Alex Jones

[Cartmann99]

2 hours ago, Howl said:

Dagnabbit, I don't have a pony or a Puss 'n Boots,  much less a Puss 'n Boots riding the pony.   What the heck do I DO?  Crap.  *inventories knife drawer and lawn tools*.   No, really, what is the weapon of choice? A paintball gun that only shoots red pellets?  Cream pies? Wielding repartee with surgical precision? 

Is a uniform costume involved?  What's our motto?  Flag?  And who's the enemy?  What about fenemies, asshole buddies and fellow travelers?  This is already waaaaay too complicated.  WHOA!  Wait just a gosh darn minute.  Does a Civil War mean we're just really so darn nice (civil!) to MAGAs?  I'm confused.  

Imma sit on the porch with a quart jar of ice tea and consider. 

 @Howl , remember when they passed that law about how we Texans can legally carry big-ass knives now? Anyhoo, go count how many kitchen knives you've got, and I'll bust out the sewing machine and make us some belts with scabbards. 

Pack up the tea pitcher, your cast iron skillets, some bacon grease, and the cornmeal. I'll bring the chicken fried steak, gravy, and garlic mashed potatoes. We ride at dawn!

[Howl]

It's a PLAN!  Plus I have a big green knife specifically to cut water melon; should be good for brandishing!  

Edited July 3, 2018 by Howl

[Cartmann99]

50 minutes ago, Howl said:

It's a PLAN!  Plus I have a big green knife specifically to cut water melon; should be good for brandishing!  

Yes! We'll get @Penny to steal a taco truck and meet up with us too. @Briefly is also a native Texan, but she's in Oklahoma now, so she'll have to have an impromptu baptism in the Red River before they'll let her back in. 

Sign up now to fight with the Ornery Texan Militia! We have food, and we're highly entertaining!

[Briefly]

1 minute ago, Cartmann99 said:

Yes! We'll get @Penny to steal a taco truck and meet up with us too. @Briefly is also a native Texan, but she's in Oklahoma now, so she'll have to have an impromptu baptism in the Red River before they'll let her back in. 

Sign up now to fight with the Ornery Texan Militia! We have food, and we're highly entertaining!

My 98 year old boss (he passed away 3 years ago) was also a Texan.  He had this thing that he would do - and he really did it, so we do too now - he would roll down the window of his car right before he crossed the border back into Texas and exhale as much as he could.  Then he would take a huge breath as soon as he was on the other side of the border.  He was getting rid of all the yucky Oklahoma air before he took a refreshing breath of the sweet Texas air.  On the way back, it was a huge breath of air just as he was crossing the border and then he would hold it as long as he could since it was Texas air!

But, yes. Tacos.  As spicy and hot as we can get them!

[47of74]

I'm going to bring my fleet to the party.  We'll need lots of parking spots for them though..

Edited July 3, 2018 by 47of74

[GreyhoundFan]

Can my fleet join @47of74's? They have transporters, so they can hover overhead, no parking required.

[47of74]

4 minutes ago, GreyhoundFan said:

Can my fleet join @47of74's? They have transporters, so they can hover overhead, no parking required.

Sure!  Of course that's crossing the streams, as it were!  And as long as they can beam the peeps in my fleet down.

[GreyhoundFan]

3 minutes ago, 47of74 said:

Sure!  Of course that's crossing the streams, as it were!  And as long as they can beam the peeps in my fleet down.

My transporters will be ready and waiting!

Edited July 3, 2018 by GreyhoundFan

[Cartmann99]

2 hours ago, 47of74 said:

I'm going to bring my fleet to the party.  We'll need lots of parking spots for them though..

 

2 hours ago, GreyhoundFan said:

Can my fleet join @47of74's? They have transporters, so they can hover overhead, no parking required.

Hot damn, @47of74  and @GreyhoundFan  are bringing space tacos to the fight! 

[47of74]

9 hours ago, Cartmann99 said:

 

Hot damn, @47of74  and @GreyhoundFan  are bringing space tacos to the fight! 

And I'm telling my crew to leave their weapons on the ship since they can't hit a goddamn thing anyways and would be more likely to shoot themselves in the feet.

[Botkinetti]

The last couple of pages are why I love this forum.

