A totally accurate and in no way sarcastic Bates Cheat Sheet

[VelociRapture 100,741]

Hello all! I've noticed a lot of new posters on the site recently - I'm assuming we have Josh Duggar (who is a waste) to thank - and I got the idea of writing up summaries of the Bateses to help out. Summaries start with the parents and then go by birth age of the child. 

Admins, feel free to merge if you need to. 

ETA: All summaries are available now. Click on each Spoiler to view them.  

Spoiler

 

Gilvin “Gil” and Kelly Jo (née Callaham) Bates -

Instagram account - http://instagram.com/thebatesfam

Home Church: Bible Baptist Church

Years married: 31

Number of kids: 19

Number of scandals glossed over: At least three

Parents of 19 children, live in Rocky Top (Tennessee), and have been married since December 19, 1987. Gil and Kelly met in college (Anderson College, before they transferred to Carson-Newman College) when Kelly was working as a Chemistry TA. They state they didn't originally want kids, but changed their minds and ultimately left things up to God. They had a show on TLC United Bates of America, which lasted one season. They currently star on UP's Bringing Up Bates.

Gil was born on January 1, 1965 (54) and has one brother and one sister. His parents, siblings, and assorted nieces and nephews have all appeared on the show. Kelly was born on October 26, 1966 (52.) Her parents divorced when she was young and her father has since died. She has two older sisters (Kay and Kim) and two younger adopted sisters (Beth and Becca, who are both black.) She also had an older brother, Chip, who has passed away. Beth's bridal shower and wedding were shown on BUB and her mother was recently shown getting remarried.

Gil had worked for Nabisco, but was either fired or left depending on the story you hear. Either way, he was out of a decent job that provided health insurance. He allegedly still works as a tree surgeon and has a well-known history of grifting - he has flat out stated that the family has used the ER for primary care services rather than purchase insurance cause they have to help you there regardless of whether you can pay. The Bateses recently started construction on a new Church, Bible Baptist of Andersonville. Gil acts as Pastor at the Church. 

Kelly has had at least nineteen live births - no multiples - and several miscarriages. Two miscarriages (Jewels and Sunny) happened within days of getting a positive test. One happened between Judson and Jeb’s births when she was eight weeks pregnant. They named the lost pregnancy Zion. I believe another miscarriage was close to the 20 week mark and was named Jubilee. (For those wondering, each miscarriage was named after a hymn the family loves.) Of her births, fourteen were unmedicated and none were c-sections. While pregnant with their last child (Jeb) they still did not have health insurance for ten of their children.

The family are friendly with the Duggars and appeared on their show several times. The Duggars helped them build a big expansion on their home, so they actually had room to house their kids. Kelly mentioned on their old blog that John David Duggar installed a camera system in their house for them so she could keep an eye on the kids better. They also, at one point, had a room dedicated to "Southern History", but which really just glorified the Confederacy and a man known to have had connections with the KKK. They at one time, apparently, lived in a 900 sq ft home with eleven children.

The Bateses homeschool their children and allow those interested to attend Crown College of the Bible - a school which only recently gained accreditation, though the accrediting body doesn't appear to be very legitimate. The Bates children appear better educated and well adjusted than the Duggar children, but that's mostly just because they have much more outgoing personalities and didn't spend their childhoods on camera.

I'm not sure how long they've been affiliated with IBLP and ATI, but Gil rose through the ranks and was made a Board Member within the last few years. He, and other Board members at the time, helped conceal the sexual abuse allegations made by female staffers against Bill Gothard (formerly the head of IBLP.) When it became clear that Gothard was a big liability, Gil and the other Board Members opted to kick him out. The Board was facing a lawsuit for concealing the abuse allegations, but the plaintiffs eventually chose to drop the case.

Gil and Kelly chose to utilize their eldest daughters as surrogate parents to their younger siblings, much as Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar did to the J'Slaves (Jana, Jill, Jessa, and Jinger.) Kelly would assign the baby a buddy while still pregnant - the baby was handed off to their Sister-Mom after the birth (unlike Michelle Duggar who at least took care of baby for the first six months.) The eldest daughters were each responsible for helping to run the household as well. I don’t recall their exact responsibilities, but Alyssa (for example) was responsible for cooking for the entire family from a fairly young age and a good portion of her day was spent on that. 

The messed up effects were seen at Michael Bates' wedding in August 2015, when her younger sister (Callie) was shown sobbing inconsolably because the woman who raised her was leaving for Chicago, and again when Tori was married in December 2017, during which Judson was pictured being hugged by Tori while he sobbed hysterically. Their stellar parenting decisions were also on full display when they promoted books written by the Pearls on their old website. 

Kelly and Gil have also stated that they borrowed money from their second eldest son, Lawson, several times so they could feed their other children. Some FJers don't see much wrong with that since Lawson lives in their home and should help out to an extent - but many of us do see an issue with it since Lawson wasn't given the option to move out and he seemed to work hard earning that money with his lawn service company. I have no clue whether they ever paid him back or not, but I assume they haven’t.

Kelly and Gil sometimes use social media to misdirect public attention. One example was when they posted on Instagram about traveling to, I believe, Niagra Falls when they were actually attending some IBLP bullshit. Keep an eye on David Waller's social media because  he's pretty phenomenal at accidentally outing them (bless his little pecan stealing heart!)

Lately, Kelly has been frequently pictured holding her grandchildren. Which is weird because on their old blog she was often pictured as far away from her youngest kids as possible. Maybe she just likes babies better when they aren't her's.

Oh! And Kelly was unable to name all her children in birth order during an interview. Which is just sad because I probably can and they aren't even my kids.

Spoiler

 

Zachary Gilvin Bates and Whitney Eileen Bates (neé Perkins):

Instagram account - http://instagram.com/zachnwhitbates

Years married: 5

Number of kids: 2

Zach is the eldest child of Gil and Kelly. He was born December 30, 1988 (30 years old) and currently works as a Deputy with the County Sheriff's Department. Whitney was born September 21, 1993 (25 years old) and started working as a Realtor in the fall of 2017.

