Jana's Future 3 - Baking and Real Estate

[SassyPants]

Woman not married in fundie land= maid and babysitter.

I still contend this all about the couples needing an adult, female babysitter. JB/Michele, J/A, J/D, J/B- check, check, check and check-

Hell, the ones that should be babysitting are J/K and A/J-

[Gobbles]

1 hour ago, SilverBeach said:

@Kangaroo, I didn't get my first real boyfriend/relationship until I was 25. Be encouraged.

@Kangaroo I had a short relationship when I was 18. (Long distance, we saw each other once during the relationship.) I'm 26 now and no relationship since then, and by my feelings there won't be one in the near or distant future. 

[HermioneSparrow]

I had my first real relationship at 24, we broke up and I've been single for a year and counting, lol. It's okay I understand how hard it is but you'll get there. Sometimes it sucks balls to be single but there's a lot of advantages too @Kangaroo hugs to you.

[Iamtheway]

22 hours ago, jqlgoblue said:

I also think it is possible to be really sad that you yourself are single yet still happy for other people. As I get older, I find this to be more and more true for myself. That could be maturity... we know the Duggars lack this generally, but I do think Jana is capable of looking at her sister's husbands and realizing that none would have been the right match for her. She does seem to be looking for something specific based on her interview answers.

This! 

Not exactly the same, but the same principle applies: It took me and Mr Way a really long time to get Miniway and during that time everyone in the whole world became pregnant. Sometimes even though they didn't even try. Some people more then once. 

And I was happy for each and every one of them. Every announcement hurt. I cried so many tears about how unfair it felt. But I always knew that their babies didn't make my chances of having one any smaller. 

 

15 hours ago, Kangaroo said:

It's crushing. I haven't told anyone this before because it's humiliating to admit that you envy people in that way. I've never felt so alone, I've never felt like I'm so far behind my friends who have "grown up" and are "adults" now.

I can completely empathise with Jana feeling this way, especially living in the repressive and controlled fudie bubble. I've accepted the fact I may never find someone to share my life with, so if that means travelling the world, having a career, and even adopting a child (fur baby or human, or both?) one day, that's not a problem.

I was basically you when I was 23. I had a boyfriend in highschool (also way later then everyone around me) but I had been single since then with nothing exciting happening when it came to love (not a single date!) And it really felt like everyone around me had someone or was very happily exploring single life. 

When I look back at it now I feel I spent too much time worrying about my lovelife when I should have fully enjoyed what a great life I had with university, working my dream job, having amazing family and friends. 

When I was 24 I went travelling on my own and met Mr Way at a hostel. And I realise now that I was so young. And I had so much time. What was I worrying about? 

I know it's hard but you should just enjoy your life and make the most of it. If you feel lonely around your friends, try to make new, single ones and have fun!

[Eatingintheprayercloset]

Maybe she'll end up with a young veteran since they go there and preach every Sunday. I just hope she won't go the Tabitha Paine Route.....which makes Sarah Maxwell's life way more appealing. 

 

I'm 22 going to be 23 this summer and on the same boat as you,@Kanagroo. I got to say though, your life seems much more put together than mine. 

[Million Children For Jesus]

15 hours ago, Kangaroo said:

I really do appreciate your words, Snarkangel Gabriel.

I do, too.

@Snarkangel Gabriel

@Kangaroo 23 is very young; and to already have your education completed and career started is ideal. I'm envious.  I'm 42 and I'm still waiting for Mr. Right, more like gave up waiting. I had men lined up around the block at 23. It was overwhelming and distracting. It interfered with my education and my career. I would switch places with you in a hot second. At least I would have been 42 and alone with the education and career I wanted, not the one I settled for.

[jqlgoblue]

To Kangaroo and Eatingintheprayercloset I am 35 now and I was absolutely MISERABLE as a single 23-26 year old b/c (esp. b/c I lived in Minneapolis from 23-24 and people there were convinced there was something wrong with me b/c I wasn't married yet and told me so!). Anyway, a few years ago I finally stopped giving a f*ck what other people thought, put in a lot of hard work dating, and had my first 'real' (e.g. longer than 6 month) relationship from 33-34. I'm single again now... but if I have learned anything in the last couple years it is is life just throws crap at you over and over, often more than you ever thought you'd be able to handle, but you make it through... and so despite not knowing if I will find someone or ever have kids I am somehow happier now than before.

