Maxwell 8: Not Riveting Our Attention

[nastyhobbitses]

Yesterday the Lord called me to make matcha white chocolate dipped strawberries for a coworker's birthday (Sierra would be proud), finish off some veggies that were going to go bad by cooking them for lunch today, and pack my suitcase for a business trip. Then I worked on some research for a side project I'm doing in addition to my full-time job. Before I gave my coworker her strawberries, I ministered to her about the Good News of how good a show Riverdale is and that she should totally watch it. Truly I have a heart for the lord.

[Captain Obvious]

Well today I was purposed to go to work in my ebil guvmint jerb which was not particularly interesting, and I was grateful to the LORD for that because it meant it was WORK and NOT F*N.

But in between the bouts of NOT F*N  I did some important stuff like tweet about footballers who have suggestive names and also texted my husband about imaginary Swiss torture methods (OK I was bored). Oh and I went to a boring meeting, after which I showed how AMAZINGLY CREATIVE I was by also filling in a colouring book just like Andrew Drew Buddy HJ Spankypants whatever the fuck he's called now, except mine spelled out TWAT and I'm pretty sure I was thinking about a certain Kansas failed wannabee cult leader when I was colouring it bright pink, as well.

And then I came home and my husband cooked dinner (gasp!) and then made us Negronis (gasp!!) and we watched the ebil sports and the ebil John Oliver on the ebil beast and I actually laughed and enjoyed my husband's company and now I'm going to bed where there may be fun times happening totally not for the purposes of procreation which I guess we can call a ministry as well because - hey - everything else is.

[HoneyBunny]

On 4/3/2017 at 6:54 AM, albanuadh_1 said:

How old is Andrew? Looks like very good colouring for someone his age.

Andrew's a doll, and not in any way to diminish his artwork or what it meant to the recipient, but I suspect the artwork is paint with water. 

Still, if I had received that from him, or any little one, you can bet it would remain on my refrigerator door until Andrew graduated from home school. 'Cause that's what I do.

[WonderingInWA]

4 hours ago, HoneyBunny said:

Andrew's a doll, and not in any way to diminish his artwork or what it meant to the recipient, but I suspect the artwork is paint with water. 

Yep, I thought probably paint with water, too.  

[purjolok84]

Yep, I thought probably paint with water, too.  

I'm guessing for Maxhell, anything other than water that can cause mess has, in the words of Groundskeeper Willie, 'been forged by Lucifer himself!' and is therefore not suitable for use.

[Black Aliss]

On 3/28/2017 at 2:36 PM, Granwych said:

Not to beat a dead, buried, and decomposed horse, but how about the lettuce trick???

The technique will be described (and illustrated) in Cooking With The Maxwell's. They're not going to give away their trade secrets!

[purjolok84]

The technique will be described (and illustrated) in Cooking With The Maxwell's. They're not going to give away their trade secrets!

And there will only be one pizza cutter you can use. And it can only be bought through their website for a (hefty) nominal fee.

[fundiefan]

33 minutes ago, purjolok84 said:

 

And there will only be one pizza cutter you can use. And it can only be bought through their website for a (hefty) nominal fee.

 

Is this the secret to cutting lettuce? 

I've lost track of their cooking & recipe secrets, since any and every one can be found with 10 seconds on Google. If there are actually people who buy Maxwell propaganda just for their absurd little teasers, I'm even more sad for humanity than I thought - and that's saying a lot because the human race has devastated me in the past six months.

[anjulibai]

The second part to that story about the kid wanting to purchase a house debt free is up. 

Basically, the kid prayed and waited, and magically he got the perfect house. Not only was it the right cost, but he had money leftover to fix it up! And it was conveniently close to where his parents lived! 

Wow, what a great story!

[mango_fandango]

Well thank God we got the second part, I was on tenterhooks!

Ahem. What I meant to say was "snnnnoooooooooorrrrrrre"

[lauraloralara]

I don't think I had ever read the first post in that riveting series, so I went and looked at it. These two sentences killed me: "We are excited when we hear stories of young men [never women, duh] who have committed themselves to debt-free living and then are able to purchase their first home debt free. That is the theme of our book Buying a House Debt Free." 

You're kidding. The theme of a book called Buying a House Debt Free is all about... buying... a house... debt-free? 

Here are some other ideas for future Maxwell publications and their write-ups on the blog: 

"Long ago, we purposed to lay it on the hearts of our daughters to stay at home, captive to the Word of God. That's the theme of our book Raising Daughters in Captivity." 

"Many years ago, Teri struggled with many demons, including depression and a crippling substance abuse problem. This is the theme of our book Struggling with Depression and Pepsi Addiction." 

"We once came very close to having f-n on the blog when we teased our readers about a lettuce-and-pizza-cutter trick. Good news! It's the theme of our new book: The Lettuce and Pizza Cutter Trick." 

[Dandruff]

2 hours ago, lauraloralara said:

I don't think I had ever read the first post in that riveting series, so I went and looked at it. These two sentences killed me: "We are excited when we hear stories of young men [never women, duh] who have committed themselves to debt-free living and then are able to purchase their first home debt free. That is the theme of our book Buying a House Debt Free." 

You're kidding. The theme of a book called Buying a House Debt Free is all about... buying... a house... debt-free? 