Zach was previously in a courtship with Sarah Reith (the courtship proposal was awkward and caught on camera), but she ended the relationship shortly after. He met Whitney while she was working at Sonic sometime in late 2011. They became friends, started courting on July 1, 2013, were engaged that September, and married December 14, 2013. Zach and Whit are the only second gen Bates couple to admit to sinful premarital kissing - they confessed to his parents and strongly urge his siblings not to do the same (because Jesus and temptation. Lame.) I enjoy calling them "Zachney" because it sounds similar to "back acne" and I'm just mature like that. They renewed their wedding vows in mid-June 2018 (likely for the show and so they finally got the wedding they wanted.) They have two children, Bradley Gilvin (October 2014) and Kaci Lynn (June 2016.) They announced in early May 2019 that they were expecting their third child. Khloé Eileen Bates is due to be born sometime in November.

Zach once won an election for an Anderson County Commisioner and ran for another local office in early 2014. His platform was, apparently, ridiculously conservative in nature and he ultimately lost. No further political plans have been announced at this time, but it's still a possibility. So we should all just cross our fingers and hope he never gets elected.

Whitney was adopted by John and Lydia Owens in her late teens. No details have emerged as to the reasons why she was adopted or whether the adoption was legal (as opposed to an informal agreement.) The Owenses have 11 children and attended her wedding to Zach. Ten months later they were out of the picture and Whitney had welcomed her birth parents back into her life. Again, no details are known as to why that decision was made. Speculation here includes Whitney being pressured to drop them by her in-laws due to Gothard teachings on adoption, but no conclusive evidence has emerged either way. Whitney briefly addressed the situation following their vow renewal in June 2018 - she stated that actions and decisions she had made as a teenager caused a wedge in her relationship with her parents and she seems to have felt a good deal of guilt over whatever the situation was. Many FJers expressed sympathy for Whit and the hope that her parents felt as much guilt as she clearly did considering they were the adults in the situation. Many FJers also expressed sadness that Whit would feel guilty since one of the uncorroborated rumors floating around was that Whit had been abused by her parents. 

All that said, we still don’t know what really happened and Whit is under no obligation to discuss it further if she doesn’t want to. 

Whitney was not raised in IBLP/ATI. She wore normal clothes, such as jeans, growing up. After beginning a courtship with Zach she became "convicted" to wear only skirts. Some speculate she was subtly pressured by her in-laws or she chose to wear skirts in order to fit in - no concrete evidence either way. She recently began wearing jeans, sleeveless tops, and normal bathing suits publicly. It's entirely possible she started to do so because Alyssa had set the precedent.

Whitney and Zach share an Instagram account where Whitney often shares family photos. She sometimes will share how emotional she gets that her babies are growing up. During November 2016, Whitney publicly shared she had voted for Donald Trump in a lengthy Instagram post. Whitney appears to greatly enjoy exercising and appears to make it a priority in her life - she's stated she likes to include her kids in her workouts and gave advice for safely losing baby weight after Kaci's birth.

Whitney announced in September 2017 that she had recently taken a job working as a Realtor/Affiliate Broker with Bailey & Co. Real Estate. In October 2017, a few weeks before Bradley’s third birthday, they welcomed an 8 week old Beagle puppy into the family. It was an early birthday gift for Bradley from Whitney’s parents. Apparently his name is Boomer.

Zach and Whit renewed their vows in mid-June 2018, I believe on their 4.5 wedding anniversary. There was some confusion on FJ as to why since it was an odd time to renew. Whitney stated on instagram afterwards that having her birth parents present for the renewal was very special for them, so it’s likely them missing their wedding played a role. Whitney’s third pregnancy was announced during their vow renewal in mid-June by Bradley and Kaci. Shortly afterward, the couple learned that the baby had stopped growing and Whitney wound up miscarrying. They revealed the pregnancy and miscarriage during a Facebook Live they did in July. In January 2019, Whitney shared on Instagram that Bradley was praying each night for a younger sibling - which just seems creepy considering his dad’s family used to fast and pray for Kelly to get pregnant. 

Storylines include the births of their children, Zach scaring his mother half to death in a police car, and an episode about them buying furniture that was really just a poorly disguised ad for Rent-a-Center.

Spoiler

 

 

Michael Christian (née Bates) and Brandon Timothy Keilen:

Instagram account - http://instagram.com/brandon_michael_jn15

Years married: 3

Michael is the second child and eldest daughter of Gil and Kelly. She was born January 23, 1990 (29 years old) and is currently a stay at home wife. Brandon was born September 15, 1989 (29 years old) and currently works at IBLP Headquarters in the Chicago area (not sure what position he holds.)

It appears that they first met through IBLP. Michael had a massive crush on him, but followed the cult's teachings by not letting on she liked him. Because that makes complete sense. Brandon seems to have had some interest, but didn't do anything about it until one of his sisters basically called him an idiot for not realizing Michael liked him so much. They began courting early January 2014, but didn't become engaged until April 2015 because Brandon was completing some sort of degree in Texas. The proposal took place among the cherry trees in DC and was filmed for the show. They married August 15 of that year. 

Michael is longtime friends with Jana Duggar and Priscilla Waller (neé Keller.) She included Jana as one of her Bridesmaids, but selected her mother as her Matron of Honor. Her brother, Lawson, sang an original song during their wedding and her father performed the ceremony. The saddest part of the wedding was the reaction of Michael's youngest sister, Callie Anna Rose, who sobbed hysterically and clung to Michael because she realized Michael (who basically raised her) was leaving for good. 

Michael is the only Bates daughter with a traditionally masculine name. The story goes that her parents originally named her Michal, after a wife of King David. They then actually read the Bible, didn't like her story, and changed her name to Michael - because adding one letter was free as opposed to paying a fee for changing it further. You'll often see her referred to as Michael, Michaela, Michaella, among other spelling variations. Her legal name, however, is Michael.

Growing up, Michael was apparently a quiet and helpful child. She clearly adores children and was used by her parents to basically raise her younger siblings - she's known to have potty trained most of them. She was also known to be a relatively decent cook, though the cooking usually fell to Alyssa when they were younger.

Michael attended Roane State College, from which she obtained an Associate's degree. She's the only Bates child to attend a college other than Crown - many FJers believe this was allowed because she's the least likely to leave IBLP. She has worked as a part-time nanny in the past and currently sells hand sewn baby items through their website. Brandon enjoys drawing and has illustrated several items for IBLP. I believe he and Michael are currently working on a childrens' book together, but can't remember.

