Dillards 65: Standard Cringe, New Atrocious Signage

[Audrey2]

6 minutes ago, bal maiden said:

Why can’t she have a lie in? I do about half the mornings a week - I’m up half the night with the baby, so my husband gets up with the kids and I catch up on sleep! (I have kids a similar age to the Dillards’)

Sadly, the difference is that your husband is your partner and takes care of the kids too. I don't know how Derick was before he was in school, but if he has to be gone for an 8:00 class, Jill can't sleep in and care for the boys if they're up and Derick needs to leave/has left for class.

[sleepy_doggos]

The video is bad. There’s another one from a few days ago where Derick wrestles with the kids JUST like Ben did, only Derick almost drops Israel in the last few seconds, when he tries to put him back to the ground. He’s just not strong I guess. 

I'm trying to understand what you're saying here... Are you trying to run down derick for not being as strong as Ben?
I mean, I could see it if you were trying to say that Derick is not as in tune with Israel physically to anticipate where he might wriggle, but as it appears, shaming men for their perceived physical strength is pretty inappropriate to me.
It could totally just be how I read that and please correct me if I got the wrong impression.

[SeekingAdventure]

@sleepy_doggos I'm not the OP but they way I understood it was not shaming Derick for not being strong but for doing something that he wasn't physically capable. Some accept it and do other things. 

If kids have parents in wheelchairs they can't wrestle them and they know that ans accept that too and I'm sure, are not worse parents. If they would try to do things outside their physical capability, it would potentially harm them and their child and that is, I assume, what OP meant. at least that's what I think

 

just to clarify: i am not calling Derick disabled. it was the best way for me to explain it and I hope it didn't seem offensive? 

I always love to see families with parents in wheelchairs because they it is fantastic to see how they adapted and how the kids don't even see anything unusual because that is their normal. 

 

Derick / Jill try to copy things thst work on their siblings/in-laws, even though it sometimes it's not possible. there are so many other ways for Derick to be a good dad, just starting with actually seeming to like (spending time with) his kids, he just shouldn't do something that might end up hurting his kids physically. (emotionally, too, but i think that train is long gone?)

 

[Cheetah]

Throwing this out there (and I didn't think the video was that bad.  A little clueless... like the kind of thing that you shouldn't post to social media but anyway) - as a mom who had a very tall and verbal kid, I'm wondering if they are just looking at Israel and seeing a kid who looks and sounds about a year or so older than he is and treating him like he's almost 5 emotionally as well, instead of treating him like a typical 3 1/2 year old. 

And yes, it is kind of telling that the poor kid has no experience with having one parent have to go off to a job regularly.  

[WiseGirl]

4 hours ago, Firebird said:

(except Jana . . .) 

Could be me, but it seems like Jana spends more time with Jessa and travels more than we know. She may spend more time with JD too based on that JD/Abbie/sister photo than we know of. It also seems like she visits Jinger often. I could be wrong though.

[artdecades]

2 hours ago, Carm_88 said:

I feel like Jill and Derick should be taking some cues from the kids on how to act with them. Derick just comes off as a jerk and an unapproachable one who wants nothing to do with Izzy and Jill is pushing him to say what Derick does. No one cares what Derick does. You're not convincing us that he's the best Papi ever.

That or learn to coach her kids and edit videos. I would bet most of those youtube famous families who feature hilarious "off the cuff" moments with their kiddos actually coach their kids and edit the videos. It looks candid, but it's not. I am sure Jill understands this because it was done to her as a child by the TV producers. Jessa gets it. I just don't get why she doesn't.

[Chewing Gum]

2 hours ago, sleepy_doggos said:

I'm trying to understand what you're saying here... Are you trying to run down derick for not being as strong as Ben?
I mean, I could see it if you were trying to say that Derick is not as in tune with Israel physically to anticipate where he might wriggle, but as it appears, shaming men for their perceived physical strength is pretty inappropriate to me.
It could totally just be how I read that and please correct me if I got the wrong impression.