[Lurky]

19 hours ago, SassyPants said:

It's not that she does not want to go out with the couples, it appears that she is excluded because she is single and not in their"group." Maybe, I was reading it wrong.

Yes, how I read it too, but posters upthread were suggesting maybe it's her choice she doesn't go because she feels left out.  I was questioning that, because it would mean she basically never gets to go places with people near her age (barring JD) - sorry I wasn't clearer

[Jilli]

I did see a picture of a lunch with just the older girls that included her(Joy and up). So she may be included in a few events just not others,

[nokidsmom]

I get how it feels to see people around you in relationships and getting married etc and you are sitting there by yourself wondering how things are going to go in your future. 

Went to a conservative Christian college where most of the students were spouse hunting, many of them were legacy students whose parents met while there and it was a subtle expectation, especially for the young women, to find someone, ie. get the Mrs. Degree.  While I did meet someone there and was briefly engaged, after we broke up I had a serious dry spell lasting several years.  I didn't like it and there were internal questions of whether I was cut out for marriage yet the prospect of going through life alone didn't enthuse me.  It was hard to listen to the oohs and ahhs when many of my classmates got engaged in junior and senior year.  Some of them got married while still at school.  The whole "get rid of your singleness" thing was hard to be around.  It got much easier when I graduated and got out of that environment. 

I decided that no matter what, I had only one shot and I would make the most of it regardless of relationship status.  I made life plans for either way: with someone or without.

[calimojo]

14 hours ago, Jilli said:

I did see a picture of a lunch with just the older girls that included her(Joy and up). So she may be included in a few events just not others,

I imagine for godly "girls' day out" she might tag along, but I think she is really left out when it comes to normal socializing with people in her age range.  Most are married, so she is not part of that life.  And it seems as if her married siblings, likely just Jill and Jessa so far, don't seem to include her as much.  Jinger lives pretty far away, so you can't fault her for that. 

 

I think it is heartbreaking to think she is good enough to babysit their 'littles' but not good enough to include.  And, honestly, why couldn't they take some initiative and introduce her to a few men?  I mean, just in a big group, doing the getting to know you phase.  It would appear as if Jessa had no qualms in securing Jeremy for Jinger. 

I think Jana's personality is probably an issue.  I don't mean that to be mean, but after spending so much of her time 24/7 taking care of little kids, and having very limited social outlets,  I wonder if she is just not all that interesting.    Poor girl needs some help to break out of her shell.  She always seems so constrained, so guarded.  You just have to wonder what it would be like for her if some kind soul would offer her refuge.  How long would it take to awaken her spirit?

 

[CatchThatCow]

It's puzzling to me because all her brothers seem to do is work outside as do their friends. I'm not seeing anybody leaving TTH in a suit every day. So it seems like there should be many opportunities to meet her type. Austin seems like her type but perhaps fundie guys want women younger than they are. She's just as lovely as any of her sisters, if not more so. She may be more quiet on camera but I'd rather listen to her than Jill or Jessa. The sad thing is not that she hasn't found a husband. It's that she isn't allowed to pursue anything else that might interest her or leave TTH to make a life for herself. That's sad. 

[justmy2cents]

23 hours ago, Jilli said:

I did see a picture of a lunch with just the older girls that included her(Joy and up). So she may be included in a few events just not others,

As @calimojo pointed out Jana may be included when there are other single females in the group but is excluded when the couples have a double/triple date. I think it's JB&M who don't allow it, not that the couples don't want her along. Despite saying the kids have a choice, we all know that JB&M make all the rules.

[Jilli]

 

1 hour ago, justmy2cents said:

As @calimojo pointed out Jana may be included when there are other single females in the group but is excluded when the couples have a double/triple date. I think it's JB&M who don't allow it, not that the couples don't want her along. Despite saying the kids have a choice, we all know that JB&M make all the rules.

That was basically my point too. Jana is a single and is excluded from couples events. My point is even though god and everyone knows she's getting a raw deal, she's not really much more of a hermit. 

The couples could also want her excluded. They are adults in that culture, not that JB and M don't control every last one like God Soldier/Robot. 

