Boyer Sisters Part 7: One Still Creative

[Briefly]

On 6/13/2018 at 7:35 PM, Lisafer said:

I'm sure everyone in the world has had ancestors who have done something terrible at one point or another. What matters is who you are, not who your ancestors were. I had ancestors on both sides in the Civil War; it never occurred to me to be upset about being related to Confederate soldiers, because I was not there and had no control over their decisions. It was what it was. Sharing DNA with someone doesn't make you responsible for their crimes. 

What matters is that we, ourselves, try to be good people 

My mother's grandfather served in the Confederate Army.  I have pictures of him in his uniform.  Mr. Briefly's family were slaveholders at the general time.  Neither of those make me/him/our daughter bad people.  But it does make us more aware of things.  I'm fairly certain that at least one person I knew (he's dead now) was a KKK member when he was younger, although it was not something he stayed with.  I don't want to name him because he is gone and can't defend himself.

[FilleMondaine]

@Petronella --you are right. My idea was ill-thought-out, and I appreciate how you (rather gently, actually) corrected me and also gave me the benefit of the doubt that yes, I did intend to talk about isolated homeschoolers. And as @EowynW and @catlady said, there usually is some weird jostling in a friendgroup. BUT, you still have to see the ex-boyfriend in math class and your old best friend in gym class and stuff, and I do maintain that you don't just stop school. Everyone learns to carry on...awkwardly. I dunno, my thought was not well-formed at the beginning, and not even well-thought out at the end.... Thanks for teaching me, all.

[usedbicycle]

@FilleMondaine I get what you were trying to say. Being around peers the same age every day of the week develops social skills that isolationist families like the Boyers really lack. So I do think there is an isolation problem but it's compounded by the pressure they place on courtship.

While most people are free to date and break-up with their peers (with varying levels of drama), a broken courtship can take epic proportions and tear apart an entire family. I honestly don't think Jessica will ever get over it TBH. She might marry and move on, but this will remain one of her biggest traumas and it didn't have to be that way.

[browngrl]

10 hours ago, usedbicycle said:

I honestly don't think Jessica will ever get over it TBH. She might marry and move on, but this will remain one of her biggest traumas and it didn't have to be that way.

I hope you are wrong. It seems so sad to let one broken relationship dictate the rest of a person's life. However fundies go on and on about "saving yourself" for marriage and how dating somehow taints a person for life, so I fear you might be right.

[JermajestyDuggar]

On 12/14/2018 at 9:00 PM, ladyamylynn said:

According to Instagram, it looks like Jessica's ex has a new girlfriend. A girl named Faith Metz. She looks like your standard issue fundie maiden.

Courtney Collingsworth is married to a guy named Michael Metz. I wouldn’t be surprised if they were siblings. The Collingsworths all live in Ohio and the Boyer sisters live in Ohio too. I’m guessing the Metzes live in Ohio or a state near Ohio if these fundie paths are crossing so much. 

[Lurky]

Is anything happening with the Boyers?  I tried looking at their websites and instas, but everything I could find has been silent for a long time.  I hope this is a choice for them, because it seemed like their public lives were their parents' idea from the start - and i hope they're happy, creative and able to explore the world and their skills a bit more.

[Bethella]

On 4/24/2019 at 5:08 PM, Lurky said:

Is anything happening with the Boyers?  I tried looking at their websites and instas, but everything I could find has been silent for a long time.  I hope this is a choice for them, because it seemed like their public lives were their parents' idea from the start - and i hope they're happy, creative and able to explore the world and their skills a bit more.

Brigid is due with number 2 sometime this spring.

[PianoGal]

On a whim, I searched for Charlotte on Facebook. She's recently engaged! Brigid and Jessica don't have any recent public updates. 

ETA: looks like Charlotte and her fiance' both work at the same place. 

Edited April 28, 2019 by PianoGal

[Pianokeeper]

Oh, man.  Isn't Charlotte, like, 18 going on 12?  I'm not sure if I'm more concerned for her or for Jessica, who is hopefully in a healthy place internally (and not having to fake happiness for her parents/ peers).

[charmedforsure]

From what I've gleaned:

Charlotte met Elijah Brandyberry (20 years old to Charlotte's 19) through her new(ish) job working at a Christian-based web development start-up company (Edge Webware) as a UI/UX designer. 

There's a doozy of a math problem in the company roster (1/2 the company is one family, 1/3 another... etc.), but you can get the full shake down here.