I suppose I figured the only reason they posted that was because Jessa posted multiple video’s of Ben wrestling with the kids and as always it’s just awkward with Derick. And I was wondering why he almost dropped Israel, not strong enough after lifting him few times  or doesn’t care if he’s landing well ? I’m hoping the first, which is why I posted it, because the later means he just doesn’t care and I don’t wish that for the poor kid. 

[SadieJane]

I feel bad for whoever is sleeping on that inflatable regularly. When I did mission work,  well lets just say they suck for daily sleeping.

[sleepy_doggos]

8 hours ago, Chewing Gum said:

I suppose I figured the only reason they posted that was because Jessa posted multiple video’s of Ben wrestling with the kids and as always it’s just awkward with Derick. And I was wondering why he almost dropped Israel, not strong enough after lifting him few times  or doesn’t care if he’s landing well ? I’m hoping the first, which is why I posted it, because the later means he just doesn’t care and I don’t wish that for the poor kid. 

Ok, thanks for explaining. I understand what you mean! 

I would hope the first rather than the second as well. I also would think that he has a negative relationship with physicality.  I could theorize that might be from having non-trustworthy relationships with touch in his life. I mean, as a kid who was also spanked out of 'love' like Derick was I had a pretty unhealthy relationship with touch/my body/others' bodies and didn't really understand how to form a positive association with it until I started to form a different identity as an adult. I don't think he has moved into that growth stage that healed my relationship with touch, as has been discussed on this thread many times before: he has doubled down on spanking, fundamentalist ideas, alienating others, etc in the last few years instead of choosing to learn and grow.  

Well that was a rabbit trail! Sorry guys!

[EmmieJ]

On 9/15/2018 at 3:16 PM, Firebird said:

That video is so awkward. They always seem so angry and tense with Israel. 

Israel hasn't yet fully grasped that he is to be a performing monkey for mom and papi, on command!  "Tell me, quickly!"  

For the first time, I really cannot stand Jill.  I've long ago found Derick repulsive, now I feel the same about Jill.  Poor little Izzy (and Sam when it's his turn to learn how to perform on cue).

[Lurky]

This thread makes me so sad for Jill.  The nearest she's allowed to get to education is to visit her husband's law school class on family day - and she's expected to teach her own kids to a university standard that she got nowhere near, because her parents didn't believe in education.  And she sees nothing wrong with hounding her poor 3 year old to behave in a certain way on camera when he clearly doesn't want to, because that's the way she was raised - no privacy, no options, working for her living in front of the camera, answering inane questions and having to always look happy.

And even worse than all of that, having to keep sweet and look dutiful and happy all the while.  She never comes across as a likeable person, but she had to parent a whole bunch of siblings from an early age; had to hide in the prayer closet with a plate of food, just to get enough to eat; really wanted to be a nurse, then managed her expectations into wanting to be a midwife, and was denied the proper education for both (and I wonder how galling it is to have both Lauren and Abbie have that education and choose not to use it?); was told she would be a great missionary by her parents and failed because she wasn't given any adequate options for preparations; and now has to parade her family on media for money and because she doesn't know anything else, and has to pretend she has the Best Life Ever. 

She's terrible at the social media, because she's going through the learning process most people her age had the chance to do as teens, she's building a brand because she has to try to be the bread-winner somehow, without actually being allowed to have a proper job, and it must be baffling that she prayed right, did everything her parents told her, and it's just not working the way she wanted it to.  God gave her Derek, so he has to be the #besthubbyever, because God can't be wrong.

[nastyhobbitses]

5 hours ago, Lurky said:

This thread makes me so sad for Jill.  The nearest she's allowed to get to education is to visit her husband's law school class on family day - and she's expected to teach her own kids to a university standard that she got nowhere near, because her parents didn't believe in education.

Yeah, when I saw that comment Derick had about how his kids will be homeschooled by Jill and that will totally afford them the same opportunities he had, I just wanted to shake him. You married her at least in part because she had at best a sixth grade education and you could get a massive permanent ego-boner and feel like the smartest and most interesting man in the world because you probably are the smartest guy she's ever interacted with. You fucking KNOW that her education was utterly inadequate. And you're paying lip service to "my kids will go to college" for Instagram, but we know that you'll be happiest when your boys and your wife are semi-literate and glassy-eyed drones you can control and dominate forever, and will never potentially be better, smarter, or more accomplished than you. 

