Bro Gary Hawkins 8: F is for Felony and No Longer Funny

[keepercjr]

@PumaLover I watched that video too looking for the breaking news... so dumb!  In the beginning Becky told him to smile LOL

 

[PumaLover]

13 minutes ago, keepercjr said:

@PumaLover I watched that video too looking for the breaking news... so dumb!  In the beginning Becky told him to smile LOL

Were you on the edge of your seat just waiting? Was it 15 minutes of your life that you'll never get back? LOL

[PumaLover]

Ok folks, Gary done got him a brochure and prayer card designed up. They actually look decent but apparently he couldn't be bothered to take a clear picture of them. Why share such blurry photos?

Spoiler

Brochure

 

[MarblesMom]

He's been trying and praying for over a year to get it up... err... the motor for his motor home, that is.

GET.A.JOB, G-Haw.

[FullOfGravy]

You know, if I were in Gary's place, running into obstacle after obstacle in pursuit of my "ministry", I'd start to wonder if maybe, just maybe, the LORD will was that I should do something else for a living.  But not GHaw.  Nope, Gary wants people to keep it in a matter of Pray and ask God to drop a motor in his lap, because he's quite sure that God's will lines up perfectly with his own desire to sit in his recliner screaming at his phone all day.

 

[MarblesMom]

Holy Rufus toothpasta, you nailed it, @FullOfGravy.

[PumaLover]

Oh geez folks, there's another live video. I'm very tired and I've been partaking of the Lord's cocktail. Oh wait, the Devil's cocktail. Which one is vodka? Cuz that's what I'm partaking in. 

I can barely recap the videos sober but hey, did I tell y'all I quit my job? Tomorrow's my last day so I may or may not be drinking tonight. 

God good, all the time. Haymayn and hallaluyer. Good preaching! Hallaluyah and Holy Shit. Rufus bless. If all y'all are partaking tonight I wish you a nice buzz and a safe ride home. (Driving drunk is never OK. Some drunk bitch here killed a family of 3 people on the freeway.)

This here is Puma's totally sober* recap of Bro Gary. (I am at home). Oh shit the video started. 

We all have sinned and come short of the glory of God. We're all sinners. We're all borned a sinner. Jesus Rufus I'm drunk but can type more coherently than he speaks. (Not against Southern Dialect at all–I grew up in Mississippi and still love it. Just hate fundie preachers.) You realize you're a sinner and there's some Romans verses. John 3:16 . He sent his son for your sins. You can escape hell. God commands his love to us. Think about salvation. I can type surprisingly fast after imbibing. 

His phone is breaking up. I live up in the mountains and he has a way worse connection than me. Be saved by accepting Jesus Christ. It's a free gift. OMG I almost accidentally typed grift. Too much Jill Rod reading. 

Why would you want to pay for your sin that's already a free grift. Shit. Gift!!! OMG too much Fj reading. He goes on and on about accepting the gift and I literally can't type gift without writing grift. I think my typing fingers see both of those things as being interchangeable. (Yet I can type interchangeable, so go figure.)

He's actually giving scriptures and kind of on point. I think he reads FJ. I feel like these extreme fundies take FJ's suggestions into account.

He's stumbling all over the verses. Be saved. With your heart. Accept it from your heart, as your lord and savior. (My fundie ex told me this and I believed it.) Repent from yourself toward God. As an impressionable 19 year old I believed all this shit. 

John 3:16 and stuff. I don't know where the fundies got that this was the only way to go to heaven. In my time on FJ now I know where this came from. This was only as of the 1950s I believe. Which is when my ex's fundie parents were raised. This is what I was told and if I questioned it I was wrong. So it was such a narrow minded sect, and I went to their church and started to believe their ways. I always questioned them but never felt right speaking up. I finally started to rebel and speak out. They didn't like that. 

Bro Gary is talking about the bridegroom and oil. He says OIL the same way I do–OHL. How wise are you when it comes to the lord Jesus Christ? Haymayun. He flips through the bible and goes to Mark and reads. The preachers are preparing your heart, the rapture is coming. He's ranting and says, let me take a sip. I heard, let me take a fifth. ? I was gonna be on board with that. The people that are saved are the forerunners of today. I guarantee you drunk Puma can spell forerunner better than the Bro can. 

