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A totally accurate and in no way sarcastic Bates Cheat Sheet


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Hello all! I've noticed a lot of new posters on the site recently - I'm assuming we have Josh Duggar (who is a waste) to thank - and I got the idea of writing up summaries of the Bateses to help out. Summaries start with the parents and then go by birth age of the child. 

Admins, feel free to merge if you need to. 

ETA: All summaries are available now. Click on each Spoiler to view them. :) 



A973D156-7B43-4F98-8D0F-7A745113F6F2.jpeg.2bd8fd2f5b2d42807cb88ffe25187582.jpegGilvin “Gil” and Kelly Jo (née Callaham) Bates -

Instagram account - http://instagram.com/thebatesfam

Home Church: Bible Baptist Church

Years married: 31

Number of kids: 19

Number of scandals glossed over: At least three

Parents of 19 children, live in Rocky Top (Tennessee), and have been married since December 19, 1987. Gil and Kelly met in college (Anderson College, before they transferred to Carson-Newman College) when Kelly was working as a Chemistry TA. They state they didn't originally want kids, but changed their minds and ultimately left things up to God. They had a show on TLC United Bates of America, which lasted one season. They currently star on UP's Bringing Up Bates.

Gil was born on January 1, 1965 (54) and has one brother and one sister. His parents, siblings, and assorted nieces and nephews have all appeared on the show. Kelly was born on October 26, 1966 (52.) Her parents divorced when she was young and her father has since died. She has two older sisters (Kay and Kim) and two younger adopted sisters (Beth and Becca, who are both black.) She also had an older brother, Chip, who has passed away. Beth's bridal shower and wedding were shown on BUB and her mother was recently shown getting remarried.

Gil had worked for Nabisco, but was either fired or left depending on the story you hear. Either way, he was out of a decent job that provided health insurance. He allegedly still works as a tree surgeon and has a well-known history of grifting - he has flat out stated that the family has used the ER for primary care services rather than purchase insurance cause they have to help you there regardless of whether you can pay. The Bateses recently started construction on a new Church, Bible Baptist of Andersonville. Gil acts as Pastor at the Church. 

Kelly has had at least nineteen live births - no multiples - and several miscarriages. Two miscarriages (Jewels and Sunny) happened within days of getting a positive test. One happened between Judson and Jeb’s births when she was eight weeks pregnant. They named the lost pregnancy Zion. I believe another miscarriage was close to the 20 week mark and was named Jubilee. (For those wondering, each miscarriage was named after a hymn the family loves.) Of her births, fourteen were unmedicated and none were c-sections. While pregnant with their last child (Jeb) they still did not have health insurance for ten of their children.

The family are friendly with the Duggars and appeared on their show several times. The Duggars helped them build a big expansion on their home, so they actually had room to house their kids. Kelly mentioned on their old blog that John David Duggar installed a camera system in their house for them so she could keep an eye on the kids better. They also, at one point, had a room dedicated to "Southern History", but which really just glorified the Confederacy and a man known to have had connections with the KKK. They at one time, apparently, lived in a 900 sq ft home with eleven children.

The Bateses homeschool their children and allow those interested to attend Crown College of the Bible - a school which only recently gained accreditation, though the accrediting body doesn't appear to be very legitimate. The Bates children appear better educated and well adjusted than the Duggar children, but that's mostly just because they have much more outgoing personalities and didn't spend their childhoods on camera.

I'm not sure how long they've been affiliated with IBLP and ATI, but Gil rose through the ranks and was made a Board Member within the last few years. He, and other Board members at the time, helped conceal the sexual abuse allegations made by female staffers against Bill Gothard (formerly the head of IBLP.) When it became clear that Gothard was a big liability, Gil and the other Board Members opted to kick him out. The Board was facing a lawsuit for concealing the abuse allegations, but the plaintiffs eventually chose to drop the case.

