Joy and Austin: Pikes Peak or Bust?

[JesSky03]

3 hours ago, Iokaste said:

I know it's a cultural more than a religious thing, and to most here probably seems normal, but everytime I see those gigantic (or even the more moderate)  wedding parties I'm a little put off. 
To me there is way too much school yard playing favourites with your friends and it's a rather off-putting way of using humans as props.
I know to many it's an honour, but I always feel a little embarrassed on behalf of the adult brides maids/grooms men.

I had only had 5 bridesmaids but if I could do it over I would just have 1. The whole bridal party thing does seem a little silly to me now.

[sawasdee]

1 hour ago, BlessaYourHeart said:

I was such a shock to walk into a school where they learned everything from a particular viewpoint which wasn't expanded out to open debates! 

I was at Catholic convent school in the 60s in London, and although RE was taught like this, we learnt about other takes on christianity via history lessons, and other faiths via geography. I don't know if this was the norm - my school was very good.

[VelociRapture]

50 minutes ago, JesSky03 said:

I had only had 5 bridesmaids but if I could do it over I would just have 1. The whole bridal party thing does seem a little silly to me now.

I had three - sister, brother, and a friend. If I did it over, I'd go with just my siblings. That friend and I no longer talk at all and had a big falling out. Still love my wedding though and I'm still glad she was there for it because she was a big part of my life up until last summer.

[LKUK]

I've been to quite a few weddings recently and been a bridesmaid a few times and I'm thinking if I ever break my cycle of being single and get asked to get married then I will just have my sister. That is what my mum did for her wedding (with a flower girl and page boy) and logistically, cost wise and 'not offending people' wise I think it would be the best policy. I have too many female friends that fall in to the close/should be bridesmaid category. If I stick with my sister the then none of them can feel upset and they can be involved in other ways.

[mpheels]

13 minutes ago, LKUK said:

I've been to quite a few weddings recently and been a bridesmaid a few times and I'm thinking if I ever break my cycle of being single and get asked to get married then I will just have my sister. That is what my mum did for her wedding (with a flower girl and page boy) and logistically, cost wise and 'not offending people' wise I think it would be the best policy. I have too many female friends that fall in to the close/should be bridesmaid category. If I stick with my sister the then none of them can feel upset and they can be involved in other ways.

One of my friends did this, and it worked out well. She had her sister and sister-in-law as bridesmaids, and included her nieces/nephews as flower girls/ring bearers. The groom had his brother and brother-in-law as groomsmen. He didn't have any nieces/nephews at the time. I had one friend who was assumed she would be a bridesmaid and was a bit upset to be left out, but she's got over it.

[CreationMuseumCurator]

I had five - four friends and my sister-in-law. I was friends with the SIL at the time, but was encouraged to add her by my mother, who lost touch with all but one of her bridesmaids after her wedding. "You won't be able to get rid of her, even if you try." I thought she (my mom) was crazy, but added her (the SIL) anyway. 

As usual, mom was right. Two years out from the wedding, and I'm down two of those bridesmaids - the two that I'd had since childhood. Unexpected. One I've grown apart from organically. The other distanced herself during the wedding planning, shortly after my mother passed. Literally stopped talking to me for months on end, even when I needed timely information from her for planning, because my grief was too much for her. Even though I know she was going through extenuating circumstances at the time, I wish I had put my foot down and not allowed her to stand in our wedding. As sad as it all is, I'm much better off.

If I had it all to do over again, I'd stick with the same maid of honor (who was an absolute rockstar MOH and continues to be the best friend I've ever had), the one remaining friend/bridesmaid, and the SIL.

[louisa05]

I wanted two and husband wanted four. He won that argument and would not even compromise on three. He had the notion that he should return the favor to everyone whose wedding he had been a groomsman for. If I had done that, I would have had six. Way too many and one bride had barely spoke to me for years anyway (and she didn't show up for my wedding, either--of course, I later found out she was pissed about not being in the wedding party). 

I added his sister (wish I had not) hoping it would pacify her a bit since she resented her brother getting married first and another old friend. I am still on good terms with all three of my friends who were in the wedding, but never have been and never will be with the sister-in-law. I take comfort in the fact that she was going to hate anyone who married her brother. She is obsessed with the notion that in-laws are "outsiders" and shouldn't be part of the family. This may be a legitimate family psychosis as their one remaining grandmother thinks the same way and is nasty to me, her daughter-in-law and my father-in-law. 

