthquake, Great Chicago Fire, the Shirtwaist Factory Fire, 1888 Blizzard, Galveston hurricane, Hurricane Andrew, and various floods among others were picked. The one girl not born in US was from Finland her mother moved her to the US following divorcing her father but she kept insisting that Finland had nothing like that. No natural disasters, no big fires, floods, or anything. Is that true? The teacher didn't believe her either but ended up letting her pick the 1993 Mississippi River flooding.   I've always wondered if she was telling the truth or not.

Edited by JordynDarby5

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lumpentheologie
12 hours ago, finnlassie said:

I changed my surname to my late grandmother's. It was just the logical thing to do. And my first name is her mother's, so in a way I have a full namesake in the family.

When I get married I'll be hyphenating my name, because I will not get rid of this name that I particularly chose and paid money to have it changed. I'd love my kids to have that hyphenated name, but due to Finnish law being dumb, they wouldn't be able to unless the father also shared that full name. Because children in the family must either have the name of one of the biological parents or a name shared by the parents. So if I married a Mr. Lad, I'd go Lassie-Lad. But I wouldn't be able to name them Lassie-Lad, because Mr. Lad isn't Lassie-Lad. Even if the kids would share the surname of their father with the Lassie-Lad comb, it isn't possible because Mr. Lad is just Mr. Lad and nothing more. Since my surname (which isn't Lassie but I'll use it as an example anyways) is also a male first name, I'll probably end up giving it as a second or third name to a son. So there'll be a Boy Lassie Lad. Doesn't fix the issue I have with the system, but I just want my surname to continue its line because that lineage is literally dead 'til I revived it.

You don't think your future husband would be okay with hyphenating his last name too? That seems like the easy solution. 

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NotQuiteMotY

Regarding the argument that "it's just your father's name anyway," this is the argument that never fails to piss me off. On the sheer surface level of it, if you even accept that argument, why is his father's name more important than my father's name? 

Furthermore, if you follow that logic, nobody has their own name, at least not in a tradition where a child receives a parent's last name. The only person who truly "owns" the name is the first one who ever went by it; in my case, that would mean my great-great(-great?)-grandfather who immigrated from Central Europe and had his name Anglicized. For a lot of people, that's someone a hundred or more years ago who for census/convenience purposes took their name of their landlord or former owner or a historical figure (especially post-Civil War in the US) or who identified themselves by their father's name (Robertson) or where they lived or what they did. Again, why is what his great-to-the-umpteenth-power grandfather's work as a smith more important than, say, the fact that her great-to-the-umpteenth-power grandfather lived by a lake?

Personally I chose not to change my name. It's my name, it's what I've responded to for my whole life, it's what my entire employment history is under as well as a college degree. To me it would feel plain weird to go by my husband's name. We gave our son my husband's last name, but talked about hyphenating/double barreling; I was the one to nix it, because a lot of record-keeping systems, including at least some DMVs, don't have a system that can handle it and I didn't want to cause more confusion for the child than necessary. Right now we're discussing our second child's last name. I'd actually prefer s/he have the same last name as the existing child, to make it easier for them, but my husband keeps suggesting, if it's a girl, giving her my last name. Right now that decision depends on what we decide to do for a first and middle name.

Most of the time having different names isn't a problem. If someone calls me Missus Hisname or calls him Mister Myname, I either shrug it off or correct them, depending on context and importance. My husband usually does the same. Once in a while a computer system won't be set up to handle more than one last name. And of course there are always relatives who insist we're Mister and Missus Hisname or the Hisname Family, which always makes me twitch a little around Christmas card time. Generally it's not a problem once I've pointed out the wrong name to someone. It does feel a lot like swimming upstream some days, though, which is when I'm more likely to resent the whole tradition that means I'm devalued as a person as far as nomenclature goes, as well as everyone who goes with it for whatever reason of their own.

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QuiverDance
On 12/14/2018 at 5:35 PM, singsingsing said:

Right, but it's just as much of a choice for me to choose to take my husband's name, so it evens out. I just don't get how choosing to keep my father's surname, a surname passed down to me because of patriarchal tradition, is a more feminist choice than choosing to take my husband's last name. What I'm saying is that, for me, neither choice is better than the other. I don't personally feel that my surname is particularly tied to my personal identity, no more so than my hypothetical future husband's surname would be, and a lot of women feel the same. Plenty of women change their surnames to their husbands' simply because they want to, not because they're bowing to societal pressure or ingrained misogyny. 

I never thought of my own surname name as my father's surname or a patriarchal legacy.  I associated it more with our large family and that bond.   Your comments have really made me stop and think, though.

The first time I got married, my ex husband insisted I take his name.  I didn't want to.  I had already been practicing law for a few years and didn't want to change my last name or deal with all the licensing issues associated with a name change. He told me if I didn't change my name we shouldn't get married because I wasn't committed to building a family with him.  I bought that.  I reluctantly changed my name.  Spoiler alert:  He wasn't only "traditional" when it came to my last name.  Turned out I married a misogynist, narcissistic dickwad. Once he was done grooming and love-bombing me, I quickly became his target, and ultimately he discarded me in the most textbook, predictable, narcissist way.   He immediately remarried a woman  (his third wife; I was the second) who was already pregnant with his baby.     I reclaimed my maiden name immediately and never looked back.  My children don't mind having a different last name from mine.  :)

When I remarried, my husband never even questioned that I'd keep my name.  It wasn't even discussed. 

