Joy and Austin 14: Pregnant with Their First

[Jana814]

40 minutes ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

It isn't a dream wedding if it isn't YOUR dream. My dream was just the 2 of us an Elvis Impersonator and a fun weekend.  My parents dream was the whole nine yards.  I came from an upper middle class family, my parents were loaded and when I got engaged my mom wanted to throw a big fancy party. I had an endless budget and things and stuff, I didn't want any of it. My mom did, I just wanted to be married.  In fact it was so far from what I wanted that I had a panic attack in the middle of my reception, from all the stress.  I HATED my wedding, I hated everything about it, my dress, the flowers, the photographer the day, it wasn't for me, it was a big show of wealth for my parents. It wasn't about my husband and I it was about my parents display of prosperity, not sure how wanting OUR do to be OUR way makes us ungrateful just because my parents have money to waste.

One of my cousins had a wedding like you discribed. It all for her mother. We are Jewish and growing up my cousin was a competitive ice-skater and never had a bat-mitzvah so that is what her wedding was. 

[Gillyweed]

My dream wedding is eloping while we're on vacation somewhere. Something special between the two of us. I've told my family this before and they got offended (I think they still see "eloping" meaning running away to get married, although the meaning's changed). My dad offered to pay for a part of it, and I asked why he couldn't help pay for a downpayment on a house instead. He got really mad lol. 

Personally, I just don't want to be the center of attention. And I don't think I'd have that many friends to invite to the wedding. I do want a fancy wedding dress, but everything else just seems like too much money. I thought the same thing for my Sweet 16-- instead of having a big party I went to see a Broadway show with a few friends (I didn't even have that many people to invite if I did have a big party). I'd rather buy a house or condo or go on a nice vacation than have a massive wedding like my family wants. 

[nickelodeon]

The book Cinderella Dreams: The Allure of the Lavish Wedding theorizes that people are really weird and exacting about weddings because they're the late-capitalism equivalent of a mystical ritual and their potency hinges on their ""perfection""!

Anyway, I'm pretty sure Kendall is the bizarro-world equivalent of Jinger because they're both "the fashionable one."

[VelociRapture]

I've concluded you're going to be judged for how you get married by someone at some point, regardless of what you do.

- Want to get married at the courthouse a week after deciding to marry? Must be knocked up. Or they're obviously ready to jump each other and have no self control. Or one of them is obviously using the other for insurance/green card/insert reason here.

- Want to be engaged two or more years? Why waste all that time and money when you can just elope?! 

- Want to elope? How could you do that to your families?!?! They should be there!

- Have a big budget? What a waste! You should be using that as a down payment for a home.

- Use your money as a down payment on a home rather than on a wedding? You only get married once! Don't you want a big party?! You can always rent a little longer.

- Want a sit down dinner reception with an open bar and appetizers? Or a punch and cake Church reception? Or a 1,000 person parking lot reception with sugary and salty treats? That's not how we do things where I'm from. It's obviously wrong. 

- Want your father to walk you down the aisle? You can't be a feminist. You obviously consider yourself chattel. How sad.

- Want to walk alone? What about tradition?! How could you deny your father that moment?!

Seriously. Just look through any thread mentioning weddings on here or wedding specific websites to get an idea. Even people claiming not to be judgmental sometimes end up judging. 

Just have the wedding that you both want and that you both can afford. If you invite guests, make sure they know what to expect (especially concerning any food being served) so they can plan accordingly. Send thank yous if you get gifts and try to make each one personal if you can. Basically, just be happy, be reasonable, and be a decent person. That's all that counts.

[Bethella]

7 hours ago, allthegoodnamesrgone said:

Did Jana buy it or did Jim Bob buy it in her name?

Does it really matter? Legally the property is in her name and her name alone. If she decided to leave she could sell it and pocket the cash and there's nothing Jim Bob could do about it.

[Thunder]

7 hours ago, brusselsgriffon said:

Jessa is Kim because they both have two adorable children and are great at marketing, Joy is Kylie bc pregnant and Jill is Kendall because they both keep doing stupid things and seem to enjoy cultural appropriation  (and I don't know enough about the other Kardashians to do anyone else. But I suppose Michelle would be Kris and Jim Bob would be Caitlyn Jenner, which is funny, although I'd prefer if Dewreck matched up to Cate) 

no no no you see Jim Bob would be Kris! Shes a Momager and is the one who leaked Kims tape for fame. Jim Bob sold his family for fame. Michelle and Caitlyn both play victim and talk about stuff they don't fully understand. 

[Four is Enough]

6 hours ago, bananabread said:

 And Joy acting like "oh weddings are so much work, who knew?!" is so ridiculous. She's been to/in how many fundie weddings?! A ton. She knew what was involved, she just didn't want to do it. Ugh.

Maybe, just maybe, it's not HER dream. I didn't want a big wedding, either. And I got a smaller wedding the second time around.

