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A totally accurate and in no way sarcastic Bates Cheat Sheet


VelociRapture

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There is a part of me that hopes none of these kids are gender non-conforming because the abuse they would have to life with is terrifying. 

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On 7/21/2017 at 7:39 PM, JesusCampSongs said:

And didn't they also let their daughters hang around IBLP/with Gothard unsupervised after the coverup began (and they were made aware of the fact that he's a giant creep)? Even if nothing happened, that's still totally fucked up and negligent of them. 

What is this? The Duggars did this?! Please tell me no....

9 hours ago, FeministFunPolice said:

There is a part of me that hopes none of these kids are gender non-conforming because the abuse they would have to life with is terrifying. 

Me too! Can you imagine the internal hatred they would have for themselves :( Our LBGTQ kids have so many burdens, and being born into a family that instantly reject them/ probably send them to a conversion therapy center (if those are still around -makes me sick). Sometimes people say things to bigoted people like I hope your kids are gay! -Why? why would you wish that on a child? Hope the bigoted human gets a change of heart, or figures out how to be a nice human, but not that :( 

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@speller24 I don't know when the Duggars found out, but Gil Bates would have known the rumors long before things went public.  It's f*cked up.  Especially since Gothard liked pretty blondes with curly hair (like Erin). 

 

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On 8/1/2017 at 6:26 AM, speller24 said:

What is this? The Duggars did this?! Please tell me no....

Me too! Can you imagine the internal hatred they would have for themselves Our LBGTQ kids have so many burdens, and being born into a family that instantly reject them/ probably send them to a conversion therapy center (if those are still around -makes me sick). Sometimes people say things to bigoted people like I hope your kids are gay! -Why? why would you wish that on a child? Hope the bigoted human gets a change of heart, or figures out how to be a nice human, but not that  

I don't understand saying that with the intent to insult because as a queer person I think being gay is awesome! 

Edited by Coconut Flan
Removed empty quote.
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9 hours ago, FeministFunPolice said:

I don't understand saying that with the intent to insult because as a queer person I think being gay is awesome! 

As do I, but to wish hateful parents to that LGTBQ child would be the sick thing. 

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I humbly submit that you replace Lawson's pic with this new one, because it is so very extra:

 

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I think the best part of the pic above is that when I clicked on it it tagged "lawbates" and "lawbateshorse". I'm not even sure what to do with that. And oh my word is that photoshopped. The filters! It looks like a digital painting, not a photograph!

LawBatesHorse.JPG

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I like the sunrays behind Our Lord and Savior Lawson. He's like Roy Rodgers, Ronald Reagan and a random country singer, all rolled into one. I hope his future bride (poor thing) doesn't mind a poster sized version of this above the fireplace mantel.

And where in East Tennessee did they allegedly film this? A strip mine? The Smoky Mountain foothills look nothing like the American Southwest. Could the backdrop be totally photoshopped, holy sunbeams and all?

This other photo on the "noted livestock and equine photographer's" Instagram gives me just as many giggles:

 

 

Edited by HereticHick
nevertheless I admit that is a handsome cow
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9 hours ago, metheglyn said:

I think the best part of the pic above is that when I clicked on it it tagged "lawbates" and "lawbateshorse". I'm not even sure what to do with that. And oh my word is that photoshopped. The filters! It looks like a digital painting, not a photograph!

LawBatesHorse.JPG

That really is the best part. Lawson, how many people have mistaken you for a horse?

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10 hours ago, HereticHick said:

I like the sunrays behind Our Lord and Savior Lawson. He's like Roy Rodgers, Ronald Reagan and a random country singer, all rolled into one. I hope his future bride (poor thing) doesn't mind a poster sized version of this above the fireplace mantel.

And where in East Tennessee did they allegedly film this? A strip mine? The Smoky Mountain foothills look nothing like the American Southwest. Could the backdrop be totally photoshopped, holy sunbeams and all?

