Jinger 29: New House and New Wardrobe

[Justmurrayed]

2 minutes ago, seraaa said:

My high school RE teacher told us outright that confession was sometimes used like therapy by the community in the past, and I can quite believe it

I'm not as anxious or as much as a people pleaser as I was but I can say confession is the one thing I miss about the Catholic church. Not much else though. Oh actually that's a lie, I miss everything about the Church but the Church isn't what I thought it was so I won't be stepping into one unless I have too. 

[Bad Wolf]

Our Presbyterian church went the route of being gay wasn't bad, but acting on it was. So be gay, but don't expect to have a  loving relationship. They went more fundamentalist, so we crossed the street, literally to the Episcopal church.

 

[Beermeet]

@JenniferJuniper. Oh no!  The face to face ones.  The worst.  What was the point of that anyway?  I forget.

Didn't the stance on homosexuality get relaxed in recent years?  I was talking with my grandma and she told me it's mortal sin.  I don't pay attention to Catholicism anymore ( it's been 20 years)  and she has about 100 study books, teaches and constantly goes to church so I believed her.  It would be very like her to be extra harsh/pre-vatican II on the subject.

[JenniferJuniper]

2 minutes ago, Beermeet said:

@JenniferJuniper. Oh no!  The face to face ones.  The worst.  What was the point of that anyway?  I forget.

No idea, really. More personable maybe? I just remember a cold room in the church basement lit by even colder florescent lights sitting in a metal folding chair across from a priest sitting in an identical metal folding chair. Not even a small table between us.  Making a 10 year old girl to sit alone in a room and "confess" things to a middle age man? I was angry about it then, and as I type those feelings are coming back. I'm glad I was a defiant little brat. Brother's fictitious model plane, yeah, that's the ticket!

I know there are a number of devout Catholics out here and I don't mean to offend, but I'm sorry, forcing children into something like this isn't right.   

[VeryNikeSeamstress]

I'm loving all these childhood confession stories. I too had trouble playing along and coming up with stuff to confess, and as I got older I sure as hell knew I didn't want to talk about my misbehaviour with the priest (I think at that stage my parents had given up and had me seeing a secular psychologist instead).

My parents gave me a photo album when I turned 18 of my growing up years. There is a pic in there of my first confession. Cute pic. Looks like 8 year old me was thinking hard about something to say. I'm looking to the left in the picture, so it's likely I was making it up.

[PennySycamore]

Face to face confession was supposed to be more personal and supposedly help the person focus on  the reconciliation that was to be experienced.

[Playagirl]

3 hours ago, JenniferJuniper said:

No idea, really. More personable maybe? I just remember a cold room in the church basement lit by even colder florescent lights sitting in a metal folding chair across from a priest sitting in an identical metal folding chair. Not even a small table between us.  Making a 10 year old girl to sit alone in a room and "confess" things to a middle age man? I was angry about it then, and as I type those feelings are coming back. I'm glad I was a defiant little brat. Brother's fictitious model plane, yeah, that's the ticket!

I know there are a number of devout Catholics out here and I don't mean to offend, but I'm sorry, forcing children into something like this isn't right.   

This was every confession for me growing up. I'm not sure if they thought being in a small dark confessional was too scary for a kid so all of ours were face to face.  All the kids would get in line and go one by one into a well-lit room and sit across from the priest while we confessed.  Typing this out now it seems eerily like the police interrogations we see on tv.  For an extremely shy little girl, it was pretty terrifying to have to go through and I never experienced any good feelings from this process, just a profound sense of relief that I survived another one.

[JenniferJuniper]

35 minutes ago, Playagirl said:

This was every confession for me growing up. I'm not sure if they thought being in a small dark confessional was too scary for a kid so all of ours were face to face.....  Typing this out now it seems eerily like the police interrogations we see on tv.  

Typing my stories out I felt the exact same.  At least people getting interrogated by the police have a table and some water.  It really bothered me that the set up was like this: 

Spoiler

I distinctly remember feeling that there should be something between us.  It was so awkward and uncomfortable. Maybe that's why I felt no guilt whatsoever making up sins.

[Playagirl]

2 minutes ago, JenniferJuniper said:

Typing my stories out I felt the exact same.  At least people getting interrogated by the police have a table and some water.  It really bothered me that the set up was like this: 

  Reveal hidden contents

I distinctly remember feeling that there should be something between us.  It was so awkward and uncomfortable. Maybe that's why I felt no guilt whatsoever making up sins.