4 hours ago, singsingsing said:

 People have lavish ceremonies and receptions and obsess over every little detail because there is incredible social pressure to do it 'right', to treat your guests to one of the most fantastic parties they've ever been to, and to get those 500 Vogue-worthy photos that you can share on Facebook. Anything less, and you're weird, rude, cheap, or God forbid, uncool. Some people genuinely want the huge event, and that's awesome, if that's actually want you want. If you can pay for it, go for it. A lot of people just crack under the social pressure.

This. If you don't want the big event, good. Go to the church, then the fire hall, and enjoy that pressure fried chicken... it'll taste even better on your wedding day than it did the last time you had it. Enjoy the crepe paper streamers and flowers your friends put up, and save one for the scrapbook. Take the rest of the keg home and put it out on the back porch for the neighbors... that's what we did the first time around.

4 hours ago, bananabread said:

My problem isn't with someone not wanting a "big" wedding. That's a personal decision that is no less worthy of respect than mine. What is so frustrating is that I feel like Joy has had all of this handed to her - the budget, the decorating, the helpful family and friends - and didn't seem to appreciate any of it. 

She should have had her little barn wedding without all the eleventy hundred people she HAD to invite to her wedding, but she had no choice. I can't imagine being in a worse spot. Handed to me or not, I never wanted anything like that, and many people are pressured into having it..It's wasteful, really.

2 hours ago, Gillyweed said:

My dream wedding is eloping 

I have to say, the ten minute wedding in front of the JP left me a bit cold. I found that the church, and saying those vows in fron of my (admittedly small) congregation, felt more complete than "wham bam thank you mam you're married"

YMMV, of course, but I wish you and all brides well and that you get what you want and love it.

[Jenn The Heathen]

I had the big, fancy wedding.  It was what we wanted and our parents split the bill, but I still didn’t back down to anyone (except for Mr Heathen).  I’m as stubborn as mule, though, and organized bordering on OCD so planning was so big deal to me.  My father in law suggested I hire a wedding planner and I literally just laughed in his face.

[Jessalyn]

Jill is kourtney because they both married jerks. 

[HarleyQuinn]

All the comments in the daily fail article about joy's attitude are essentially "I hated shopping in the first trimester too" lol

[nastyhobbitses]

I could go either way with my dream wedding. I'd love to have a tiny little elopement at the courthouse and then a booze cruise with just our closest friends and family, but I think I'd also have a perfectly great time at a bigger, splashier affair. But I'm leaning towards small and homey with fewer guests, mainly because I remember how awkward I felt at my Bat Mitzvah pretending I knew who the fuck half the people there were. I was happy they were there to celebrate my special day, but it felt a little weird to me to go to a party in honor of essentially a complete stranger to you. So if I go with a bigger wedding for family, my rule will be that I have to vaguely know who every guest is. I don't have to be super close to them, just know who they are and how they fit into my life. But my dream wedding, no matter what scale, would be a nice, poignant ceremony followed by a rowdy, boozy dance party with classy outfits and awesome Italian food.

[nst]

7 hours ago, bananabread said:

That episode drove me CRAZY. My fiance and I are currently planning our wedding. We'll have to wait until Fall 2019 - because we're young and paying for it all ourselves - but we're over the moon excited and looking forward to arranging the perfect day. The fact that Joy was so obviously "I don't care just make me a wife" when countless people (and TLC!) are pitching in to make the day special and as soon as possible after the engagement just seems so selfish. And Joy acting like "oh weddings are so much work, who knew?!" is so ridiculous. 

 

all the sneak peaks make her look like an entitled child. 

I can't stand this version of her.  She is emulating Jill but not in a good way. 

 

[VelociRapture]

1 hour ago, nastyhobbitses said:

But my dream wedding, no matter what scale, would be a nice, poignant ceremony followed by a rowdy, boozy dance party with classy outfits and awesome Italian food.

You may have just described our wedding:

Poignant, meaningful ceremony based off my love for Harry Potter? Check.

Delicious Italian food for my delicious Italian groom? Double check.

Classy outfits, Booze, and dancing? Check, check, and check. 

I think it's clear we're secretly soul mates. 

[SapphireSlytherin]

5 minutes ago, VelociRapture said:

Poignant, meaningful ceremony based off my love for Harry Potter? Check.

I'd better get an invitation. lol

[VelociRapture]

3 minutes ago, SapphireSlytherin said:

I'd better get an invitation. lol

Our wedding was almost two years ago. Your invitation must have been lost in the mail. Just like my Hogwarts letter. 

[PainfullyAware]

Honestly if Joy is beyond indecisive to the point of hating the wedding planning process because she feels trapped by expectations then I feel sorry for her. I feel sorry for viewers too because it makes for boring tv.

I definitely don't judge small, middle or large weddings. I think whatever you do then enjoy the journey as much as you can. 

But if Joy doesn't want to delve into details, then delegate to her sisters that enjoy that sort of thing. Or just go with the first recommendation from the florist, cake maker, caterer etc on the things you don't care about. But don't ask Austin 5x what he thinks and then complain about hating details. If you are indifferent then just close your eyes and throw a dart to pick and enjoy all your free time!

