Jana 6: What's in Store for 2018?

[tabitha2]

Because it seems Jana has been put on a  sort of pedestal by some people as a sweet and beautiful angel who has been turned into a virtual slave by her parents and some fundie Prince  should rescue poor suffering CinderJana. Because it has not happened people are sometimes seeing seeing Zebras instead of horses with regards to reasons.

 

John is just some guy you know. 

 

 

[viii]

16 minutes ago, singsingsing said:

Right? We've got an entire thread dedicated to Jana, and 95% of it is taken up by speculating about and bemoaning the fact that she's still single. No thread about John, very little speculation. Everyone seems to laugh and give JD virtual high fives for staying single and being a 'bachelor till the rapture' but with Jana it's like some kind of tragedy. Why?

Because at the end of the day, it's always going to be more socially acceptable for men to be single than it is for women. It's the same if men focus on a career instead of a family, they call him driven and passionate, but if it's a women they just remark that someday she'll regret it when she's dying alone. It's like how if a guy sleeps with two girls in one night, he's a stud and if a girl does it, she's a slut. There's such a disconnect in this society, it's so depressing. 

[lizzybee]

On the subject of them having cows. I believe I caught in the end of one of the Colorado videos where Elija is going to grill steaks in the snow that the steak came from "John's cows." 

[Daisy0322]

Well i think some of why people discuss Janas marital status more than JDs is that it at least appears that the makes have more control over it since they make all the first moves. If JD wanted he could go out find a fundy maiden and have her knock up by the end of the year. Jana can't make a man ask to court her. So I think that also plays I to the different attitudes. 

[Ivycoveredtower]

Just now, Daisy0322 said:

Well i think she's me of why people discuss Janas marital status more than JDs is that it at least appears that the makes have more control over it since they make all the first moves. If JD wanted he could go out find a fundy maiden and have her knock up by the end of the year. Jana can't make a man ask to court her. So I think that also plays I to the different attitudes. 

plus if John wanted to move out he could. heck for all we know he is moved out we don't see him much on the show and I believe he does own a house that he supposedly rents out. 

[singsingsing]

Exactly... John has more control over his dating life. John could move out if he chose. So why is he still single? Why is he still living at the TTH? I'm actually not particularly interested in the answers to those questions, but his situation seems more objectively interesting or worthy of speculation than Jana's does.

[WiseGirl]

5 hours ago, SamiKatz said:

I'm in my 50s and have never married/had kids.  Being single used to bother me a lot but when I was around 30, I thought to myself that I could easily live 50 more years, and did I want to live those years being bitter and unhappy about not marrying?  I decided I did not and have worked at building a good life.  I cannot imagine getting married now at all

You are my soul sister.  I'm with you (although I have raised a kid). I figure if I get married now, I hope that person won't mind living in their own house. 

As for the old "dying alone," I'm hoping elder cohousing takes off by the time I retire. https://www.aarp.org/home-garden/housing/info-01-2011/elder_cohousing.html

Oh, and so have serious garden envy right now.

[Jenn The Heathen]

I think there’s less speculation about JD because he’s out there living the best single fundie life he can. He knows how to fly and gets to fly all over.  A lot of the perception of Jana is that she’s stuck at home raising her parents’ kids and taking care of her parents’ home and it just comes off as really unfair.  Plus JD called himself a “bachelor until the rapture” whereas Jana has said she would like to get married one day.

I’m not defending the reasoning, I just think that’s why JD’s lack of a love life is less scrutinized.

[Jug Band Baby]

On 3/22/2018 at 1:01 PM, JoytotheWorld said:

 If she didn’t want to marry or even if she’s in no rush/ happy to not have a handful of kids already, it’s not like she could say that to the camera. I doubt she could express that to most of her family, but telling the world that wouldn’t be good for the Duggar quiver full brand.

Even non-Duggar-watchers often know that one of the girls said she wanted to live in a big city, that that was a no-no.  ad to be a city with a Walmart.  Not wanting a bunch of kids would blow their world apart.

16 hours ago, TheRadleyPorch said:

So I don't think it's surprising that JB hasn't "married off" his beautiful eldest daughter yet because I don't think that's really quite how it works. 

He won't force them, but he can heavily pressure kids raised to defer to his authority.

6 hours ago, Georgiana said:

But then again, I didn't get an extra-binding marriage to Derick Dillard, so I do have that going for me, which is nice.  

Extra-binding?  What?

4 hours ago, singsingsing said:

Right? We've got an entire thread dedicated to Jana, and 95% of it is taken up by speculating about and bemoaning the fact that she's still single. No thread about John, very little speculation. Everyone seems to laugh and give JD virtual high fives for staying single and being a 'bachelor till the rapture' but with Jana it's like some kind of tragedy. Why?

Women have more limited years to have babies.  John can still father 20 kids with a wife.  Also John has an independent life without raising kids and managing a household.

