Dillards 34: Finding Contentment

[2manyKidzzz]

Well, it is odd that Jessa made the video. But it was the day SSD was born I guess.

That Grandma Cathy is still watching Israel seems also odd. But who knows. Maybe Derick can't handle anything more than errant Catholics. Ha ha. Jill, who knows. I hope she is really fine and just recovering slowly. Or maybe all is just perfectly well. 

[Born Skeptic]

3 hours ago, VelociRapture said:

Many NICU units restrict the age of visitors. <snip>

It also depends on the level of the NICU the baby is in.  When my daughter was born, she was gravely ill and was in a Level IV Unit (think Neonatology Fellow, Respiratory Therapist, and NICU Nurse standing around her bed attending only to her 24 hours a day).  She was allowed no visitors other than her parents and our parish priest for Last Rites/Sacrament of the Sick.  (The pictures of her baptism with everyone (Mom, Dad, Neonatologist, Nurse, Priest) scrubbed, gowned, gloved, hatted and masked are priceless to me today.)  When she "graduated" to a Level III Unit,  she was allowed limited visitors such as grandparents, aunts, uncles, and - of course - her parents.  No children under the age of 14 were allowed under any circumstances.  Everyone was still required to be scrubbed, gowned, and masked but we lost the hats and gloves.  Graduation to the Level II unit allowed more visitors, siblings under 14, and the loss of the masks.  She only spent 1 day in the Level I Unit and I don't remember if we lost the gowns but we were still required to scrub.  **

The first picture of Derrick and baby Samuel could be in the OR or a Level IV or III NICU.  In my experience, not all parents were required to be masked or gloved (depended on baby's risk of infection)  but the gown and hat are much too familiar even many years later.

 

**Edited to add:

My mother was very upset that we allowed our dog to sniff and lick the baby when we brought her home.  "You just had to scrub up to your elbows to get that baby out of the hospital and now you are allowing the dog to DROOL on her???"  In our defense we were following the doctor's orders to treat her like any other baby.  :-)

[MiddleAgedLady]

What day is the new People cover announced? 

[Oudler]

My understanding from friends is that if your baby is in the NICU but YOU don't need care they will kick you out.  In theory I understand, in practice thats just cruel.  They should have rooms set aside for parents.  I also think they should have beds in maternity rooms for dad's to sleep in.

A cousin of mine had triplets and they stayed very long at the hospital... he and his wife had the possibility to stay over night as often as they wanted. It's some sort of project at the university hospital. We're from Belgium and the hospital was in Germany but I think every big hospital here has the possibility to give the parents a place to stay when the baby needs to stay at the hospital.

For a normal birth, c-section or not, the mom and the baby are at the hospital for 3 days. If you arrive at 11 pm, the first day is over so you can only stay one more night. That happens to a friend of mine. But if the baby and the mom are ok, that's fine. We have midwifes who come home and see how it goes, too so it's fine to leave the hospital soon I guess.

[VelociRapture]

@Born SkepticYour NICU must have been setup differently than our's then (or your's was just setup to accommodate the most serious cases.) At our NICU, there were three wards in one giant room - no doors separating them. You were buzzed in through the main door, washed your hands, and then walked to the ward your baby was in. Our daughter was in the first one, closest to the door, for the first two or three days. There were micropreemies in their isolettes in that area. Once a bassinet opened up, she was moved to the second ward. The third wasn't really being used at that time as they were getting ready for renovations. 

Thankfully, the NICU was renovated earlier this year. It's now setup to offer more privacy for families and a calmer environment for the babies. All I really remember clearly about her week there was lots of noise and bright lights (during the day - they turned them down at night.) It was tough trying to focus just on baby in that kind of environment or have any type of privacy.

I didn't see any family members wearing gloves or protective gear at our NICU either. I'm guessing there's likely another hospital in the area that would take the most severe cases. It's not the other hospital in that city though because that hospital doesn't have a NICU at all.

[HarleyQuinn]

18 minutes ago, MiddleAgedLady said:

What day is the new People cover announced? 