[Pretzel]

@Lurky @nastyhobbitses Very on point, the both of you. "I agree" posts are lame, but I really wanna tell you, I totally, wholeheartedly agree with what you both posted above. 

I can't hate on Jill. I feel so sorry for her. Of course she needs to pretend that she leads the #bestlifeever with #besthubbyever and Izzy and SamSam have #bestpapiever because what else is she to believe or put on her insta? Maybe #MyNephewsSpurgyAndHenryLuckedOutInTheDadDepartmentButIHopeNotAllHopeIsLostWithMyHubby? #BestHubbyMyDadCouldFindForMeAtTheTime ? #NotBestPapiEverButStillTryin'ForInsta ? 

That would make for some really long but definitely authentic hashtags, and realizing there's some truth in what people are saying about Derick would probably break Jill's heart. She's been one of Josh's victims, witnessed all his missteps, her parents sold her to the public, she was made fun of for being the family's goody-two-shoes and despite all efforts and praying, her husband still doesn't seem like the best family man*.

*JB is all sorts of weird and certainly something...but I never had a doubt that he actually put his family first (within his beliefs) and loves each and every one of his children and totally wanted all of them including this big family circus and the TT mansion. There's a ton to criticize him for as well, but something definitely seems a bit off if your dad seems more deserving of #bestpapiever than your husband.

[ladyaudley]

3 hours ago, Pretzel said:

but something definitely seems a bit off if your dad seems more deserving of #bestpapiever than your husband.

which is a true and pretty damning thing. 

[JillyO]

Jill, honey. Just leave it be. Social Media is NOT your thing. Mabe try selling chocolate-dipped strawberries or cupcakes-in-a-jar with glass shard sprinkles next. You may just have enough leg-humpers left to make some extra cash that way.

Seriously though. What WAS she trying to show us in this video? Even if Israel had been more cooperative and she's spared us the whole chasing-the-poor-kid-through-the-apartment-to-force-a-reply-out-of-him ordeal... WHAT was the point of that video? Jill interviewing Israel about what Derick makes him for breakfast? WHO FUCKING CARES?

[artdecades]

I really go back and forth on feeling sorry for Jill in her marriage. 

On the one hand, she was the perfect fundie daughter and did everything right. She was rewarded as the first daughter to marry and ended up with a dud of a husband (see also Esther Shrader and Kelly Bradrick). Unlike her sisters who had longer courtships or knew their suitors for years, she was rushed into everything from courtship to marriage to pregnancy. She lost her tv gig due to her husband. she lost her endorsement due to her husband. Etc Etc Etc.

On the other hand, I have no doubt that she holds the same exact beliefs as #besthubbyever when it comes to trans issues and lgbt issues. Yes she lost her show and endorsement due to him, but she holds them too. Can i really feel bad for that in particular when I know she believes the same things? Nope. In fact, I think her siblings should also not have a show due to their beliefs.

So I guess I feel bad that she has a loser husband, but not about some of the other stuff.

[nausicaa]

12 hours ago, nastyhobbitses said:

You married her at least in part because she had at best a sixth grade education and you could get a massive permanent ego-boner and feel like the smartest and most interesting man in the world because you probably are the smartest guy she's ever interacted with. You fucking KNOW that her education was utterly inadequate. And you're paying lip service to "my kids will go to college" for Instagram, but we know that you'll be happiest when your boys and your wife are semi-literate and glassy-eyed drones you can control and dominate forever, and will never potentially be better, smarter, or more accomplished than you. 

Can we create some "FJ Gold" like on Reddit? This needs at least a blue ribbon.

[nausicaa]

9 hours ago, Pretzel said:

*JB is all sorts of weird and certainly something...but I never had a doubt that he actually put his family first (within his beliefs) and loves each and every one of his children and totally wanted all of them including this big family circus and the TT mansion. There's a ton to criticize him for as well, but something definitely seems a bit off if your dad seems more deserving of #bestpapiever than your husband.