God, yes. I just broke out in a sweat when I saw that picture. So many anxious memories that brought up. Who could ever think that was a good approach to take with little kids? I wonder if they still do it like that...

[socalrules]

I am so sorry for everyone who have had bad experiences with confession. I guess I have been lucky that mine have been positive. The only time I have ever had a face to face confession was during my first confession when I was 7 in church. There were so many extra priests there for the service I had to break the rules and get into a different line so could go to our school's priest. I should probably have confessed to that. Otherwise, I have always been in a confessional. I have never found confession scary. When I was a kid I would confess to little things like jealously or I was mean to my mom. It actually made me feel better because I would be feeling bad about it but couldn't admit to myself I felt that way and it was easier to do so in confession. I am not sure that makes sense but it did to me.

As an adult, confession feels more like a therapeutic experience than a confession. I have never felt judged at confession. If anything, I feel like I am in a safe zone because I know I am not going to be attacked for what I am feeling or why I did something. It's kind of soothing for me. Then again, I enjoy the ritual of the mass and church in general. During tough times in my life, just going, lighting a candle and sometimes sitting in an empty church while praying has helped me through. 

[Beermeet]

@socalrules.  I like to go sit in the church when there are no services too, light a candle and just be.  I've done it a few times in the last 15 years.

I really enjoyed mass and the special masses like Stations of the Cross, midnight mass and Easter vigil.  I don't have bad memories except that time I confessed everything .  I'm happy to go for a wedding or christening.   I'll always be a Catholic even though I don't practise.  I just know what to do there.  But, my spirituality belongs to me and now I draw from a different source.

[potato]

My first time at confession was in Greek school in 6th grade.  I was scared beforehand, but it ended not being bad at all.  In the Greek Orthodox church at least, we sit next to the priest in front of an icon of Jesus, so it's sort of face-to-face.  Throughout the years, I never really felt pressured into confessing a ton of things.  I know that I (and many other people) end up finding it therapeutic, since we end up chatting with the priest about our lives and things that are bothering us.  I haven't been in a few years for various reasons, but I do intend on going again sometime soon-ish.

[SassyPants]

Face to face only increased the number of fabrications-

 

[Beermeet]

6 minutes ago, SassyPants said:

Face to face only increased the number of fabrications-

 

[HarryPotterFan]

It's really interesting to compare different traditions for confessing/asking for forgiveness of sins. In Judaism we ask for forgiveness for our sins on Yom Kippur directly from G-d, we never go to a rabbi about our sins. And when we confess our sins we aren't just confessing and asking for forgiveness on a personal level, but as humankind. The mahzor (prayer book for the high holiday) lists out all the sins of human kind, and we read aloud and beat our chests over our heart with each one. 

[onekidanddone]

5 minutes ago, HarryPotterFan said:

It's really interesting to compare different traditions for confessing/asking for forgiveness of sins. In Judaism we ask for forgiveness for our sins on Yom Kippur directly from G-d, we never go to a rabbi about our sins. And when we confess our sins we aren't just confessing and asking for forgiveness on a personal level, but as humankind. The mahzor (prayer book for the high holiday) lists out all the sins of human kind, and we read aloud and beat our chests over our heart with each one. 

YK is just about a month away. I probably committed most on that list. I don't go to services or fast anymore but I do spend the day off the grid these days at my elderly mom's house (she is home bound) keeping her company.

 

[PennySycamore]

@potato, your mention of confessing in Greek school during 6th grade reminded me of something:  IIRC, face-to-face confession was apparently going back to the way things used to be centuries ago.  Many of the changes in the church in the Vatican II years were not new but restoring the old practices like the altar facing the people or the Mass being in the vernacular.

[InTheNameofRufus]

I made my First Penance (confession) in second grade. I remember being nervous as all hell beforehand, but not what I actually confessed to. Probably some bull about arguing with my sister, not listening to my parents. The priest undoubtedly heard the same thing from all 40 kids that day! I have to say that I go to Mass every Sunday, and find comfort from the same prayers and rituals every week.

