Dillards 55: Selling the High Life

[SassyPants]

16 minutes ago, NakedKnees said:

Regarding hair: up through my mid-teen years, I had hair like Jessa's but darker (and I suspect thicker). I wore it long but not fundie-long. Now I stick to a bob because there is no way I can grow out my hair long and keep it looking good! All it takes is a stressful period of time at work for it to start falling out (the first time it happened I was applying for universities). I also have 50+ greys. She's less than 2 years younger than me, but I sometimes wonder if I never had goals beyond being barefoot and pregnant, then would my life be less stressful? Maybe up until 3 or 4 little kids. Would I resultantly look better?

Years of imbibing probably hasn't helped my appearance in comparison with Jessa's either, lol.

Anyway, this is crazy comparison talk, I know. I assure you that my self-esteem is good and I don't lose sleep over my appearance. That said, I've recently cut back on drinking for the first time ever and I can't believe how much better I think I look. I wonder if that's a fundie beauty secret 

Regarding Jill in CO- I honestly think her social media skills are so piss poor, she's just not doing a good job up putting up the veneer that normally exists on social media. She could have avoided talking about illness, posted nice mountain views, and caught happier pics of a sun-protected Izzy, but she didn't.

Well the baby was coughing in one of her videos, so I'm wondering if someone asked if the baby was sick. Technically, it's still RVS season and Sam was a baby who had lung issues requiring oxygen for several weeks, so I wouldn't be surprised if someone questioned the Dillards about his health and travel. Jill just lacks overall self-awareness. Her parents really instilled in her that she was the best thing since sliced bread, and all she had to do to receive public adoration was not to keep sweet and talk about Jesus.

[NotQuiteMotY]

13 hours ago, Chewing Gum said:

Maybe they bring Jill and the kids everywhere not because jill wants to be with Derick all the time, but because she cannot stay home alone at night(s). Anxiety and such. 

If she can't stay home alone at night, she has several relatives she can ask to stay with or ask to come over to stay. If she's that bonded with Derick and can't be away, not only should she see someone professional, but there are still options other than hauling sick kids on an unnecessary trip, like having a relative sit for them while she goes. 

Life happens and kids get sick, but taking a kid with a cold on an airplane without a compelling reason is mean. I've done it and it sucks, and that was with cold medicine and knowing why I was doing it.

[Alisamer]

I don't know what Jill's thinking was, and I can sympathize with taking kids places if it's just a cold.

That said, I've been on a plane with a cold several times (I seem to catch something almost every time I leave the country just before the flight home), and every time as soon as we started descent - way before the pilot came on to tell us we were descending - it felt like someone was hammering nails into both sides of my face under my eyes.

So I don't know. That decision's made and done, at this point. Can it be added to the points in the "put herself above the kids" column? Possibly. Is it inherently bad parenting? Not necessarily, IMO. I'm sure with the huge pile of kids the Duggars had it may have been common for SOMEONE to have something practically every time they traveled, so maybe it didn't occur to Jill that it might be a reason not to go.

There are so many possible variables that I can't say what I would have done in that situation.

[Mayluka]

Just to play devil’s advocate here, is it possible that the boys weren’t sick before they left? I know a lot of people (myself included) who have quickly picked up viruses on the plane, or perhaps the change in environment and altitude triggered a cold. The blog said the boys “started the trip out with coughs and colds,” but maybe that just means they got the colds within the first day or two of the trip?

[Timetostoplurking]

Here’s the thing:   Jill was not raised in a normal way so, of course, she is not raising  her kids in a normal way either.  She seems to have no filter and just sort of “ puts it all out there”.  I don’t think she even realizes how questionable her desicions are.  There’s a whole bunch of odd behaviors and strange pictures surrounding the Dillard’s.  Many of these pictures could be easily explained. But aren’t!  Many of the decisions Jill and Derrick make might be logical if explained. But no explanation is given.  They, more than any other Duggar couples lack any kind of self awareness.  Maybe we are actually seeing a REAL glimpse into the Duggar upbringing/world.  (Cuz we all know Reality TV isn’t real). 

 

Added :   I’m not sure if I’m explaining myself very well.  Jill just frustrates me so much.  She seems so clueless.  

[artdecades]

If Jill does have extreme anxiety about being separated from Derick then I sincerely hope she gets help to address it. It is not healthy to need to be with your spouse constantly or be crippled by anxiety. That isn’t good for her or her children. 

[SapphireSlytherin]

There's nothing that irritates me more than having to sit near/next to someone on a plane who is obviously ill. Well, there are other things, but in the context of this conversation...

[Season of life...]

1 hour ago, Mayluka said:

I know a lot of people (myself included) who have quickly picked up viruses on the plane, or perhaps the change in environment and altitude triggered a cold.

According to Derick, they drove, or to use his vernacular "caravanned" with a group of people. I took Jill's statement to mean they set off with two sick little boys, but I could be misunderstanding what she meant. It's possible they started getting snuffly en route.