Gil and Kelly chose to utilize their eldest daughters as surrogate parents to their younger siblings, much as Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar did to the J'Slaves (Jana, Jill, Jessa, and Jinger.) Kelly would assign the baby a buddy while still pregnant - the baby was handed off to their Sister-Mom after the birth (unlike Michelle Duggar who at least took care of baby for the first six months.) The eldest daughters were each responsible for helping to run the household as well. I don’t recall their exact responsibilities, but Alyssa (for example) was responsible for cooking for the entire family from a fairly young age and a good portion of her day was spent on that. 

The messed up effects were seen at Michael Bates' wedding in August 2015, when her younger sister (Callie) was shown sobbing inconsolably because the woman who raised her was leaving for Chicago, and again when Tori was married in December 2017, during which Judson was pictured being hugged by Tori while he sobbed hysterically. Their stellar parenting decisions were also on full display when they promoted books written by the Pearls on their old website. 

Kelly and Gil have also stated that they borrowed money from their second eldest son, Lawson, several times so they could feed their other children. Some FJers don't see much wrong with that since Lawson lives in their home and should help out to an extent - but many of us do see an issue with it since Lawson wasn't given the option to move out and he seemed to work hard earning that money with his lawn service company. I have no clue whether they ever paid him back or not, but I assume they haven’t.

Kelly and Gil sometimes use social media to misdirect public attention. One example was when they posted on Instagram about traveling to, I believe, Niagra Falls when they were actually attending some IBLP bullshit. Keep an eye on David Waller's social media because  he's pretty phenomenal at accidentally outing them (bless his little pecan stealing heart!)

Lately, Kelly has been frequently pictured holding her grandchildren. Which is weird because on their old blog she was often pictured as far away from her youngest kids as possible. Maybe she just likes babies better when they aren't her's.

Oh! And Kelly was unable to name all her children in birth order during an interview. Which is just sad because I probably can and they aren't even my kids.




Zachary Gilvin Bates and Whitney Eileen Bates (neé Perkins):

Instagram account - http://instagram.com/zachnwhitbates

Years married: 5

Number of kids: 2

Zach is the eldest child of Gil and Kelly. He was born December 30, 1988 (30 years old) and currently works as a Deputy with the County Sheriff's Department. Whitney was born September 21, 1993 (25 years old) and started working as a Realtor in the fall of 2017.

Zach was previously in a courtship with Sarah Reith (the courtship proposal was awkward and caught on camera), but she ended the relationship shortly after. He met Whitney while she was working at Sonic sometime in late 2011. They became friends, started courting on July 1, 2013, were engaged that September, and married December 14, 2013. Zach and Whit are the only second gen Bates couple to admit to sinful premarital kissing - they confessed to his parents and strongly urge his siblings not to do the same (because Jesus and temptation. Lame.) I enjoy calling them "Zachney" because it sounds similar to "back acne" and I'm just mature like that. They renewed their wedding vows in mid-June 2018 (likely for the show and so they finally got the wedding they wanted.) They have two children, Bradley Gilvin (October 2014) and Kaci Lynn (June 2016.) They announced in early May 2019 that they were expecting their third child. Khloé Eileen Bates is due to be born sometime in November.

Zach once won an election for an Anderson County Commisioner and ran for another local office in early 2014. His platform was, apparently, ridiculously conservative in nature and he ultimately lost. No further political plans have been announced at this time, but it's still a possibility. So we should all just cross our fingers and hope he never gets elected.

Whitney was adopted by John and Lydia Owens in her late teens. No details have emerged as to the reasons why she was adopted or whether the adoption was legal (as opposed to an informal agreement.) The Owenses have 11 children and attended her wedding to Zach. Ten months later they were out of the picture and Whitney had welcomed her birth parents back into her life. Again, no details are known as to why that decision was made. Speculation here includes Whitney being pressured to drop them by her in-laws due to Gothard teachings on adoption, but no conclusive evidence has emerged either way. Whitney briefly addressed the situation following their vow renewal in June 2018 - she stated that actions and decisions she had made as a teenager caused a wedge in her relationship with her parents and she seems to have felt a good deal of guilt over whatever the situation was. Many FJers expressed sympathy for Whit and the hope that her parents felt as much guilt as she clearly did considering they were the adults in the situation. Many FJers also expressed sadness that Whit would feel guilty since one of the uncorroborated rumors floating around was that Whit had been abused by her parents. 