Here are some other ideas for future Maxwell publications and their write-ups on the blog: 

"Long ago, we purposed to lay it on the hearts of our daughters to stay at home, captive to the Word of God. That's the theme of our book Raising Daughters in Captivity." 

"Many years ago, Teri struggled with many demons, including depression and a crippling substance abuse problem. This is the theme of our book Struggling with Depression and Pepsi Addiction." 

"We once came very close to having f-n on the blog when we teased our readers about a lettuce-and-pizza-cutter trick. Good news! It's the theme of our new book: The Lettuce and Pizza Cutter Trick." 

"Cleanliness is important to us on so many levels.  This is the theme of our new book:  Washing With the Blood of Jesus and Other Household  Products."

[onekidanddone]

He really reads here? Has he ever posted?  Hi Steve!  My house is disorderly, my daughter goes to Five Guys and the movies with her friends. Shocker...with out me. Our and so-called schedule is.... oh right I barely have one.  So far my little family and I haven't been consumed by the pit of hell fire.

Lest I forget, I'm a lapsed secular Jew so all that fasting bullshit.  Done that and over it.

Really Steve write a blog post about me pleeeese.  I'll tell you about the time when my kid was 7 and my husband introduced her to Buffy the Vampire Slayer. 

[FloraDoraDolly]

Am I the only one who thinks that debt-free story is really about Joseph and not some friend of the family?

[anniebgood]

Last Christmas my mom gave my husband a multi bladed scissors to cut lettuce with. Makes nice bands out of cabbage too. 

So take that Steve!! Remember me Steve? I'm the one who told you that Sarah needed to go to a library and read more books so her writing wouldn't be so stilted. That was several years ago, but it still holds true. For G-d's sake she's not going to be abducted by some man in the stacks....let her go and browse. 

 

 

 

[SPHASH]

4 hours ago, FloraDoraDolly said:

Am I the only one who thinks that debt-free story is really about Joseph and not some friend of the family?

Yup and no.  Could alsi be about Crazy eyed Nate or Prissy Chris.

  

[anjulibai]

24 minutes ago, SPHASH said:

Yup and no.  Could alsi be about Crazy eyed Nate or Prissy Chris.

  

I don't think so for it being Nate or Chris.

The story details are way too similar to Joseph's, and not theirs. Like, the fact that the house was in foreclosure or the fact that the house is about a mile away from the parents. Nate's house is across the street and Chris's house is the old Maxwell home. 

ETA: Also the fact that there was plenty of money leftover to fix up the house. I think that happened with Joseph's house, too. 

I always side eye these anonymous stories and testimonials the Maxwell's publish, because they just seem way too likely to come from family members. Like the "young mom" with four kids not old enough to be home schooled asked Teri about advise for homeschooling. Yeah, that's obviously NR Anna. 

[Eternalbluepearl]

Oh my gosh you guys are cracking up!!!! I had to add my own. "Soda and Sadness: The Teri Maxwell Story"

The one about raising daughters in captivity sounded so believable. Don't give Steve book ideas. 

[catlady]

On 4/4/2017 at 7:23 PM, fundiefan said:

Is this the secret to cutting lettuce? 

I've lost track of their cooking & recipe secrets, since any and every one can be found with 10 seconds on Google. If there are actually people who buy Maxwell propaganda just for their absurd little teasers, I'm even more sad for humanity than I thought - and that's saying a lot because the human race has devastated me in the past six months.

so i found this in about 4 seconds on the Google--

http://www.seriouseats.com/2014/09/pizza-wheel-to-chop-salad-hack.html

my favorite part is this:

"There's really not much to say about the process."

so Stevie was right about that, but still felt compelled to do the never-ending cliffhanger.

[Black Aliss]

25 minutes ago, catlady said:

so i found this in about 4 seconds on the Google--

http://www.seriouseats.com/2014/09/pizza-wheel-to-chop-salad-hack.html

my favorite part is this:

"There's really not much to say about the process."

so Stevie was right about that, but still felt compelled to do the never-ending cliffhanger.

There's even less to say about my process: I dump several handfuls of washed bagged baby lettuce into a bowl and go from there. In season I pick lettuce from my garden, wash it and tear the leaves into smaller pieces.

[Maggie Mae]

I use an ulu. I don't think I even own a pizza cutter. How is a pizza cutter better than a regular kitchen knife?

[Coconut Flan]

The only thing I can see is that it rolls in a bowl.

[WonderingInWA]

3 hours ago, Maggie Mae said:

I use an ulu. I don't think I even own a pizza cutter. How is a pizza cutter better than a regular kitchen knife?

So do I -- in fact I own more than one.  Pizza cutters just get all gummed up with whatever they are cutting through.

[snarkopolis]

4 hours ago, Black Aliss said:

There's even less to say about my process: I dump several handfuls of washed bagged baby lettuce into a bowl and go from there. In season I pick lettuce from my garden, wash it and tear the leaves into smaller pieces.

you tear it with your hands ? (asking for a friend) WOWZA!!!!!

[fundiefan]

My grandma always made a big deal that knives - any metal - should not be used to cut lettuce. Either tear or chop with non metal. She even gave me a plastic 'lettuce knife' for my wedding shower - 22 years ago. I still have it.