[Tim-Tom Biblethumper]

2 hours ago, WiseGirl said:

You are my soul sister.  I'm with you (although I have raised a kid). I figure if I get married now, I hope that person won't mind living in their own house. 

As for the old "dying alone," I'm hoping elder cohousing takes off by the time I retire. https://www.aarp.org/home-garden/housing/info-01-2011/elder_cohousing.html

Oh, and so have serious garden envy right now.

Wanted to thank you for posting this article.    I worry a lot about the "dying alone" thing.  
I'm 56, was married for 12 years (I settled), divorced, no kids, no siblings, and one parent left.  I've never been a very social person either, so not many friends.  I worry about the dumbest things now, like opening jars, and hanging curtains when I'm 80, or dying and no one finding me for weeks.    
I could see myself getting married again, but much like you, he'd have to live across the street or something.      

[RainbowSky]

@Jug Band Baby Jinger wanted the city life. 

[snickers34]

6 hours ago, viii said:

It's like how if a guy sleeps with two girls in one night, he's a stud and if a girl does it, she's a slut.

Oh my! Two people in one night?? Is that a thing? I couldn't imagine having the energy for that. My goal tonight is to NOT fall asleep on my couch watching TV.

[Peaches1981]

2 hours ago, Tim-Tom Biblethumper said:

Wanted to thank you for posting this article.    I worry a lot about the "dying alone" thing.  
I'm 56, was married for 12 years (I settled), divorced, no kids, no siblings, and one parent left.  I've never been a very social person either, so not many friends.  I worry about the dumbest things now, like opening jars, and hanging curtains when I'm 80, or dying and no one finding me for weeks.    
I could see myself getting married again, but much like you, he'd have to live across the street or something.      

This reminds me of my sister’s situation. She owns her own place, cannot have kids, is settled into her career and travels around participating in Spartan Races. She has been with her boyfriend for close to 10years. Long story short she will not marry him because she says she just can’t live with another person (she did try with him for a period of time but it just wasn’t working). Her boyfriend’s mother is palliative and wants them to marry but as a compromise they are going to have a commitment ceremony. They will not be married or live together but will publicly declare themselves to everyone as partners in life.  I think it’s a good plan!

[metheglyn]

5 hours ago, Jug Band Baby said:

Extra-binding?  What?

Jill and Derick (and at least a couple others I think) have covenant marriages, which are legal in the state of Arkansas. 

According to an article from the Huffington Post, which quotes the Arkansas law, coventant marriage is not a no-fault divorce. Instead,  “a couple may seek divorce only for the following reasons: (1) Adultery by the other spouse; (2) Commission of a felony or other infamous crime by the other spouse; and (3) Physical or sexual abuse of the spouse or of a child of either spouse.” https://www.huffingtonpost.com/mark-baer/the-problem-with-covenant_b_6110600.html

An Economist article further clarifies that "Couples who choose this path are required to agree to pre-marital counselling by a clergyman or a therapist and a two-year “cooling-off” period before a divorce can be granted. The only exceptions are the three As: abuse, abandonment or adultery. Couples hit by one of these qualify immediately for judicial separation, but still have to wait two years for a divorce."

The same article goes on to state that "The point of covenant marriage is not to make divorce impossible (a couple can always travel to another state and do it there) but to make it harder. In a covenant marriage, a person cannot refuse counselling to save the marriage; that would be in breach of the covenant. In the past few months, many Arkansas churches have been urging their congregations to covenant their marriages, with testimonials from couples who have already accepted the tighter bond."  https://www.economist.com/node/3646161 

However, as of the publication of the Economist article in 2005, with three years of marriages recorded after the law was passed, only 600 couples had chosen covenant marriage out of 40,000 marriages per year. So it's both more stringent than regular marriages, but also very rare. It's clearly aimed at people like the Duggars, who use this kind of "special" licensing to tout their superiority and commitment to "marriage for life" over the rest of the mere mortals in their state who might *le gasp* consider divorce as a sensible option, while also further tying their "true believers" into the bonds of their specific version of the faith and make it much harder for anyone who might possibly change their mind to leave.

[ophelia]

On 22.3.2018 at 5:37 PM, Ivycoveredtower said:

an actually interesting webisode. Jana's garden. 

https://www.tlc.com/tv-shows/counting-on/videos/janas-garden

Her garden is amazing!! Wow! It looks lovely. And how cute were Jordyn and Josie in their TH at the end? 

[SapphireSlytherin]

In the drone shot, is that Derick's sled-killed cat on the ground??? lol

 

edit:  not laughing at the hurt cat. laughing because something looks like a dead cat and i was trying to be funny without benefit of coffee. i'll go be quiet for a while.