Hopefully never because the Dullards don't deserve one. 

[Fun Undies]

2 hours ago, Henk12 said:

-Snip-

I'm in a similar situation. I stay at home because paying for just one child to go to daycare would be the same as another mortgage payment. We have three kids and had some recent financial set backs so now we're really struggling. My husband and I have been doing everything we can to get out of this mess but like you said, it's mind boggling how hard it is to be financially stable. My husband has a great job with amazing benefits and we still live paycheck to paycheck. Adulting is hard. I'm ready to sell everything and move us all into a tiny house.

I've shared before too, how A LOT of women in my area in Minnesota are SAHM out of necessity, not desire (which is unfortunate).  I fear it can breed resentment for the situation, during an already tough time (parenting is hard, even under the best of circumstances!) - not saying that's how you or I feel, but I could certainly understand if that was the case.  In my area, childcare for my two kids would cost DOUBLE my mortgage :/

Add that to my chronic health issues (and healthcare issues resulting from that), and that is 90% of the reason we're selling our house, and moving in with my mom.  We can't afford childcare, and the mortgage *and* health insurance - and my mom has health issues, too, that by moving in, I can help her as well.  Communal living at its finest  I'm quite happy for us all to be together, but it shouldn't be such a forced decision based on this economy and political climate we're in.

Just fyi, I can't work and am in the middle of my disability claim - but in my state, a hearing can take a year to 18 months.  We just can't afford it all anymore while we wait - and that's hoping it'll go through! :/ My lawyer has high hopes though

5 hours ago, colliemae said:

I think I've said this before here, but I'm a forced SAHM. My job didn't pay nearly enough to cover childcare and my husband's income is enough that we don't qualify for any assistance.-snip-

We're just under the bracket (by 1k) that allows me and the kids to be covered by state insurance - thank God, because my weekly infusions alone, cost 96k a year  (Not including hospital fees and specialists).  What makes me frustrated though is that they go by income before taxes, and don't count student loans (though they count our mortgage and car payment).  Between taxes, his insurance, and student loans, there's an 18k difference of income they don't count

9 hours ago, Jug Band Baby said:

-SNIP- The marketplace isn't kind.  The plan I can get next year (I have no coverage right now, and can't see a doctor if I need to, because of a paperwork kerfuffle a few months back) is about $600/mo for myself, and will cover 70% of medical care after I pay a $7,000 deductible, and up to 2 doctor visits a year for a $50-co-pay.  Visits over that will be covered after the deductible.

Welcome to America, where having insurance can mean you can't afford to use it.  This is better than it was, but not as good as it should be.  And we've got an administration that wants to make it worse.

I had private insurance for one month last year, while my state insurance was being processed.  It cost me 430/mo.  Had a 2k deductible.  And though I called ahead to make sure my specialists were covered (they were), because a certain form wasn't filled out before the appointment (which they never mentioned), I was stuck with the costs that month - 3700$ (thank God I didn't get my infusions till after this).  The deductible didn't cover anything, because I was at fault for not filling out forms beforehand :S  did I mention they didn't cover my breo, either? Only dulera.  Except I have allergic reaction to that, which my pulmonologist told them, and yet they still wouldn't cover it . . . So yup, private isnurance in this country is a JOKE

*stepping off my soap box now*

24 minutes ago, VelociRapture said:

@Born SkepticYour NICU must have been setup differently than our's then (or your's was just setup to accommodate the most serious cases.) At our NICU, there were three wards in one giant room - no doors separating them. You were buzzed in through the main door, washed your hands, and then walked to the ward your baby was in. Our daughter was in the first one, closest to the door, for the first two or three days. There were micropreemies in their isolettes in that area. Once a bassinet opened up, she was moved to the second ward. The third wasn't really being used at that time as they were getting ready for renovations. 