The Keilens are a relatively private couple. They appear occasionally on her parents' show and do maintain social media accounts, but they seem to value their privacy as well. At this time they do not have any children and they have spoken publicly that they are struggling to conceive. Michael shared a blog post in late June 2017 about having a crisis of faith due to their struggles, though it does not appear that they have any intentions to leave IBLP. The post was heartbreaking to read because it's clear how distressed they were. Last we heard they had both undergone fertility testing and Michael had sought assistance from Dr. Vick during a visit to Tennessee as well.

An episode in late August 2017 showed a Michael discussing her fertility struggles with younger sister Erin. Michael stated that they were seeing a top fertility specialist and that if they couldn't have biological children then they may adopt.

The Keilens announced in early 2019 that Michael was planning to eventually attend Nursing School and that they were moving to Tennessee as well. I assume this means that Michael could eventually pursue a legitimate career, while returning to her original career of raising her parents’ kids for them.  

Storylines include their relationship, wedding, Honeymoon, and settling into married life in Illinois.

 

Spoiler

Erin Elise (née Bates) and Charles Stephen "Chad" Paine III:

Instagram account - http://instagram.com/chad_erinpaine

Home Church: Clear Springs Baptist Church

Years married: 5

Number of kids: 3

Erin is the third child and second daughter of Gil and Kelly. She was born May 2, 1991 (28 years old), graduated from Crown College of the Bible with a Bachelor's in Music Ministry, and is a stay at home Mom. Chad was born April 18, 1987 (32 years old), apparently holds an Associate's in Youth Ministry from a private Christian College (because that's a totally practical degree), and he previously worked as an office manager for Noble Metals, Inc. He has since left that job to focus on refurbishing furniture and flipping houses. I believe he Trace and Jackson work with him now too.

I believe they met at an IBLP event. They began courting in early 2013, were engaged in August, and were married November 2, 2013. Erin's wedding dress was a modesty-altered abomination and they looked fairly awkward in their photos... but they've both gone on record about how hot they found each other when they first met and that was pretty refreshing to hear from an IBLP couple. They had a special cake at their reception to honor Bill Gothard, since it was his birthday. Kelly after changed the photo caption on their website to state it was a "groom's cake." Erin and Chad are also famous on FJ for having a pink bedroom when they first married (it's been redecorated since then.) Erin has stated that she always wanted a pink room as a kid and never got the opportunity - Chad didn't mind and is just happy when she's happy (one of the reasons some FJers love him.)

Erin and Chad have openly discussed their multiple miscarriages, including one in early 2014 that required a D&C. Chad courted a bit of controversy with some FJers after sharing a photo of them immediately after Erin's D&C on their website. After undergoing testing, it was discovered that a clotting disorder was causing Erin to miscarry. Her Doctor was able to find a treatment plan that allowed her to carry to term and she has since given birth to three healthy children: Charles Stephen "Carson" IV (May 2015), Brooklyn Elise (August 2016), and Everly Hope (March 2018.) They announced in early June 2019 that they are expecting their fourth child. Holland Grace Paine is due in December 2019.

One of Erin's Aunts (on her father's side) appears to have struggled with a similar fertility disorder. She apparently helped to provide emotional support to Erin. Erin asked her cousin, I believe this Aunt's daughter, to bake a cake to reveal Carson's SEX when her father's family got together for Thanksgiving. 

There was recent speculation about their status in the cult after Erin publicly stated they no longer followed Gothard. This was a careful bit of manipulation though, since Gothard had already been kicked out of IBLP - meaning that technically they could no longer follow Gothard himself, while still remaining deeply involved in the cult he founded and their fathers help run.

Chad is a pet Fundie of many on FJ due to his excellent work ethic and his clear adoration for his wife and children. He's skilled at re-purposing old furniture and has completed a good number of home improvement projects for the house he rents with Erin. They recently started selling stuff on their website under the name "Cherin's" - which is hysterical because that's what FJ calls them. He's also done a lot of helping out for Erin's parents over the years (those lazy fucks.) 

Erin plays piano and has taught lessons for several years. She has released four studio albums over the years and has performed at many Fundie weddings - including at least four Duggar weddings. It's a running joke on FJ that the piano insulted her honor because of how loudly she played at (I believe) Jessa's wedding. While she was once a poor cook, she appears to have developed a genuine interest and talent for cooking since marrying. She introduced her younger siblings to broccoli, which just shows how bad her parents really are at the whole "parenting" thing.

The Paines have goats and a yellow lab named Max. That's right. Max Paine. I'll wait while you laugh... Anyways, Max appears to be besties with Carson - adorable isn't a strong enough word to describe the photos of them together.

Both Erin and Chad's fathers (Gil and Dr. Stephen Paine) sit on the Board of Directors of IBLP. Dr. Paine is notorious on FJ for allegedly telling one of Bill Gothard's victims to "eat a protein bar" when she went to him to complain about the sexual harassment she was experiencing. His daughter, Tabitha (the Duggars' former live-in tutor), recently married Tim Robertson - a man convicted for raping his roommate's girlfriend years ago. The wedding occurred April 1, 2017 and was the subject of A LOT of discussion here.

In July 2017, Brooklyn was hospitalized for an infection in her finger. She required surgery to relieve the pressure and was in the hospital for several days. It's not known what caused the infection, but thankfully Brooklyn appears to have made a full recovery. 

In January 2019, Erin posted on Instagram about the abortion law passed in Bew York stare that would allow abortions after 20 weeks if there was a legitimate medical need for it. She stated that she wished, “everyone would just give me all the babies that they couldn’t raise,” which makes it clear she’s woefully uneducated about what the actual law states. It’s also exceptionally tone deaf and somewhat funny considering their current house may actually implode if they try to cram anymore kids to it.

Storylines include their fertility struggles, the pregnancies and births of their children, and various projects.

Spoiler

William Lawson Bates:

(Photo updated 8/11/2017 at the request of the always lovely @HereticHick) I’m going to be so sad when this photo needs to be changed.

Instagram accounts -

Lawson (http://instagram.com/lawbates)

Amigo, Horse of Lawson (http://instagram.com/lawbateshorse)

Known by his middle name, Lawson is the fourth eldest child and second son of Gil and Kelly. He was born July 27, 1992 (27 years old). He is an aspiring country-gospel musician, but appears to still have his own lawn service company (which his brother Trace helps run when Lawson is out of town.)