All that said, we still don’t know what really happened and Whit is under no obligation to discuss it further if she doesn’t want to. 

Whitney was not raised in IBLP/ATI. She wore normal clothes, such as jeans, growing up. After beginning a courtship with Zach she became "convicted" to wear only skirts. Some speculate she was subtly pressured by her in-laws or she chose to wear skirts in order to fit in - no concrete evidence either way. She recently began wearing jeans, sleeveless tops, and normal bathing suits publicly. It's entirely possible she started to do so because Alyssa had set the precedent.

Whitney and Zach share an Instagram account where Whitney often shares family photos. She sometimes will share how emotional she gets that her babies are growing up. During November 2016, Whitney publicly shared she had voted for Donald Trump in a lengthy Instagram post. Whitney appears to greatly enjoy exercising and appears to make it a priority in her life - she's stated she likes to include her kids in her workouts and gave advice for safely losing baby weight after Kaci's birth.

Whitney announced in September 2017 that she had recently taken a job working as a Realtor/Affiliate Broker with Bailey & Co. Real Estate. In October 2017, a few weeks before Bradley’s third birthday, they welcomed an 8 week old Beagle puppy into the family. It was an early birthday gift for Bradley from Whitney’s parents. Apparently his name is Boomer.

Zach and Whit renewed their vows in mid-June 2018, I believe on their 4.5 wedding anniversary. There was some confusion on FJ as to why since it was an odd time to renew. Whitney stated on instagram afterwards that having her birth parents present for the renewal was very special for them, so it’s likely them missing their wedding played a role. Whitney’s third pregnancy was announced during their vow renewal in mid-June by Bradley and Kaci. Shortly afterward, the couple learned that the baby had stopped growing and Whitney wound up miscarrying. They revealed the pregnancy and miscarriage during a Facebook Live they did in July. In January 2019, Whitney shared on Instagram that Bradley was praying each night for a younger sibling - which just seems creepy considering his dad’s family used to fast and pray for Kelly to get pregnant. 

Storylines include the births of their children, Zach scaring his mother half to death in a police car, and an episode about them buying furniture that was really just a poorly disguised ad for Rent-a-Center.




2B2C7441-C768-4CCD-8B1F-59C113BD6C3F.jpeg.a612ba1179a0292edcd5dc1279d0963f.jpegMichael Christian (née Bates) and Brandon Timothy Keilen:

Instagram account - http://instagram.com/brandon_michael_jn15

Years married: 3

Michael is the second child and eldest daughter of Gil and Kelly. She was born January 23, 1990 (29 years old) and is currently a stay at home wife. Brandon was born September 15, 1989 (29 years old) and currently works at IBLP Headquarters in the Chicago area (not sure what position he holds.)

It appears that they first met through IBLP. Michael had a massive crush on him, but followed the cult's teachings by not letting on she liked him. Because that makes complete sense. Brandon seems to have had some interest, but didn't do anything about it until one of his sisters basically called him an idiot for not realizing Michael liked him so much. They began courting early January 2014, but didn't become engaged until April 2015 because Brandon was completing some sort of degree in Texas. The proposal took place among the cherry trees in DC and was filmed for the show. They married August 15 of that year. 

Michael is longtime friends with Jana Duggar and Priscilla Waller (neé Keller.) She included Jana as one of her Bridesmaids, but selected her mother as her Matron of Honor. Her brother, Lawson, sang an original song during their wedding and her father performed the ceremony. The saddest part of the wedding was the reaction of Michael's youngest sister, Callie Anna Rose, who sobbed hysterically and clung to Michael because she realized Michael (who basically raised her) was leaving for good. 