Due to consolidation of our local diocese, my church was shut down and merged into another close by. I followed my priest (who is also my husband's uncle, lol) to his next assignment. I am currently part of a small "apostolate", which functions as a Catholic Church but does not have to follow some of the doctrines of the diocese. It is a very tight knit group of people who support each other when necessary. My son raised over $1200 for a local MDA walk just from the support of the parish. (He was not grifting, it came up in conversation after mass and word spread!)  I am happy to be a part of this church, but although I am a Catholic  I feel that it is important to have my own beliefs. I do not accept that being gay is a sin, in fact I have many friends that identify as LGBTQ. I do not force my beliefs on anyone. I think that it is possible to have faith, but it isn't necessary to follow that faith blindly.  It is so interesting to me to read about everyone's experiences with religion. 

This is what drives me a little nuts about the Dillards/Duggars. Stop trying to convert everyone who does not share your beliefs. Stop grifting, it's annoying to constantly be asked for money to support your "missions". Ugh. Sorry for the long post, still not sure if I said what I wanted to, it sounded better in my head!!! 

[SapphireSlytherin]

As an atheist (raised Methodist) I am beyond horrified at the confession thing. Seriously.

I can't imagine the angst and fear and humiliation of having to tell some guy in a robe/shawl/whatever your deepest, darkest secrets. Nope.

But each to his/her own.

[PennySycamore]

@InTheNameofRufus, I noticed that you are in Texas.  I don't know what part of Texas you're in, but may you be safe from Harvey!

[MarblesMom]

This topic reminds me of going to a Catholic Spanish speaking school at 9.  I had no idea what was happening most days.

One day, we all lined up and filed out, and I went along.  I thought it was a school assembly.  Nope, it was a Latin Mass.  More confusion.

Everyone lined up to go up to the front, so I did too.  Got a pasty cookie and some juice.

Apparently, that was the wrong thing to do.  I am sure God and everyone else up there had a good laugh.

[PainfullyAware]

I was  raised United Church of Canada which was historically a blending of Methodist and Presbyterian but small rural communities couldn't sustain miltiple adenominations. It's about as progressive as you can get without being Unitarian Universalist. Our minister was gay for example. So statements like 'Christians are homophobic' never made sense to me. Now I don't go to church, my spirituality is that I meditate and am agnostic but I still value the experience I had where organized religion wasn't a bad force. There wasn't any confession part, not surprisingly, other than the idea of praying for forgiveness of sins and wisdom to do better generally during services.

[MamaJunebug]

Late to the party, but I have a pretty good confession story. As an adult, BigMamaJB found her spiritual home in Lutheranism and her sister -- still a Roman Catholic -- asked her about going to confession, as in "what is the confessional booth like in a Lutheran church."

BMJB explained that Lutheran churches don't have confessionals because members confess their sins together during the worship service and her sister turned 3 shades of pale and started hollering how she'd NEVER do that! "Hell, no!  Tell the whole damn congregation what I've DONE?!"

What she didn't realize was that she'd interrupted my mom, who eventually stopped laughing and continued to explain that the confession is a general confession of sins, written out and recited together, followed by the pastor's statement of absolution in God's name. Her sister calmed down, but it took a while.  Heh!!

Please: Don't take away the impression that my mom laughed evilly. She and her sister were close and had the kind of "say it straight" relationship that's all too rare these days. She was laughing at her sister's overreaction, not at her beliefs. 

Me? I'm AOK with the common confession, especially after reading the stories here and wondering what I would've confessed as a 7-year-old! I would've been a bag of nerves.

[Gillyweed]

18 hours ago, Beermeet said:

Didn't the stance on homosexuality get relaxed in recent years?  I was talking with my grandma and she told me it's mortal sin.  I don't pay attention to Catholicism anymore ( it's been 20 years)  and she has about 100 study books, teaches and constantly goes to church so I believed her.  It would be very like her to be extra harsh/pre-vatican II on the subject.

The priest at the church my family used to go to is gay. It's a Catholic church. My cousin also used to be a priest in a Catholic Church, but after coming out as gay he switched to another church. He has a boyfriend now. 

[Ilovebrownies]

17 hours ago, JenniferJuniper said:

Making a 10 year old girl to sit alone in a room and "confess" things to a middle age manI 

This, this, this.  It is really disgusting if you think about it.  And the sexual things they say you need to confess since it is all sinful.   Yuck.