Lawson appears to enjoy the spotlight more than some of his siblings. He has often had storylines on the family show focused on his music. He's performed with Emily Ann Roberts (appeared on The Voice and was runner up her season) multiple times and recently filmed a music video with Sadie Robertson (of Duck Dynasty.) He's been shown performing at various venues and seeking professional advice from country musicians - no idea if he actually took their advice, but I assume he didn't. He truly seems to shine and enjoy performing for ill children at the Hospital though. He performed an original song for his older sister's wedding in 2015 and he has released two albums.

Lawson started his own landscaping company as a teenager and appears to have worked fairly hard. He was doing well enough to be able to loan money to his parents and some of his siblings - I know he gave Erin money for college and I believe she paid him back. No clue if his parents did as well, but I would assume they haven't.

Personally, he strikes me as being a big kid in an adult's body. He's goofy and seems to adore spending time with his nieces, nephews, and younger siblings - he and Carlin in particular seem to have a close friendship. He does come across as being fully aware that he's an attractive guy and he seems to enjoy using that to full advantage. 

There was rampant speculation that he was interested in Jinger Duggar. The speculation only increased when he was pictured standing next to her in  photo from her cousin's wedding in September 2015. Lawson continued fueling speculation with moody and cryptic Instagram posts around the time Jinger married Jeremy Vuolo in November 2016. No confirmation exists about the potential relationship and he could have simply been using the attention to further his music career - so, basically, ATTENTION WHORE!!!!!

In early August 2017 Lawson, Trace, Nathan, and Carlin left for a two week mission trip to the Philippines. In early September 2017, Lawson traveled to the Houston area with Nathan and assisted with civilian rescues following Hurricane Harvey. This is one of the only times I'm actually impressed by a Bates and I won't be poking fun of them. Enjoy this moment guys. Lawson and Nathan also went on some sort of mission trip to deliver medical supplies to refugees in the Middle East - based off his responses to comments on Instagram, it appears he’s willing to bring them supplies, but doesn’t actually want to support political policies that would help them immigrate to the US. 

He and Nathan were once pictured soaking wet and muddy. Their mother decided to share it publicly - I forget why. It was... highly defrauding.

Storylines mainly focus on his weak attempts at a music career.

 

Spoiler

Kenneth Nathan Bates:

Known as Nathan, he is the fifth eldest child and third son of Gil and Kelly. He was born August 29, 1993 (25 years old.) He has spent a lot of time training to be a pilot recently (I believe in Mississippi) and the UP website says he's working hard on his commercial rating as a pilot. He appears to have earned his certification to teach flying.

Nathan had began a courtship with Ashley Salyer around Christmas time of 2015. The courtship proposal was an over-the-top, elaborate day enjoying all Ashley's favorite spots in New York (she lives with her family in the Bronx.) She flat out said on camera she almost expected him to propose marriage. The pair faced a lot differences and, after seeking advice from his parents and thinking about the relationship a lot, they ultimately decided to end the courtship a few months later. Ashley has remained on friendly terms with the Bateses and general consensus on FJ is that they're both likely better off. Especially Ashley since he had made several jokes about her being a Northern girl that rubbed some people the wrong way a bit.

In the run up to Tori’s wedding, there was at least one episode where Nathan proved to be a massive asshole. Tori was doing a hair trial with Carlin and a friend and she was describing how she wanted her hair up. Nathan jumped into the conversation uninvited and insisted she’d regret not having her hair down in loose curls because she wouldn’t look as good. Much eye rolling ensued amongst FJers. Tori held her ground though and refused to be bullied into changing her mind by her creepy as fuck brother with weird opinions about wedding hair.

Nathan works (or worked) in the family tree business. I believe he was shown on the show cutting down branches in an early season. Nathan apparently enjoys preaching and mission work. He and Lawson were once famously depicted in a very NIKE! photo their mother shared on their blog.

Nathan left for a two week mission trip to the Phillipines in early August 2017. I believe the trip was to distribute medical supplies. He was accompanied by Lawson, Trace, Carlin, and an unidentified young woman. In early September 2017, Nathan and Lawson helped with civilian rescues in Houston following Hurricane Harvey. Genuine congratulations to them both for being decent humans and helping out in such a horrible situation. He went on another mission trip to deliver medical supplies to refugees in the Middle East in January 2018. He appeared to be pictured assisting with Dental work, which is weird because he isn’t a Dentist or Dental Hygienist.

Storylines include his courtship, among other pretty forgetful stuff.

 

Edited July 30, 2019 by VelociRapture

[VelociRapture 100,741]

Spoiler

 

Alyssa Joy (née Bates) and John Elliot Webster: 

Instagram accounts - 

Alyssa (https://www.instagram.com/websterforever)

John (http://instagram.com/johnw1121)

Home Church: West Orlando Baptist Church

Years married: 4 

Number of kids: 3

Alyssa is the sixth child and third eldest daughter of Gil and Kelly. She was born November 9, 1994 (24) and is currently a stay at home mom. She shares a birthday with her nephew, Kade Smith. John was born November 21, 1989 (29 years old) and works for his family's air conditioner business. They also have worked together cleaning offices at night for extra money, though I don't know if they still do. They live near John's family in Florida. 

The Websters, like the Bateses, are followers of IBLP and I believe Alyssa met John through the cult. They appear to have gotten to know one another when Alyssa volunteered for John's father's campaign for Congress (he's known as "Taliban Dan" Webster and is a House Rep from Florida.) Kelly has previously stated that the couple discussed skipping courtship and going straight to engagement, but they ultimately decided against it. They began courting November 6, 2013, were engaged at Disney January of 2014, and married on May 24, 2014. Their wedding colors were ridiculously bright pink and blue. I think I went temporarily blind seeing the Bridesmaids dresses.

It's speculated that they kissed before marriage because they never stated they waited and they seemed extremely comfortable together physically in their wedding photos. No concrete evidence exists to support that assertion though. They have three daughters, Allie Jane (April 2015), Lexi Mae (January 2017), and Zoey Joy (March 2018.) 

Alyssa had attended Crown College briefly, but dropped out after getting engaged. She worked part-time at a flower shop before marriage and, according to her family, is a very organized person. She seems to have helped the family manage the records for the tree service company and the family taxes as well. She greatly appreciates the quieter environment of her married home to her very loud parents' home. While unmarried, her main role at her parents' house was cooking the family meals. She appears to have taken a much needed break from cooking after marriage (I think she mentioned they ordered food a lot.) 