We do have a confusing Christmas card given that there are three surnames in our household, but I'm happy to be with someone who respects my identity and autonomy and doesn't get caught up in traditional patriarchal bullshit. 

 

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MargaretElliott

I think my name taking depends on the name I'd potentially gain. My current SO has a lovely Irish last name I've been using when writing stories and making sims since before I even met him, I like the name so much. So if he's the one, score, I'm taking the name I've loved for years. My ex, however, had a rather long, clunky German name I would not have taken.

I also feel like there's a difference between just changing your name "because that's what you do" and intentionally and consciously following the tradition. I'd like to change my name if I get married, but not because I'm resigned to conformity- I, personally, like following old traditions in my life. I want something old, something new, something, something blue, and a sixpence in my shoe in this imaginary wedding, breaking bread over our heads, handfasting. I like doing things the way they've been done for years because it makes me feel connected to the past, to my ancestors, to history. I realize that's not important to most people, and many are turned off by its patriarchal roots, and that makes sense and I would never judge someone for keeping their name. But my choice, should it ever happen, would be a conscious one, with lots of thought put into it, not just a default. 

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Tired
SassyPantswithASideofClass

I love my maiden name. Its unique. Its actually French which is hilarious since I am East Indian. :)  When I get married, I am hoping to keep my maiden name and just have my married last name hyphenated.

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BeccaGrim

Pickles is reporting that John-David has been hospitalized with an illness she's not naming that he should recover from with treatment, and that she expects the Duggars to deny him having by posting pictures of him taken a long time ago posing as now. Don't shoot the messenger, just reporting this from her FB page.  

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19tacos&counting

Just came here to say the same thing. Hopefully it’s nothing serious and he’s home before Christmas

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Cheetah
56 minutes ago, BeccaGrim said:

Pickles is reporting that John-David has been hospitalized with an illness she's not naming that he should recover from with treatment, and that she expects the Duggars to deny him having by posting pictures of him taken a long time ago posing as now. Don't shoot the messenger, just reporting this from her FB page.  

I just saw that as well.  Kind of weird... (like, is she implying he's ill with something that he'd be embarrassed to have named?)

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singsingsing

Pickles unfortunately has this fatal combination of having people who do know things about the Duggars feeding her information, but also a bizarre propensity to just... invent stuff. She has a very active imagination and I would honestly not be surprised if the 'John-David is in the hospital but he's going to recover' part is true, but the 'Duggars will try to hide it by posting old pictures!' part is completely false...

If she's insinuating that he's been hospitalized for a mental health related issue (the only reason for hospitalization involving something that he would need to recover from that I can think of that the Duggars would want to hide), they could just as easily lie and say he's in the hospital for some kind of physical ailment. She's just stirring shit up again, as usual.

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Don'tlikekoolaid

I hope he’s OK, I don’t want him or anyone else to be ill.

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JenniferJuniper

I'm sure radaronline will be picking up Pickles' gossip any minute now....

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Four is Enough

So JD is Ruth Bader Ginsburg in disguise? She's in the hospital, too.

 

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lumpentheologie
31 minutes ago, Four is Enough said:

So JD is Ruth Bader Ginsburg in disguise? She's in the hospital, too.

 

Again? No!

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OreoMidnight

Yes, I read RBG had cancerous polyps removed from one of her lungs. 

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grandmadugger
2 hours ago, singsingsing said:

Pickles unfortunately has this fatal combination of having people who do know things about the Duggars feeding her information, but also a bizarre propensity to just... invent stuff. She has a very active imagination and I would honestly not be surprised if the 'John-David is in the hospital but he's going to recover' part is true, but the 'Duggars will try to hide it by posting old pictures!' part is completely false...

If she's insinuating that he's been hospitalized for a mental health related issue (the only reason for hospitalization involving something that he would need to recover from that I can think of that the Duggars would want to hide), they could just as easily lie and say he's in the hospital for some kind of physical ailment. She's just stirring shit up again, as usual.

He probably needed his appendix removed. 

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singsingsing

Leave it to Pickles to wring as much drama out of something as she possibly can. It's not enough that one of her secret squirrel sources is telling her that JD is in the hospital, that he's in 'rough shape' but that he should recover with treatment. Nope, she has to imply that the Duggars might attempt a cover-up. For... reasons. Also, neither John nor his family are in any way obligated to share any medical issues with the world. That's private, and it's gross and pathetic that Pickles even shared this info on Facebook. She's so desperate for attention she doesn't even care how she gets it at this point.

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marmalade

I wonder at Pickles' "source." A hospital worker would have violated HIPAA laws. I guess there are a couple of Duggar "friends" who feed her info ( like the one who told her that Derelict didn't attend JD's wedding, despite pictorial evidence to the contrary). 

I take Pickles' gossip with a salt lick. 

Edited by marmalade

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