Michael is the only Bates daughter with a traditionally masculine name. The story goes that her parents originally named her Michal, after a wife of King David. They then actually read the Bible, didn't like her story, and changed her name to Michael - because adding one letter was free as opposed to paying a fee for changing it further. You'll often see her referred to as Michael, Michaela, Michaella, among other spelling variations. Her legal name, however, is Michael.

Growing up, Michael was apparently a quiet and helpful child. She clearly adores children and was used by her parents to basically raise her younger siblings - she's known to have potty trained most of them. She was also known to be a relatively decent cook, though the cooking usually fell to Alyssa when they were younger.

Michael attended Roane State College, from which she obtained an Associate's degree. She's the only Bates child to attend a college other than Crown - many FJers believe this was allowed because she's the least likely to leave IBLP. She has worked as a part-time nanny in the past and currently sells hand sewn baby items through their website. Brandon enjoys drawing and has illustrated several items for IBLP. I believe he and Michael are currently working on a childrens' book together, but can't remember.

The Keilens are a relatively private couple. They appear occasionally on her parents' show and do maintain social media accounts, but they seem to value their privacy as well. At this time they do not have any children and they have spoken publicly that they are struggling to conceive. Michael shared a blog post in late June 2017 about having a crisis of faith due to their struggles, though it does not appear that they have any intentions to leave IBLP. The post was heartbreaking to read because it's clear how distressed they were. Last we heard they had both undergone fertility testing and Michael had sought assistance from Dr. Vick during a visit to Tennessee as well.

An episode in late August 2017 showed a Michael discussing her fertility struggles with younger sister Erin. Michael stated that they were seeing a top fertility specialist and that if they couldn't have biological children then they may adopt.

The Keilens announced in early 2019 that Michael was planning to eventually attend Nursing School and that they were moving to Tennessee as well. I assume this means that Michael could eventually pursue a legitimate career, while returning to her original career of raising her parents’ kids for them.  

Storylines include their relationship, wedding, Honeymoon, and settling into married life in Illinois.




Erin Elise (née Bates) and Charles Stephen "Chad" Paine III:

Instagram account - http://instagram.com/chad_erinpaine

Home Church: Clear Springs Baptist Church

Years married: 5

Number of kids: 3

Erin is the third child and second daughter of Gil and Kelly. She was born May 2, 1991 (28 years old), graduated from Crown College of the Bible with a Bachelor's in Music Ministry, and is a stay at home Mom. Chad was born April 18, 1987 (32 years old), apparently holds an Associate's in Youth Ministry from a private Christian College (because that's a totally practical degree), and he previously worked as an office manager for Noble Metals, Inc. He has since left that job to focus on refurbishing furniture and flipping houses. I believe he Trace and Jackson work with him now too.

I believe they met at an IBLP event. They began courting in early 2013, were engaged in August, and were married November 2, 2013. Erin's wedding dress was a modesty-altered abomination and they looked fairly awkward in their photos... but they've both gone on record about how hot they found each other when they first met and that was pretty refreshing to hear from an IBLP couple. They had a special cake at their reception to honor Bill Gothard, since it was his birthday. Kelly after changed the photo caption on their website to state it was a "groom's cake." Erin and Chad are also famous on FJ for having a pink bedroom when they first married (it's been redecorated since then.) Erin has stated that she always wanted a pink room as a kid and never got the opportunity - Chad didn't mind and is just happy when she's happy (one of the reasons some FJers love him.)

Erin and Chad have openly discussed their multiple miscarriages, including one in early 2014 that required a D&C. Chad courted a bit of controversy with some FJers after sharing a photo of them immediately after Erin's D&C on their website. After undergoing testing, it was discovered that a clotting disorder was causing Erin to miscarry. Her Doctor was able to find a treatment plan that allowed her to carry to term and she has since given birth to three healthy children: Charles Stephen "Carson" IV (May 2015), Brooklyn Elise (August 2016), and Everly Hope (March 2018.) They announced in early June 2019 that they are expecting their fourth child. Holland Grace Paine is due in December 2019.