In the midst of the seemingly never-ending horror of the trump administration and its associated thugs , buffoons and law breakers there is still occasion for some humour. I have been laughing out loud . Thank you all.

[Cartmann99]

As soon as I get over this crud I picked up in Alpine, I'm busting out the electric skillet and making tacos! 

[Howl]

Listening to NPR this morning, there was a piece about tweets that read like Civil War letters to home, and this has been covered in the press as well: 

Letters from the 'front' on Twitter mock prediction of second Civil War on July 4

In keeping with correspondence from the first Civil War, many letters from soldiers in the faux war decry the hardships of life on the march and in the field.

#WeRideAtDawn

“My Tide Pods rations are running low, and there is nobody to pick the avocados,” complains one erstwhile soldier.

Dear sister,
Spirits were low in the medic tent as supplies of probiotics and arnica dwindle. But the arrival of Drag Battalion AF with glitter cannons has given us hope for tomorrow. #We ride at dawn. 

Captured at Bowling Green. In tolerably good health. Avocado hardtack rations meager and chicory covfefe drunk cold to avoid microwave surveillance. Capt. Kardashian to negotiate prisoner exchange.

My darling,  Just enough battery power to write a few lines. Cold rations of KIND bars and kombucha again tonight. I can hear young Lt. Madison sobbing quietly; she hasn’t had a caramel macchiato in 4 days. I gave her my yoga mat.

Dearest mother, We have taken control of the Chick-fil-a but I fear those Trumpsters have taken one of our Starbucks. We march at dawn for ice lattes and freedom.

I’m on the front line, pinned down between Williams-Sonoma and Chili’s. We’ve incurred heavy casualties (soccer travel season thinning our ranks), but morale is high. Just stay alive. I WILL find you, even if my iPhone is at 2 percent.

Edited July 3, 2018 by Howl

[47of74]

28 minutes ago, Howl said:

Listening to NPR this morning, there was a piece about tweets that read like Civil War letters to home, and this has been covered in the press as well: 

Letters from the 'front' on Twitter mock prediction of second Civil War on July 4

In keeping with correspondence from the first Civil War, many letters from soldiers in the faux war decry the hardships of life on the march and in the field.

“My Tide Pods rations are running low, and there is nobody to pick the avocados,” complains one erstwhile soldier.

Dear sister,
Spirits were low in the medic tent as supplies of probiotics and arnica dwindle. But the arrival of Drag Battalion AF with glitter cannons has given us hope for tomorrow. We ride at dawn. 

Captured at Bowling Green. In tolerably good health. Avocado hardtack rations meager and chicory covfefe drunk cold to avoid microwave surveillance. Capt. Kardashian to negotiate prisoner exchange.

My darling,  Just enough battery power to write a few lines. Cold rations of KIND bars and kombucha again tonight. I can hear young Lt. Madison sobbing quietly; she hasn’t had a caramel macchiato in 4 days. I gave her my yoga mat.

Dearest mother, We have taken control of the Chick-fil-a but I fear those Trumpsters have taken one of our Starbucks. We march at dawn for ice lattes and freedom.

I’m on the front line, pinned down between Williams-Sonoma and Chili’s. We’ve incurred heavy casualties (soccer travel season thinning our ranks), but morale is high. Just stay alive. I WILL find you, even if my iPhone is at 2 percent.

Yep, we've run out of fine craft beers here on the front lines and all that's left is piss water like Icehouse, Keystone Light, and Old Milwaukee. 

[Howl]

 

[onekidanddone]

The end is near! Repent while you can before there are taco trucks in every corner. 

Rufus bless 

[Howl]

9 hours ago, onekidanddone said:

The end is near! Repent while you can before there are taco trucks in every corner. 

Rufus bless 

I live in Austin.  There are taco trucks, taco trailers, Taco Cabana, Taco Shack and my fave, the actual real deal, Taco More, on every corner.   Sorry San Antonio, the taco wars have been won by Austin-ites, although at the cost of hipster foodies thinking they have the last word about every. damn. thing.  I don't do flour tortillas. The freshness and suppleness of the corn tortillas are what win me over.

