Bro Gary Hawkins 8: F is for Felony and No Longer Funny

[mango_fandango]

7 hours ago, FullOfGravy said:

A flyer that makes David Rodrigues' tracts look like masterpieces of eloquence and design.  I didn't think that could be done, but I guess all things are possible with uneducated ignorance God.  

Don’t you mean or possibly?? 

[griffin]

He makes a video just about every day now. He is not saying ANYTHING meaningful. This time , he spent the first whole minute saying it was Fridee. Yep, it's Fridee. Sundee's comin'. There was about 1 minute of content in 13 minutes. Some people go to church on Sundee. Some churches have church on Sundee and Wenzdee. Some have church every day. Some used to have church every day but not anymore. He doesn't know why they don't have it every day anymore.  Some have church Sundee mornin' and Sundee evenin'. Some have church Sundee mornin', evenin' and  afternoon. The Bible says to have church every day. Some people can't get to church every day. You have to have a good reason not to go. Not because you hurt your toe or have a headache. Yankees can go to church to get out of the snow. He doesn't know when the tradition started to have church on Sundee. He doesn't do traditions. He went to church four times last week. He goes to church even when he's not preachin'. If he doesn't go to his church, he goes to another church. Are you goin' to church this Sundee? Will you be in church or are you too lazy? Will you get up and go to church?? If Jesus cared enough about him to die on the old rugged cross, then he should care enough about Jesus to go to church. Jesus started the church. I hate to tell him, but that was the Catholic church Jesus started. He quotes the Bible incorrectly and then says he doesn't know the exact quote, he'll have to study that. If you're going to do a vlog, organize your thoughts, bookmark your quotes, make bullet points and spit it out!!! 

[Dandruff]

5 hours ago, griffin said:

He makes a video just about every day now. He is not saying ANYTHING meaningful. This time , he spent the first whole minute saying it was Fridee. Yep, it's Fridee. Sundee's comin'.

It's good that he knows the days of the week...at least sort of.

[mango_fandango]

My grandfather says “Wenzdee”, “Fridee” etc. And he’s not American. I don’t know why. Perhaps it’s a regional thing. My grandma, aunt and mum (his daughters) don’t say it. I don’t know if I’ve come across anyone else who pronounces days of the week like that. 

[Carol]

6 hours ago, griffin said:

Yep, it's Fridee. Sundee's comin'. There was about 1 minute of content in 13 minutes. Some people go to church on Sundee. Some churches have church on Sundee and Wenzdee.

I swear he pronounce's it Weensdee.  

[MarblesMom]

8 hours ago, griffin said:

Are you goin' to church this Sundee? Will you be in church or are you too lazy? Will you get up and go to church??

Some of us go because we like it, not because we are beaten into it by a recliner-laying button-bustin man with a criminal record.

[Dandruff]

1 hour ago, MarblesMom said:

Some of us go because we like it, not because we are beaten into it by a recliner-laying button-bustin man with a criminal record.

How about his ween munching and mastery of the English language?  Are you really not impressed?

[MarblesMom]

I thought it was more like ween slurping.  Did I miss something?

[Don'tlikekoolaid]

OK Folks, Bro Gary has baptized Caleb.  Looks like he layed him down hard.  Great video, no talking and only 20 seconds long.  Sorry I can’t get the video working but here’s a picture.

[Four is Enough]

Like I'd want to be thrown into that nasty ass brown water.

[Don'tlikekoolaid]

I think the daily videos are Bro’s attempt at damage control cause of that sexual assault charge, to show he is now super Godly. 

[smittykins]

3 hours ago, Four is Enough said:

Like I'd want to be thrown into that nasty ass brown water.

I’m glad that when I had my “believer’s baptism,” it was in an indoor pool filled with nice warm water(we had to “borrow” another church’s facilities because the one I went to—which was originally a Catholic church—didn’t have its own).

[mango_fandango]

I know it’s probably not anyone else’s idea of fun, but I really really hate the feeling of getting wet in street clothes. In a heated pool it’d be bad enough, but in a cold manky-looking lake? Eww. 

[AliceInFundyland]

Baptism from Bro. I think Jim Bob in the River Jordan with the rats could get me closer to God. And that, folks is a really, really sad state of affairs.

[mango_fandango]

There’s been another live video!! 

He just reiterates the same thing every damn time. 

[thoughtful]

Hey, guys -- "peach" is a verb! And it's something the Devil does with his head!

Gary votes Republican -- who'da thunk it? Oh, and God is not where your right to vote comes from, Gary.

[Georgiana]

God anointed George III, Gary. Your monarch comes from God. Your right to vote comes from your fellow man.