One of Erin's Aunts (on her father's side) appears to have struggled with a similar fertility disorder. She apparently helped to provide emotional support to Erin. Erin asked her cousin, I believe this Aunt's daughter, to bake a cake to reveal Carson's SEX when her father's family got together for Thanksgiving. 

There was recent speculation about their status in the cult after Erin publicly stated they no longer followed Gothard. This was a careful bit of manipulation though, since Gothard had already been kicked out of IBLP - meaning that technically they could no longer follow Gothard himself, while still remaining deeply involved in the cult he founded and their fathers help run.

Chad is a pet Fundie of many on FJ due to his excellent work ethic and his clear adoration for his wife and children. He's skilled at re-purposing old furniture and has completed a good number of home improvement projects for the house he rents with Erin. They recently started selling stuff on their website under the name "Cherin's" - which is hysterical because that's what FJ calls them. He's also done a lot of helping out for Erin's parents over the years (those lazy fucks.) 

Erin plays piano and has taught lessons for several years. She has released four studio albums over the years and has performed at many Fundie weddings - including at least four Duggar weddings. It's a running joke on FJ that the piano insulted her honor because of how loudly she played at (I believe) Jessa's wedding. While she was once a poor cook, she appears to have developed a genuine interest and talent for cooking since marrying. She introduced her younger siblings to broccoli, which just shows how bad her parents really are at the whole "parenting" thing.

The Paines have goats and a yellow lab named Max. That's right. Max Paine. I'll wait while you laugh... Anyways, Max appears to be besties with Carson - adorable isn't a strong enough word to describe the photos of them together.

Both Erin and Chad's fathers (Gil and Dr. Stephen Paine) sit on the Board of Directors of IBLP. Dr. Paine is notorious on FJ for allegedly telling one of Bill Gothard's victims to "eat a protein bar" when she went to him to complain about the sexual harassment she was experiencing. His daughter, Tabitha (the Duggars' former live-in tutor), recently married Tim Robertson - a man convicted for raping his roommate's girlfriend years ago. The wedding occurred April 1, 2017 and was the subject of A LOT of discussion here.

In July 2017, Brooklyn was hospitalized for an infection in her finger. She required surgery to relieve the pressure and was in the hospital for several days. It's not known what caused the infection, but thankfully Brooklyn appears to have made a full recovery. 

In January 2019, Erin posted on Instagram about the abortion law passed in Bew York stare that would allow abortions after 20 weeks if there was a legitimate medical need for it. She stated that she wished, “everyone would just give me all the babies that they couldn’t raise,” which makes it clear she’s woefully uneducated about what the actual law states. It’s also exceptionally tone deaf and somewhat funny considering their current house may actually implode if they try to cram anymore kids to it.

Storylines include their fertility struggles, the pregnancies and births of their children, and various projects.



William Lawson Bates:

(Photo updated 8/11/2017 at the request of the always lovely @HereticHick) I’m going to be so sad when this photo needs to be changed.

Instagram accounts -

Lawson (http://instagram.com/lawbates)

Amigo, Horse of Lawson (http://instagram.com/lawbateshorse)

Known by his middle name, Lawson is the fourth eldest child and second son of Gil and Kelly. He was born July 27, 1992 (27 years old). He is an aspiring country-gospel musician, but appears to still have his own lawn service company (which his brother Trace helps run when Lawson is out of town.)

Lawson appears to enjoy the spotlight more than some of his siblings. He has often had storylines on the family show focused on his music. He's performed with Emily Ann Roberts (appeared on The Voice and was runner up her season) multiple times and recently filmed a music video with Sadie Robertson (of Duck Dynasty.) He's been shown performing at various venues and seeking professional advice from country musicians - no idea if he actually took their advice, but I assume he didn't. He truly seems to shine and enjoy performing for ill children at the Hospital though. He performed an original song for his older sister's wedding in 2015 and he has released two albums.