Elijah is a coder there along with his younger brother Noah. The Brandyberry boys are graduates of Stonewall Academy (aka the registered name of their Calvinist SoDRT), where they "attended" with their 4 (maybe 5?) other siblings.

So they've known each other for a little over 6 months, if Charlotte's "Started New Job" post from October 15, 2018 on FB is accurate.

Eh, if it's love all around, good for them. Maybe a whirlwind romance was what she really wanted. I like the ring.

Jessica is working as a front end supervisor for a "farmer's market" type grocery store, which looks similar to the chain we have called Sprouts. I hope she's enjoying a discount on all the healthy eats, supplements, and bulk bin items she could ever want. 

[NachosFlandersStyle]

38 minutes ago, charmedforsure said:

Charlotte met Elijah Brandyberry (20 years old to Charlotte's 19) through her new(ish) job working at a Christian-based web development start-up company (Edge Webware) as a UI/UX designer. 

I went back a couple of pages and couldn't find it, but wasn't there speculation that some of her dramatic posts were about a workplace crush? Wonder if it's the same guy.

Jessica must be a mess. 

[katilac]

8 hours ago, NachosFlandersStyle said:

I went back a couple of pages and couldn't find it, but wasn't there speculation that some of her dramatic posts were about a workplace crush? Wonder if it's the same guy.

I was wondering the same thing! I don't think it's the guy someone thought she was crushing on at the time, I recall him looking different, but I could definitely be wrong. Who has a better memory? 

[usedbicycle]

3 hours ago, katilac said:

I was wondering the same thing! I don't think it's the guy someone thought she was crushing on at the time, I recall him looking different, but I could definitely be wrong. Who has a better memory? 

The other speculated crush was from her previous job in her Dad's startup Frayt. The guy was a summer intern there and she posted pining instagram posts nonstop until he left the company and she vagueposted one final "goodbye". 

She seemed like she reaaally wanted a relationship so I'm not surprised she fell into another workplace love affair so quickly. I just hope he's a decent  guy and wish them all the best!

[nickelodeon]

12 hours ago, charmedforsure said:

(20 years old to Charlotte's 19)

 

12 hours ago, charmedforsure said:

they've known each other for a little over 6 months

Well, that's a mess! Congratulations babes!!!

[hoipolloi]

I hope they're happy together and I hope that Jessica is doing well, too. Glad to see they seem to have ditched the essential oils crap.

The website blurb for Charlotte says the following:

Quote

Charlotte spent her high school years dedicatedly studying web and graphic design, being mentored by a world-renown graphic design and branding expert along the way.

Re: bolded. Who's the "world-renown expert?" Daddy Boyer?

[Petronella]

16 hours ago, Pianokeeper said:

Oh, man.  Isn't Charlotte, like, 18 going on 12?  I'm not sure if I'm more concerned for her or for Jessica, who is hopefully in a healthy place internally (and not having to fake happiness for her parents/ peers).

Sorry, I’ve been following this thread but it moves so slowly I must have forgotten this... Why are people worried about Jessica?

[fundiewatch]

Jessica was severely distressed, beyond unmoored about Brigid’s marriage. It was as if she’d died! Couple that with her own ended relationship with someone who was close with Gabe and Brigid. 

I hope she’s in a different place now because otherwise, ouch. 

[Columbia]

5 hours ago, fundiewatch said:

Jessica was severely distressed, beyond unmoored about Brigid’s marriage. 

Not just distressed, but unable/unwilling to get professional help about it. Whenever a commenter on her blog suggested counseling she would always thank them very politely and say that she was talking with her parents and that was enough. 

[charmedforsure]

6 hours ago, hoipolloi said:

Re: bolded. Who's the "world-renown expert?" Daddy Boyer?

Of course he's an expert! He worked for Nike and P&G for goodness sake! ?

No one really needs to know that she didn't learn from an outside source. 

[ViolaSebastian]

6 hours ago, Petronella said:

Sorry, I’ve been following this thread but it moves so slowly I must have forgotten this... Why are people worried about Jessica?

Additionally, she'd put A LOT of stock in the belief that since she was the eldest, she'd be the first to be married. Now that youngest sister is looking to get hitched, that might really twist the knife in that she'll be the last. 

[katilac]

10 hours ago, hoipolloi said:

 Re: bolded. Who's the "world-renown expert?" Daddy Boyer?

