Joy and Austin: It's the Final (Wedding) Countdown!

[Jug Band Baby]

10 hours ago, luxfilia said:

I think you mean it's not a wise goal to have. Obviously anything can be a goal for anyone. Perhaps I'm taking you a bit literally, but words on a forum do tend to be quite . . . literal. Likewise, anyone calling marriage a goal is probably leaving off an important word or two. For me, a happy, successful marriage ended up becoming a goal of mine that I "achieved' after dating my now husband for about eight years. Was it not an accomplishment because it seemed to be the logical next step to everyone around me (southern U.S.)? For us, it was an accomplishment because we have very opposite values in many ways, but have always taken our time to reason our options out and come to agreements that can satisfy both of us. Marriage was a big deal for us and something we didn't take lightly at all. I know there are people out there who marry more superficially, but I believe those of the brain caliber to be contributing to this forum probably don't mean it in such a general, superficial way when they speak of wanting to be married. And for many, a legal or spiritual or family/friends-recognized marriage is still as important as simply having a successful partnership. It's not just a piece of paper to many.

I'm not really sure what to snip here or if this is short enough to leave as it is.

If the ultimate end goal is just to get married with nothing else, anyone can do that.  I don't think many people want to get married just to be married.  I think most people who get married hope to find compatible lifelong partners who share values and goals and to grow old with.  Have we really reached a point in our society where stating a goal needs a lot of elaboration?

When someone says getting a college degree is a goal, no one at all ever questions what they mean.  Do they mean a degree they had to work for (a happy marriage with a compatible partner), or just any old degree (marrying whoever is drunk enough in Vegas)?   We all take a goal of a degree to mean going to a real college, not paying $999 and buying an associate, bachelors, masters, and phd for "life experience."  I'm serious: http://www.uniofdenton.com/

Some things should be able to go without saying.

For me, marriage was a goal for most of my life.  I had a bad home life growing up, a very small family, and I knew most of my friends would probably get married themselves.  I knew I wouldn't want to reach a point where I was living all alone for the rest of my life.   I wanted a partner to share life experiences and milestones with, and to grow old with.  And yes, I wanted that marriage certificate for the privileges.  Thinking that there aren't really any privileges shows how goddamned privileged you are that you are unable to see the numerous benefits.  Some people are okay forgoing them, but not everyone wants that.  Thinking there aren't really benefits belittles the desire of same-sex couples to get married.  They want those benefits too.

Finding a compatible partner can be a years-long process with a lot of exhaustion and heartbreak.  Getting a phd takes on average less time than it took me to find a compatible partner with similar life goals who was willing to take me with the emotional baggage I have from my childhood and my depression and anxiety disorder.  It took work on my part, and was hard.  It wasn't something that passively happened.  It took effort and work, and because my goal wasn't just to get the hell down the aisle with anyone (that really, really has to be specified?  anyone who thinks so needs to start making sure to mention that their college degree goals excluded diploma mills), I did pass up chances to get married to a couple guys I didn't feel good about.

I don't see why finding a lifelong partner/getting married shouldn't be seen as less worthy of a goal as graduating or traveling.  It's still a major life decision that impacts all aspects of life in major ways.  Being a parent is also a goal a lot of people have, and that's valid too.  To me, finding a compatible life partner to marry (is that making it clear enough to the people here who jump right to thinking a marriage goal means marrying any random person?) is more important to my own life overall than a degree because I don't define myself by my job title as it related to a company and the ladder to climb.  I define myself by my role to other people and their roles to me.  I am more family-oriented than career-oriented, and that is valid and just as feminist and vowing to remain single and childfree and climbing a corporate ladder.  I'm happier as a stay-at-home mom and wife.  I've had time in the workforce and was climbing a ladder and it wasn't fulfilling to me.  I love taking care of my kids and my husband, who also takes care of me and supports me chasing my dreams.  My dreams aren't things that will make much money.  Painting rarely brings in any income.  But I get to live my PASSION.  We compliment each other, and unlike Brigid and what's his name, the guy who makes the kilts, my husband and I jointly decided how we would compliment each other.  We had to decide that before getting married.  It was part of the work I had to put in on my way to achieving my goal.