SPEAKING of which, it’s quite nice you still have that. You sometimes lose that when you commit felonies. 

[bertnee]

So wait we're supposed to go to church 7 days a week but Bro Gar only went 4 times last week? Guess he's got a ticket straight to hell then!

[Don'tlikekoolaid]

OK folks add peach to the Weenese dictionary!  Peach (verb) = raise your head.  Unless it doesn’t.

[church_of_dog]

27 minutes ago, Don'tlikekoolaid said:

OK folks add peach to the Weenese dictionary!  Peach (verb) = raise your head.  Unless it doesn’t.

Is peach the opposite of IMpeach? 

[PumaLover]

OK folks… (friends). I was out of town for my daughter's birthday weekend and pulled off an epic surprise, only to come home to devastating news. My childhood/junior high best friend has stage 4 breast cancer that has metastasized. She is an amazing teacher and a mother to a young daughter. All of this is so unfair and I don't even know how to handle it. I'm sorry to hijack the thread. I need the Bro's ridiculousness to keep my mind off real life. I'll try to recap whatever this newest video is.

He starts off by messing with his hair and says, isn't it pretty? (I am assuming he's trolling us for one of y'all clever folks saying he has the teeny tiny toupee, lol). Same fucking running water in the background. Maybe that's just the way this house sounds all the time. I think they're in North Carolina. Jesus loves ya.

He's got a lot of things on his mind. (So do I. Why would your supposedly loving God choose to take a wonderful, contributing member of society who is also a loving mother and friend?? These are the kinds of questions I had and a big reason why i left the church. I can't see any loving supreme being who would be so cruel and heartless.)

Less than 24 hours and he heard of 3 deaths. There's more than that. The lord is taking them one by one. A great preacher is in the hospital. Be saved, you die, go to heaven. He's talking about a little girl that was less than 3 years old. I am not going to talk about this. All of this is basically triggering for me. 

Basically people die, be saved. Know you're saved. If you're lost, repent. Jesus on the cross. Holy Rufus it's all the same old shit. He's been thinking about his wife Becky who's had a migraine for 9 days and she's taken medicine. Well fuck, I also suffer from migraines so no snark, I feel awful for her. I know how that feels. I am guessing she doesn't have proper insurance where she can get medication and that is horrible. Migraines don't go away. Even in my unemployed days I could still afford my prescriptions so I do feel very bad for her. Plus having to listen to Bro Gary while having a migraine. I am sure she still has to get up to prepare the gravy and weens though.

This somehow has to do with heaven and eternity. 

He was at a church and the preacher was having shest pains (George Lopez, anyone??). He was having heart problems. Bro will be 46 next Sunday. He's basically my age, wow. One guy died yesterday morning and left 3 kids behind. 50 years old. Becky says they have 5 kids. Bro Gary is almost 50. Are you ready to meet your maker? Ready for Jesus? Is your sins confessed?

He asks poor Becky which song it was they sang up in Maine. She has a migraine, leave her the fuck alone. People died. Lots of them in the last month. Republicans and Democrats. Something about wars. The last days. He preached about it. You ready to meet God face to face?

He's talking about a preacher (I think?) who lost his life 4 months into marriage. He's doing great work, but he'll never do it on this side again. He goes on and on about how the wife will never see him on this side of eternity. Every individual is going to die one of these days, haymaun. Are you ready to meet God? Becky, they buried this other preacher right? 2 weeks? His phone's dying.

Please share this video he says. (OK so you're a preacher. Like we've all said, if this is your calling, have your notes out, be in a quiet area, maybe stand up or sit up–at the least– for your video, maybe make sure your phone is charged. Maybe don't have a felony.) Shit, I'm an atheist and could preach better than he does.

[mango_fandango]

@PumaLover so sorry to hear about your childhood friend. Cancer is a twat. 

So a slightly different focus in this video (talking about death), yet ultimately it’s the same damn “are you saved” message. 

[thoughtful]

8 hours ago, mango_fandango said:

So a slightly different focus in this video (talking about death), yet ultimately it’s the same damn “are you saved” message. 

Not even slightly different -- he's done a bunch of "this one died, that one died, were they saved, are you saved" videos.

He's a repetitive redundant repeating  same-shit-different-day (but not a different shirt or chair) machine.

@PumaLover, hugs to you.

[Dandruff]

8 hours ago, PumaLover said:

He's been thinking about his wife Becky who's had a migraine for 9 days and she's taken medicine.

Nine days, ouch.  Hope her medicine isn't Plexus.  Maybe it would help if her husband would STFU.

[MarblesMom]

@PumaLover sorry to hear about your friend.  Hugs.