[Someone Out There]

9 hours ago, Peaches1981 said:

This reminds me of my sister’s situation. She owns her own place, cannot have kids, is settled into her career and travels around participating in Spartan Races. She has been with her boyfriend for close to 10years. Long story short she will not marry him because she says she just can’t live with another person (she did try with him for a period of time but it just wasn’t working). Her boyfriend’s mother is palliative and wants them to marry but as a compromise they are going to have a commitment ceremony. They will not be married or live together but will publicly declare themselves to everyone as partners in life.  I think it’s a good plan!

You could let her know that you don't have to live together if you are married.  The following are a couple of articles where they aren't:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1251022/The-secret-happy-marriage-Live-door-husband.html

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2017/sep/23/never-lived-together-married-couples-live-apart

It looks like there are a number of couples around who are married but don't live together.  Then again, she may also not want to marry for other reasons.

[mollysmom]

On 3/23/2018 at 4:59 AM, Italiangirl said:

she's only missing sex and i could see how that could be a minor thing

Not for me!!! Lol

[HarleyQuinn]

Nothing about a covenant marriage sounds appealing. I can't see why anyone would want to get one. (Other than saying look how much more Godly I am than you!)

[bekkah]

Re: single and 28. 

 

Jana and I are are the same age. We are similar in the fact that we are white and Christian. Our differences are far greater. I have traveled, been to school and lived independently for almost 10 years.  

 

I have been stopped being asked about my love life. My family tells me I will get married. I joke that I will be single for the rest of my days  and that I claim my nephew to take care of me in advanced age. I told my sister that the second can do the job for her and her husband.   It hurts, I feel that I am missing a piece that everyone else has. I also have pretty high standards, my standards are thought of to be unreachable. I can only imagine what it’s like to be Jana and not fill the  only purpose hat she was raised for. I was at least raised with alternatives. I remember when I was 21 and told my mom I didn’t want kids, I was told I would change my mind. I now can go either way about kids. 

 

I have a pretty good life. I have a lot of friends.  I have a standing coffee date. I’m part of a women’s group that meets once a month from church. I am applying to pharmacy school. Just because I don’t have a ring on my finger doesn’t mean that I am any less human. 

[anjulibai]

16 hours ago, singsingsing said:

Exactly... John has more control over his dating life. John could move out if he chose. So why is he still single? Why is he still living at the TTH? I'm actually not particularly interested in the answers to those questions, but his situation seems more objectively interesting or worthy of speculation than Jana's does.

Because John is single obviously by choice. He is making choices about his life and those choices don't include marriage at this point. 

I don't think it's obvious that Jana is choosing anything about her life right now. She may be choosing to be single, she may not be. She may be choosing to stay at home, she may not be. 

The question of choice is the key difference between John and Jana. One we know chooses his life to be what it is, and they other we do not. That's why John is less interesting than Jana, IMO. 

[Chocolatecheesecake]

I just hope she ends up with a decent guy. I'm pretty traumatized by Tabitha Paine marrying the 40 year old rapist. And I also wouldn't wish a another Derick on anyone. 

[snickers34]

11 hours ago, snickers34 said:

My goal tonight is to NOT fall asleep on my couch watching TV.

Update: I did not achieve this goal. 

[nastyhobbitses]

I'm going to be 27 in six months, in a pretty good, committed relationship with lots of friends, but I'm hitting the age when you start going on what my slightly older friends call "the wedding circuit" (like how I was on the "Bat Mitzvah circuit" when I was 12-14). I have a great job, an apartment where I live by myself, a busy social life, lots of hobbies (baking, running/weightlifting, trivia, makeup, learning how to care for different kinds of plants), and an awesome boyfriend, but I feel like such an old hag when I see Whitney Bates, 3 years younger than me, married with two kids and a beautiful huge house. Or a girl I went to high school with posting cutesy pictures of her and her husband and newborn daughter. And it's totally silly and ridiculous, because my life is fucking awesome, but I always compare myself to other people.

I think Jana is doing just fine, though I hope that she's doing just fine on as much of her terms as she can do. Whoever she gets with should appreciate how lucky they are to have landed her. And if that whoever is Nobody, then that's OK too. You don't need dick (or vag) to be fulfilled. 

[Peaches1981]

3 hours ago, Someone Out There said:

You could let her know that you don't have to live together if you are married.  The following are a couple of articles where they aren't:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1251022/The-secret-happy-marriage-Live-door-husband.html

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2017/sep/23/never-lived-together-married-couples-live-apart

It looks like there are a number of couples around who are married but don't live together.  Then again, she may also not want to marry for other reasons.

Thanks for those articles. I will show them to her. I think a factor in not getting married is the financial aspect. Filing taxes, Pharmacare deductible will all be much higher for her. (We live in British Columbia, Canada). I think she also believes that a big part of marriage is having children and she has accepted that she will never have any. 

It is good to know there are other people out there who just don’t want to live together. Maybe there is something “wrong” with me and my sister.... it took me a week after being married to move in with my husband.