The sibling only idea is nice if you have siblings to do it. We each only have one sibling of the opposite gender. And my brother had to be talked into just being an usher. I don't think we could have talked him into being a groomsman at all. 

[Four is Enough]

One day at work, we had all decided to bring our wedding albums for show and tell. I had my sister stand up with me. One of my friends showed us her enormous bridal party. She had 12 or 15, I can't remember, bridesmaids.. and only five years later, she couldn't remember all of their names.

I can remember my sister's name.

[VineHeart137]

We had four people on each side- On my side I had my sister as my MOH, my two sisters-in-law, and one close friend. Hubby's best friend was his Best Man, and he included one of his brothers, my brother, and another friend. One flower girl, one ring bearer, and a Bible boy (the ring bearer and Bible boy were brothers, super sweet boys, I couldn't bear to pick just one). It was perfect and we all still speak to one another regularly lol.

I'd been in a couple weddings in the two previous years with HUGE wedding parties, there was so much drama and  so many headaches. Nuh uh, not for me. I learned from experience.

[NotQuiteMotY]

We went small: one attendant each. We each asked the friend we'd known the longest and left it at that. It seemed simpler, especially since I have two brothers and he has one, but neither of us have sisters. Our siblings were still involved (ushers) but that seemed the fairest and easiest way to do it. 

Plus, it was a really tiny church, and one person for my bouquet and one person for the rings were about all we could fit with us and two officiants. 

[Iokaste]

Is there anything more than "decorative" reasons to have all those people be bridesmaids, groomsmen, flower girls, page boys, etc?
It's just not really done here, so I'm rather puzzled by it all. 

If a couple already has children (more often than not) they might wear something matching and flowergirl/pageboy-ish, but I have yet to see an adult friend or sibling be a designated bridesmaid/groomsman.
There is a toastmaster, as weddings here are usually receptions followed by a formal dinner, with lots of speeches, toasts, homemade songs about the couple (yup, that's one of the few true native inventions from my country), quizzes, etc. 

[emscm]

I had a large wedding party, seven bridesmaids. Two friends, with my oldest friend as MOH, my two sisters-in-law, and my three sisters. I am still extremely close with the two friends I included. 

I am the youngest of my sisters by over a decade, but I am very close with all three of them and still wanted them included. Each of them have a son who is close to me in age, and we asked them to be groomsmen, and they walked their mothers down the aisle. It was a really special part of the wedding for me and our family. 

My youngest niece/god daughter was my flower girl. It was her birthday and we got her her own special cupcake. My youngest nephew was the ring bearer. 

[HOTW]

16 hours ago, Lurky said:

Joy can at least walk unaided in the full dress and train, unlike Jinger's insanity, so it's a step up from that, to me.  But still, given that she bought 2 different dresses and had then cut together with bits of her grandmother and mother in law's dresses, plus with extra modesty editions, I'm confused why she didn't just get someone to make her something bespoke that she liked.

The stupid thing about adding all these modesty panels.is if they just did a search for modest wedding gowns they can get a pléthora of them esp the LDS have rheir own website for dresses that fit temple standards..making a big deal about modest additions is just plain silly. With less than 3 months from engagement to wedding Joy probably did not have the lixury of ordering a dress as most orders take that long to comw in she probably picked 2 off the rack dresses and had thsm modified

[Lurky]

@justmy2cents I can't believe I've arguing over a Duggar wedding dress, but it literally says:

Quote

She liked the skirt the skirt of one that she picked up off the rack.  She liked the top of a separate dress, so she had the designer cut both of the dresses in half, the designer sewed them together, and then in order to make it modest, true Duggar form, they added sleeves.  Then on top of it, she added pieces of her mother and grandmother's dress, which they wore the same one on their wedding day.  And she also added a piece of Austin's mother's wedding dress, so it was a combined....I'd say seven dresses put into one.