Lawson started his own landscaping company as a teenager and appears to have worked fairly hard. He was doing well enough to be able to loan money to his parents and some of his siblings - I know he gave Erin money for college and I believe she paid him back. No clue if his parents did as well, but I would assume they haven't.

Personally, he strikes me as being a big kid in an adult's body. He's goofy and seems to adore spending time with his nieces, nephews, and younger siblings - he and Carlin in particular seem to have a close friendship. He does come across as being fully aware that he's an attractive guy and he seems to enjoy using that to full advantage. 

There was rampant speculation that he was interested in Jinger Duggar. The speculation only increased when he was pictured standing next to her in  photo from her cousin's wedding in September 2015. Lawson continued fueling speculation with moody and cryptic Instagram posts around the time Jinger married Jeremy Vuolo in November 2016. No confirmation exists about the potential relationship and he could have simply been using the attention to further his music career - so, basically, ATTENTION WHORE!!!!!

In early August 2017 Lawson, Trace, Nathan, and Carlin left for a two week mission trip to the Philippines. In early September 2017, Lawson traveled to the Houston area with Nathan and assisted with civilian rescues following Hurricane Harvey. This is one of the only times I'm actually impressed by a Bates and I won't be poking fun of them. Enjoy this moment guys. Lawson and Nathan also went on some sort of mission trip to deliver medical supplies to refugees in the Middle East - based off his responses to comments on Instagram, it appears he’s willing to bring them supplies, but doesn’t actually want to support political policies that would help them immigrate to the US. 

He and Nathan were once pictured soaking wet and muddy. Their mother decided to share it publicly - I forget why. It was... highly defrauding.

Storylines mainly focus on his weak attempts at a music career.




Kenneth Nathan Bates:

Known as Nathan, he is the fifth eldest child and third son of Gil and Kelly. He was born August 29, 1993 (25 years old.) He has spent a lot of time training to be a pilot recently (I believe in Mississippi) and the UP website says he's working hard on his commercial rating as a pilot. He appears to have earned his certification to teach flying.

Nathan had began a courtship with Ashley Salyer around Christmas time of 2015. The courtship proposal was an over-the-top, elaborate day enjoying all Ashley's favorite spots in New York (she lives with her family in the Bronx.) She flat out said on camera she almost expected him to propose marriage. The pair faced a lot differences and, after seeking advice from his parents and thinking about the relationship a lot, they ultimately decided to end the courtship a few months later. Ashley has remained on friendly terms with the Bateses and general consensus on FJ is that they're both likely better off. Especially Ashley since he had made several jokes about her being a Northern girl that rubbed some people the wrong way a bit.

In the run up to Tori’s wedding, there was at least one episode where Nathan proved to be a massive asshole. Tori was doing a hair trial with Carlin and a friend and she was describing how she wanted her hair up. Nathan jumped into the conversation uninvited and insisted she’d regret not having her hair down in loose curls because she wouldn’t look as good. Much eye rolling ensued amongst FJers. Tori held her ground though and refused to be bullied into changing her mind by her creepy as fuck brother with weird opinions about wedding hair.

Nathan works (or worked) in the family tree business. I believe he was shown on the show cutting down branches in an early season. Nathan apparently enjoys preaching and mission work. He and Lawson were once famously depicted in a very NIKE! photo their mother shared on their blog.

Nathan left for a two week mission trip to the Phillipines in early August 2017. I believe the trip was to distribute medical supplies. He was accompanied by Lawson, Trace, Carlin, and an unidentified young woman. In early September 2017, Nathan and Lawson helped with civilian rescues in Houston following Hurricane Harvey. Genuine congratulations to them both for being decent humans and helping out in such a horrible situation. He went on another mission trip to deliver medical supplies to refugees in the Middle East in January 2018. He appeared to be pictured assisting with Dental work, which is weird because he isn’t a Dentist or Dental Hygienist.