Being a stay-at-home mom and wife might not be fulfilling to someone else, but I'm not going to say that working outside the home isn't a worthy and valid goal just because it's not a goal I have.  In fact, I see working as something at least one person in a household needs to be doing, which kid of making it a default setting, so I can argue it's not a goal, but survival.  But that's not really fair, right?  Some people define themselves on how high they can climb in the business world and don't feel that their lives would be less complete without a spouse and kids.  If they set a goal to climb that ladder, then good for them with each rung they get up.  That goal is valid and so is mine.

I think some people here are pushing against these things being valid goals because fundy women aren't presented with other options.  Their goals are set for them by religious nutjobs.  But if we get to freely set our own goals, then they're valid.  The path to finding a partner, and the path to becoming a parent, can both happen accidentally, or can be a pre-set goal that someone plans for and works for.   Climbing the corporate ladder can be on accident (I didn't mean to get into the career I once had, just stumbled into it, so I wasn't filling a goal), or it can be something someone plans out and works toward.  You determine where you want your life to go, and you set goal marks along the way, and you work toward your goals.  Someone else's being different doesn't mean you get to invalidate them for not being what yours are.

And no, not everyone will feel their lives are complete without meeting their goals, and there's nothing wrong with that.  If I felt my life would be incomplete without a partner and kids, that's no less valid than someone else feeling her life wouldn't be complete without a trip around the world, or a college degree, or working her way up to a certain position in a company.  The goals in life that are important to each of us ARE VALID, and it's VALID to feel incomplete without fulfilling your important life goals.  It's really shitty to declare that the goals someone else sets and actively works toward aren't valid just because they aren't goals you set for yourself.

[justmy2cents]

2 minutes ago, VineHeart137 said:

This time last year we didn't even know Jinger was courting. Who would have thought a year later Joy would be married??

It is crazy.  JB tried to slow down Jeremy and Jinger while they were older and now Joy is only 19 but it seems like it was full speed ahead.  No rhyme or reason with that one.

[twinmama]

4 hours ago, Karma said:

its 5.44 am Sydney time and it's too early to think about whether Pickles should have an apostrophe.

Reminds me of Crazy Ex Girlfriend and "is it Spiders or Spider's" lol

[ViolaSebastian]

Welp, looks like it's soon. Creepy Cooper's getting hay for the stage.

Whoever guessed cowboy boots should put some money on it...

 

[Lurker]

4 minutes ago, justmy2cents said:

It is crazy.  JB tried to slow down Jeremy and Jinger while they were older and now Joy is only 19 but it seems like it was full speed ahead.  No rhyme or reason with that one.

I don't think Jeremy was submissive enough or dependent enough for JB.

[twinmama]

5 minutes ago, justmy2cents said:

It is crazy.  JB tried to slow down Jeremy and Jinger while they were older and now Joy is only 19 but it seems like it was full speed ahead.  No rhyme or reason with that one.

I'm gonna guess the speed of the wedding has to do with the level of horniness. If you can't control it long enough, marry fast! Did Jeremy live nearby when they were engaged?

[Jessalyn]

Hay for a stage? Are they going to spread it on the ground (which, as a wedding guest, I would not appreciate) or is it like decoration? 

With how many babies these people have surely it wont be on the floor? right? 

[nickelodeon]

You can't get married without a humungus bale of hay standing as witness, obviously.

Also, the Lawson/Jinger secret failed courtship is my FAVORITE FJ conspiracy theory and I want to believe.

[singsingsing]

9 minutes ago, justmy2cents said:

It is crazy.  JB tried to slow down Jeremy and Jinger while they were older and now Joy is only 19 but it seems like it was full speed ahead.  No rhyme or reason with that one.

I never got the impression that JB actually tried to slow things down between them. I think that was yet another bit of "drama" manufactured by TLC, personally. 

[ViolaSebastian]

4 minutes ago, Jessalyn said:

Hay for a stage? Are they going to spread it on the ground (which, as a wedding guest, I would not appreciate) or is it like decoration? 

With how many babies these people have surely it wont be on the floor? right? 