Now, it doesn't say "she bought two dresses and had the designer cut them in half, but I am pretty sure that's take as read, as what is the designer going to do with two half wedding dresses? Especially of it's the same "designer" Jinger used, who apparently doesn't make the dresses herself, even if it was possible to re-use the rejected bodice and skirt?

[CreationMuseumSeasonPass]

My brother and I are only 15 months apart and very close. In college, I remember us having a conversation about whenever we get married, we'll be in each other's wedding parties.

Years down the road, Mr. Museum and I get engaged and I tell him about wanting my brother as a groomsmen. They're friends anyway, so this wasn't going to be a big deal. I think my brother had even forgot about that promise we made to each other.

During a family get-together, my brother asks, "So, who will be your groomsmen?"

Mr. Museum quickly responds to him, "Well, you, of course." 

My brother was so shocked and honored. I think it came as a total surprise to him.

As for the actual wedding day, I didn't cry and my husband didn't cry. But, you know who sobbed like a baby during the ceremony? My brother. Completely did the "ugly cry."

It was sweet.

[benye]

I wish I was close to my siblings, I have 3 half sisters and 2 half brothers. I could never see myself having them in my wedding parties one day and 100% know that I won't even invite my one sister. Wish things were different!

[OyToTheVey]

I'm not sure why these fundie women, who know how to sew don't open a shop of modest dresses. In my area, very Jewish, there's tons of stores that cater to religious women. Long skirts, modest tops, fancy dresses, there's even a bridal shops that sell modest wedding dresses. They make a killing in sales.

[SilverBeach]

Another beautiful wedding with another audience of Trump supporters. Good looking, awful people. I wonder if Joy voted since she was barely old enough. Ugh.

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

21 minutes ago, Iokaste said:

Is there anything more than "decorative" reasons to have all those people be bridesmaids, groomsmen, flower girls, page boys, etc?

All this talk about bridal parties all I can think of is that scene from Steele Magnolias where Truvy asks Shelby how many bridesmaids and she tells them 9. And they have a big conversation about cousins and her fathers philosophy of an ounce of pretension being worth a pound of manure. 

[allthegoodnamesrgone]

10 minutes ago, SilverBeach said:

I wonder if Joy voted since she was barely old enough. Ugh.

My son is  31 days younger than Joy & he voted so I'm sure she did as well. 

[Jana814]

I have a client who's sister is 6 years younger then her and 11 years younger then their older sister. I saw her wedding photos. She had both of her sisters in her wedding party as well as their children. (6 in total). I thought it was really sweet that she wanted to include her sisters. 

[VelociRapture]

11 minutes ago, SilverBeach said:

Another beautiful wedding with another audience of Trump supporters. Good looking, awful people. I wonder if Joy voted since she was barely old enough. Ugh.

She turned 19 right before the election. So yes. I have no doubts she voted and likely voted for the Tiny Handed Tyrant.

[louisa05]

1 hour ago, Iokaste said:

Is there anything more than "decorative" reasons to have all those people be bridesmaids, groomsmen, flower girls, page boys, etc?
It's just not really done here, so I'm rather puzzled by it all. 

Traditionally, the best man and maid of honor sign the marriage license as witnesses. And two witnesses are required by law. Other than that, it is just tradition. It is considered an honor and statement of friendship. Having done it way too many times, it can just become a big pain in the ass instead, though. 

And I cannot fathom these huge wedding parties in most cases. For the Duggar kids who have 18 siblings, I can see it getting large if they want to include both siblings and friends. But for most people, there is no real reason to have attendants in double digits. I personally thought the 8 attendants and 3 children (they were children of a bridesmaid and very close friend) in our wedding made a large wedding party. My choice would have been 4 attendants and 2 kids but he wanted more than two groomsmen. And the kid thing grew because my friend has boy-girl twins and leaving out one twin was awkward, so we added a ringbearer to the two flower girls. The second flower girl is also a twin, but her twin absolutely didn't want to be in a wedding (pretty adamant for an almost 4 year old at the time), so leaving him out was not an issue. 

[Coconut Flan]

5 minutes ago, louisa05 said:

And two witnesses are required by law.

Not in California.  We only have to have one.  There is a line for a second witness if the couple wants one though. 

[FeministShrew]

In SC no witnesses are required. 

Mr. Shrew & I didn't have attendents.