[front hugs > duggs]

I think it was the Joe and Kendra wedding special, where K said something along the lines of "I never really envisioned my wedding being so big" and that made me kind of sad for her. I think she would have preferred something slightly more intimate (even if that means 400 people over 1,000) but unfortunately didn't have that luxury of choice. 

[likejana86]

In italy usually each guest put Money in An envelope for The bride And Groom  150 euros minimun. In The South even more. Sometimes i Think That being invited to  a Wedding You have To sell a kidney 

[AtlanticTug]

13 hours ago, PainfullyAware said:

But if Joy doesn't want to delve into details, then delegate to her sisters that enjoy that sort of thing. Or just go with the first recommendation from the florist, cake maker, caterer etc on the things you don't care about. But don't ask Austin 5x what he thinks and then complain about hating details. If you are indifferent then just close your eyes and throw a dart to pick and enjoy all your free time!

That's exactly it. If you truly don't care about the details, then either pick everything quickly and get it over with, or ask one of your bridezilla sisters to help. And STFU.

[catlady]

21 hours ago, VelociRapture said:

Just have the wedding that you both want and that you both can afford. If you invite guests, make sure they know what to expect (especially concerning any food being served) so they can plan accordingly. Send thank yous if you get gifts and try to make each one personal if you can. Basically, just be happy, be reasonable, and be a decent person. That's all that counts.

this bit right here cannot be said enough.  thank you.

[December]

21 hours ago, VelociRapture said:

I've concluded you're going to be judged for how you get married by someone at some point, regardless of what you do.

So true. No matter what you do, somebody will find something to complain about. Might as well do what makes you happy.  

22 hours ago, nickelodeon said:

The book Cinderella Dreams: The Allure of the Lavish Wedding theorizes that people are really weird and exacting about weddings because they're the late-capitalism equivalent of a mystical ritual and their potency hinges on their ""perfection""!

Time to find a copy of this book... sounds fascinating!

A lot of people do seem to think weddings are magical transformations. People kept asking me after I got married how different it felt, but it felt exactly the same! We wouldn't have gotten married if we didn't already feel like life partners! 

[front hugs > duggs]

1 hour ago, December said:

A lot of people do seem to think weddings are magical transformations. People kept asking me after I got married how different it felt, but it felt exactly the same! We wouldn't have gotten married if we didn't already feel like life partners! 

Yes! I've been married just a couple weeks shy of a year, and weekly someone will ask me how's married life, and then seem genuinely concerned for me when I don't exude gushy shrieks of joy when describing it. Married life hasn't been all that different than living-together-as-heathens-without-being-married life. But to me that's a good thing!

[catlady]

"how's married life?" always annoyed me, even 20+ years ago, as an incredibly old-fashioned thing to say.  sure, back when most couples went straight from their parents' home to their new combined residence, the adjustment may have been far more significant.  but i'd been living independently for four years when i got married, so no, it was not a big change and no one seemed to like my answer either.  and it was never a big secret that we lived together for about a year before we got married.

it also bothered me that no one ever asked Mr. CL the same thing (and i'd been on my own longer than he was).

[MargaretElliott]

Ugh, this is so true. I had a conversation with my mother about this last night, and though I'm not even close to getting married, I'm already dreading it. I told her I wanted to have a nice small ceremony and then a bonfire with plenty of good food, drink, and the people I love. None of the traditional things I hate about weddings. She got a bit pouty and mentioned about how she was going to be paying for some of it, she expected me to adhere to some traditions... like dancing with my father. My dad and I exchanged a look. Both of us hate dancing, and I wouldn't want dancing at my reception, so a father-daughter dance would just be out of place and strange. I told her as such. She seemed rather put out. It's amazing how many parties people can have fun at without dancing, but the moment the party involves some people getting married, you HAVE to have dancing, so your guests can have fun. It's fun for a lot of people, but that's just not me.

If she tries to pull the "I'm helping pay" card, I won't accept a penny from her. I will fight anyone who expects me to open those damned presents in front of everyone at a bridal shower (I think a lot of us can agree that is the worst, most boring part of the shower). I can't imagine anything more mortifying than the whole garter/bouquet scenario. A Christian ceremony would just feel odd, seeing as I don't really believe in it anymore. And I'd rather break my leg than dance in front of people.

I suppose my point is that there are as many perfect weddings as there are couples, and it all depends on the wishes of the couple. I'm sure my perfect wedding, a small affair with a bonfire and no dancing, sounds horrible to a lot of people. And that's fine. It's my wedding, not theirs. And if you try to force someone into something they don't want, you're a bit of a dick.

[VelociRapture]

@MargaretElliottYour dream wedding sounds fantastic to me. Only suggestion - if you wear a wedding gown, either change out of it or be super careful if you opt for campfire s'mores. I always somehow make a mess when I eat s'mores.