A totally accurate and in no way sarcastic Bates Cheat Sheet

[BeccaGrim]

I did the same thing. I was like WAIT, What? LOL. Yes, ice cream. 

[VelociRapture]

Nothing important, I just added a link to that article where Kelly refused to name all her kids - likely because she couldn’t name them all and didn’t want to look like a bad parent.

[VelociRapture]

Added more links, this time to the archives of their pre-scrubbed blog. You can find those at the very bottom of the summaries. 

[JordynDarby5]

9 hours ago, VelociRapture said:

Added more links, this time to the archives of their pre-scrubbed blog. You can find those at the very bottom of the summaries. 

Thanks for adding those links. That's what their really like and what they try so hard hide. I'm glad they can't erase those and they really are out there forever.  

Edited June 12, 2018 by JordynDarby5

[Ivycoveredtower]

On 5/11/2018 at 3:23 PM, VelociRapture said:

It’s a joke about her undying love for ice cream. 

I think she's been cheating with Pizza Lately. 

[BeccaGrim]

They really do like to photo themselves with food.  Or at least she and Carlin do.  

[VelociRapture]

14 hours ago, Ivycoveredtower said:

I think she's been cheating with Pizza Lately. 

It’s a torrid love triangle. 

(And it’s still a better love story than Twilight. ) 

[Daisy0322]

On 6/21/2017 at 10:59 AM, formergothardite said:

She didn't even buddy with her babies like Michelle did. She would assign buddies the moment she got pregnant and it was often a fairly young child having to be the sister-mom to a newborn. 

Even if michelle was the baby's buddy in name there was still a sister mom attached. IICR, Jessa had a hand in naming Jordyn since she was going to be hers, for example.

[Ivycoveredtower]

2 minutes ago, Daisy0322 said:

Even if michelle was the baby's buddy in name there was still a sister mom attached. IICR, Jessa had a hand in naming Jordyn since she was going to be hers, for example.

right Michelle was the babies "Buddy" for six months but a Buddy was assigned as soon as Michelle found out she was pregnant. I remember when she was pregnant with Johannah and was getting the gender ultrasound Jinger said this one was going to be her Buddy. 

[VelociRapture]

Added Josie’s engagement news and updated her photo.

[VelociRapture]

Updates:

I added Home Church information at the top of the summaries for Gil and Kelly, Cherin, the Websters, and the Smiths (Tori and Bobby.) The links will take you directly to the statement of belief page for each Church. I thought this could be an easy way to reference what each couple is listening to/helping to preach each Sunday. 

If anyone has Church info for the other couples let me know and I’ll add it. 

[VelociRapture]

Updates: I updated Kelton’s age (happy belated birthday Broseph!) I also updated Trace’s summary photo - it’s so extra that I had to do a double take to make sure it wasn’t actually Lawson. 

[VelociRapture]

Updated: I added new photos for all the married couples except BoRi (their’s will end up being changed in the fall regardless.) I figure the Bateses had yet another photo shoot and I might as well use the photos provided.

[VelociRapture]

I took a break from updating this for a while, but I’m back at it now! Updates include:

- New photo for CarVan

- Updated ages for everyone born between late July and now.

- Added the information about ZachNey’s vow renewal and miscarriage (side note - I am genuinely sorry to hear they lost a pregnancy. I don’t agree with them or a lot of their choices, but I know it can be a very painful experience abd I wish them well.)

- Trace getting to frolic around Hawaii without his shirt on.

- The fact that My Big Fat Fundie Wedding is actually happening (congrats to the Fundie Zoolanders I guess.) 

[VelociRapture]

Update: Added a new photo for Josie and updated for their wedding. I’ll add a better photo once the professional photos are available.

[VelociRapture]

Update: I added this photo to the bottom of the summaries to preserve it for posterity. Thanks to @Calypsofor sharing it first!

[VelociRapture]

Update: I added a photo of the family’s “Patriot Room” to the bottom of the summaries. I also updated Alyssa’s Instagram account info. 

[VelociRapture]

Update: I added John’s latest Instagram post about his father winning re-election to Alyssa’s summary. For those who don’t want to scroll back, here you go:

[VelociRapture]

Updates: I updated the various ages of those with birthdays in the last few months. I also added a new photo for Tori and added Kade’s birthdate to her summary. 

[VelociRapture]

Update: only one short one today. I added that Carlin will be married in the spring of 2019 - she revealed that during a Facebook Live she did with Lawson, Josie, and Katie (who was filming.)

[VelociRapture]

Updates:

- New photos for some of the summaries.

- Updated birthdates through the end of December (I believe.)

As always, if anything big is missing please let me know so I can add it to the summaries.

Edited December 29, 2018 by VelociRapture

[VelociRapture]

Updated recent birthdays and added info about Erin’s “Give me all the babies!” anti-abortion post. As always, please let me know if I’m missing anything major.  

[OverTheRainbow]

Just noticed - under the photo of Michael and Brandon, where their names are written in bold, it says that Michael's name is Christian.

 

Edit: Ignore my post. Just saw that Michael's first name is on the right of the picture. Nevermind

Edited May 11, 2019 by OverTheRainbow
I was wrong :)

[FundieCentral]

@VelociRapture: 

No hurry at all, but I just noticed that some recent news may be missing: 

Zach and Whitney #3 

Erin and Chad #4

Carlin & Evans wedding 

Edited June 16, 2019 by FundieCentral

[VelociRapture]

4 hours ago, FundieCentral said:

@VelociRapture: 

No hurry at all, but I just noticed that some recent news may be missing: 

Zach and Whitney #3 

Erin and Chad #4

Carlin & Evans wedding 

Thank you, but I’ve actually stopped updating this for a few reasons - the biggest one being that I’m expecting my second child this fall and don’t have the time.