Jesus saves. Haymayun. He says reptobate. This was a word I'd never heard til the other night. He's done for the day. Well I'm done for the night, I think.

I'm gonna drink some more water. But I can type Reptobate. And I'm not driving.*

 

[Briefly]

12 hours ago, FullOfGravy said:

You know, if I were in Gary's place, running into obstacle after obstacle in pursuit of my "ministry", I'd start to wonder if maybe, just maybe, the LORD will was that I should do something else for a living.  But not GHaw.  Nope, Gary wants people to keep it in a matter of Pray and ask God to drop a motor in his lap, because he's quite sure that God's will lines up perfectly with his own desire to sit in his recliner screaming at his phone all day.

 

Yes, but there is also a school of thought that the devil is putting all those obstacles in your path to keep you from doing God's will and getting God's blessing, so you should pray and try harder.  I've heard that from a couple of relatives.  In some ways, I do agree with the philosophy.  But not in every case!  However, I can see Gary thinking that he's special and blessed but that the devil is keeping him from getting his God given blessings.  I don't see him realizing that maybe he's being told no, because he doesn't like to be told no.

[PumaLover]

Wow I just read my recap and still think I make more sense typing drunk than Bro does being sober.

I wonder if he sees other ministries grifters like the RodPod getting free stuff like cars and that encourages him to keep trying. I would be frustrated if  I was trying to make a go at being a traveling preacher and saw others getting free cars just because. And I don't even think the Rods are better at what they do than Bro Gary is, they just seem to be more put together and are really good grifters.

[Lisafer]

On 10/17/2018 at 5:47 PM, PumaLover said:

Ok folks, Gary done got him a brochure and prayer card designed up. They actually look decent but apparently he couldn't be bothered to take a clear picture of them. Why share such blurry photos?

  Reveal hidden contents

Brochure

 

"My wife Becky, is available to do lady conferences."

Holy Rufus, why do I find this so funny? "Lady conferences!" Can you get those next to the "Lady products" in the gas station restrooms?

[Lillymuffin]

7 hours ago, Lisafer said:

"My wife Becky, is available to do lady conferences."

Holy Rufus, why do I find this so funny? "Lady conferences!" Can you get those next to the "Lady products" in the gas station restrooms?

Only if you have “lady parts.” Gotta keep it righteous, folks. ?

[WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?]

8 hours ago, PumaLover said:

Wow I just read my recap and still think I make more sense typing drunk than Bro does being sober.

I liked your recap and I completely agree!

[waltraute]

Yes, but there is also a school of thought that the devil is putting all those obstacles in your path to keep you from doing God's will and getting God's blessing, so you should pray and try harder.  I've heard that from a couple of relatives.  In some ways, I do agree with the philosophy.  But not in every case!  However, I can see Gary thinking that he's special and blessed but that the devil is keeping him from getting his God given blessings.  I don't see him realizing that maybe he's being told no, because he doesn't like to be told no.

There is a major flaw with this thinking. A hard-no from God looks exactly like a obstacle from the devil. God can't win in this situation. He tells you no and you think, uh-oh the devil is really closing in on me so I must be on the right path and you double down on the exact thing God does not want for you. In this scenario, the only answer from God that is acknowledged is a big fat yes to all those ill-conceived hopes and dreams.

[Briefly]

3 hours ago, waltraute said:

On 10/19/2018 at 1:24 PM, Briefly said:

Yes, but there is also a school of thought that the devil is putting all those obstacles in your path to keep you from doing God's will and getting God's blessing, so you should pray and try harder.  I've heard that from a couple of relatives.  In some ways, I do agree with the philosophy.  But not in every case!  However, I can see Gary thinking that he's special and blessed but that the devil is keeping him from getting his God given blessings.  I don't see him realizing that maybe he's being told no, because he doesn't like to be told no.