*************************************************

Things were peaceful here on the front lines yesterday evening.  @Cartmann99 cooked up a mean CFS (chicken fried steak) last night with some biscuits and gravy.  Found a homestead with a RESIST! banner; those sweet people supplied us with organic eggs and (bless their hearts) vegan bacon but sadly no Hass avocados.  We were going to ride at dawn, but decided to savor the sunrise while discussing if we even needed a strategy, while savoring damn good camp coffee and organic tea. 

Here's what happened. A sea of Tiki torches flickered on the horizon during the first watch last night, but things got interesting around midnight when a red hat said, "Hey, hold my beer and watch this!" and accidentally set the MAGA ammunition dump on fire, resulting in numerous casualties on their side without our having to do a thing, plus a spectacular if noisy fireworks display.  Early morning light revealed a massive darkened crater and red hats scattered everywhere;  apparently the MAGA self routed and blended back in to the civilian populace.  

[AmazonGrace]

My faves:

 

@AnjikoZ

My dearest Ben, I came across a wounded red hat today along the road. He begged for me to help him. I must admit, he was in such a piteous state I couldn't help myself. I gave him my remaining thoughts and prayers. He died anyway. Love forever, A.J. #secondcivilwarletters

 

@paidprovocateur

Dear Dads, General DeGrasse Tyson had our battalion dress as climate change, and we easily slipped past the MAGA fortifications. They refused to believe we had arrived until it was too late. #SecondCivilWarLetters

@therealharlanf

Dearest Mother, I know you are worried, but rest assured that I remain safe from harm or capture by the enemy. I have disguised myself as white privilege, and the Red Hats cannot bring themselves to acknowledge my existence. #secondcivilwarletters

@Citizen0112358

#SecondCivilWarLetters My Dearest, We have found refuge in an NFL stadium. Everytime the red hats advance we play the anthem and take a knee. They all promptly leave. These are truly stupid days, Yours Always.

 

[GreyhoundFan]

Some more good ones:

Spoiler

 

 

[onekidanddone]

12 hours ago, Howl said:

I live in Austin.  There are taco trucks, taco trailers, Taco Cabana, Taco Shack and my fave, the actual real deal, Taco More, on every corner.   

Texas has given us amazing music. Lyle Lovett, Steve Earl, Guy Clark, Ray W Hubbard, Nanci Griffith, James McMurtry, Townes VaZants. 

I would love to go Austin and soak in the music. McMurtry has a standing gig at The Continental Club. Sigh

[FaithAndReason]

I have spent my whole week reading #secondcivilwarletters and joined the FB page. It is a light of joy and happiness in these dark days 

[AmazonGrace]

 

Gay frogs made him do it.

[AmazonGrace]

I blame the gay frogs 

 

[47of74]

33 minutes ago, AmazonGrace said:

I blame the gay frogs 

 

A bit of good news this week. 

I thought he had pissed YouTube off once before too and gotten his crap pulled down but maybe that was someone else.

Quote

Google’s YouTube pulled down four videos posted by Alex Jones’ ultra right-wing Infowars for violating policies banning hate speech and graphic content.

YouTube’s penalizing of Infowars, a notorious source of conspiracies and misinformation, is the latest development in the ongoing challenge internet platforms face in trying to balance free speech with enforcing standards to block hateful and disturbing content.

In two of the Infowars videos deleted by YouTube, Jones railed against Muslims and asserted that they were taking over control of European countries. Another video, titled “How To Prevent Liberalism,” depicted a man shoving a young boy to the ground, while in the fourth video Jones compared the creators of a show featuring animated drag queens to Satanists.

“We have long-standing policies against child endangerment and hate speech,” YouTube said in a statement. “We apply our policies consistently according to the content in the videos, regardless of the speaker or the channel.”

 

[47of74]

Now that fuck stick wants a suit filed against him by parents of a Sandy Hook victim thrown out and for them to have to pay him costs.

Quote

It’s not enough that Alex Jones has accused the parents of Noah Pozner, a 6-year-old killed at Sandy Hook Elementary School in 2012, of being actors. It’s not enough that he’s exposed them to death threats and harassment that has led them to move homes seven times. And it’s not enough that he’s made tons of money in the process.

Now the founder of Infowars is asking a Texas judge to throw out a defamation suit filed by Pozner’s parents and trying to get the family to pay more than $100,000 for his court costs.