[Nargus]

4 hours ago, artdecades said:

If Jill does have extreme anxiety about being separated from Derick then I sincerely hope she gets help to address it. It is not healthy to need to be with your spouse constantly or be crippled by anxiety. That isn’t good for her or her children. 

I start to get stressed out when I see my husband too much. Like I love him and love being around him but for 4 months we worked at the same job site so we were together 24 hours a day Monday to Friday. When weekends would roll around we basically would avoid each other for most of Saturday to stay sane. 

 

[kat]

HI, everyone! Reactivated my account for the JRod Watchening.

A couple of thoughts in my head....

Per their teaching, the mighty Husband is the headship so ultimately he is responsible for all decisions and their outcomes, good or bad. What part did he play in this? He wants to be the headship, fine, but he needs to grow up and realize it's not just about him anymore. 

I feel so sorry for Jill at this point. Yes, I think her brand of Christiany is shit, but her family (JimBlob and Michelle,  I'm looking at you) and now her husband have really let her down.

What I see is someone trying to do all the "right things," and it's not working.  And here my personal history does influence my view. My daughter's father dropped his mask after we were married. No physical abuse but criticized for everything and, yes, gas lighting. it was truly damned if I did and damned if I didn't. Folks, this really messes with you. 

In a previous thread, someone posted how Jill had lost her Golden Retriever-like joy. I can really see Derick  being a real shit when no one else is around and also passive-aggressively setting Jill up to fail and look ridiculous, etc.

Sorry so rambly.....

tl:dr Derick sucks at being a headship and may be driving Jill crazy.

[Sky with diamonds]

On 4/15/2018 at 2:03 PM, Ivycoveredtower said:

Jill nor Derick have Zero sense. that's clear. there was no need for her to tell everyone she walked over an hour to get chick fila. but she did it. there was no need to  for her to say they forgot Izzy's gloves but there she went. 

no need for her to mention the kids being sick but once again they speak of it. Also if they talk about Izzy seeing snow for the first time anymore. They have seen snow in AR before Izzy has seen snow in AR. it's always the first for snow with them. Jessa is the same way. 

Maybe Jill is trying to be relatable. She is the least relateable Duggars offspring besides Josh/assface. She does try so hard and it's a flop more often than not.

[patsymae]

The more I read about this couple the more baffled I am. Is aimlessly traveling around as beggars handing out Jesus tracts really their life plan? I'm getting Children of God vibes.

4 minutes ago, Sky with diamonds said:

Maybe Jill is trying to be relatable. She is the least relateable Duggars offspring besides Josh/assface. She does try so hard and it's a flop more often than not.

But she has a nose ring!!!

[Sky with diamonds]

11 hours ago, nausicaa said:

And what percentage of successful fashion models are under 5'7? Very, very few. Kate Moss and Devon Aoki are all that come to mind right now. Even other nepotism models like Gigi Hadid and Kendall Jenner are tall. 

Fashion modeling is an industry with far more hopeful participants than there are actual job openings. So designers can demand only models who are exactly 5'10 1/2" with green eyes and red hair and an 0- blood type and there will be more than enough women who fit the bill. 

Jessa Duggar is gorgeous, but no, she could not have "easily been a famous model."  No one can easily be a famous model.

Unless one has the last name of Jenner and Hadid. I don't get the appeal of those ladies.

9 minutes ago, patsymae said:

The more I read about this couple the more baffled I am. Is aimlessly traveling around as beggars handing out Jesus tracts really their life plan? I'm getting Children of God vibes.

But she has a nose ring!!!

To me her nose ring doesn't mean much, cause I'm almost sure she still has some, if not most of her crappy beliefs.

[nastyhobbitses]

Could some of Jill's seemingly extreme anxiety about not being apart from Derick be a response to the Turd scandal? Perhaps she internalized a lot of what her parents said/implied about it (it was Anna's fault, Anna wasn't meeting his needs enough, Anna didn't keep a close enough eye on him, Anna needs to be a more godly wife to him) and fears that unless she's his "accountability buddy" (given what a manchild he is, I think he probably needs one) and is constantly there to go "YAAYYYYYYYY BEST HUBBY EVER" at him for performing basic tasks, he'll stray. And it will be all her fault.

Jill needs some serious therapy. 

[feministxtian]

1 hour ago, nastyhobbitses said:

Could some of Jill's seemingly extreme anxiety about not being apart from Derick be a response to the Turd scandal? Perhaps she internalized a lot of what her parents said/implied about it (it was Anna's fault, Anna wasn't meeting his needs enough, Anna didn't keep a close enough eye on him, Anna needs to be a more godly wife to him) and fears that unless she's his "accountability buddy" (given what a manchild he is, I think he probably needs one) and is constantly there to go "YAAYYYYYYYY BEST HUBBY EVER" at him for performing basic tasks, he'll stray. And it will be all her fault.

Jill needs some serious therapy. 

I think ALL the duggs kidults need therapy. Some of them may need medication too. 