Alyssa is the Bates daughter famous on FJ for wearing sleeveless tops, pants, normal bathing suits (allegedly), and fairly high heels. Some posters are convinced it means they're moving away from IBLP, but all evidence suggests they are still firmly ensconced in the cult and simply adopted a more relaxed dress standard. She seems fond of dressing her daughters in matching outfits and is notorious on FJ for putting bows on their heads (some of which reach hysterical size.)

Alyssa and John are relatively private people, like Michael and Brandon. They maintain separate public (and private) Instagram accounts. John also started a separate account for the cleaning services they do. 

Alyssa, at one point, took a break from her public Instagram account after experiencing a bunch of negative comments. Some of this was warranted - for instance, comments about her family's beliefs and about car seat safety. Other comments - such as comments regarding Allie possibly having a developmental disorder due to her appearance - were completely uncalled for and would upset any parent.

In November 2018, John’s father - Daniel “Taliban Dan” Webster - was re-elected to the US House of Representatives. He represents Florida’s 11th congressional district. John posted on Instagram that his father was his “role model” and that he was so proud of him for “standing for what is right.” For those interested, here’s a screenshot:

Spoiler

Alyssa’s Instagram was hacked in October 2018. She eventually got the account restored to her, but not before all the photos were deleted. 

In early 2019, Alyssa revealed she was diagnosed with super ventricular tachycardia (I believe, more specifically, AVRNT) and that she had undergone an Electrophysiology Study (surgery) to try and correct the problem. The surgery ended up not being successful and she is scheduled to redo it at some point. She continues to take medication to help regulate her heartbeat until the surgery happens.

Spoiler

 

Tori Layne (née Bates) and Robert Ellis Smith III:

Instagram account -

(https://www.instagram.com/bobby_torilayne_smith)

Home Church: Bible Baptist Church

Years married: 1

Number of kids: 1

Tori is the seventh child and fourth daughter of Kelly and Gil. She was born December 20, 1995 (23.) Tori graduated from Crown College in May 2018 with some sort of Bachelor’s degree. She helped tutor her siblings while living with her parents and enjoys playing the violin. Tori and Bobby announced they were expecting their first child on May 10, 2018. Their son, Robert Ellis Smith IV (nicknamed Kade), was born on November 9, 2018. 

In fall of 2016, sometime in late October or early November, Tori entered a courtship with Robert Ellis "Bobby" Smith III (I actually thought his middle name was "Tellis" based off his Instagram username. It's not. Lol!) He asked on the beach in Florida (where he is originally from) and it appears to have been utterly forgettable because no one on here seems to remember the details. I like referring to them as "BoRi" because they bore me. Bobby was born on February 16, 1995 (24) and graduated from Pensacola Christian College in Florida in May of 2017 - he earned a degree in Bible and Youth Ministry. Their engagement was announced in late September 2017 and they married December 16, 2017 in Tennessee. Gil, Tori’s father, appears to have performed the ceremony. The couple relocated to the Nashville area after Tori graduated so Bobby could begin working at Bible Baptist Church in Hendersonville as a Student Ministries Pastor. 

Tori had repeatedly said she didn't want to get married until after she finished her degree. Kelly wasted no time slipping in a joke about Tori needing to hurry up and graduate so they could get married already because Kelly is, literally, the worst. 

On one episode, Bobby visits the Bateses. He and Tori discuss their plans for the future with her parents during dinner. Bobby is also shown looking for a job and place to live in Tennessee, as he intended to move to the state after graduating. It appears he may be working at the Church plant started by Gil and living in a trailer on Church grounds - so, basically, the Bateses answer to Ben Seewald.  

Bobby and Tori relocated to the area her parents live in early 2019.

Tori's storylines on the show have included showing her at college, helping with the younger kids, her new relationship, and that time her Grandma sent her a gift card for clothes because she got straight A's.

Spoiler

Trace Whitfield Bates:

Instagram account - http://instagram.com/tracebates97

Trace is the eighth child and fourth son of Gil and Kelly. He was born February 1, 1997 (22) and shares a birthday with his youngest brother, Jeb. He currently works in the family tree business. He graduated from Crown College in May 2018 after completing a one year Bible certificate program.

He may have had a romantic interest in a young woman named Campbell Roberts. They were apparently pretty chummy in one episode. No courtship has been announced though and we haven’t seen her on the show since, so it appears any possible romance fizzled.

Trace is allegedly the most competitive Bates. He enjoys sports and has shown interest in learning trick riding (on horseback.)  He's also a fan of The Hardy Boys books.

In early August 2017 Trace left on a mission trip to the Phillipines to distribute medical supplies. He was accompanied by Lawson, Nathan, Carlin, and an unidentified young woman. During the summer of 2018, Trace visited family friends in Hawaii. He was the only Bates there (sparking questions on FJ about whether he traveled alone) and posed without a shirt on in several photos (sparking snark about the Bates family double standards in how the sons are treated in comparison to the daughters.)

It was announced in 2019 that Trace was “special friends” with Chaney Kahle. 

Storylines for Trace included an episode where he went shopping and got lunch with his mom - this may be the most one-on-one time he's gotten with her since he was in utero. There was also that episode (I believe the first one) where he got into a car crash immediately before the baby shower for Zach and Whitney. He also tried to kill his father via tackle during a friendly family game of football one Thanksgiving.

(Ok... so he didn't actually try to kill Gil via football tackle... but I can still hope one of the kids wises up and completely owns their parents, right?)

 

Spoiler

Carlin Brianne (neé Bates) and Evan P. Stewart:

Instagram accounts -

Carlin (http://instagram.com/carlinbates98)

Evan (http://instagram.com/evanpstewart16)

Evan’s Home Church: South Haven Baptist

Carlin is the ninth child and fifth daughter of Gil and Kelly. She was born April 11, 1998 (21.) Carlin shares a birthday with her niece, Allie Jane Webster. She graduated homeschool in the spring of 2016 and previously attended Crown College. She transferred from Crown to an online program through Liberty University. She is set to graduate in May 2019, currently teaches piano lessons, and says that teaching piano is her dream job. 