Yes! Not to make this a JB love fest, because like you said there's plenty to criticize there. But it's fascinating to see how JB, and hell even Josh--not exactly the most self-actualized, progressive men in the world-- are so much more comfortable with their children and more innately nurturing than Derick.

In whatever at least has been filmed, both always seemed natural with their kids and seemed to enjoy engaging with their families. JB also made it clear that he felt he had scored the hot cheerleader who was way out his league and didn't passive aggressively dig at his wife the way it seems Derick does. 

This doesn't make me like Josh or JB any more-- it just drives home how absolutely dismal Derick is. 

[VelociRapture]

A good spouse or partner lifts you up and does what they can to ease the burdens you carry. It’s not always easy and there are definitely struggles, but a healthy and happy partnership is one in which you support one another. Derick does not do that for Jill and she likely takes on more than her fair share of burdens attempting to keep her family functional. She may have chosen this relationship, but she was also a somewhat sheltered golden child who wanted to do what she could to please her parents and she seems to have genuinely trusted her dad’s judgement. So I do feel badly for her in that regard, as well as the fact that she was taken advantage of by her parents, abused by her older brother, and the fact that she had to relive her abuse on a national level.

Otherwise? Not so much. I think there can be a good deal of BEC about the Dills (because they just make it so easy to hate them), but they do truly deserve the hate they receive for their disgusting beliefs and many of their life choices. 

[Carm_88]

I still question why Jill thinks this is a good thing to put on the internet. What in the world? She needs to start thinking "Would Jessa post this?" I would say that she's being that oversharing parent, but Derick isn't her child and it seems like it's him that she's trying to make look good.

[SapphireSlytherin]

4 minutes ago, Carm_88 said:

"Would Jessa post this?"

I believe she *does* ask herself this, and that she then decides that, yes - Jessa would post this.

The disconnect, though, is that Jill can't see the difference between her/her kids' interactions and those Jessa and her kids have.

[Carm_88]

3 minutes ago, SapphireSlytherin said:

I believe she *does* ask herself this, and that she then decides that, yes - Jessa would post this.

The disconnect, though, is that Jill can't see the difference between her/her kids' interactions and those Jessa and her kids have.

Clearly denial isn't just a river in Egypt!

[Elvis Presby]

3 hours ago, Carm_88 said:

I still question why Jill thinks this is a good thing to put on the internet. What in the world? She needs to start thinking "Would Jessa post this?" I would say that she's being that oversharing parent, but Derick isn't her child and it seems like it's him that she's trying to make look good.

WWJP bracelets need to be a thing.

[Georgiana]

Social media is about nuance.  It's about framing and tone.  It's not so much WHAT you post, but how you frame it.  

That's where Jill struggles.  She doesn't know how to think critically.  She wants a formula to tell her "Post X", "Write caption Y", "Get successful post A", because that's how things were for her growing up.  She doesn't know how to critically examine the post to anticipate reactions or how it will read to other people.  It's perfectly easy for most of us to take a step back and examine something as an objective reader.  We learn that pretty young in school.  But Jill never did.  

She grew up in a world of rules and formulas where all she had to do to be successful was follow the rules.  Jessa, who admittedly enjoyed challenging the rules, learned how to examine and evaluate situations and anticipate reactions to determine whether or not a challenge was worth it.  Jill never engaged in this.   Now Jessa can use those skills to manipulate social media effectively.  Jill's got nothing.  

In many ways, Jill's status as the Golden Daughter was what sealed her fate as being ill-prepared for the world.  Her time at home was perhaps TOO smooth, she never had to challenge herself or develop additional skills to survive.  She never learned how to respond to failure or friction by developing new skills.  She was able to remain static and stunted, always following the path of least resistance, while the others were forced to grow.  

And now, she might be stuck.  

[Elvis Presby]

@Georgiana I agree with a lot of what you said.  

Jill (to me) just seems overly eager to please.  Words of affirmation must be her love language.  I'm not sure that she is the only one of all the 19 children with this type of personality though.  Following that thought, you are so right that others were forced to grow; a sweet, parent pleasing, obedient child has to grow up eventually and it is a horrible thought that such a child would have to try so hard to please their spouse.

When I read this (before posting) it made me sad.