I think Jill is finding out that the line of bull she was sold about marriage is just that, bull. Derdick is not a great provider, she's had two c-sections, and it looks like one of them may have been touch and go for the baby. I think Cathy has infantilized Derdick to where he's unable to function as an independent man. I'm of the opinion that Derdick should go enlist in the military service of his choice and grow the fuck up...but then again I feel that way about much of the dugg kidults. J #1 would benefit from military training in a big way, John-David, not so sure, but all the kidults from Jill on down should enlist or get their spouses to enlist. Stability, discipline and structure would do them all a world of good. 

[LittleOwl]

My (sort of) other half is one of those people who needs  A LOT of public recognition.  He buys me flowers for Valentines but nags me to post pictures of said flowers on social media and it's the same on birthdays too!  I'm not the type of person who needs to flaunt relationships - nor do I like great public gestures.  Some people aren't satisfied with their significant other's affection and need mass social media approval.  I guess the whole "MY HUBBY IS THE BESTEST" just reminds me of my other half's neediness... 

[PainfullyAware]

I wonder if the top of the personal reasons we've been discussing weather there's some rational that Jill with kids can be a role model as the ideal godly woman for the college-age women that Derick is shepherding around. Like, see how being a wife and mother doesn't get in the way of traveling & missionary work! See what marrying young and having a Christian marriage could do for you! 

I'm sure it's all backfiring horribly but maybe that's how they got the church on board with her involvement in the program. There may also be a chaperone component Jill's providing for women traveling with Derick and the group.

[victoriasponge]

I’m giving Jill the benefit of the doubt of taking the sick kids along. Depending on how far in advance it was planned, anyway. I know my parents took my snuffly self on holiday when I was 2 or 3 because they’d had it booked ages and weren’t giving up their trip on that account. 

It’s the taking their kids on college mission trips I don’t get. I get it looks good for her fundie status to be out on mission, converting whatever brand of heathen they’re there for. But it’s not doing the kids any good and I can’t imagine it does Jill much good. If she wanted to be a missionary, she shouldn’t have been the stay at home, full time Mum whose entire life revolves around her kids. In their world it’s one or the other, and Jill picked marriage and kids, so it’s time for her to suck it up and accept her lot. (Which is staying in the kitchen, homeschooling and on demand copulation.)

As an aside, I have a few friends who post about their husbands or boyfriends similarly on social media. One got married young (probably too fast) because her boyfriend was military and they needed it official. The others are just immature. All of them share that insecurity with Jill however. I feel kind of sorry for her, her husband is meant to be her life after all, and so far she’s not doing brilliantly at their idea of a good wife. 

[albanuadh_1]

15 hours ago, SassyPants said:

hat we do know is that she did put her own wants over her kids' health and comfort.

Again how do we KNOW it was HER wants?  Perhaps Derick is the "stage 5 clinger", which is a bit dismissive of a complex problem. Why is it JILL who has a problem? Why is JILL the bad parent?  Just maybe they BOTH have a problem. Maybe neither one of them do! 

[PennySycamore]

@albanuadh_1, it could be that Derick is the clingy one, but Jill have lunch with him everyday when he worked for Walmart.   Of course, maybe none of the other "kids" wanted to sit next to dWreck in the lunch room so Jill went to keep him company.  At any rate, they both need help.  

[albanuadh_1]

Maybe he asked Jill to come. Thinking about a cousin of mine. She got her husband to come for lunch - pep talk time!

[SassyPants]

4 hours ago, albanuadh_1 said:

Again how do we KNOW it was HER wants?  Perhaps Derick is the "stage 5 clinger", which is a bit dismissive of a complex problem. Why is it JILL who has a problem? Why is JILL the bad parent?  Just maybe they BOTH have a problem. Maybe neither one of them do! 

True, but if Derick is in a program, and the program involved traveling to CO, he did need to travel. Jill, unless she is a prisoner, which none of us know that, was not required to be in CO. And in their cult, children are the responsibility of the mother.

[VelociRapture]

Derick is involved in a patriarchal cult, which puts the decision making responsibility firmly on his shoulders. If he didn’t like her having lunch at Walmart everyday or if he doesn’t like her and the kids going on these short missions with him then he very easily could have spoken up and told her so. He’s an adult and is fully capable of expressing his need for space should he want it and Jill has been raised to follow his lead on all things. All this tells me that he was fine with Jill having lunch with him and he’s fine with them coming for whatever reason.

Should Jill get some blame for stuff? Of course. But she absolutely shouldn’t be getting all of the blame or even most of it if he’s the one making the final decisions. If they’re both making decisions together then it’d be great for them to share that publicly - that way we can applaud them for having a more equal marriage, while simultaneously criticizing them both for being complete dumbasses sometimes.   

[SassyPants]

Was the CO trip related to DD's new adventure in Arkansas or was it just a bunch of friends taking a trip to expand their numbers in a beautiful location?

Didn't the group just get back from a trip to MX for those exact same reasons?

[VelociRapture]

13 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

Was the CO trip related to DD's new adventure in Arkansas or was it just a bunch of friends taking a trip to expand their numbers in a beautiful location?

Didn't the group just get back from a trip to MX for those exact same reasons?

I’m pretty sure the Colorado trip (like the Mexico trip and trip to DC) was for his program through Cross Church.