Carlin was "special friends" with Evan Stewart - whom I like to refer to as the Fundie Zoolander - for a while. Their courtship began in August 2017 and was formally announced in early January 2018 when a new season of Bringing Up Bates premiered. They were apparently introduced by Erin, who met his family during a women's conference at his family's church and felt they could be a good match. Evan is the second youngest of six kids and his family has traveled as a family gospel musical group called, His Own. When asked on Instagram who he voted for, he said "The President" - so either he's being sneaky to avoid answering or he actually voted for Trump. Regardless, he seems like a bit of a tool and I kind of wish he would have just faded back into blissful obscurity. Unfortunately for all of us, Evan proposed to Carlin at the Portland Head Lighthouse during a trip they (and their parents) took to Maine in September 2018. She said yes. So now we’re all stuck with Fundie Zoolander. Fun times. Their wedding was held on May 25, 2019, making it the longest engagement seen in either the Bates or Duggar families thus far. It was also the nicest looking wedding from either family as well. 

Fundie Zoolander was born August 24, 1995 (23) and, of course, I don't know if he's capable of turning left or if he can only turn right (like Zoolander.) He mentioned in early 2018 that he plans to go to school to become an Electrician, so I’ll give him a point for at least picking a field that’ll offer the potential for a decent living.

Carlin is LOUD. And kind of obnoxious at times. Which is nice to see in a Fundie, but oh my God she doesn't shut up. When the family performs music she usually takes the lead on vocals and she is a very talented at yodeling. She enjoys volunteering as a Sunday School leader at her family's Church and helping with other children's ministries. 

Carlin is very good friends with Joy Forsyth (neé Duggar.) She has previously traveled to Central America with Joy, Joy's sister-Mom Jill, and Jill's family. She also was included in Joy's bridal party at her May 2017 wedding. 

Carlin left on a two week mission trip to the Phillipines to distribute medical supplies in early August 2017. She went with Lawson, Nathan, Trace, and an unidentified young woman.

Storylines for Carlin have included her budding relationship and that time her creepy parents took her to dinner and gave her a purity ring. They’ve also covered her courtship with Evan and I assume we’ll be subjected to the horror that is CarVan wedding planning as well. 

Spoiler

Josie Kellyn (née Bates) and Kelton Edward Balka:

Instagram accounts -

Josie (https://instagram.com/josie_balka) 

Kelton (http://instagram.com/keltonbalka)

Home Church: The Temple Baptist Church

Years married: Less than 1

Josie is the tenth child and sixth daughter of Gil and Kelly. She was born August 4, 1999 (19.) Josie is a graduate of Crown College’s Cosmetology program and is licensed with the State of Tennessee - this may be the most practical degree a Bates kid has pursued through Crown. 

In January 2018, it was announced that Josie was courting Kelton Balka, a friend of Bobby Smith (Tori's husband) and a recent graduate of Pensacola Christian College (finance major.) They were “special friends” since at least May 2017 when she appears to have attended his college graduation. They’ve apparently known one another much longer though, but Kelton agreed not to pursue a romantic relationship with Josie until she was 18. Their engagement took place in Josie’s dream location of Utah on or around June 20, 2018. Kelton got HIS happily ever after on October 5, 2018 when he married Josie in an outdoor ceremony overlooking the Smokey Mountains. They announced Josie’s first pregnancy on February 13, 2019. Their daughter, Willow Kristie, was born July 19, 2019.

Josie loves reading Sherlock Holmes and is the only Bates with naturally curly hair. And while she is apparently the friend everyone dreams of having she also prefers salad to pizza... meaning, she's actually the Goddamn Devil. Because only the Devil would choose salad over pizza.

Kelton was born July 4, 1995 (24.) He is the first (second?) of five children and the first son of Michael and Kristy (neé Dotson) Balka. His mother died on April 14, 2009 while giving birth to her youngest child. Kelton appears to be rather close to his family and he currently works for a plumbing company (possibly a family business.) They, or rather Kelton, wrote about their love story on their wedding website and it sparked a serious debate on FJ over whether Kelton was a creepy and entitled jerk or an understandably hurt young man attempting to make things sound more interesting than they really were. Personally, I’m sitting here like:

Storylines about Josie include an episode where Gil starts teaching her to play tennis and an episode where she takes the lead redecorating the daughters' room. I also believe she was shown learning to drive. Plus all that courtship  and wedding planning bullshit. 

Spoiler

Katie Grace Bates:

Instagram account - http://instagram.com/kgbates2000

Katie is the eleventh child and seventh daughter of Gil and Kelly. She was born October 5, 2000 (18.) She's still homeschooled and is doing dual-enrollment at Crown College. She’s due to finish a one year Bible certificate program in 2018. She mentioned in early 2018 that she wanted to pursue Nursing, but a lot of FJers weren’t sure how realistic a goal this is given how strenuous and NIKE! working as a Nurse can be. Katie later said she would be enrolling in the Cosmetology program at Crown instead and no explanation for the switch was provided.  

Too young for a courtship.

The fun fact listed on her bio was, memorably, that she is the only Bates with five letters in each of her names. So far, that's the most memorable part about her. Sorry Katie. Maybe request more screen time or something? Oh! And she loves ice cream. Like, REALLY loves ice cream. To the point where she joked about giving her future kids ice cream flavors for names so she knows she’ll always love them (true story - she is officially my favorite Bates for this.) 

Storylines include... maybe Katie learning to drive? I know she does talking heads with Josie a lot.

 

Spoiler

Jackson Ezekiel, Warden Justice, and Isaiah Courage:

Don't even bother trying to tell them apart right now. Like the younger Duggar boys, they just blend together.

But can we take a moment to fully appreciate Warden and Isaiah's middle names? Phenomenal.

Anyways:

Jackson - twelfth kid and fifth son. Born February 17, 2002 (17.)

Warden - thirteenth kid and sixth son. Born May 19, 2003 (16.)

Isaiah - fourteenth kid and seventh son. Born October 16, 2004 (14.)

Don't remember storylines about them specifically. Other than that time they had some sort of paintball war with the older brothers. Or something. And apparently Warden has been going to Erin's house and learning to cook from her - which is really cute, a great bonding experience, and a fantastic life skill for him to learn.

Spoiler

Addallee Hope "Addie", Ellie Bridget, and Callie Anna Rose:

Addie is the fifteenth child and eighth daughter. She was born February 17, 2006 (13.) I believe she was born at the family house and experienced life threatening complications - her breathing and heart stopped. She spent 17 days in NICU and the double letters of her first name stand for God giving her a second chance at life (as does her middle name.) She's listed as being thoughtful, generous, and sensitive. She looks like a tiny clone of eldest sister Michael.