-snip-

Our 2nd boy was in the NICU (in st. Paul), for two days due to jaundice related complications.  We were fortunate enough to have our own room, with a small bed for the parents.  Though we did have to share the kangaroo chair* with the other rooms (I think their were ten total).  The ward had an entrance, and a family room to the left for older siblings.  You washed up before being let in through a door on the right.  Then one long hallway, with private rooms on either side.

*that's what the nurses called it.  A large recliner like chair on wheels, that made it easier to sit up and nurse

[Fullfrontalhugs]

No offence intended to child bearers here, but aside from the obvious reasons, one of the things I hate most about Duggar births is having to wade through pages and pages of "vaginal tear" stories and other things that make me nauseous just to find out we still don't know anything new about Jill's situation. Not that I don't love a good thread drift, but yuck. 

[breakfree]

3 minutes ago, Fullfrontalhugs said:

No offence intended to child bearers here, but aside from the obvious reasons, one of the things I hate most about Duggar births is having to wade through pages and pages of "vaginal tear" stories and other things that make me nauseous just to find out we still don't know anything new about Jill's situation. Not that I don't love a good thread drift, but yuck. 

Try doing it while 35 weeks pregnant with your first... I was just feeling all optimistic from the birthing classes and then BAM....

[justoneoftwo]

Just now, breakfree said:

Try doing it while 35 weeks pregnant with your first... I was just feeling all optimistic from the birthing classes and then BAM....

I was super terrified from these kinds of stories.  But then my labor was 6 hours and done.  Not everyone has a huge scary story.  

[mydoggoskeeper]

 

 

It doesn't matter what side of the aisle you are on, it is clear that this legacy employer provided insurance system is simply not working.  From the labyrinth of  medical coding, approvals, co-pays, pre-existing conditions, people going bankrupt paying for life-saving medications, healthcare insurance in the US is a mess.  

That said, I think I have one of the best deals going -- $51 a month for health insurance and low co-pays.  The hitch is  you need to be a member of Army (or any branch) Reserves.   

 

[Fullfrontalhugs]

14 minutes ago, breakfree said:

Try doing it while 35 weeks pregnant with your first... I was just feeling all optimistic from the birthing classes and then BAM....

I don't plan to ever be in that situation so I can only imagine the horror. I strongly feel for you. 

[elliha]

As a non-American it fascinates me that you know what your health care costs. I paid about 10 dollars for one night in the hospital when I gave birth last time. I know that is not the actual cost but that is it. I know it is because of your health care system of course but I just find that so interesting. In my life I had a gall blatter surgery, appendix removed, 2 vaginal births, one with complications that required me to be under general anestestics afterward to stitch an unusually large bleeding from a pretty normal tear and had tons of "small visits" to the hospital for allergies for example. I have no idea what the cost of that would be. 

[ThunderRolls]

33 minutes ago, breakfree said:

Try doing it while 35 weeks pregnant with your first... I was just feeling all optimistic from the birthing classes and then BAM....

I apologize as I definitely provided one of those vag-tearing stories. First, congratulations on your upcoming babe! Second, epidurals are great. Third, the adrenaline keeps you going so (at least for me) time went by quickly. Seriously, congratulations and try not to let "horror stories" freak you out - look how many women get through it and go on to have more than one baby! 

[Ding Dong Duggar]

44 minutes ago, breakfree said:

Try doing it while 35 weeks pregnant with your first... I was just feeling all optimistic from the birthing classes and then BAM....

In my opinion people love to tell horror stories but the positive experiences aren't shared. I got an epidural that made my labor a breeze. I hardly felt anything and only pushed for 15 minutes or so. Yes, of course there are painful times and I did have some tearing but frankly, I was so instantly in love I didn't care. I felt empowered and in awe of the amazing ability of the female body after. Try not to be scared, you're going to get to meet your baby!

[justoneoftwo]

2 minutes ago, Ding Dong Duggar said:

In my opinion people love to tell horror stories but the positive experiences aren't shared. I got an epidural that made my labor a breeze. I hardly felt anything and only pushed for 15 minutes or so. Yes, of course there are painful times and I did have some tearing but frankly, I was so instantly in love I didn't care. I felt empowered and in awe of the amazing ability of the female body after. Try not to be scared, you're going to get to meet your baby!