World-renown? That certainly gives me confidence in their skills ?

[SolomonFundy]

I seriously doubt that Charlotte's marriage will undermine Jessica's mental health to the extent that Brigid's did. I don't have a lot of patience for the learned helplessness and rabid daddy-worship of the Boyer clan, but holy hell... Brigid's marriage was just one gut-punch in a perfect storm of social, financial, and emotional upheaval during Jessica's life during that time.  In review:

* Charlotte and Jessica claim illness after a lackluster CD release, and the singing group that was the literal foundation of their entire family dynamic, education, and social life is gone overnight. Jessica's newfound courtship hastened the end of the singing. 

* Her father lost his job, and the entire family was thrown into months of financial uncertainty that ultimately culminated in the loss of their large home, a quick and awkward move to a much smaller rental out of state, and the attendant disorientation and loss of confidence that comes from leaving all that you've known.

* Levi dumped her suddenly, unexpectedly, and AFTER formally proposing. Wedding prep was already underway.  Her early comments in the aftermath on the blog  seemed to imply that Levi had made it clear that she wouldn't suit him as a wife after all. Jessica's self-worth took a huge hit, and her relationship with her mother seemed to deteriorate around this time.

* After the move, Levi's friend Gabe continued to do all of the things Levi wouldn't do for Jess, for Brigid. He calls, he comes by, he visits their new home. He brings gifts and spends time with Brigid. Then, he proposes. Now, Jessica, still grieving from the loss of her own happy ending, gets to watch (just a few months later!) as her younger sister gets all of the attention and support that she missed out on. To make it worse, Gabe's still friends with Levi, who is present for Brigid and Gabe's wedding. Jessica is socially bound to pretend that none of this hurts when she's in public.

* Brigid 's departure from the household radically changed the dynamic between the remaining two sisters, and the family in general. Jessica and Charlotte both individually had a stronger relationship with Brigid than they'd ever had with each other. Now, they were left to figure out how to get along without the buffer of either a creative and entrepreneurial sister, or a singing career as a distraction. 

* Briefly, she and Charlotte try to create a new Sister Business, but that disappears the minute that Charlotte gets a chance to be Daddy's Little Helper. Jess eventually gets a part-time job, but her younger sibling (always a pet of their father), is rewarded with a "real" job working for actual money at their father's place of business. Jessica is left to enjoy her depression and torrent of emotions without the benefit of medical care or even basic respect from her family. 

 

Jessica has definitely experienced thwarted fundy romance on Hard Mode, in context of her prior life experience and the ideology of her family. Do women her age overcome such obstacles (and worse), and achieve better than what she has since her "disappointment"? Yeah. Absolutely. But she had basically no frame of reference outside of whatever nonsense her family fed her for most of her life. Her horizons are broader now, and that's probably why she's still single and working at her job (that she likely got without the benefit of nepotism), rather than rushing into a teen marriage with the next person willing to offer her a home to decorate.

Charlotte's impending marriage just doesn't have the fangs or claws that Brigid's did. Timing-wise, it's been a few years, and the hurt is a LOT less fresh.  She's not the first to leave, so the family knows how to handle the change. Her intended spouse isn't a constant reminder of Levi, and even if he was, the impact just isn't the same without the immediacy of the loss last time around. And perhaps most important, Jessica is older now, and has weathered the storms of the past 4 years of her family's struggles and changes. She's in her mid-20s, and has had a few years to watch Brigid navigate morning sickness, diapers, and the loss of her personal time and pattern business to Motherhood. While I have no doubt that she would happily marry someone and start her own little fundylite family, it's probably less romantic and alluring than it seemed prior to Brigid's marriage.

[ViolaSebastian]

@SolomonFundy, those are some great points. I think what I would worry the most about in this situation is that it's possibly an event that relapse her depression, given that there are some similarities (a younger sister marrying and leaving the household). If I were her family, I'd definitely try to be paying attention to her general demeanor and frequently checking in with her.

[JermajestyDuggar]

It looks like Jessica works at the same store as her mom. 

[SolomonFundy]

11 hours ago, JermajestyDuggar said:

It looks like Jessica works at the same store as her mom. 

So much for the lack of parental influence at work. ? Jess originally worked for a small plant nursery before taking the job at the food store. I wonder who worked there first? Frankly, I'm just thrilled that Ma Boyer is working outside of the home.