I feel bad for Jana, but this isn't exclusively a fundie problem. Heathens deal with that problem too. Granted there are no JB/Ms in that situation, just couples/singles.

Where it becomes a fundie problem is when she gets stuck taking care of a bunch of littles that aren't even hers. She really did earn the title of CinderJana.

[Pukingpearl]

Is it actually that uncommon for these girls to be single into their twenties? I know many do get married earlier, but I know Bill Gothard pushed for young adults to remain single for a while and dedicate their young energy to the church/family. I'm not tracking on the fundie relationship status of some of the other fundie kids like some others are. 

[singsingsing]

@Pukingpearl it's not that uncommon. There are plenty of fundie women still single into their late 20s and 30s.

As for Jana being left out of things the married couples do, I kind of interpreted it as things that the married couples don't really have much control over - media things, like TLC filming, interviews, magazine photo shoots, speaking gigs and so on. 

[bananabread]

11 hours ago, calimojo said:

I think Jana's personality is probably an issue.  I don't mean that to be mean, but after spending so much of her time 24/7 taking care of little kids, and having very limited social outlets,  I wonder if she is just not all that interesting.    Poor girl needs some help to break out of her shell.  She always seems so constrained, so guarded.  You just have to wonder what it would be like for her if some kind soul would offer her refuge.  How long would it take to awaken her spirit?

 

I'm not saying Jana is definitely like this, but I do know several mid-twenties women who fit that type. They're gorgeous, polite, kind, talented, from nice families, wealthy, etc, yet (to their own dismay) have been completely unable to find love. It's because they were so extremely sheltered their entire lives that they never really developed personalities. I've often wondered if that's part of Jana's dilemma. Hopefully she's just quiet/waiting on a truly remarkable guy. Playing the part of a vanilla, uninspiring Disney princess and pining for Prince Charming doesn't usually work in today's world, not even in Fundieland. 

[Million Children For Jesus]

I wonder who would be a good match for Jana. She isn't as bad as Michelle (yet), but she appears withdrawn and emotionally disconnected. I think Michelle and Jana threw in the towel on having feelings a long time ago. When nobody actively listens to you, you can go two routes: Get louder, or don't bother. Why bother expressing feelings if none of the people around you show concern, or worse, tell you not to have those feelings and "keep sweet"? You'll just end up frustrated and disappointed.

I think Jana is naturally shy, got emotionally squashed along the way, and withdrew for self-preservation. Now, no guy is going to "feel right in her heart," because she closed herself off a long time ago. What she thinks is lack of chemistry is really just a self-preservation habit to be emotionally iced out.

A normal, emotionally available man isn't going to put up with it, nor will she like a guy like that. Too much emotional availability required. That's way outside her comfort zone. 

Worst case scenario: She might attract someone really self-serving, a narcissist, who can make it all about himself and have her as support staff without any needs of her own. A guy like, yuck, Jim Bob.

Best case scenario: She can find an outlet for expression, and find a guy with a similar situation who relates. Maybe a Violinist or some other orchestra musician. They travel a lot. She doesn't work. She can go with him. Best case scenario, she will find a reserved, creative type. 

 

[AnnaRuk09]

I can't wait to see the day she gets married and how her husband will be different (or similar) to the other 4. Jana definitely is the small-town country-esque type, just like she said herself. She's also very simple (in good way) yet classy, quiet/naturally shy and gentle. IMHO, I personally think that someone similar to her character would make a perfect match with her. Someone who is "country," a genuine hard worker and someone who's quiet like her.

Since she's very gentle, meek and submissive (and not to mention small!), I hope to God her future husband treats her like an absolute queen. A lot of monsters out there that are looking for someone like that to use for their advantage and abuse of power.

I don't why but I can't see her marrying her age or older. Someone a couple or few years younger than her whose just as mature perhaps? (to avoid a Ben). I just think those her age or older would be either too dull, creepy or have too much baggage for someone like her.

I also hope her future spouse sees how long and diligently Jana has served and sacrificed for her siblings and family. I just really hope he's able to see and recognize all that which will move him to pamper her in every way possible. 

I know I'm shooting for the stars with this but I just hope Jana ends up with someone like that! I mean she'll never leave her belief system. I can also see her sticking the closest to her family's convictions. But I just hope she's cherished, treasured and pampered all the days of her life that it makes each Jill, Jessa, Jinger and Joy so JEALOUS!