Ellie is the sixteenth child and ninth daughter. She was born April 28, 2007 (12.) Her parents say her name means "Strong Light" and she's described as being a bubbly ray of sunshine. She's basically a tiny Tori.

Callie is the seventeenth child and tenth (and final!) daughter. She was born August 2, 2009 (9.) Callie is described as being very mischievous. She's memorable for crying hysterically at Michael's wedding and for flat out saying Bateses don't work (or something similarly hysterical.) Callie looks like she's actually Erin's daughter.

Storylines include Addie and Ellie having a delayed, joint birthday party at Whitney's mother's house (I believe.) 

Spoiler

Judson Wyatt and Jeb Colton:

Judson is the eighteenth child and eighth son. He was born September 15, 2010 (8.)

Jeb (which my phone hysterically autocorrected to "Jen") is the youngest Bates child and final son. He was born on February 1, 2012 (7) and shares a birthday with big brother Trace. 

Judson is apparently a cuddly teddy bear. That's according to his bio on UP's website.

Jeb was born two weeks early (he was due on Valentine's Day) and spent some time in NICU - I believe for fluid in his lungs. He is apparently a handful, loves playing with toy trains, and loves spending time with Chad Paine.

Storylines include Jeb and Judson lighting a fire in the house while the adults are asleep and Kelly is in Florida (I believe she went to help the Websters right after Lexi was born.) Gil took them to see a burned out house, which may have just sparked (ha! Get it?!) an interest in fire for Jeb. That kid is a spitfire (I'm killing myself with these puns.) Gil then immediately flew to Florida to be with his wife, earning him the Father of the Year award.

 

If you've made it this far... here's your reward... enjoy! 

Spoiler

ETA: And a bonus picture because the internet is forever and fuck you Kelly!

(The creepy ass "Groom's cake" the Paines had at their wedding for Bill "Let me fondle your foot" Gothard. Not even using a spoiler because everyone should see this level of creepy.)

ETA (June 26, 2017): Here's a link to an old article. It helps show how creepy af these assholes really are.

https://www.google.com/amp/abcnews.go.com/amp/Health/bates-family-20-praying-children/story%3Fid%3D14359053

ETA (June 10, 2018): Another link, this time to the article where Kelly couldn’t name her kids.

https://abcnews.go.com/US/evangelical-bates-family-20-children/story?id=12648595

ETA (June 11, 2018): Adding another link, this time to their old blog. In this archived post (which has since been scrubbed prior to their UP TV makeover), Kelly kind of unintentionally admits that Tori was basically Judson’s mother - she became his buddy at birth (not when he was six months as the Duggars did) and was the only one to know his SEX prior to the birth.

https://web.archive.org/web/20101118055900/http://gilbatesfamily.com:80/2010/09/12/tori-14/

And here’s one for Katie, then 10, who apparently was taking on a lot of child raising responsibilities already because her older sisters were busy. 

https://web.archive.org/web/20101120201831/http://gilbatesfamily.com:80/2010/09/15/katie-10/

And another where a few of the kids visited Papa Bill at Court. I’m adding this simply because I think it’s shitty they never had the option of pursuing professional careers like Papa Bill did and because that solo shot of Alyssa is making me laugh so hard - she looks so completely unamused.

https://web.archive.org/web/20110121101646/http://gilbatesfamily.com:80/2011/01/12/order-in-the-court/

And this one, where Kelly states that Carlin tagged along on their 23rd anniversary trip to Pigeon Forge so she could buckle Judson, who Kelly was breastfeeding, into his car seat. Sure Kelly. We’ll all just sit here and pretend to believe that you needed Carlin there just to buckle Judson in and not so the baby wouldn’t interrupt your sweet fellowshipping with Gil. 

https://web.archive.org/web/20110121101641/http://gilbatesfamily.com:80/2010/12/21/23-years/

ETA (October 24, 2018): Kelly and Gil went public with their Trump support via a photo of Judson (currently 8 years old) wearing a MAGA hat while pumpkin picking. Super classy guys. 

Spoiler

And here’s a photo of their old Patriot Room. The website is at the top of the photo, so it proves it came from their old blog:

Spoiler

 

 

Edited July 30, 2019 by VelociRapture

[fluffernutter 8,749]

Awesome synopsis! Thanks!

[GreyhoundFan 206,235]

@VelociRapture -- great cheat sheet! The eye trap at the end made me giggle. One correction -- the Bates homestead is in Rocky Top, TN. The town changed it's name a few years ago, apparently to drum up tourism.

[VelociRapture 100,741]

5 minutes ago, GreyhoundFan said:

@VelociRapture -- great cheat sheet! The eye trap at the end made me giggle. One correction -- the Bates homestead is in Rocky Top, TN. The town changed it's name a few years ago, apparently to drum up tourism.

I'm just gonna blame the Bateses for the name change. Just because I don't like them. 

Thank you! I'll try to update it to reflect the new name.

[infooverload 2,150]

Is it just me, but is Zach's age listed as being younger than Erin's? I've had a long week so it could be me miss reading it.

[Nikedagain? 16,011]

@VelociRapture

TRULY I SAY - WE'RE NOT WORTHY!

Amazingly concise, informative and hysterical! A++

[Bethella 17,486]

1 hour ago, infooverload said:

Is it just me, but is Zach's age listed as being younger than Erin's? I've had a long week so it could be me miss reading it.

Looks right to me. 

[VelociRapture 100,741]

4 hours ago, infooverload said:

Is it just me, but is Zach's age listed as being younger than Erin's? I've had a long week so it could be me miss reading it.

I went back and double checked. I believe the listed dates are correct. I did mess up a few at first because of Velocibaby and because I was just tired. But Zach was born 12/30/1988 and is currently 28 (but he will turn 29 later this year), while Erin was born 5/2/1991 and already turned 26. 

[veron1que 974]

Excellent! I didn't even know there was a Katie Bates.

Also, you didn't include the real naughty picture ;).

[VineHeart137 13,171]

I'm impressed. There is no way I would have taken the time to do this when my kid was 6 months! Kudos!

2 hours ago, veron1que said:

Excellent! I didn't even know there was a Katie Bates.

Also, you didn't include the real naughty picture ;).

The words "NIKE", "defrauded", and "prayer closet" just ran through my head in rapid succession.

Edited June 17, 2017 by VineHeart137

[Flossie 13,620]

That last picture just became my desktop photo.  I call it "Fundy Erotica."