Storylines include his courtship, among other pretty forgetful stuff.


Edited by VelociRapture
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@VelociRapture -- great cheat sheet! The eye trap at the end made me giggle. One correction -- the Bates homestead is in Rocky Top, TN. The town changed it's name a few years ago, apparently to drum up tourism.

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5 minutes ago, GreyhoundFan said:

@VelociRapture -- great cheat sheet! The eye trap at the end made me giggle. One correction -- the Bates homestead is in Rocky Top, TN. The town changed it's name a few years ago, apparently to drum up tourism.

I'm just gonna blame the Bateses for the name change. Just because I don't like them. :pb_lol:

Thank you! I'll try to update it to reflect the new name.

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Is it just me, but is Zach's age listed as being younger than Erin's? I've had a long week so it could be me miss reading it.

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1 hour ago, infooverload said:

Is it just me, but is Zach's age listed as being younger than Erin's? I've had a long week so it could be me miss reading it.

Looks right to me. 

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4 hours ago, infooverload said:

Is it just me, but is Zach's age listed as being younger than Erin's? I've had a long week so it could be me miss reading it.

I went back and double checked. I believe the listed dates are correct. I did mess up a few at first because of Velocibaby and because I was just tired. But Zach was born 12/30/1988 and is currently 28 (but he will turn 29 later this year), while Erin was born 5/2/1991 and already turned 26. 

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I'm impressed. There is no way I would have taken the time to do this when my kid was 6 months! Kudos!

2 hours ago, veron1que said:

Excellent! I didn't even know there was a Katie Bates.

Also, you didn't include the real naughty picture ;).

The words "NIKE", "defrauded", and "prayer closet" just ran through my head in rapid succession.

Edited by VineHeart137
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5 hours ago, veron1que said:

Excellent! I didn't even know there was a Katie Bates.

Also, you didn't include the real naughty picture ;).

I'm dying over this. It's just so awkward that their mom of all people would share this. Lol!!!

@VineHeart137Velocibaby has woken me up for about an hour the last five or six nights (teething is a bitch.) So I wrote a good deal of the summaries while snuggling her as she slept. Good way to keep myself occupied while also enjoying the cuddles. :) 

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You were a lot kinder in Lawson's bio than I would've been. "FAME WHORE" would've literally been in every paragraph.

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Also, Addee, Ellie and Callie are clones of not only Michael (Addee) but Tori (Ellie) and Erin (Callie). They're those three all over again. 

The Bateses are awesome at 'cloning' their kids. Zach-Jackson-Judson. Erin-Katie-Callie, etc. 

While Katie is very close to Erin and spends a lot of time at her place, Josie is besties with Alyssa and they used to have a room to themselves because they need it more quiet than the average Bates. 

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Awesome cheat sheet, but I believe Bobby's middle name is Ellis instead of Tellis.

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Awesome I would love to this for other families if admins would need help. Just some add ins (bateses are my pet fundies.) And please I hope this doesn't come off obnoxious. @VelociRapture You have always been one of my favorite posters here, not only because we are both nutmegers, but because you and small faction of seasoned posters who aren't admins, take your time to give great counter arguments while also educating others. I still want you to do bates recaps! Lol 

1. Kelly has 2 older biological sisters, Kay, the baker, kim the florist. She has 2 adopted black sisters becca and Beth. And a deceased brother who they called "chip". 

2. I'm also certain this kids get high school diplomas from an actual accredited program, no Duggar academy.

3. Lawson is a terrible singer. 

4.Don't forget to add that addelllleeeee spells her name with an absurd amount of letters because god gave her a second chance at life.

Reading this was the best! 


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Wait, wait, wait. Josie may have a "special friend"? This is the first time I've heard this. Details?