 

[snickers34]

5 hours ago, Million Children For Jesus said:

Best case scenario, she will find a reserved, creative type. 

I think my thing is that she doesn't seem like someone to be attracted to a boastful outgoing type, yet guys that would want to enter the Duggar shit show seem to be only that. I really think that the type of guys that she'd be attracted to would hear what her last name is and run for the hills.

Also, I think it's a double edged sword in that I'd love to see her with someone who hates the limelight, makes his own money, and wants absolutely nothing to do with filming. But at the same time, they'd need to be assertive enough to stand up to JB/TLC - and doing that doesn't seem like someone who'd Jana's type. I dunno.

[Million Children For Jesus]

1 hour ago, snickers34 said:

Also, I think it's a double edged sword in that I'd love to see her with someone who hates the limelight, makes his own money, and wants absolutely nothing to do with filming. But at the same time, they'd need to be assertive enough to stand up to JB/TLC - and doing that doesn't seem like someone who'd Jana's type. I dunno.

I am suspicious of the intentions of any man willing to jump on the Duggar train, especially for a girl who is nearly catatonic at times. Forget CinderJana, she's Sleeping Fundie.

I think there are sincere guys out there who focused on their education and career in their 20's, and at age 30, are late bloomers to the dating world. Perfect for Jana. Especially men in the arts and entertainment, which require an exorbitant amount of hours and can easily consume a person's 20's. They wouldn't have to stand up to Jim Bob as much if they've already settled into their lives, are introverted hipsters, and don't need/want TLC paychecks. Jim Bob won't have a bargaining tool to gain control.

I think Jana would like that type, kind of like a Frank Sun type, but more introverted and more Christian. The problem is, would Jim Bob approve that type? I doubt they would pass Jim Bob's checklist for qualifying puppets. Jim Bob's m.o. is to approve marginally employed guys who are dependent on him for housing and/or employment, who will sell their souls for a TLC  paycheck. 

Jeremy snuck by because Jessa orchestrated that for Jinger and the train left the station before Jim Bob could derail it. I wouldn't be surprised if Jana were prohibited from socializing with Jessa or Jinger outside of the TTH as a result of the Jeremy debacle.

[snickers34]

15 minutes ago, Million Children For Jesus said:

Jeremy snuck by because Jessa orchestrated that for Jinger and the train left the station before Jim Bob could derail it. I wouldn't be surprised if Jana were prohibited from socializing with Jessa or Jinger outside of the TTH as a result of the Jeremy debacle.

I dunno - JB seems to really dig Jeremy to me. I actually think JB likes him because Jeremy is equally boastful and outgoing, if you watch the videos they make together. They've always said they know that their kids might move away...

[justmy2cents]

46 minutes ago, Million Children For Jesus said:

Jeremy snuck by because Jessa orchestrated that for Jinger and the train left the station before Jim Bob could derail it. I wouldn't be surprised if Jana were prohibited from socializing with Jessa or Jinger outside of the TTH as a result of the Jeremy debacle.

As far as we know Jeremy met the entire family at the same time and after about 6 months asked JB if he could be Jinger's special friend.  There is nothing to indicate that Jinger went behind her parents backs.  If JB didn't want Jeremy Jinger would not be with him right now.

[Eatingintheprayercloset]

The Blob is a massive control freak. If he didn't approve of his daughters' potential courters, then they won't even make it to the "special friend" stage. If 27 year old Jana had interest in a man JB doesn't approve of, then that interest would be squashed instantly. They are basically his property. Patriarchy......isn't lovely? 

 

When/if Jana marries, it'll be to a (wannabe) missionary/preacher. She will not get the average joe Handy Man/farmer because the Duggars just want to shove their version of Christianity down America's evil throat. That's why they will still film and hide the 200 lbs tumor named Josh for a company that goes against their core beliefs by showing a home renovation show involving a gay couple and a baby (Nate and Jeremiah). It's all about the Benjamins and fundamentalism with these people.

[Iamtheway]

The only way Jana can find a guy that isn't in it partly (or mainly) for the fame and the show is if she marries someone that they already know. A family friend, someone local or from church. Like Austin and Joy, he knows her from life, not from tv. 

The question is if there are any men like that considering how sheltered they all are.