[Elvis Presby 1,268]

Awesome cheat sheet @VelociRapture!

[VelociRapture 100,741]

5 hours ago, veron1que said:

Excellent! I didn't even know there was a Katie Bates.

Also, you didn't include the real naughty picture ;).

I'm dying over this. It's just so awkward that their mom of all people would share this. Lol!!!

@VineHeart137Velocibaby has woken me up for about an hour the last five or six nights (teething is a bitch.) So I wrote a good deal of the summaries while snuggling her as she slept. Good way to keep myself occupied while also enjoying the cuddles.  

[HarleyQuinn 39,407]

You were a lot kinder in Lawson's bio than I would've been. "FAME WHORE" would've literally been in every paragraph.

[Pretzel 9,938]

Also, Addee, Ellie and Callie are clones of not only Michael (Addee) but Tori (Ellie) and Erin (Callie). They're those three all over again. 

The Bateses are awesome at 'cloning' their kids. Zach-Jackson-Judson. Erin-Katie-Callie, etc. 

While Katie is very close to Erin and spends a lot of time at her place, Josie is besties with Alyssa and they used to have a room to themselves because they need it more quiet than the average Bates. 

[season of life 6,727]

Awesome cheat sheet, but I believe Bobby's middle name is Ellis instead of Tellis.

[Exjw2015deed 2,508]

Awesome I would love to this for other families if admins would need help. Just some add ins (bateses are my pet fundies.) And please I hope this doesn't come off obnoxious. @VelociRapture You have always been one of my favorite posters here, not only because we are both nutmegers, but because you and small faction of seasoned posters who aren't admins, take your time to give great counter arguments while also educating others. I still want you to do bates recaps! Lol 

1. Kelly has 2 older biological sisters, Kay, the baker, kim the florist. She has 2 adopted black sisters becca and Beth. And a deceased brother who they called "chip". 

2. I'm also certain this kids get high school diplomas from an actual accredited program, no Duggar academy.

3. Lawson is a terrible singer. 

4.Don't forget to add that addelllleeeee spells her name with an absurd amount of letters because god gave her a second chance at life.

Reading this was the best! 

 

[RosyDaisy 18,255]

Wait, wait, wait. Josie may have a "special friend"? This is the first time I've heard this. Details?

[neurogirl 12,816]

@VelociRapture magnificent post!! Not that you are ever lacking in thoughtful and entertaining commentary. 

One thought - From Erin's instagram she was definitely still teaching piano classes as recently as last Christmas. I hope she continues this fundie-approved career. 

I think we will see a LOT more of Josie and Katie (both beautiful young women) as they take their turn on the fundie marriage market.

P.S. I always picture you in my head as sassy Jana. If it weren't for Velocibaby I could maybe even think you secretly were her!

[Jane M. 785]

Warden Justice and Isaiah Courage?

Why???????????

[VelociRapture 100,741]

3 hours ago, Jane M. said:

Warden Justice and Isaiah Courage?

Why???????????

12 hours ago, RosyDaisy said:

Wait, wait, wait. Josie may have a "special friend"? This is the first time I've heard this. Details?

I'm not clear on details. I've just seen people suggest it - likely because she's getting closer to that age. No concrete evidence or any possible names have been suggested though. 

So, basically, just FJ being FJ. Lol!

@Exjw2015deed  Aw thanks! I did recaps for a little bit, but my husband would absolutely tease me mercilessly if he caught me watching it. 

I always forget the specifics of Kelly's siblings. I remember Beth and her two biological sisters, but I always forget Becca and Chip. And I made sure to include the bit about Addie's full name (which I can't truly snark on, since her birth sounds like it was a truly terrifying experience.)

13 hours ago, season of life said:

Awesome cheat sheet, but I believe Bobby's middle name is Ellis instead of Tellis.

I've decided his actual name is Bobby Tellis. Executive decision. Hope he doesn't mind. 

(But seriously, thank you though!)

Edited June 18, 2017 by VelociRapture

[VelociRapture 100,741]

Additionally, I failed to mention:

1. Whitney Bates wasn't raised IBLP/ATI. She received a degree (Associate's?) in medical billing around the time she married Zach.

2. Whitney wore jeans and sleeveless shirts prior to courting Zach. She became "convicted" to only wear skirts after. Speculation is that Kelly subtly urged her to switch or Whitney switched on her own to fit in. Some posters also suspect she only wore skirts around her in-laws and just wore whatever she wanted at home. No one really knows. Regardless, she publicly switched back to wearing pants, sleeveless tops, and normal bathing suits after Alyssa tasted wearig those items. Possibly because her in-laws couldn't shame her for doing so when Alyssa was doing the same thing. 

3. Alyssa Bates' wedding colors were bright pink and bright blue. So, basically, it looked like a unicorn vomited all over the wedding - which is fitting because she married at 19. She wore hot pink, super high heels. It was actually pretty impressive that she didn't topple over.

4. The Bateses like to misdirect attention. Kelly once posted about taking a trip to Niagra Falls (or something) with Gil when they were actually attending some sort of IBLP event down south. David Waller (bless his little pecan loving heart) is always pretty great at sharing photos of where the Bateses actually are and tagging them in the photo. I'm pretty sure that's the only thing David Waller is good for (other than being the best Keller SIL so far.)

[Flossie 13,620]

29 minutes ago, VelociRapture said:

3. Alyssa Bates' wedding colors were bright pink and bright blue. So, basically, it looked like a unicorn vomited all over the wedding - which is fitting because she married at 19. She wore hot pink, super high heels. It was actually pretty impressive that she didn't topple over.

Is Alyssa the one who decorated her bridal bedroom Barbie Pink, with lots of frilly things that even most tweens would find OTT?  I remember discussion about how people wondered what the groom felt about the decor.  I always thought he dealt with it by either being totally uninterested in such things, or by only going in there to get dressed or undressed, or to sleep, and not caring what the room looked like when most of the time he was in there the lights were out.

[infooverload 2,150]

Is Alyssa the one who decorated her bridal bedroom Barbie Pink, with lots of frilly things that even most tweens would find OTT?  I remember discussion about how people wondered what the groom felt about the decor.  I always thought he dealt with it by either being totally uninterested in such things, or by only going in there to get dressed or undressed, or to sleep, and not caring what the room looked like when most of the time he was in there the lights were out.

Erin had a bright pink master bedroom for a while.