This is so true, I was not mentally prepared for a quick birth or a pregnancy that was totally normal.  

[Rachel333]

55 minutes ago, Fullfrontalhugs said:

No offence intended to child bearers here, but aside from the obvious reasons, one of the things I hate most about Duggar births is having to wade through pages and pages of "vaginal tear" stories and other things that make me nauseous just to find out we still don't know anything new about Jill's situation. Not that I don't love a good thread drift, but yuck. 

I'm with you.  At least online you can scroll through those stories, but in real life you can't do the equivalent without being rude. I find it so boring when women start talking over every aspect of their birth stories, and growing up as I did in a culture where most women had a ton of children, it happened pretty often.

Nothing wrong with talking about that stuff, of course, and in these threads it's natural that it comes up, it's just not my personal interest.

[Fullfrontalhugs]

7 minutes ago, Rachel333 said:

I'm with you.  At least online you can scroll through those stories, but in real life you can't do the equivalent without being rude. I find it so boring when women start talking over every aspect of their birth stories, and growing up as I did in a culture where most women had a ton of children, it happened pretty often.

Nothing wrong with talking about that stuff, of course, and in these threads it's natural that it comes up, it's just not my personal interest.

Finally, a kindred spirit. I have much respect for moms but pregnancy/parenthood are SO not my scene. I'd rather watch a Saw movie if I want to be grossed out. 

 

[singsingsing]

I don't want kids, but I'm not squeamish, so I don't mind the birth stories. I have to say, though, reading them definitely doesn't make me doubt my decision, haha.

[Ace3]

1 hour ago, breakfree said:

Try doing it while 35 weeks pregnant with your first... I was just feeling all optimistic from the birthing classes and then BAM....

Hang in there! My pregnancy was the worst 9 months of my life - it literally almost killed me. My labor, however, was the highlight of my pregnancy. Even with the pre-eclampsia and the host of other things that were wrong with me, I got an epidural and 12 hours of labor later my little guy was born. Very minor issues with tearing (I didn't even notice) and my recovery was easy. I have faith in you! I know it's hard to hear the stories, but soon you'll be on the other side telling your story too!

[foreign fundie]

I think because birth can be quite a traumatic experience, women like to share their story. It helps process the pain, stress and all the overwhelming emotions that come with it. The harder the birth, the more women will often want to/ need to talk about it. I think I told the story of my last birth many times before I could at all be reconciled to it. It was really scary and I felt so out of control. Telling others your version of the events is a way if saying to yourself that it was ok what you felt, you did good enough and screw everyone with insensitive comments.

So all those who are freaked out or bored, that unfortunately comes with being an unpaid internet therapist  Sorry and thank you for listening. It helps.

 

 

[Coconut Flan]

For a bit of balance or the extreme other side of birth stories, none of my labors was over 4 hours long.  Unlike the Duggars I was told to count from regular solid contractions not water breaking.  I was never in agony or excruciating pain.  I had a few painful but not debilitating contractions with the first labor less than half an hour before pushing.  I never experienced the "ring of fire" and the fastest labor I had one painful contraction in addition to the one where they ran the gurney into the doors during a contraction. The fastest  labor was just over an hour and a half and it only took one push for the baby.  We all do it differently and you may not know your style until you get there. 

[nst]

I like hearing about everyone's birth experiences. 

[justoneoftwo]

12 minutes ago, nst said:

I like hearing about everyone's birth experiences. 

Me too.  There are not that many places where you can discuss these experiences.  Particularly if your focusing on the mother's experience.  As soon as the baby is born the focus usually shifts and women are left to process this alone.

[Elvis Presby]

The hospital where all my children were born has a level III NICU.  That is all we needed for #4, a preemie.  #3 has Tetralogy of Fallot and after his OHS, he needed a level IV ICU.  Atlanta is less than 20 miles from here!