I don't see how they could get it onto the stage without a good deal of it flaking off on the floor. Hopefully it's just as a decoration, but who knows with these people. 

[justmy2cents]

15 minutes ago, twinmama said:

I'm gonna guess the speed of the wedding has to do with the level of horniness. If you can't control it long enough, marry fast! Did Jeremy live nearby when they were engaged?

No, they were long distance.

[eleanora3]

Any guesses?

[justmy2cents]

11 minutes ago, singsingsing said:

I never got the impression that JB actually tried to slow things down between them. I think that was yet another bit of "drama" manufactured by TLC, personally. 

I'm sure you're right.  TLC is determined to show JB in the worst light possible.

[singsingsing]

Just now, justmy2cents said:

I'm sure you're right.  TLC is determined to show JB in the worst light possible.

TLC and Jim Bob are made for each other, imo!

[Marshmallow World]

Welp, according to Pickles' "sources" the wedding is happening RIGHT. NOW. 

 

Edit: Jinx, @eleanora3!

[justmy2cents]

Just now, eleanora3 said:

Any guesses?

Does that sound right @FrozenSmile?

[Pasta]

I'm betting cross church. Isn't that her mom's church? I mean her sisters. 

[justmy2cents]

FJ is probably PIckles' source.

[JesusHDuggar]

I think Pickles secretly wants to be a Duggar. 

[Jug Band Baby]

5 hours ago, louisa05 said:

It is a goal that is entirely dependent on the agreement of another person. And for people who are single--not even in a relationship--it is dependent on the agreement of someone they don't know (or are not close to at the very least).

So are job promotions.  You can want one an work hard for it, but getting it always depends on the boss agreeing, and sometimes even more people that you might not know.  

[HeathenBlondie]

Any bets on "keeping the location private" is code for "I gotta figure out where it is first?" So secretive! Lol

[twinmama]

What difference does it make if someone calls getting married a goal in their life? It's what they want for their life and they got it. I'd say the important thing is making your life a life you are happy to lead, if that's a graduate degree and high power career, awesome; if it's marriage and babies, awesome. Figuring out how to make your life into a life you are happy with is basically everyone's goal. 

Now whether fundies actually ARE happy with their lives or whether they have any choice in what would make them happy are completely different questions.

[Shadoewolf]

As in we scooped Pickles but she's gonna be all sanctimonious about it. 

[Jug Band Baby]

3 hours ago, nausicaa said:

And yes, there are things you can do to increase your chances of finding a partner, but unlike goals of losing weight, starting a business, or saving money, there is a lot outside of your control. And that is a frustration and anxiety that people who are single for an extended amount of time struggle with and it is very difficult for the Marshall and Lilys of the world to fully understand.

All of those things have a lot outside your control.  You don't get to pick your salary.  You can be the best worker there is, and a boss may pass you up for someone more drone-like.  You can't save money you don't have.  And if you think that starting a business is all in your own control, you need to try doing it sometime and see how much of a business isn't in your control.  Don't even talk about weight loss as if it's always within someone's control.

There's a lot of frustration and anxiety for people who are struggling job-wise and to save money and lose weight for an extended period, and it can make people feel like failures.  But that doesn't matter, right?  It doesn't matter the goal, whether it's losing weight, starting a business, saving money, or finding a good spouse.  If it's a goal you set, and years go by and you haven't achieved it, it hurts, and it can cause a fuckton of anxiety, especially not making enough money to save.  Being poor and worrying about maying bills causes extreme anxiety and depression.

Also most of the people I know who set goals of marriage are very happy.  It's the ones who didn't have a goal of marriage who stumbled into a relationship that ended that way who are least happy that I know.  Most of my friends didn't get married until at least age 27, and a lot in their 30's.  I was one of the first of my friends to marry.  In my late 20's already.

22 minutes ago, justmy2cents said:

Does that sound right @FrozenSmile?

I'm morbidly interested in this.

[HarleyQuinn]

Pickles is probably already deleting "so you read FJ?" Comments.

 

I missed the Noreen gosch convo. Awful story, that woman deserves peace. I always wonder if that "visit" really happened.