There is a major flaw with this thinking. A hard-no from God looks exactly like a obstacle from the devil. God can't win in this situation. He tells you no and you think, uh-oh the devil is really closing in on me so I must be on the right path and you double down on the exact thing God does not want for you. In this scenario, the only answer from God that is acknowledged is a big fat yes to all those ill-conceived hopes and dreams.

Mr. Briefly's mom, who I really love although sometimes she does get on my nerves, says that every time things don't go her way.  She doesn't like to be told no.  Which is probably normal, but she's a very do determined lady!  She's where I heard it first, since then I have heard a few other people say that.  I think it makes sense in that if something doesn't work, try again but maybe do something differently.  But eventually, if things don't go the way you want them to then you need to accept it and go on to something else.

[Dandruff]

On 10/19/2018 at 6:40 PM, PumaLover said:

Wow I just read my recap and still think I make more sense typing drunk than Bro does being sober.

Probably that extra digit in your IQ.

[WhatWouldJohnCrichtonDo?]

7 hours ago, Briefly said:

I think it makes sense in that if something doesn't work, try again but maybe do something differently.  But eventually, if things don't go the way you want them to then you need to accept it and go on to something else.

You reminded me of a quote I like. 

[thoughtful]

Keep it in a matter of Pray?

Spoiler

 

[Candydandy]

Ok folks the Bro is asking about gimmicks vs preaching. The only gimmick I see is the one where a non workin man wants others to pay for his motor home, engine and camp chairs too. Haymuhn! There is a pastor on that thread sayin people can be modest without wearin suits and dresses. Haymuhn!  

Sis Candy

[Spinosaurus]

7 minutes ago, Candydandy said:

There is a pastor on that thread sayin people can be modest without wearin suits and dresses.

People can be modest while wearin only underwear?

(Hello folks by the way.  Bro Gary done drug me out of lurkin.)

Sis Spiny

5lb 5oz and still too big for my little Mum's tiny womb.

[Alisamer]

On October 17, 2018 at 6:47 PM, PumaLover said:

Ok folks, Gary done got him a brochure and prayer card designed up. They actually look decent but apparently he couldn't be bothered to take a clear picture of them. Why share such blurry photos?

  Reveal hidden contents

Brochure

 

That brochure is atrocious. Badly designed, bad mix of fonts, printed with no bleed, and the panels aren't all sized correctly. At least it's not got a huge smiley face on the front, and isn't printed to look like fake money. That's the sort of thing that comes in to work sometimes, and I just grit my teeth, offer to fix the bleed and panels, and when they refuse the $25 fee for that (way less than our usual design rate), shrug and print it as is. Crap in, crap out.

I'll be seriously irritated if Bro Gary manages to get a motor grifted out of this. I need to start my own "ministry" so I can get somebody to pay to replace the tires on my car, and fix my hot water heater. Instead here I am working 40+ hours a week, and scraping by.

[Yogi]

At least their name is spelled correctly!

The brochure that GHaw put out himself spelled their name ‘Hawking’. 

1 hour ago, Candydandy said:

Ok folks the Bro is asking about gimmicks vs preaching. The only gimmick I see is the one where a non workin man wants others to pay for his motor home, engine and camp chairs too. Haymuhn! There is a pastor on that thread sayin people can be modest without wearin suits and dresses. Haymuhn!  

Sis Candy

The funny thing is that the commenters seemed to know what he meant! 

[keepercjr]

Yikes Gary!  Way to be rude and condescending about something you don’t understand.  Does this mean everyone has to learn English to study the KJB?  *Adding that Gary’s command of the English language is shaky at best. 

[Spinosaurus]

He has never and no plans on studying English either.

[Spinosaurus]

Come to think of it, is Yiddish the official language of the State of Israel?  Isn't that Hebrew?

[FeministShrew]

What an arrogant ass. The man stated it was Yiddish, not Hebrew or Greek. I guess people who can't read English are out of luck in Gary's world. And what about the men who translated the KJV in the first place? What if they hadn't studied Greek, Hebrew, or Aramaic? I bet Bro Gary thinks King James received the KJV on the wings of doves floating down from heaven.