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@VelociRapture magnificent post!! Not that you are ever lacking in thoughtful and entertaining commentary. 

One thought - From Erin's instagram she was definitely still teaching piano classes as recently as last Christmas. I hope she continues this fundie-approved career. 

I think we will see a LOT more of Josie and Katie (both beautiful young women) as they take their turn on the fundie marriage market.

P.S. I always picture you in my head as sassy Jana. If it weren't for Velocibaby I could maybe even think you secretly were her!

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3 hours ago, Jane M. said:

Warden Justice and Isaiah Courage?




12 hours ago, RosyDaisy said:

Wait, wait, wait. Josie may have a "special friend"? This is the first time I've heard this. Details?

I'm not clear on details. I've just seen people suggest it - likely because she's getting closer to that age. No concrete evidence or any possible names have been suggested though. 

So, basically, just FJ being FJ. Lol!

@Exjw2015deed  Aw thanks! I did recaps for a little bit, but my husband would absolutely tease me mercilessly if he caught me watching it. 

I always forget the specifics of Kelly's siblings. I remember Beth and her two biological sisters, but I always forget Becca and Chip. And I made sure to include the bit about Addie's full name (which I can't truly snark on, since her birth sounds like it was a truly terrifying experience.)

13 hours ago, season of life said:

Awesome cheat sheet, but I believe Bobby's middle name is Ellis instead of Tellis.

I've decided his actual name is Bobby Tellis. Executive decision. Hope he doesn't mind. :pb_lol:

(But seriously, thank you though!)

Edited by VelociRapture
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Additionally, I failed to mention:

1. Whitney Bates wasn't raised IBLP/ATI. She received a degree (Associate's?) in medical billing around the time she married Zach.

2. Whitney wore jeans and sleeveless shirts prior to courting Zach. She became "convicted" to only wear skirts after. Speculation is that Kelly subtly urged her to switch or Whitney switched on her own to fit in. Some posters also suspect she only wore skirts around her in-laws and just wore whatever she wanted at home. No one really knows. Regardless, she publicly switched back to wearing pants, sleeveless tops, and normal bathing suits after Alyssa tasted wearig those items. Possibly because her in-laws couldn't shame her for doing so when Alyssa was doing the same thing. 

3. Alyssa Bates' wedding colors were bright pink and bright blue. So, basically, it looked like a unicorn vomited all over the wedding - which is fitting because she married at 19. She wore hot pink, super high heels. It was actually pretty impressive that she didn't topple over.

4. The Bateses like to misdirect attention. Kelly once posted about taking a trip to Niagra Falls (or something) with Gil when they were actually attending some sort of IBLP event down south. David Waller (bless his little pecan loving heart) is always pretty great at sharing photos of where the Bateses actually are and tagging them in the photo. I'm pretty sure that's the only thing David Waller is good for (other than being the best Keller SIL so far.)

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29 minutes ago, VelociRapture said:

3. Alyssa Bates' wedding colors were bright pink and bright blue. So, basically, it looked like a unicorn vomited all over the wedding - which is fitting because she married at 19. She wore hot pink, super high heels. It was actually pretty impressive that she didn't topple over.

Is Alyssa the one who decorated her bridal bedroom Barbie Pink, with lots of frilly things that even most tweens would find OTT?  I remember discussion about how people wondered what the groom felt about the decor.  I always thought he dealt with it by either being totally uninterested in such things, or by only going in there to get dressed or undressed, or to sleep, and not caring what the room looked like when most of the time he was in there the lights were out.

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Is Alyssa the one who decorated her bridal bedroom Barbie Pink, with lots of frilly things that even most tweens would find OTT?  I remember discussion about how people wondered what the groom felt about the decor.  I always thought he dealt with it by either being totally uninterested in such things, or by only going in there to get dressed or undressed, or to sleep, and not caring what the room looked like when most of the time he was in there the lights were out.

Erin had a bright pink master bedroom for a while.
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