This other photo on the "noted livestock and equine photographer's" Instagram gives me just as many giggles: <snip>

Apparently the instagram picture you embedded is a video, and if you watch it, you can see how much photoshopping actually goes into the images he produces (spoiler: A LOT).  Some of the original images in that video are kind of hilarious. Like this one, which appears to be the original for the default picture in the video. Oy vey. The sunsparkle behind that cow? Hahaha. :laughing-rofl:

 

Cow Snip.PNG

Edited by metheglyn
sense
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I think these folks should get portraits made just of their prize livestock. Leave the awkward teen boys (or preening Lawsons) out of it

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I just updated a few of the summaries (changes are bolded) and changed the photos for Lawson and Josie.

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5 hours ago, anaandrade said:

@VelociRapture Emily Ann Roberts actually didn't win The Voice. She came in second place. There's plenty of proof online :)

Thanks! I don't watch The Voice and just have misremembered what was written here about her. I updated his summary to reflect her runner up status (still way better than I'd finish!)

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On 8/11/2017 at 10:16 AM, HereticHick said:

I think these folks should get portraits made just of their prize livestock. Leave the awkward teen boys (or preening Lawsons) out of it

For the IBLP ilk, though, they are kind of like livestock in a metaphorical way.  Lots of breeding, bringing the show cow/hog/poultry/goat/sheep to the fair to be judged and shopped around, lots of preening once there, and hoping to receive a prize, but for Jesus.  [For a current example, see the Rodrigues Family and eldest daughter Nuri as they visit the Duggars.]

(Maybe I'm just into this metaphor because I've been to a county and state fair just as a visitor over the past few weeks?)

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On 8/10/2017 at 7:53 PM, JordynDarby5 said:

<snip>Lawson, how many people have mistaken you for a horse?

Just the backside of a horse, not the whole horse!

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  • 2 weeks later...

I like how the moderators have named the newest Bates threat "Trying not to look Fundie" or something close. That's the big thing. They are trying to look 'normal'. That being said, I find the whole belief system repugnant.  None of the Bates girls, however, have Jill's crazy eyes going on.  

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Not really adding anything interesting but commenting on the kids all looking alike. 

I find it amusing that Callie is a carbon copy of Erin, and that's Carson and Brooklyn are exactly like Callie. Those 3 could pass for siblings no questions asked. 

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Please don't insult a horse by comparing Lawson to any part of it. [emoji1]

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Updated to reflect:

- Lawson and Nathan being decent humans

- Michael's fertility struggle.

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  • 3 weeks later...

@Italiangirl thank you, but no. It was a link to a separate document someone had made, possibly years ago, that kept track of how long each couple had been married and showed the kids they should have based on their parents' fecundity. 

@Mayluka found it!! 

It's https://www.evernote.com/shard/s501/sh/35f2b908-1f8e-402c-946e-bedda38df74f/a35d1af3deda8c769fd61e4aca289390

Edited by neurogirl
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Updated Cherin’s photo. Also updated their summary to reflect the future addition of Everly Hope.

I also updated ZachNey’s summary. Whitney's new job and Beagle Bates were added.

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 10/19/2017 at 11:50 AM, VelociRapture said:

Updated Cherin’s photo. Also updated their summary to reflect the future addition of Everly Hope.

I also updated ZachNey’s summary. Whitney's new job and Beagle Bates were added.

Thanks for doing these summaries. I've only seen the Bateseseseses on Whatever # of Kids and Counting, so it was very interesting to read the details & compare and contrast to the Duggars.

And, in one of those I can't even believe I noticed something like this, and why do I even give a fuck, the puppy update for . . . . crap, is the kid's name Brandon??  says that it was for his first birthday, but according to your cheat sheet, he's really 3 now.  Is that right?  So, I care a little, but not enough to go and check.  :my_rolleyes:

 

Edited to add:  Yes, I went back and checked.  It was Bradley . . .  and it says his bday is Oct. 2014, so this must have been for his 3rd bday.

Edited by Satan'sFortress
I guess I really do care!
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